Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 As it stands, we are great now, very happy. I am a person who came from a weird place in life. I needed to work on myself a lot, and I can now say that I am now the most happy I have ever been. In my life. With our relationship, we needed to work through things in the beggining. I had personal issues I needed to address. Thanks to him, my issues became apparant.... Being around a nice, social, normal guy, made me realise what it is to be normal, in the sense of finding a healthy and happy life... I cannot really describe how happy I am these days. Recovering from mental issues, such as an eating disorder, makes life a whole lot more bright when your free of such things. However, it was a long and hard road to recovery for me! I started to recover before I met him, relapsed a couple of times, and then I met him and fully recovered. recovery means that a lot of un resolved personal issues come to the forefront; things u had no mental energy to deal with when ill with anorexia. unsurprisingly, it made for a rocky relationship at first. I had no idea who I truly was, and had to find that out. It was NOT an ideal time for HIM to meet me, however, it was the help and kick I needed to realise what it was, to truly recover.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Leigh, It's wonderful that you've made such a lot of personal progress. I hope you won't take this as negative, because I don't mean it that way: Your eating disorder completely ruled you until VERY recently. Your posting history is here to prove that. It seems like there have been some other issues that you have not shared about here, as well. I just want to tell you that recovery from such things is not just "fixed" in a short period of time, for anyone. It will take ongoing work for a long time to move well past it. From my perspective, you are just now taking the beginning steps to move past it. And it sounds like you are very sidetracked by this relationship; also, that you are putting way too much weight on the relationship. Your work on your recovery really needs to be happening SEPARATELY from your relationship with Andrew. All the stuff you've said you will do so you can be a better girlfriend, you NEED to do so you can develop yourself further FOR YOURSELF, and so you can prepare to have a fulfilling life for YOURSELF. You need to have other friends, and probably to have a therapist and focus on getting self sufficient. If you are not ready for those things, at least be focussed on working towards them and not so much on stuff like Andrew's approach to oral sex.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 I truly think we do have a shot at marriage. We have truly been through the worst together. He has seen me at my very worst, and still loved me. Neither f us wanted or were looking for any sort of relationship, either.. He just had this desire to help me with my personal issues, and ended up getting feelings for me along the way. For relationships to be carefree, albiet the typical, petty fights about silly sh*t, u have to both be complate people, with few issues, to begin with. i was far from it. I want to stress, that although there WERE truly a lot of issues at the beggining of this relationship, that they are no longer ISSUES. It took us a good, long while, to sort through the issues. WHy did we both? Well, we both invested STRONG feelings, and as a lot of you know, it can be hard to walk away from such situations, UNTIL u have at least tried your best to make to make it work. There were many times where he wanted to walk away, as I was honestly a very broken person, and was not getting better in a flash ( more like a slow, steady climb). I am so thankfully that I did improve myself and resolve enough issues, so that we could finally reach a point of being very happy. I have a short temper at times, but there is not anything we really aurgue about these days. So, to the people who read allt he negative threads I posted: that was me TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT. I feel it was SMART of me, to try to get normal, healthy peoples perspectives, on the issues that troubled me, about our relationship. I impoyed a lot of advise people gave me on here. I talked to him about oral. I could see that what he did was very wrong, which I otherwise may not have seen as wrong; just that he was inexpereinced and that this excused his comments..... I just like to as people things on love shack, because I still have not got a group of good friends around me. Although people like me a lot when they meet me, I have not had that experiences in life, where I then go on to eeo on seeing these people. I do not know the steps to take, if I did it would surely work, because I am a peerson a lot of people like. Right now, the only issue I can see, is that I would like more friends outside of the relationship. He will be my best friend, by far, however, I really crave for othher people to hang out with more often. I am getting there, though. I have made social mishaps and have learnt so much since meeting Andrew. I have my own hobbies, interests, and we are on a good path in our relationship. We both know we need our own lives and interests and things in life.. We are both very close, though, and we prefer being together most of the time, even though we DO have our own things in life. I can see us getting married, for the following reasons: - we both want to learn new things together ( Spanish and guitar or keyboard, for instance) - we take an interests in each others hobbies, whilst still having our own. - I like him to go and have a night with his male friends at the pub, and enjoy the timer away to myself. Things that I am afraid of: - I need to work on myself, so I reach a good enough version of myself, where I am not worried about him leaving. I like who I am, there are jusrt a few things I need to improve. I basically feel at ease with us, and would VERY surprised if he just left. Yesterday, he was mowing the lawn and I was hosing down the leaves off of the drive way, and he said " it feels like we are married" A few months ago, he went to a wedding. He came back to my place after, and I asked him how the weding made him feel ( to see if it turned him off marriage, or the opposite). He said " it made me feel like marrying you". He came back very happy to see me, although he had been drinking at the wedding. As you do... Obviously, this is no indication that he was alluding to ACTUALLY marrying me. He was not. it also does not mean he wants to any time soon. Surelty, though, it indicates that he is nto AVERSE to it, at least:) I am unbelievably happy, and am not waiting for a ring any time soon!!! It is something I WOULD LOVE in a couple of years, though. After another year together, I think i will certainly have an idea where this relationship is going. We are incredibly close as it is, therefore another year is more than enough to gauge if marriage is on the cards.