bz42 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Ok, here I go. This might be a long post, but at least you'll understand my frustration. It all started last February. I was online playing a game on a website, and so was my "girlfriend". Did not know it at the time, but long story short...we started talking, talking on the phone/skype, and I ended up visiting her in July. I was on the east coast and she is on the west coast, so I packed my suitcase and went over to visit her. We hit it off and I ended up staying. This is where my story will begin. Let me start off by saying I am a 22 year old male, and my girlfriend is 24. I bought a one-way ticket, so I was not sure if I was coming back or not. I wanted to see her for real so we could see how it would go. So, I get there and it's all cool. It was summer so we went to the beach and basically were on a little vacation. It was awesome. Then, we headed back to her hometown (about 2 hours from the beach). I met her family and everything seemed to be nice. Her family that I met is comprised of her, older sister, older brother, younger brother, younger half-sister, younger half-brother, mom, and step-dad. My girlfriend was still living with her parents at the time, so she asked her stepdad if I could live there until we got a place together. Well, after a while I landed a job and we moved out and got our own place together. Not until about 2 months ago had I realized a huge problem in this family. Let me tell you a little about my girlfriend's mom. She had 4 kids with her first husband. My girlfriend is the 3rd of these 4. She then got a boyfriend, and had a daughter. She then got remarried and had a son. My girlfriend's mother is very controlling and over protective. Let me also put in here, my girlfriend is the "favorite" of all her brothers/sisters to make things that much worse. Anyways, I found that even though we moved out of her mom's house, I found myself there with my girlfriend way too often. She needs to always know where she is, what she is doing, why she isn't home, etc. I see her mom as more of a kid than anything really, she doesn't work, she just acts like a kid for the most part to get her offspring to "like" her. My girlfriend and I almost broke up the other day, and one of my biggest problems with her...is this. I have tried to explain to her that her mother is very controlling, and usually the case is you turn 18 and your parents "let you go"...you know like they let you live your own life. I have never heard my girlfriend say no, or disagree with her mother. Her mom will say something, and she will listen and agree. I started being "controlling", and my girlfriend hated it. I tried to get her to realize what was going on and that being controlling is bad. I did everything her mom does to her, like tell her who her friends can be, what she needs to be doing at any given second! Now my girlfriend is resentful towards me for being controlling, but I am only trying to show her what has been going on for probably her entire life. Her mom is constantly telling her what to do, or butting into our relationship and telling me I am doing things wrong, etc. Her mom is always texting her. Examples of most common text messages. 1. What are you doing? 2. Are you coming to the house? 3. Is everything okay? These are like every day texts. Her mom ALWAYS wants her at the house. Her mom will also tell her where to get a job, tell her whether or not she should be dating me, what to do, and where to go. My girlfriend never says anything to her about controlling her life, like she knows it's happening but is like brainwashed or something. There is so much more, but I just want a response from someone. I love her, and she loves me but the stress her mom brings on both of us is killing our relationship. PLEASE HELP! Thanks!
veggirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 honestly, there is nothing you can do. You have expressed your concerns, but her mom's issues/concerns are more important to her. You are dating a mama's girl, not as common as the mama's boy or daddy's girl, but still out there, clearly Anyway, seriously, anyone who has dated a mama's boy /daddy's girl type of person will tell you, your efforts here are fruitless until they cut the cord. You can't make her do that. In fact, you pressing her to do it probably makes it less likely she will. Strife in your R is gonna just make her cling to mama more. Personally, I'd cut my losses here, I doubt this'll change at all sorry
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