Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 How long do you think it should take for a guy to know if he wants to marry you? For instance, I have heard people say that, if a guy does not propose or at least know after 2 years, that he will NEVER want to marry you..... On the other hand, I know people who do not much care for marriage, even witht he girl of their dreams. They think it is only an official piece of paper, and they prefer their feelings to just BE, and not NEED a wedding. Personally? I do not much care for traditional weddings.. I would prefer to be proposed to whilst travelling, or doing a crazy adventure sport, such as sky diving. I hate the whole church setting, but I DO like the idea of marriage, as in, I WOULD like my boyfriend of one year, to eventually say " I love u so much, I want to marry you" However, I am not sure that there is a time limit in every instance... I think it depends on the guy, and it depends on how quick your connection grows. I am really not sure where most guys stand on this. If your that into a girl, will you know about marriage, even if your not the biggest fan of the idea altogether?
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I think a lot depends on when you want to start having kids. So if you both want to have kids in say 2 years then he should be asking in one year. 1
setsenia Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It's hard to say. It really depends on the couple. I know my husband said he couldn't imagine being with someone more than 5 years without popping the question otherwise it's a dealbreaker. I feel the same, we got married after 2 years, he proposed after 1 year. But like I said, it depends on the couple when they decide they would like to take that step. I know many couples who don't get married until 6 or 7 years together and then they have kids immediately after. I've been married 4 years already and we'll consider having kids in another 4 years or so depending on our financial situation. I personally want to enjoy my marriage first before rushing into having children. You shouldn't get married just to have children. You should want to be married to that person, period. My husband and I actually had casual conversations about marriage when we were dating and I knew he was the family oriented type. Maybe you and your SO should sit down and have a similar conversation, to make sure you both are on track with this subject.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) If the women that I'm with is the one then I would marry her after two years of dating. I proposed to to my ex wife after 8 months of dating. We had been living together for 6 months. We married after being together 2 years and a month. Were we're 24 when we married. Unfortunately the marriage only lasted 11 years because my wife fell out of ove with me. I'm 36 now and looking for a new wife. We have a 8 year old son that was born three years after we were married. Edited March 2, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Soxfaninfl - Sorry to hear the marriage did not work out. It just goes to show, that anything can happen, we never know what is around the corner. I hope you cherish the time you had together, I am sure you both did:) setsenia - I think that 2 - 5 years seams about right. Although, some couples are happyily married after 7 - 15 years even, haha. My boyfriend, when asked, said that, although he does not want marriage or kids any time soon, that when he does, it is possible it will be with me. He says if thing continue to go the way they are with us, he will deff marry me and have kids with me. However, he has no specified time frame about it, and is not sure if marriage is something he thinks is necessary, no matter how much he loves a women. He did say it is not out of the picture, though, and he can see it happening with us, potentially, if things contunue as they are. When we met, he also assumed he would not fall in love, as he wanted to just go travelling soon and leave any ways. He said he did not want to fall madly in love or anything. He did. At least I will be in suspence, the way I like life to be:) It will be a total shocl if and when he does it. I will, of course, ask him about it, if he NEVEr mentions it, and everything is great, after 3 years from now..
