Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I agree with what u are saying and its very knowledgeable.. He has not formed judgements though.. He said he understood why I did it actually.. I was just saying I didn't realize at that time how everything would end. I made a mistake but I feel that he can forgive me bcuz he does know I liked him alot and he knows I didn't deserve to be string along.. We both are dumb here.. But I do not believe he thinks negative things about me since he still talks to me the same and pursues us seeing eachother once n awhile.. I feel if he was turned off by me he would not do that.. But u seem very mature n knowledgeable about this so let me know if u have anything to add.
Quiet Storm Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I do not believe he thinks negative things about me since he still talks to me the same and pursues us seeing eachother once n awhile.. I feel if he was turned off by me he would not do that.. But u seem very mature n knowledgeable about this so let me know if u have anything to add. Don't always take a man's interest as a sign that he genuinely likes you. Men can be quite attentive when they are looking to get laid. It does not always mean that they want a relationship with you. I remember being in my teens and thinking, men would never put so much time and energy into something for sex alone. But they will! Sex is a huge motivation for lots of men, and you can't underestimate the lengths some will go to keep a steady supply of booty on the back burner, while keeping their options open for new and different women. Men that are interested in a relationship want to see you more than once in awhile. They want to be with you a lot. You two weren't together at the time, so it is possible that he does not judge you for this. However, from what you've described, it seems to me that he may have only wanted to be FWB to begin with. Men can be friendly, playful, and seem very connected to you, but still not want to be in a committed relationship with you. I think a lot of men (not all) will first meet a women, and categorize her pretty quickly. Usually it's three categories: "i could wife her", "i want to fnck her" or "No." Once you are in a category, that's pretty much how they'll see you, in my experience. If they only want you for fun & sex, no amount of girlfriendly behavior is going to move you into the "i could wife her" category. And many women get wrapped up in FWB situations, because they start to get feelings for the guy. They'll bend over backwards for this guy and wait patiently for him to realize that he wants to commit to her...when he's not even considering that because she's not in that category for him. Just be smart. Don't give too much of yourself without some sort of commitment. I just don't want to see you get hurt.
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Quiet Storm said it perfectly and I've been there. I'm not sure of your age Quiet Storm but I think this comes with maturity and experience; I'm 28 and just figured it out. Is this guy older than you Krissy? Just curious.
InJest Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 He likes to **** you because he knows you're okay with just ****ing. There was never a chance of a relationship, despite him saying there was after you confessed to hooking up with another guy. He wanted you to feel bad, because his ego was wounded when you hooked up with another guy, because he thought you were his sure thing. If you want to be his sure thing, and **** with no commitment, even though that's what you want then let him come over. Otherwise tell him you're only interested in talking if he wants a relationship, and since you've already been seeing each other for so long, he needs to decide right now or never contact you again. Personally, I think there is no chance of a relationship, because the relationship has already been defined. You are **** buddies. He calls you when he needs a warm, wet hole to wrap around his cock, and it's never going to be more than that. Ever.
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Not sure that was 100% necessary InJest and Yukon. :sick I think she gets the big picture. She's young and learning. We've all been there
Quiet Storm Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Young? Her first line tells us that she is a nurse...one presumes to advise us how intelligent and responsible she is. she doesn't seem like either. There are many, many women who excel in their professional lives, but flounder in their romantic lives. It's the emotions....they get in the way of our logic sometimes. At 35, I have life experience now and can sense when people are being manipulative. In my early 20s, I was just learning. I'm sure we have given the OP something to think about, and next time he's calling to hook up, she may be leery of his true intentions. Pay attention to his actions, not his words, OP. Although the comments were harsh, I see what the blunt posters are saying...because I've known a lot of men that think like that. I don't think he necessarily views you as a slut, but I can see their point that he likely not interested in a serious relationship with you. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong here, it just means that he may not be the right guy for you. It's okay to give up and move on the next one. It's also okay to explore your feelings for this guy, just keep your eyes open and your heart guarded. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Look, regardless of what people say you did the right thing by not letting this gun run you around. Because he wasn't interested in being your boyfriend regardless, all it made him do was think twice and tell you there was a chance but there really wasn't ever any. He just wanted you around for some fun and when you did that you upset him. You had nothing to apologize for, this is what he gets for not wanting to be your bf, you don't have to apologize, that was just downright stupid of you. However you putting out for some other less than desirable men just to get some return affection is also pretty low, that's pretty shameful. Not because you hooked up with them because you wanted to but because you did it for this other idiot. It's really hard for men to treat women that act out like you do because you not only disrespect yourself, but you show that you're insecurity and just have a ****ed up way of dealing with things. You really need to work on that...yourself, right now you're just the typical clinger that wants so desperately a mans affection that you'll feel like you're nothing without...that's the saddest part of this story to me. 1
DontWorryBHappy Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Wow, some of the comments in this thread are absolutely disgusting. The OP has been called a "slut" and a "whore", yet when men post about their little trysts with women, they don't feel this kind of backlash. Some things will never change I guess.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 I know people are rude on here.. But let me clear it up.. He was not my boyfriend.. Just someone I liked alot n hung out with.. Do no it's not like I went out on new years without my bf.. He just didn't care enough to see me.. I don't think he lost respect for me because it's not like I was in a committed relationship..I think it'd be a whole nother story if we were in a relationship. Regardless of the fact he said he did like me n would have not done this to me..I made a mistake and I'll grow from it.. If he gets over it then that's just wonderful.
