TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) I've been single for 5 years. The first two years, I'd meet women, get their numbers, a few would flake, but most would go out with me. At the end of two years of being single, I bought an e-book on how to get six pack abs. I have to say, the advice has been solid and it's increased my attractiveness to women. Over the last three years, women have said things and acted very differently than before. They've said things like "Your hot", "Your sexy" and "Your handsome". Some have told me I could get any woman I want. I've had women give me their numbers right in front of their boyfriends and husbands. Trust and believe, this wasn't happening before. And I'm smart enough to realize that this doesn't happen with most guys, either. I hope it doesn't seem arrogant of me to say this about myself, but I do believe this may be a part of my problem with getting dates. But, then again, I'm not the only good looking guy in the world, and to assume that all really good looking guys can't get dates seems odd. First, I do, very solidly recognize and understand, that being good looking is only one attraction switch in a woman's mind. There are so many different things that women can be attracted to: looks are just one small piece of the puzzle. Over the last three years, I would guess 95% of all the women I've met and asked out have flaked on the first date. I'm better looking, but way less likely to actually get a date. It makes no sense. Here is my most recent "flake" story, but it's almost identical to the dozens of first dates over the last three years, since becoming the "hot guy". I was with my two kids Sunday night. Met a girl, we'll call her X for this story. Started talking to X, actually, she initiated the conversation. We talked for about 30 minutes. I got her number and left. 30 minutes later, she sent a text saying how nice it was to meet me. I sent back a quick text saying the same thing. Monday night I called her, she answered, we talked for about 5 to 10 minutes. I asked her to meet me for a drink one night this week, she said yes, we agreed on Thursday night. I told her I would call or text Thursday afternoon with details. There was no contact for the next two days. Thursday morning, I sent a text to her saying "Happy Thursday, X". No response. Then, at 4:00pm, I get a text from her saying "Just found out I have to work 6 to close tonight". At least this girl texted to cancel, albeit, at the last minute. Usually, I just get radio silence. Nothing in her text indicates that she regrets the situation, nothing in her text indicates that she's interested in seeing me at another time. Is it possible that she got nervous about this, and got self-conscious or something? Like, if it's the job interview for the job you really, really want, you get nervous before hand??? Or could it be because of me not contacting her between Monday night and Thursday morning, she thought I was acting too aloof? Too uninterested? Therefore, I must be a player? This happens to me almost every single time I get a girl's number. I have to figure this out. Thanks for reading all this and thanks for any feedback. Edited March 2, 2012 by TheSingleGuy
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I don't know what's going on with you, but I know that when I go out with a really good-looking guy, it's almost always the case that he makes noticeably less effort than other guys. (Really, the only guy to defy this rule was my very good-looking ex, who just didn't seem aware at all of how good-looking he was.) In my experience, they give the impression that they're doing the least possible to get and keep you hooked. The problem is that sometimes, what they think is enough is not. So they keep acting smooth, without realizing they've already lost my interest. Is it possible you're projecting that blase, half-hearted, I-don't-have-to-do-much-to-win-you-over vibe? The player rulebooks say that works, but for me, personally -- not much turns me off faster. 1
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Thanks for reading, RubySlippers. Yes, I have taken a lot of advice from the seduction community, where they really preach "don't over pursue". It sounds like, maybe, I should have initiated some text messaging with her on Tuesday as well as Wednesday? I would think a phone call on either of those days would get me thrown into the needy/desperate category??? I'm very confused. Edited March 2, 2012 by TheSingleGuy
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Is it possible you're projecting that blase, half-hearted, I-don't-have-to-do-much-to-win-you-over vibe? The player rulebooks say that works, but for me, personally -- not much turns me off faster. And I for the life of me don't know how the hell that actually does work on women...are they broken or something...?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Is it possible you're projecting that blase, half-hearted, I-don't-have-to-do-much-to-win-you-over vibe? The player rulebooks say that works, but for me, personally -- not much turns me off faster. That doesnt work with older women, but with younger women, its catnip. But then again, an older woman wouldnt have given him her number if she wasnt really interested. TSG, young women change their minds constantly. One day they think they like you, the next day, they arent sure they really liked you, and cancel on you. Im sure she was into you when you met her, becasue she did text you to tell you she enjoyed meeting you. But a couple scenarios could be at play here, and unfortunately, you have to deal with them each time you get a new number. 1.) She has a bf, but he is neglecting her, so she is looking for self esteem elswhere... 