Soxfaninfl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Soxfaninfl - Sorry to hear the marriage did not work out. It just goes to show, that anything can happen, we never know what is around the corner. I hope you cherish the time you had together, I am sure you both did:) I did cherish the time we had together. She was the first women and only women that I have been in love with. I miss her terribly some times and then I f***ing hate her for leaving me and putting my son and I through a divorce. Divorce is a roller coaster of emotions. Divorce is very painful and life altering. If you have any doubts, don't marry your boyfriend. Don't end up a statistic like me. Story I'm a jaded from divorce stil. I wish you luck. Edited March 2, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Let me get this straight. This is the "open" relationship where you've complained that your boyfriend does not give you enough oral sex despite his promising he would, and it being very important to you. This is the relationship that you've stressed about "not having enough money to keep up with." The one where your boyfriend described in detail what made his ex's "vagina" "prettier" than yours. The relationship during which you've struggled with multiple self-image issues, eating disorders, and emotional drama. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your boyfriend has expressed that he's not ready to "not" have sex with any other women. Really, Leigh?? With all these issues, MARRIAGE is your concern-o-the-week? I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this out of concern. Earlier this month you seemed convinced that you and your BF were breaking up. Next you're succumbing to this "open" relationship notion to appease him. And now you're contemplating marriage? I think you have some major kinks to iron out in this relationship before getting married should even be on your horizon. Just my $0.02. 1
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Let me get this straight. This is the "open" relationship where you've complained that your boyfriend does not give you enough oral sex despite his promising he would, and it being very important to you. This is the relationship that you've stressed about "not having enough money to keep up with." The one where your boyfriend described in detail what made his ex's "vagina" "prettier" than yours. The relationship during which you've struggled with multiple self-image issues, eating disorders, and emotional drama. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your boyfriend has expressed that he's not ready to "not" have sex with any other women. Really, Leigh?? With all these issues, MARRIAGE is your concern-o-the-week? I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this out of concern. Earlier this month you seemed convinced that you and your BF were breaking up. Next you're succumbing to this "open" relationship notion to appease him. And now you're contemplating marriage? I think you have some major kinks to iron out in this relationship before getting married should even be on your horizon. Just my $0.02. Not cool Kiss... not cool
Star Gazer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Let me get this straight. This is the "open" relationship where you've complained that your boyfriend does not give you enough oral sex despite his promising he would, and it being very important to you. This is the relationship that you've stressed about "not having enough money to keep up with." The one where your boyfriend described in detail what made his ex's "vagina" "prettier" than yours. The relationship during which you've struggled with multiple self-image issues, eating disorders, and emotional drama. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your boyfriend has expressed that he's not ready to "not" have sex with any other women. Really, Leigh?? With all these issues, MARRIAGE is your concern-o-the-week? I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this out of concern. Earlier this month you seemed convinced that you and your BF were breaking up. Next you're succumbing to this "open" relationship notion to appease him. And now you're contemplating marriage? I think you have some major kinks to iron out in this relationship before getting married should even be on your horizon. Just my $0.02. I was thinking the same thing. Except it's not some major kinds in the relationship that needs to be ironed out...
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Not cool Kiss... not cool Uhhh...how is it not cool? The OP posts new threads weekly or bi-weekly about the all the chronic issues and drama in her relationship. I thought it might be good to attempt to talk some sense into her, although in the past it's been a moot point.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I was thinking the same thing. Except it's not some major kinds in the relationship that needs to be ironed out... No, you're right. OP seems to have some serious issues and I doubt she'll be happy in this or any relationship before those are remedied.
Emilia Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 However, I am not sure that there is a time limit in every instance... I think it depends on the guy, and it depends on how quick your connection grows. I am really not sure where most guys stand on this. If your that into a girl, will you know about marriage, even if your not the biggest fan of the idea altogether? In my experience it comes up within 6 months of dating if you see potential in the other person. It came up in all my LTRs and guys brought it up before I did because I'm a divorcee and I'm not interested in getting married ever again but they usually are.
Overthirtymale Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Only get married if you plan to have kids within a year. Otherwise its pointless.
zengirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 How long do you think it should take for a guy to know if he wants to marry you? For instance, I have heard people say that, if a guy does not propose or at least know after 2 years, that he will NEVER want to marry you..... On the other hand, I know people who do not much care for marriage, even witht he girl of their dreams. They think it is only an official piece of paper, and they prefer their feelings to just BE, and not NEED a wedding. Well, first of all marriage is not a wedding. I am married and didn't have a 'wedding' and don't really want one. But I don't know if there's a set time frame---that said, if you want to be married, I would suggest to ANYONE not to date those who are not too fond of marriage. It isn't just about love; it's about a way you can choose to live your life or not, and it's not the right choice for everyone. I knew it was for me, so I only dated the marrying kind. I'd say, having spoken to many men about this, a guy should have a pretty good inkling within the first year, though it may take him much, much, much longer to act on it or express it, depending on who he is. If he has never even considered the possibility of marrying the girl (or spending forever with her or whatnot---men don't always think in terms of the word 'marry'), it will be a fight, I think, if the woman is marriage-minded. Not all women ARE marriage-minded, and it's not really a sign of any less love if people choose not to get married or think marriage is not for them. The men I know who do not want to be married --- I would have trouble seeing them propose in most cases. Now, a man who just is afraid of marriage MAY eventually, but it's going to be a fight and a lot of uncertainty and for what? There are many men who want to get married. If that's what someone wants, I have no idea why they'd try to 'convert' anyone who doesn't.
zengirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Let me get this straight. This is the "open" relationship where you've complained that your boyfriend does not give you enough oral sex despite his promising he would, and it being very important to you. This is the relationship that you've stressed about "not having enough money to keep up with." The one where your boyfriend described in detail what made his ex's "vagina" "prettier" than yours. The relationship during which you've struggled with multiple self-image issues, eating disorders, and emotional drama. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that your boyfriend has expressed that he's not ready to "not" have sex with any other women. Really, Leigh?? With all these issues, MARRIAGE is your concern-o-the-week? I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this out of concern. Earlier this month you seemed convinced that you and your BF were breaking up. Next you're succumbing to this "open" relationship notion to appease him. And now you're contemplating marriage? I think you have some major kinks to iron out in this relationship before getting married should even be on your horizon. Just my $0.02. This is true, though the question seemed worded purely hypothetical to me.
WhyWontYouBe Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 how long do you think it should take for a guy to know if he wants to marry you? For instance, i have heard people say that, if a guy does not propose or at least know after 2 years, that he will never want to marry you..... On the other hand, i know people who do not much care for marriage, even witht he girl of their dreams. They think it is only an official piece of paper, and they prefer their feelings to just be, and not need a wedding. Personally? I do not much care for traditional weddings.. I would prefer to be proposed to whilst travelling, or doing a crazy adventure sport, such as sky diving. I hate the whole church setting, but i do like the idea of marriage, as in, i would like my boyfriend of one year, to eventually say " i love u so much, i want to marry you" however, i am not sure that there is a time limit in every instance... I think it depends on the guy, and it depends on how quick your connection grows. i am really not sure where most guys stand on this. If your that into a girl, will you know about marriage, even if your not the biggest fan of the idea altogether? PSYCHOpath alrert, vrooooooooooooooooooooooooom. CrazY B1tcH. who will be insane enough to marry you anyway?!!?!?!??!?!!?!?
oaks Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 How long do you think it should take for a guy to know if he wants to marry you? Depends how much practice he's had at getting married.
CarrieT Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Uhhh...how is it not cool? The OP posts new threads weekly or bi-weekly about the all the chronic issues and drama in her relationship. I thought it might be good to attempt to talk some sense into her, although in the past it's been a moot point. I'm with Kiss on this one - the OP rambles on about issues in her relationship ad infinitum and throwing a wrench into the mix MIGHT possibly do some good.
Kamille Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Leigh, why are you spending so much time thinking and analyzing your relationship? It seems to me like it is a way for you to handle anxiety. Relationships do come with a fair share of uncertainty and ambiguity. You strike me, however, as someone who is looking for security and consistency in her life. Here's how I picture your pattern when it comes to (over) analyzing your relationship: 1. You feel anxious (regardless of issue - I think anxiety prone people often feel anxiety first and then try to figure out "what' is making them feel anxious after). 2. A topic to feel anxious about somehow lands on your lap 3. You talk to your boyfriend about said topic and he gives you ambiguous answers. 4. You over-analyze and try to come up with grand theories about "how men think" (Instead of say, focusing on your own values and what you want). 5. You come on here to write out your thoughts and to try to convince yourself you're fine with the ambiguity that your boyfriend is throwing your way. So, in all, your post on LS are you way of managing ambiguity in your relationship. Your grand theories about men serve the same purpose. If only men behaved like automatons, there would be certainty in the world and you could be confident about the future. The challenge, for you, is to stop focusing on "what men want" and start figuring out what you want and what you need. Let that be your security in the world. Leigh, when do you want to get married? Under what conditions? What kind of relationship do you imagine you'll need in order to live a happy marriage? Do you want children? What kind of relationship do you imagine yourself to have in order to face the challenge of raising children? Let those answers based on your values guide you through the process of dating.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Well, the track THIS relationship is currently on is not one that seems to be headed towards marriage. I think that a person generally knows within a year. I think it would be very rare for a person who was not in a marrying state of mind, so to speak, to make a turn - around during the course of a "fun" but not exactly serious relationship and aim towards marriage. The considerations needed to enter into a supposedly lifelong commitment are pretty specific. If the people have their feet on the ground about being married, anyway.