InJest Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Trust me, its very clear he wasn't your boyfriend and never had any intentions of being your boyfriend. Now I'm just waiting for your thread where he revenge ****s you, and then won't answer your calls.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Lol, he already went through the ignoring stage. Now we are civil again and we don't hook up. Taking things slow bcuz I want more from him. He is mature and isn't going to do that to me... There's nothing to get revenge on..
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 You really need to work on that...yourself, right now you're just the typical clinger that wants so desperately a mans affection that you'll feel like you're nothing without...that's the saddest part of this story to me. I do agree with you, I was doing really good when it came to just being happy with myself for awhile before I met this guy. Come to find out I obviously wasn't completely healed and had not worked on myself long enough. I had let this guy be my "world" for 6 months even though it was clearly just a good time and hooking up n hanging out. Yes, we were only hooking up with eachother and it was exciting sort of knowing he was giving me his time because he seemed so out of reach. I do need to work on myself because no normal girl would have put up with what I did. My friends would call me crazy when I would tell them how I would hang out with him and then not hear from him until he was "free". I guess I felt guilty for being with someone else while we were still talking because I felt like I had broke my chances of receiving his attention anymore. I felt that he would look at me differently and that I was no good anymore. Without a doubt I know what I did was wrong but not wrong to do to him...wrong to do to myself....and I will not repeat it again. I just am ready to be happy again.
Chubbi Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I am a 22 year old girl myself. Because of how/where I was raised though, I am slightly more keen about these types of things than others. I have found the young women who have sex a lot somewhere down the line end up regretting it (I'm a virgin btw). This type of behavior the OP does is very typical for young, professional women. My friend is 30 years old, PHD from Harvard, right now we are both in law school. She was in the same situation. I told her to have fun while she was having fun, but I also told her she was going crazy. She finally told me she was hooking up with him all the time, but she refused to admit she cared about him.. I told her it was very different for men like the one she hooked up with. Sex does not equal attachment. They need a warm hole that makes sounds that feeds their ego, not most of them, but the one in our situation. Her guy was good-looking, from a wealthy family, and smart. He has no qualms about hooking up and moving on to the next. It ended up in a disaster. He hooked up with a different girl and she called him all night, crying, and feeling low in her self-esteem. She said, "You can't just have sex without feeling something for the other person." Crying and crying. I told her point blank yeah you could. I told her he did have feelings for her, but they were not reciprocated the way she wanted. She has finally moved on but she still ask for my opinion. My parents told me that some young women have our heads in the books for so long that we cannot even see the real man in front of us.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Yes, i do regret having sex with some of the men I have had sex with, including the man this post is about. When I am happy and by myself I think clearer and KNOW what i deserve. I always end up with these guys that no matter how nice or charming they are they always seem to be unavailable. I was patient and tried for 6 months but did give up, and did go crazy when it comes to hooking up with other guys. You live and you learn.
veggirl Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 OP ignore the trolly a-hole guys who have never gotten laid and think any female who has sex is a whore. Don't even respond to them. Anywho, wrt your situation, I think this guy has made it clear he doesn't want anything more from you than either sex or a hang out buddy. You seem to want to date him, but it's already been 6 mos. It's just not going to happen, I honestly think you are wasting your time with him and are going to get really hurt. You seem to really really like this guy and he could live with or without you.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 I know I am ignoring the rude comments but also sticking up for myself. I know I'm not a slut, just handled the situation wrong n learned. I guess I'm just confused about why he came back n is trying to hang out n when we do hang out lately we havnt hooked up and I won't if he tries. I know I should just shut up and move on.
veggirl Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Krissy I am def not trying to be rude to you or tell you to "shut up"! Please don't think that. I think a lot of the female posters have been where you are at--that's where the advice is coming from.
