irc333 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I was wondering, and I'm finding this to be more common. People who tend to start relationships FIRST with new people (usually someone they know pretty well, as a friend) and then ending their old relationship. For instance, I know of this woman that tends to go to outdoor events like hiking, camping, etc with us. However, she has a boyfriend, but found it odd he has never joined her at these outings. I found out he just isn't into the outdoors much as she does, and he's more of an indoor activity kind of guy, plays video games, movies, etc. Not saying he's a couch potato either, but this could be a whole topic altogether, because she's into nerdy stuff, too...kinda like I am, though I don't play video games as much....ironically, trying to get out more to do more outdoor related activities. She mentioned that he might join her occasionally, but I've yet to see him. She is kind of cute, too. I've heard from friends, typically, when a mate starts to do activities and th other you don't find joining them, that's usually the demise of a relatinship. Yes, No? When I'm at these events, if someone is a dating couple, I always see them come in pairs. Though, they ARE living together, so perhaps since he sees her all the time when she gets home anyhow, that he's gotten too comfortable in the relationship? Taking it for granted? Anyhow, I'm just noticing how relationships starts, because it's NEVER with someone brand spanking new, it's usually with someone they've had as a MALE friend the entire time they'd be in a long term relationship with a current b/f. Not saying that I'd put the moves on a woman, but being out in the woods, with him not around, well....does get tempting to flirt on occasion. lol
Emilia Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I've heard from friends, typically, when a mate starts to do activities and th other you don't find joining them, that's usually the demise of a relatinship. Yes, No? When I'm at these events, if someone is a dating couple, I always see them come in pairs. No. I have plenty of interests guys I date don't care for and vice versa. I don't want to go to football matches, they don't want to go surfing. I also want some space and prefer men who feel the same way. There is no reason to be joined at the hips. Anyhow, I'm just noticing how relationships starts, because it's NEVER with someone brand spanking new, it's usually with someone they've had as a MALE friend the entire time they'd be in a long term relationship with a current b/f. Plenty of relationships start with someone new, it's only when a girl is insecure and can't be by herself that she will turn to men she has known for a while to use them as crutches. It's not the situation you want to be in. 1
Author irc333 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) No. I have plenty of interests guys I date don't care for and vice versa. I don't want to go to football matches, they don't want to go surfing. I also want some space and prefer men who feel the same way. There is no reason to be joined at the hips.I suppose that I'm used to seeing couples joined at the hip. LOL Maybe it's my small town location where I'm seeing this? Because I had to stop hanging out with my male friends once they got married, if I'd suggest catching a movie or something, they'd always say, "Nah, the wife wants to blah blah blah" So I had to seek out friendships with fellow singles, both male and female. I actually dated a woman that complained that her ex she was living with, didn't like to do anything but stay at home and watch football all weekend, she would suggest going on a bike ride or going out to get some fresh air somewhere, do something active. He was in construction work, so I suppose since he's outdoors all day, why spend it outdoors with his girlfriend, right? Plenty of relationships start with someone new, it's only when a girl is insecure and can't be by herself that she will turn to men she has known for a while to use them as crutches. You honestly believe this to be true? You find that men that she's known for a long time as friends to be crutches, while strangers she's barely known to be the better option? Edited March 2, 2012 by irc333
RedRobin Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It's a tough balance. Alot of people mistake emotional neediness with 'love' and have this idea that if their SO is out of their sight for two seconds that they are going to be snatched away. Personally, I prefer a guy who has doesn't have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship just so he can be with someone. I have no interest in 'babysitting' anyone. I like the idea of being picked (and picking my guy) because we complement each other's lives... not because they are filling some gaping hole in each other's psyche or someone to kill time with because we have no other friends. I've got many male friends. If I wanted to date them, I would and vice versa. If anything, I'd hope for the next man I meet for a relationship to feel extra special and secure since I know the difference between love and lust... that I'm not with him just to avoid being 'alone'. That said, I really enjoy doing things with my partner. Recreational companionship is a big component of my life. However, it is important that we have separate interests and friends too. Helps keep things fresh.
RedRobin Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 FYI... my male friends aren't orbiters either. Most of them have girlfriends, whom I'm on good terms with as well.
ditzchic Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I don't think couples have to do everything together. They should do the stuff they both enjoy doing together together and the stuff they enjoy doing separately separate. Personally, I would rather the guy I'm dating stay home and do something he enjoys than feel like he is being dragged along and having no fun doing something I want to do. And I wouldn't want to feel like a drag on him and his good time. As long as you have enough in common that you can still spend time having fun together a good bit of the time, I think doing some things separately is good for a relationship. You need a balance. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I'm confused by the question but I think it's a good thing for both partners to have their own interests and can stand on their own two feet as individuals away from each other. There are lots of devil in the details and some combinations of interests are just too extremely different to work in the long term but people are unique and they love for their own reasons and differences in interests do not mean an inevitable parting of the ways all the time. Depends on the persons.
PrincessPeach Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I like doing my own things sometimes, and I'd expect my guy to go out and do his thing on his own from time to time too. I think everyone wants something to have as their own. You don't need to share every single thing you do with the same someone. Also I don't agree about usually starting relationships with someone I already knew. It's usually someone I meet, we both have interest fairly soon and things sorta go from there. I have never dated a guy I've known for a long time and have been happy with a majority of my relationships. If I've known a guy a long time he is either (a) not into me and we stay friends or I move on, or (b) likes me but is not confident enough to do anything about it, which is not attractive to me and we stay friends or I move on. The guys I've known a long time are just friends.
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