2.) She is on a rebound, so she thought she wanted to try to forget about her ex, but when it came date time, she knew it wouldnt work. I would never believe in a million years that she was too shy to go out on the date, not if she texted you first. She flaked because she wasnt ready. You dodged a bullet. You need to do like I do, make no expectations after getting a number. That way you'll never be disappointed, and you wont put all your eggs in one basket until you know she's really into you. Assume they wont call, and youre surprised when they do. Assume they wont answer the phone, and be surprised when they do. Assume they wont confirm a date, and be surprised when they do. Assume they wont show up, and be surprised when they do. Assume they wont agree to a second date, and be surprised when they do. And so on, and so on. I havent dealt with a flake in a looong time when I think this way. Because when they flake on me the first time, and I dont chase them, they come looking for me. Flip the script. 1
Star Gazer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 And I for the life of me don't know how the hell that actually does work on women...are they broken or something...? Correct. It only works on broken women, which I suppose are the only women the players really want anyway, because they just plan on throwing them away once they get what they really want.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I forgot one. 3.) You came off desperate during the phone call, and turned her off. I think something happened during that phone call. She agreed to the date to get you off the phone. Can you be more specific about the phone call?
USCGAviator Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I've been doin pretty good on the dating scene if you consider keeping women interested and getting laid. Finding one that I'd like to pursue a relationship with is another story. In your case, I would have made more contact via txt between the meet and date night. Friendly and flirty to keep the interest level high. That way if she "has to work late" she'll quickly reschedule and still be excited to meet you again. There's a fine line between too much and too little contact. Definitely initiate some contact, but feel it out and go from there. Don't let your abs get in the way of a fun playful personality. 1
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 If she, and all the women who flaked on me prior to her, would just tell me WHY they're flaking, that would make this so much more bearable? RubySlippers thinks she's lost attraction. Eddie thinks she's either got a boy friend or she just recently broke up with one. This is the reason I am so jaded towards women. There is no explanation from her as to WHY, there is no inclination of regret in her cancellation text, and there's no indication that she wants me to continue pursuing her. I can already forecast with 100% accuracy what happens next, because I've been thru this so many times before. I stop pursuing her, because her text message clearly indicates she has no desire for my pursuit, and within 3 to 5 days, 7 at most, she'll text me. And then we'll go thru this again, where I'll have a better chance of not getting flaked on, but still more likely to flake than not. I always tell myself, I'm not gonna ask her out again, but then she'll text me and I will.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) As for sounding desperate on the phone call, that wasn't a problem. I know what you are talking about, I've been thru that a few times, where the conversation just stagnates and she's not doing **** on her end to put forth effort to keep the conversation going. I've been thru that several times, and this call was clearly not one of those. I am thinking my radio silence on Tuesday and Wednesday is what caused this. I should have texted her on both of those days. I gotta say, if anyone has been thru what I've been thru the last five years and comes out of it still believing in "fate and destiny"... All I can say, is, that whole concept is just stupid. Edited March 2, 2012 by TheSingleGuy
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I am thinking my radio silence on Tuesday and Wednesday is what caused this. I should have texted her on both of those days. . No, she just wasnt interested enough. She might have had another guy that she was more interested in, and you are a backup. You will never know, and you dont need to. Because if you do text her between date making and date day, then you will think you texted too much. Real deal? if she was really interested, she would have initiated the text. If she was waiting for you to show interest, she would have been happy to go on a date with you. She cant be dumb enough to pre-emptively shoot you down, thinking youre a player before even going on the first date ifshe was really interested. You can try and text sooner for the next woman, but when they arent interested, they just arent. You wont know why, and dont worry about it. Just on to the next.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I am thinking my radio silence on Tuesday and Wednesday is what caused this. I should have texted her on both of those days. I agree. The guys who seem to really like me text me pretty much daily. It might just be 2 or 3 texts to say hey, but it's at least that. I have found that when a guy really likes me, he's in pretty hot pursuit until he gets me. Period. If this isn't happening, it feels to me like he can take me or leave me -- not a good feeling, for me. The hottie guys usually go silent for days, working other leads, I assume.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, RubySlippers. Next time I get a girl's number, I'll call the next day. (I was waiting 3 days at one point, which didn't seem to work) and I will initiate text messages daily. And if I can't get a date within three days, I'll make sure I call every third day. Does that sound like a decent plan, RubySlippers?