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 He comes back because he knows he can. Your situation is almost identical to my last year! I mean your guy could be my guy I honestly thought there was no way for an entire 6 months let alone a year he could just "sleep" with ME. I'm sweet, pretty, was extremely attentive and caring, not needy or clingy and most of all I gave him all the space he needed. I never asked for anything because he said he couldn't give it to me. Yet after the time that we were apart with no contact he asked if I had been with anyone else and thought that I had met someone and "forgot" about him. I said no (although I had dated) and his face lit up like Christmas and again I thought....he cares about me, and this is IT, it's clicked and he WANTS ME. Again the roller coaster continued until he realized that he was treating me like crap and actually he said it stressed him out that he treated me so poorly but again couldn't give me anything so I walked. I had to! I didn't' want to. I still think about him all the time and wish I could be with him. why who the hell knows, but I'm trying to be happy with myself and put myself out there so I can find someone that cares about me equally the way I care for them. A YEAR went by a whole freak'n YEAR of my life. I'm 28 and don't need to waste another year on a "maybe" or a "hope". I've learned and damn it I deserve better. My Guy A situation isn't working either so it's time to move on from that because again I WANT and DESERVE to be treated with respect. Again I hope your situation works out the way you want it to but please don't put yourself in a spot you get stuck in. Accommodating this guy, and giving him what he wants and ignoring your own wants and needs. We are women and it's easy to do.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 It sounds so similar, and I too have dated n been with people sense him and he doesn't new to know that. Tonight he wants to hang out n I told him I might be going home tonight instead so if he wants he can plan something else.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 It sounds so similar, and I too have dated n been with people sense him and he doesn't new to know that. Tonight he wants to hang out n I told him I might be going home tonight instead so if he wants he can plan something else. You cannot play passive aggressive with a guy whose intention was to lead you on. Why are you still allowing him in your life when he doesn't even want you? Don't ask for breadcrumbs, it just makes you appear even more desperate. Be more self assertive and cut him from your life. The best revenge is to let them know you can live without them.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 You're right about that because he saw I was living fine without him and then he contacted me... It's just so hard to not talk to him I feel like I actually might love him. Time will make it easier.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 I feel bad for you, and sorry I won't take that advice. Grow up. 1
Yookie Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Wow at the freaking double standards in this thread! Big freaking whoop a single girl sleeps with more than one guy. OP do not pay attention to the name calling because I can guarantee you that the 6month dude was sleeping with other women (and probably a lot more than just 2) while he was hooking up with you. That's what young single men and women do. No big mystery there. No need to feel guilty about it because you owe him nothing! Now if you feel you slept with those guys for the wrong reasons then yes it's time for self reflection and an attitude change but that is something you owe to YOURSELF not anyone else.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Wow at the freaking double standards in this thread! Big freaking whoop a single girl sleeps with more than one guy. OP do not pay attention to the name calling because I can guarantee you that the 6month dude was sleeping with other women (and probably a lot more than just 2) while he was hooking up with you. That's what young single men and women do. No big mystery there. No need to feel guilty about it because you owe him nothing! Now if you feel you slept with those guys for the wrong reasons then yes it's time for self reflection and an attitude change but that is something you owe to YOURSELF not anyone else. I second all of this. I'm really horrified by the name calling here. Slut, whore, "spoiled goods"? You guys are pathetic. OP - as the quoted poster said, your sex life is YOUR business. If your own sexual behavior causes you unhappiness, then maybe you need to change. Don't have sex with a guy out of revenge or in any way as a reaction to your feelings about a different guy. Do it because it's what you really want to do, and don't have any shame about it. Regarding the guy you're posting about - I think you need to just move on from him in every way; it's not going any place. It will be difficult for a while, and then it will be easier, and easier, until the whole thing is in your past.
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