Pat99 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Do we really want a second chance? A second chance to be with someone who left us? Someone who said we don't fit in their lives anymore? Someone who moved on to someone else and left us clueless and feeling vulnerable? Someone who mentally abused us or any of the thousand other reasons we got dumped? If we really think about it, do we really want a second chance with our ex?
lilyblue Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Do we really want a second chance? A second chance to be with someone who left us? Someone who said we don't fit in their lives anymore? Someone who moved on to someone else and left us clueless and feeling vulnerable? Someone who mentally abused us or any of the thousand other reasons we got dumped? If we really think about it, do we really want a second chance with our ex? I constantly wish this line of thinking worked for me. But, it doesn't. I want a second chance because I was happiest when I was with him. 3
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Do we really want a second chance? A second chance to be with someone who left us? Someone who said we don't fit in their lives anymore? Someone who moved on to someone else and left us clueless and feeling vulnerable? Someone who mentally abused us or any of the thousand other reasons we got dumped? If we really think about it, do we really want a second chance with our ex? I think it all depends on why the relationship ended. If you were abused in any way, then you should avoid it. If you were unhappy, then you should avoid it. Even the happiest you've ever been, does not mean you were at your potential.
marqueemoon4 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Do we really want a second chance? A second chance to be with someone who left us? Someone who said we don't fit in their lives anymore? Someone who moved on to someone else and left us clueless and feeling vulnerable? Someone who mentally abused us or any of the thousand other reasons we got dumped? If we really think about it, do we really want a second chance with our ex? the main reason I wanted a "second chance" was because we have a son together. and I feel I really addressed some of the issues that were my fault in the r/l. but instead of facing her issues and growing, my exW ran into the arms of some other dude and got knocked up. thats her problem.
leoc1973 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Well that is taking it to an extreme. I think a lot of times we were the unbearable one and the person who may or may not have loved us very much had no choice. However, lots of times OP is right! Why would we want someone who simply thought they could do better.
Friday33 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I went for 4 months not contacting my ex, he contacted me and we agreed to try again. Skip to the end if you want my take on getting back with an ex! Our relationship was awful towards the end. Basically, I had the upper hand and tested him constantly in the first 14 months (I know, bad, but he wasn't giving me reasons to trust him though nothing was ever proved. Think I have trust issues, but that's another post!!) Then the tables turned-he became me and of course, when somebody is pushing you away you want to put it right and end up compromising yourself, apologising, promising to change, etc. I tried so hard to persuade him to try again- he kept saying he loved me, wanted to be with me but it was too hard. In the end, last Aug my hand was forced and I finished it. Wanted so, so desperately to contact him but kept NC because I didn't want to give him the impression that I'd accept things as they were. Once I was out of it, I realised it wasn't all me to blame, it was 50/50. Couldn't believe it when he contacted me at the beginning of Jan, explained that he was overwhelmed last year, so much going on blah blah. Couldn't not have me in his life. Told me everything I wanted to hear and was like the person I fell in love with. I thought I should play hard to get, but wanting to be mature and open I agreed we'd give it another go. The honeymoon period lasted about a week. I'd read posts on this forum and others saying not to go back, but thought because he'd initiated it (and he's 10 x more stubborn than me) and obviously knew what I wanted we would be fine. We'd had the talk after all. Wrong. Absolutely nothing has changed. As I type this, we've gone 2 dyas without contact because he cancelled me at the last minute ('work'-yeah, right. That was one of our problems last time) and was put out because I wasn't free when he wanted to meet the following night. My last text was that we should just leave it and he hasn't replied. I wanted so much for us to prove everyone wrong. I did say to him a month ago that the next time this happened we'd have to end it for good because we're too old for this nonsense, and he's taken me at my word. I just could not deal with being an option for him again. Get back with your ex by all means but: 1. Let them initiate it 2. Don't assume you're back together until they demonstrate consistently that they are willing to work at what went wrong. And you of course. 3. Accept your part in the break up, but don't be so overwhelmed that you forget what the problems were in the first place. It doesn't hurt as much this time, although it is only a couple of days so will probably hit me later on. Also, I'm subconsciously hoping he'll contact me but I know the chances of that are practically zero. And if he does, what then? Back to square 1. The difference is, this time I have no regrets about the way I acted. I was a nicer, more honest and lighthearted girlfriend-when we were together we had great times. I love him, I'm sure he loves me but love is not enough. Sometimes two people can't be together for whatever reason. Thoughts?
pinkie Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I was the dumper... after a dead-end relationship of 2 years. One year later he reinitiated contact. I reconsidered. After being around him for two days, I realized absolutely NOTHING had changed. I had, but he was still stuck in his misery and despair because he has low self esteem and needs to be 'rescued'. I care about him, love him, but it doesn't mean we are supposed to be together. I'm so glad I realized this and didn't fall for the guilt trip and followed my intuition instead. The next time you see a 3 legged dog on the side of the road and you debate as to whether or not to a) stop, pick it up and take it home, b) keeping going or c) back up and run it over.... Go with C!!!
leoc1973 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Friday and Pinkie I am sorry for you guys but I have to disagree with you both. Love is always enough! Only if it comes from both people though. You will hear things like what if he is abusive or a cheater well then he doesn't love you. Real love is when you look at someone and can't imagine your world without them. When a man really loves a woman then other women don't even exist and the thought of cheating isn't even something that crosses his mind. Also, if he truly loves you and I mean real love here. He will change! There is nothing a man won't do for a woman he loves. so when you say love isn't enough or in pinkie's case he never changed then he may have really cared about you but it wasn't real love. I think we throw that word around way too easily. Find a man that really loves you and he will die for you!
Friday33 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Friday and Pinkie I am sorry for you guys but I have to disagree with you both. Love is always enough! Only if it comes from both people though. You will hear things like what if he is abusive or a cheater well then he doesn't love you. Real love is when you look at someone and can't imagine your world without them. When a man really loves a woman then other women don't even exist and the thought of cheating isn't even something that crosses his mind. Also, if he truly loves you and I mean real love here. He will change! There is nothing a man won't do for a woman he loves. so when you say love isn't enough or in pinkie's case he never changed then he may have really cared about you but it wasn't real love. I think we throw that word around way too easily. Find a man that really loves you and he will die for you! Hi again I'm not so sure...if love was enough, nobody would break up and get back together. Personality make-up, stubborness, being hurt before, depression, money worries-they all add up. I know I love him, I'm desperate to be with him but I won't contact him because I'm not wanting to give the message that I'll accept things back the way they were. Maybe he doesn't truly love me-he certainly said it enough and his actions seemed to back this up. My post was about second chances-my advice is don't do it or do it with your head screwed firmly on. The second time is worse because you know it's definitely the end. As rare as reconciliations are, 2nd time reconciliations seem far fewer!
syke Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 After the way my ex dumped me -there's a post about it- and after reading numerous threads on this site. I can say that yes I would give him a second chance if he came around, mostly for the sake of my daughter who is 10 months old, for the idea that she may have a 2 parent household. HOWEVER, will I take him back just like that with open arms? No way. He would have to earn my trust, respect and show me with his actions not just his 'sweet' words. As well as genuinely apologize to my family and myself for the pain and turmoil he caused. Do I think he will come back? not at all. His ego, as well as his lopsided and twisted family will for sure prevent this, however the loss of his new family (my daughter, myself and him), will be a realization and slap on the face in the future -however long that may be.
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