krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I love this sight because of peoples honesty. Let me just start off by saying I am a 22 year old girl, I am honest loyal and compassionate. I am a nurse and am very independent in my life. From August-January I was hanging out with a guy, we would hook up and it did seem we really liked eachother. It did bother me though because he would go days without talking to me but when we did hang out it seemed really good. Feelings seemed to be there. It seemed crazy though that after 6 months it was going nowhere. So on new years eve I went out without him since he didnt even attempt to see me and i ended up hooking up with someone else. I felt awful and the guy was not even my type. I ended up confessing about what i did when i went over to his house the next day even though we werent in a committed relationship. But yes, i did want something serious with him. Before i confessed i asked him if it was going anywhere and he said he had no time for a girlfriend but really liked me. After i confessed he said there might of been potential but not anymore. Ugh. So i tried to move along after apologizing a million times and ended up hooking up with someone else (i think out of loneliness) and ended up not being interested in that guy probably cuz it went SO gast...but didnt tell him about that guy...(should i?) I feel like it'd make me look bad since thats 2 guys in one month besides him..but **** happens i guess. Anyways. Recently he contacted me and wants to hang out and I have moved an hour away and he is willing to drive to see me. Does this mean he forgives me? Should I tell him about the second guy? I feel like crap because none of this is like me... I guess I was just lost....I need advice.... what should I do/say when we hang out again?
gaius Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Sounds like you wanted him to treat you seriously, so you went out and showed him you had other options. Perhaps it worked if he's driving all that way now just to see you, or maybe he's just after another booty call. I wouldn't bring up the second guy, but don't deny it if he asks. Remind him you weren't in an exclusive relationship if he takes offense. Do not apologize anymore for what you did, he will lose respect for you.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 K well that was rude but thanks..
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 K well that was rude but thanks.. It seems like you just want people to tell you what you want to hear and get offended when you don't get what you want. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/316075-idk So here it goes... He really loves you with all of his heart and will come around to wanting a relationship with you soon. You just need to give him time and wait around for as long as it takes.
SCandy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I think OP is naive and needs to grow up a bit....i see she is the future FrastratedStandars member....
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I do understand where you guys are coming from...it does look bad i know....I was being stupid and made stupid choices, i do have low self esteem for many reasons that i wont go into. I feel that i hooked up with those guys to fill the void. I by no chance am a "whore" ...i feel awful about what i did which proves im not. i regret it because it was not respectful to myself and i know that. I exspect u guys to say the things you are saying. The situation I am in is troubling me and i was just looking for positive advice. I know that i deserve better than i have settled for. I know that this guy I am talking about is a very good person, he just didnt want to commit. But something deep down made me think he did want to down the road....i feel like i messed up and they were purely mistakes....mistakes i shouldnt of even told him about because i did not owe him anything. Yes we did like eachother but it was not a relationship. I miss him and I'm wondering if there may be a chance things could work out...We have hung out since and no he hasnt tried to "bang" me ..so ...whatever.
SCandy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Just so you know, no whore ever thinks she is one....unless she is a street walker...
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 ok , well i know i am not one. its not like im with a million guys. and once i did mess up i felt HORRIBLE. someone who is proud of it would be considered one.
SCandy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Anyone who spreads her legs for guys she is not interested in, because she is "lonely", is a whore... if you have a BF but feel lonely, will you go sleep with bunch of strangers?
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 No I would not. I agree with you that what i did was wrong. But I'm also saying that after I look back. I've had alot going on and yes I did like the second guy and thought it was going somewhere...and things moved too fast. I was sleeping with the guy this post is about for 6 months and we werent even labeled....I feel dumb...believe me....I might need counseling or something because i dont deal with things the right way. lol. I am 22 years old. I'm ready to just settle down and be happy with someone. I'm tired of hurting. I would love to settle down with this guy sometime in the future but I don't know how to go about it. He's already saying he's an ass hole and ****....idk.....
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 And u know this how? Nvm I thought this site was good for support but nvm.
SCandy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Because you are a loooooooose girl.....get it?..what guy would want a girl who spreads her legs every time a wind blows her way....
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Lmao.. I don't .. If u read ud see I was talking to that guy and was confused.... I stayed loyal to him for awhile even though we were nothing.. But I gave up. But pretty sure I'm willing to try again.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Well I came here for real advice... Both of us screwed up in our own ways and I think it's worth a second chance.. I know I'm good n really like him...just needed some advice from people who have ever screwed up or been in a confusing situation like mine... I did nothing wrong but don't agree with what I did.