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Mme. Chaucer, Absolutely, the fact I he showed strength in his character, by being o[pen to learn to like a thing he previously had not cared much for, was great. However, this is NOTHING TO DO with how I personally, have progressed, or how our relationship is as a whole. I am fully recovered, because I have " recovered" before, weight wise, only to relapse. I have a different mind set now. I stayed at a healthy weight enough for me to THINK clearly. Now, I have to deal with LIFE issues, which were on the back burner when i was ill, physically at least. Basically, our relationship is really great... the only v ariable, the MAIN variable, is my issues. My issues are also something that have nothing to do with the relationship. It is a bit of a paradox; for the relationship to work long term, I myself have to be a complete and healthy person. I need to be fully happy alone, outside of the relationship. On the other hand, regardless of the relationship, I need to improve myself fro myself.. which I am very mucxh focusing on. It just so happes that having a healthy relationship, only comes from working on yourself, also. I never stated that I am only working on myself for the sake of the relationship. As it stands, I am only focused on getting closer friendships with people, starting my career in the fitness industry, and also about to do a bar course so I can work at nights, to earn extra cash on top of my day job. Getting closer friendhships is the main thing I am lacking right now. Without Andrew, i would be striving for the exact same personal development goals. I would be aiming for the same goals in my life in general, regardless of Andrew in my life. If he broke up with my tomorrow, I would still have the same goals for myself; the same career path, the same personal goals.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I need to work on myself, so I reach a good enough version of myself, where I am not worried about him leaving. I like who I am, there are jusrt a few things I need to improve. I basically feel at ease with us, and would VERY surprised if he just left. Keep working on yourself - but please start to see that as separate from your relationship with Andrew. I know you don't see it this way, but you give the impression that you are still (UNHEALTHILY) obsessed with perfection. If you "improve" enough, he won't leave. Well, you should always be growing and learning, but … relationships don't work out many times, for many reasons. You can't be "perfect" enough to control what will happen. No one can, it's impossible. All this work you want to do on and for yourself really needs to be FOR YOURSELF, and to still be happening no matter what is going on with the guy. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Chaucer - Right now, my focus is on myself. I enjoy being around him a lot, but I am lacking in the rest of my social life. People normally like me a lot, as I am a very nice person, who likes listening to others. I am also quirky and interesting to many people. some like it, others don't, as life seams to be. Enough people like me enough for me TO become their friends. I just do not know how to follow it up... asing them for coffee after I hang out with them, etc... I really do GET IT, that I have to be entirely happy within myself, and to also have my own life the way I want it to be, regardless of if I am with HIM.. I do not want perfection. It will not make ANYthing certain, perfecting myself. People fall in love with you, based on who you are; then people change, it is very common, people fall in and out of love every day. I am so happy with him, that I am willing to take that chance. At this stage, there is no strong evidence for or against marriage. There are no sings that we are heading for spiltsvill any time soon. On the other hand, there is no sign we are ready for marriage yet. He is not ready for marriage, and I never wanted or thought about it before I met him. I clearly KNEW, I had issues to work on, before settlin down was a healthy option. I did ask him about it, and he said that he would like to marry me, when he is ready for marriage. He says that it is al ife long decision, and we should know without a doubt we are over all my issues I caused, before marrying... The love is there, he says, but we should be together at least abnother year before things are evidently right for marriage. PSYCHOpath alrert, vrooooooooooooooooooooooooom. CrazY B1tcH. who will be insane enough to marry you anyway?!!?!?!??!?!!?!? - and why would I ever listen to a stranger of ther internet, who has never met me? I could walk past u and spend time around u, if introduced to u, and u would not suspect anything. Luckily, my boyfriend is as crazy as me:)
veggirl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You ignored this in the other thread, but I was wondering what happened with working on yourself and cultivating a life outside of Andrew so that your R will improve, and only seeing him on the weekends or whatever?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 You ignored this in the other thread, but I was wondering what happened with working on yourself and cultivating a life outside of Andrew so that your R will improve, and only seeing him on the weekends or whatever? I did not mean to ignore u. I am generally a very nice person, and I never ignore people unless it is an accident. I am trying to do this, but have spent too much time with Andrew. I am not working regularly, and I have not yet started working as a personal trainer. I am at development workshops with the gym, who will hire me once I am ready./ confident enough. Without working, and without studying, I guess the only way for me to meet people is.............. hmm in public? Perhaps I could go out and eat my lunch in the library or there is a park in the city I life inm int he middle, where people eat their lunches. I am good at making people like me in public situations, as I am very friendly, and have a positive attitude, and come off positive. I just have not gone out much along. Hmm. it will be hard to go out and meet friends, actually, until I start working. I have no money, due to not working, so I cannot learn another hobby. I would SO LOVE to learn a language, in a group setting, but just have no cash to do any activities..... Andrew and I just like hanging out together most days. People work 9 = 5 mostly, his friends are working, weekdays are days we hang out, seeing as they are not social nights in terms of friends.... We both agree that: life is short, anything is around the corner, therefore we like to spend a lot of time together, as we never know when it will end. Why deliberately go 5 days during the week alone, when we b oth enjoy spending more time together? I am going to make more of an effort to spend days just talking to people a lot, and taking it from there. I have never really made an effort to follow up friendships. People like me, but they are busymk most people HAVE friends... It is basically up TO ME, to make the first move in most cases.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 CHaucer - thanks for your on going feed back on the threads:) He works full time. He is not in a career that fulfills him, it is just money. He does not want to invest in a passion - fueled career, he wants to travel first, then come back after he has lived a little, and settle down with as career and courses towards a career. I am about to start my career in the fitness industry. I am getting myself into good shape, and cannot wait to start as a personal trainer. It is my dream job, that I am absolutely passionate about.
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