neptoon Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Is it natural for a guy to seem somewhat "removed" when after we've been dating for six months? He assures me he loves me but he doesn't show the same level of attentiveness as he did in the first few months. Is this part of the end of the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship?
tiki Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 The honeymoon phase is only as long as you make it last. Make it last forever!!!
Pyrannaste Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 I think that showing less attentiveness after a few months is quite normal. You know what they say, "your relationship is never going to be as good as it was in the first three months". I don't actually agree with this statement, but it is true that quite a lot of guys -and girls- tend to 'relax' when they start to feel confortable in, and about, the relationship.
Author neptoon Posted June 7, 2004 Author Posted June 7, 2004 I'll have to admit it makes me feel a little uneasy because I start wondering if it's because he likes me less or something...but which also begs the question: how do you make the honeymoon phase last longer. We're getting on 7 months and I'm feeling a level of anxiety and restlessness. It started when he started talking about marriage and I think i got a little spooked. Plus, I've been in some relationships where I got really badly burned and I get a little frightened of the possibility of feeling the sting again.
Angeleno Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Maybe he saw that you were spooked at the idea of marriage and regretted ever bringing it up. He's trying to take the pressure off you, as he's seen that it's not what you want, and that's why he's been aloof with you. Sounds to me like he's worried about losing you and is backing off because you were spooked at the idea of marriage.
Author neptoon Posted June 8, 2004 Author Posted June 8, 2004 It's not that I don't want to marry him. I know I want to marry him but I just want some time to get to know him better. I really think that entering into it before you're ready can do more damage than good...it's good to know all his quirks and know what to expect before you enter into something that hopefully will last the rest of your life. I (think) it's good to know his groove and what makes him tick. For example, I've never met his family and I think it would be healthy to know where he's coming from before living with him. I need to get into the mindset -- a period of adjustment. It's not that I would miss the single life or that I'm afraid of the "responsibility" (I even think that "responsibility" would make me very happy) -- I love him and would like nothing more than to be his wife. I absolutely want no one else and I'm certain of this. I knew him for a long time before we started seeing each other. It just scared me a little because in my whole life, I've never been with a guy I even remotely considered marrying and suddenly here is this guy I'm 100% sure about (if any guy in the past had ever brought up the subject, I'd just tell the guy I had already made up my mind never to get married...it was an easy excuse and I could've said easily said the same thing to him had I not wanted this and I've told him this). It's a huge jump for me and I really think that when people change mindsets, even if it's for the better, they're still a little scared because it's something that's currently unknown to our present experience. I'm afraid of being hurt and I'm afraid I might ruin something that means everything to me because we entered into it prematurely.
Miss_Behavin143 Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 It's not that your not still in the honeymoon phase, but it could be that you are just getting into the "comfort zone" and that is somewhere everyone gets in a relationship eventually. No, you may not be as lovey dovey as you were in the beginning, instead of sitting beside him on the couch, he may be watching tv while your surfing the net, or vice versa, it's just the comfort zone that every couple whose been together gets to eventually. It doesn't mean that he's losing interest or anything like that. So, don't be scared. If you truly love him enough where you feel that you could marry him, your going to have to let yourself go.. let those fears go, and just take a chance. You can't live your next 7 months, or 7 years, or 70 years.. wondering if he's going to hurt you or if he's losing interest in you. If you love him, let go, relax, don't worry, and just enjoy the step by step process your relationship is taking and in time... it will lead to marriage, or it may lead you both your own ways, but you definitley don't want to spend what time you do have with this guy... worrying if it's going to work. Just be happy being with him and knowing you two are comfortable with each other.
echocrush Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 I've noticed something about the 6 month mark, I think it's the end of the settling in period. I don't think it means the honemoon is over... it's just that you are both finally beginning to settle into yourselves as a couple. Yes men can begin to become less attentive as the relationship goes on, it's an issue I am struggling with right now. But I can let you in on a little secret. Your relationship will never be a straight road. It's more like a roller coaster, there are ups, downs and mostly in betweens. Sometimes we are madly, deeply, truly in love and everyone makes funny faces at us for being cutsey newlyweds, and times when there seems to be very little intimacy, conversation is less than interesting, and everything seems routine, and times when we hit a mjor downhill slide. I know this secret, and I've known it for years... but I still get a little down in the down times. Those are the times when I work double time to pull the relationship back up to a peak. When I should probably just ride it out and anticapate the next peak. The coolest thing I've found about this cycle is when the peak does come back around, you get to fall in love all over again, and it feels better, and stronger each time.
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