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I feel like this was the last guy I dated...notice I didn't say boyfriend. Ha If he says he doesn't have time, he doesn't! End of story... and you don't need to be caught up in his life while he figures it out. I posted something similar when I first started dating my guy and everyone on here gave me the right advice....LET IT GO and MOVE ON. Did I listen...NOPE. I wish I had because a year went by and it went nowhere. Finally We had the sense to call it and it was pretty heartbreaking actually. Even though there was no real commitment, and I did actually date a few others during the year, I was really just holding out for him and something that was never going to happen. Best part is he would call and text and crawl back and it was safe. We cared about each other, just maybe not enough. People on here might give you crap and be rude but really they are just speaking their mind and don't take offense, consider it tough love. Everything is easier said then done...the advice is to let it go, but at the end of the day you have to be ready to do that. 6 months is a long time (I think!), but it's easy to go another 6 months and then what. Just ask yourself....are you happy and not just when you get to see him? are you getting what you want from him? Do you DESERVE better? Good luck! Oh and don't tell him about anyone else. That's just crazy. Unless you are committing to someone else...it's none of his business. He has chosen not to commit to you.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks girl I really appreciate that.. It made me feel better... I'm done with random hook ups and idk why I feel the need to tell him.. I guess I feel bad I did it that I think he needs to know for whatever reason but he really doesn't... So no I won't tell him bcuz it meant nothing n I was committed to anyone. I am hanging out with him tomorrow and I think I might pour by heart out n then officially move on.. I guess its hard bcuz he is still holding on in a way and its confortable...i needa find someone deserving...Thanks again.. And I do understand where everyone is coming from.. We all make poor choices we aren't proud of sometimes.. That's life
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Good luck! I understand it's hard to let go of something that seems so good (even when it's every so often). You are young. Lots of love to find out there
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I don't know if you like country but a song that makes me think...
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Love that song. I just feel like its my fault bcuz I was with someone else.. Burns he didn't do that to me.. But knew he was just stringing me along.. When we hang out tomorrow I'm just guna apologize but I'm human n have needs. I know once I find a man that treats me how I need to be treated I will be ok. A part of me thinks this guy regrets things too now thy he all of a sudden wants to hang out.. And doesn't try to hook up.. Ahhh confusion!!! Lol
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I wouldn't apologize at all again, you didn't do anything wrong. If he wants to hang out, hang out...don't turn it into a "talk". Tell him what you want and if he can't give you that then time to move on. He has needs too... and it's comfortable with you. Just follow your gut.
Author krissy1989f Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I agree, Im hoping he might realize it was a mistake and has done thinking nd maybe he misses us. Wishful thinking. I know how to be loyal n a great gf if he's ready
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I hope he does too. Be confident! Just remember you are WORTH IT and deserve to be loved back and you will make someone...hopefully him or maybe someone else very happy. Keep us posted on here
Quiet Storm Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I would just move on from this guy. If he has formed judgments about you, it's going to be a tough road. One thing I noticed about your post is that you often excuse your actions with your feelings. Throughout life, people are going to judge you by your actions. You may minimize your actions to YOURSELF because of the way you felt at the moment, but other people aren't going to care why you did something...just that YOU DID IT. You admitted to sleeping with a random guy to fill a void. Understand from a man's perspective (men aren't nearly as wrapped up in feelings as we are), it's not going to matter if you were lonely, sad, bored, confused, drunk, mad or jealous. Bottom line, you slept with a random guy. I have found that men pay close attention to actions....feelings don't cloud their view as often as it does for women. No one else caused you take the actions that you chose. Loneliness is not a reason. It is not up to others to make sure that you are not lonely or sad. It was your choice, own it. When you talk to this guy, don't make it seem like you are blaming him or if he had been more attentive you wouldn't have taken that route. That's a cop out. Just say, I did something I'm not proud of. I've thought a lot about it and I won't do it again. If you want to sleep with random guys, by all means, that is your right. But don't be offended if people think that you are easy. Everyone is judged for their actions. The feelings you are having at that moment do not negate your choices. Strive to make clear and responsible choices, in spite of your emotions or feelings. From your post, I think you realize that it was not the best thing to do. Take this as a learning experience and don't repeat these actions. I think it would be more beneficial to you if you try to meet a new man that has not already formed judgments about you. You have learned from this guy, what not to do. If a relationship is not progressing as you wish, explore the reasons why. If you want a serious, committed relationship, don't waste months sharing your body and time with a man that is up front about not wanting to commit. When you and him want different things, it means that you are not compatible. That's your sign to move on.
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