monkey00 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 There's a possibility that her interest is just mediocre since she barely knows you, or she's just playing games (hard to get) because she thinks you might have other prospect and doesn't want to appear easy. Girls pull this kind of thing all the time. If you snap or get angry towards her about it, you lose. Just be persistent and play it cool and reconnect another day or counter-offer another day/time. I think what you should have done in the beginning was set the meeting location when she agreed on the date. Remember dating is a numbers game. If you come off desperate women can sniff it. Just be persistent but respect their boundaries. If she's not interested, then it's her loss.
Imajerk17 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) You know, I'm coming to see that "showing interest" is the new "playing it cool". There is such a thing as smothering, sure. But then there was always such a thing as playing it too cool. That she took your call Monday night is a good sign. Then she would have welcomed a text sometime in between Monday and tonight. ALSO, you need to have a definite time and place picked out for the date when you call her. "I'll call you with the details" at best adds a complicating step, and at worst just invites a flake. Aren't you a man with a plan? You didn't really commit to a time so why should she? Is she supposed to hold the time and day open in case you do get back to her? (Many guys do not follow through.) Edited March 2, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, RubySlippers. Next time I get a girl's number, I'll call the next day. (I was waiting 3 days at one point, which didn't seem to work) and I will initiate text messages daily. And if I can't get a date within three days, I'll make sure I call every third day. Does that sound like a decent plan, RubySlippers? Hey, I'm obviously no expert, because I'm sitting here single and feeling lonely tonight. I like clear, consistent communication, and I love it when the guy calls me very soon after we meet to make a date. But I have friends who don't like that, who prefer more "mystery". Whatever. Why not try the more consistent contact approach for a while and see how it goes?
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Well, I have to try something different, because this is how 95% of my first dates go...me sitting at home alone wondering why. I will try much more aggressive interest with the next few numbers and see if it works better. (Actually, this girl tonight was one of the more aggressive pursuits I've had in a long time. I used to wait 3 days before texting or calling after getting the number.)
Imajerk17 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 3 days is way too long. Try calling the next night or even better if you only talked for a minute, that night. MOMENTUM IS YOUR FRIEND. 1
monkey00 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Well, I have to try something different, because this is how 95% of my first dates go...me sitting at home alone wondering why. I will try much more aggressive interest with the next few numbers and see if it works better. (Actually, this girl tonight was one of the more aggressive pursuits I've had in a long time. I used to wait 3 days before texting or calling after getting the number.) They say within the first few seconds of seeing someone. You/they will know if you are mate potential, or worthy of dating. 3 days is way too long. My friend preaches that or 2 days, I disagree with him and usually I go for same day or day after. If you wait too long, they will forget you...you are still a stranger after all. I like clear, consistent communication, and I love it when the guy calls me very soon after we meet to make a date. But I have friends who don't like that, who prefer more "mystery". Whatever. I will have to comment on this say that to each their own. I've had women I only contact once a week to make a date and they are ok with it and don't flake out. I have women that have contacted me daily or more often than I have them after 1 or 2 dates, it was more like they were chasing me. Anyway my case in point is that that while not playing games is ideal in a dating situation, gauge the situation and contact the person when you feel like it. If you feel they are as interested in you as you are them. In fact, the majority of times I've had women who had 90%+ interest in me normally does the contacting. You can't fix low interest or change who you are, you just have to meet the right match. 1
Lobouspo Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 OP I have been having the same issues as you. Just realize that women can be fickle. Keep your expectations low, have a backup plan, and dont take this stuff personal.