carhill Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 How long do you think it should take for a guy to know if he wants to marry you? Our family tradition (my father and myself) has been between one and two years. I was at the shorter end as I was older and my now exW was my age, and the ability to have children was a consideration. My father, having been married prior, with two daughters, was not in such a hurry. My canary is a good year of consistent intimacy and synergy without major bumps. Yes, there are disagreements; yes, there are times of hurt. How the couple moves through them with an eye on long-term togetherness portends the health (or not) of the marital path, along with their commitment to the marital path, meaning like-mindedness regarding the totality of what marriage is. Something I found interesting, in retrospect, which just occurred to me now, is that both my exW and I expressed belief in marital-only cohabitation but, apparently, she changed her mind on this subject, having had a live-in boyfriend since before we were divorced. This underscores how circumstances and life experience can change people. Myself, I'm still on the marriage then co-habitation path. A failed M didn't change me in that way. Good luck. 1
FitChick Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 There are no rules. Some people know immediately they want to marry the other person, some are never sure, even after years of marriage. It's all a crap shoot, so why not take a chance on love?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 No, you're right. OP seems to have some serious issues and I doubt she'll be happy in this or any relationship before those are remedied. Can u give me the benifit of the benifit of the doubt, when I say : I have grossly mis represented my relationship? Genuinely, I mean this. We have had some problems, not because of him, though. I had an eating disorder and was socially isolated when I met him, but I have enough rgeat things about me, for him to decided to help me through such things. I am now free of a 6 year eating disorder, and have been recovered for a while. I am not the weight i want to be, but that is never on my mind. I have far bigger personal milestones to achieve, that I put on the back burner during my quest to be skinny. Yes - my boyfriend was immature and very inexperienced in regards to giving women oral. I told him this was not going to work for me, so he asked me to give him a CHANCE, to change. It could have not worked out, but luckily for me, my boyfriend is open minded, and decided to try oral on me, and give it a real go. He learnt to love it, and now I am completely happy. He performes oral on me whenever I ask. I realise it sounds bizarre, that a guy can go from not liking oral, to liking it, and even loving it on occasion. My boyfriend just decided to give it a go, and it turns out he did learn to like it. Lastly, regarding the matter of oral and vaginas: when he compared mine to his exes vagina, that was in the real beginning ot the relationship. He was immature, and grossly unaware of what is acceptable to say, regarding this matter... We were arguing, and I asked him " Look, Andrew, WHAT is your problem with oral, I am not getting it yet, and I am not satisfied, what the heck is your problem!! He had never gotten close up to a vagina, and had only touched them, and seen the ones in porn. He did not know that the clitorus got larger when aroused, and it freaked him out how mine did. He was just utterly inexperienced. His ex, happened to have a very small clit and neat vagina, and like a few men, he thought that was " ideal". He said he enjoyed it with her only once, but seldom gave it to her in the 3 mnths together. Perhaps 5 times tops. He said he had yet o enjoy it with me yet, because he had this misconception about what the " perfect" vagina should look like. I told him, in no uncertain terms " this is totally ridiculous. All women are different down there, and your are seriously immature if you cannot learn to lie and apperciate them ALL. There is NO IDEAL, besides being clean and healthy down there. My boyfriend is great in MOST ways; he has few negative sides to him... this is the one thing he really let me down with.. his terrible attitude towards womens privates.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Kiss and make up + star and others who followed previosuly... That is what happend, on the matter of oral and his comments and comparisons to his ex... He never mentioned it, I ASKED him, I WANTED to know the route of his aversion, if he ever HAD liked it, and what the go was.... I know his attitude was terrible, but I decided to see if it was inbuilt, from his experience so far in life, and his character was fine, and he simply had to get past his experience with sex/women so far. I believe that sometimes, peoples opinions and aversions to paritcular things, are a result of where they have come from and what they have experienced. It is not necessarily because they are " bad" people, not waorth bothering with. I had a funny feeling ( we both had a weird feeling when we first spoke), and I wanted to give him a chance, to see if HE wwas fundamentally a great guy, and to see if his attitude could change. My boyfriend is comoletely fine in this regard now. He loves oral, he tell sme to ask whenever I want it, and is verty lovely about it. He knows he said./did a bad thing to me, and very almost lost me over it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 His evolution regarding oral sex and his opinion of your "vagina" is positive, but it doesn't represent a well rounded relationship.
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