AmEricanWomann Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 OP, as a woman reading what you have to say, I can understand why women are flaking on you. You're listening to that idiotic "seduction" community, who are basically a bunch of clueless dudes who have decided that they know how to attract women. They've been telling you to ignore women and this will make the women so horny, that they will come a-runnin. Usually, the women know that you're playing games and it turns them off. By the time you texted her, she had lost interest in you. Stop playing games, stop waiting three days to text or call. Show a woman some interest and if she's interested in you, it'll pay off. I'm not saying to smother a woman and text 10 times a day, but if you show little to no interest, you'll wind up with no interest in return 1
volkl1996 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My suggestion: stop the games, go with your gut, your heart. And, let go of your I am good looking thinking. it's skin deep. I am told I am hot and good looling, hear it all the time, her what a great lover I am all the time. Yeah, it's flattering, but I am also chivalrous, caring, and I try to make a woman I like feel special. And honestly I think the woman who have to tell you how "great" you are from day 1 have emotional issues...they lack confidence..not the kind of woman I am attracted to.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I think posting this thread has been helpful. Several folks have all indicated the same issue with my pursuit. No one thinks thinks that I smothered her with too much attention. I acted too aloof, too uninterested, by not texting her at all for two days, Tuesday and Wednesday. If just ONE girl who blew me off would have explained to my WHY she was blowing me off, I wouldn't have so much hatred in my heart for women. I swear, after having been through what I've been through with women, I ****ING HATE ALL WOMEN. I really do. I swear. The first time this happened, I took it so personally. I would get depressed. Then, as the unhappy guy, no other women would be interested. It was a catch-22 loop of negativity. Women don't want anything to do with the unhappy guy. I wish I could get the last 3 years of my life back, but I'm a slow learner. Oh well. In fact, the main reason I bought the sixpack abs e-book was because some girl was blowing me off and I thought it was because she wasn't that attracted to me. I wanted to make myself more attractive to women, and I did. It was a lot of work, and still is. Should I blame the women who blew me off for not explaining WHY??? Probably not. But I do. And the women I am able to seduce, going forward, will be the ones who ultimately pay the price because in my mind, a woman is a woman is a woman. I will gladly rip their hearts out of their chests and eat them in front of them while they're still beating. My heart is numb and cold after all the feelings of rejection I've been through. Like I said before, if anyone had been through what I've been through, and after seeing that sending a text message and not sending a text message can be the difference between getting a first date and not getting a first date... HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE STILL BELIEVE IN ANYTHING AS STUPID AS FATE AND DESTINY??? ITS PURE BULL****!
zengirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 OP, Any number of things are possible --- from it being the types of girls you're now picking (are they significantly hotter than the girls you used to date when dating was easier?) to the way you're coming off, as Ruby says. And probably a million more scenarios. I'd say what's important isn't figuring out what put off THIS girl but what is causing the overall frustration. It sounds like there's a huge frustration at putting in the work to be better looking and not getting the results you feel entitled to (i.e. dating getting harder, rather than easier). Even though it sounds like your entitlement is mild and somewhat understandably human, it's still a flaw. When I was single, I avoided vain and entitled men like the plague, as well as men who played games (and I'm still fairly young, so the young vs. old thing doesn't fly, IMO; it's more about secure, solid girls vs. insecure, broken ones---and the insecure ones who the 'unavailable' stuff works on ARE flaky; that's what insecurity does, it makes you totally flaky). Now, I'm not saying your some vain, entitled creep (I don't think so at all), but even a whiff of that attitude would've kept me away, including a guy who thinks he's hot stuff. Many girls MMV, but I think that's unattractive to a lot of girls. Confidence is one thing, but there's a line. I would say make sure you're on the right side of that line if you've had perpetual frustration. Just a thought. And I for the life of me don't know how the hell that actually does work on women...are they broken or something...? Yep, broken women. People who want what they can't have and so forth. That doesnt work with older women, but with younger women, its catnip. Only if they're still deeply insecure or very naive. Most girls I know past college age who aren't terribly insecure feel more similar to Ruby. Depends more on the state of mind than age, since there are also probably some insecure 40 year olds that'd fall for it. TSG, young women change their minds constantly. One day they think they like you, the next day, they arent sure they really liked you, and cancel on you. Im sure she was into you when you met her, becasue she did text you to tell you she enjoyed meeting you. Insecure women who are easy to play change their minds constantly. That's part of what makes them easy to play with these games. IMO: If you want to play games, buckle up for the ride and realize you'll often get played too, even if the person isn't consciously doing it.
monkey00 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Trust me it's not so bad until you've actually been stood up for a date and are standing around wondering why, when you can't even get a hold of the person. I think this is for the best OP. It will make you stronger and a more seasoned dater. although you're not successful now in dating. The self improvement you've done with your physical self is already a plus in this area. If the PUA is right about one thing, it's definitely true that dating is a numbers game. Keep doing what you do best. Have fun and not worry about the outcome so much.
Recommended Posts