When an ex. contacts you..Breaks contact

[mike588]

Some of you know my story some don't. My ex. g/f of one year dumped me for her ex. There was no cheating/beating on my part and I treated her very well..and she knew/knows it.

 

Like most of us here we so desperately want to hear from our ex. either for them to apoligize or hoping they may want to try it again..they're sorry..they made a mistake ect.

 

I too so wanted that...I hoped and prayed then hoped...wished and prayed some more that she would contact me. I went strict contact somewhat hoping it would make her miss me but mostly just to heal and try to move on.

 

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months I slowly started to heal....put it behind me and started to move on believing I'd never hear from her again.

 

The worst was finally over...no more tears...no more analyzing the b/u...no more pain and I was starting to enjoy my life and being single.

 

Then out of the blue she emails me...I ignore them not wanting to open that awful wound again....days....a week later I find a note taped to my front door.....I couldn't resist so I read it.

 

The note was filled with ...I'm sorrys....regrets...mistakes she made ect. but nothing about wanting to get back together.

 

Now I wish I wouldn't of read it....it ratteled me..it set me back and it opened that wound and stirred up all those emotions again...It didn't shatter me like the b/u happened yesterday but it brought back some of the pain that I had worked so hard to put behind me.

 

What I'm getting at is....be careful what you wish for..you may just get it.

 

It's best that your ex. doesn't contact you as your so desperately trying to move on and rebuild your life...it will most likely set you back too....maybe for just a moment or two all that previous hope of wanting to get back together (if they don't) are dashed and your disappointed/hurt all over again.

 

I'd read other threads/posts about that(ex.contacting you) and I thought...Ahhh not me..it won't hurt me....well...wrong.I was grateful for the/her words and got a short lived "ego boost" from it but reliving the hurt...the b/u again wasn't worth it.

 

To the dumper this may not seem like a big deal...they just want to rid themselves of the guilt...but to us dumpees it can bring back some if not all the hurt.

 

I'm not seeking advise on this thread...just wanted to share my experience about this.....I once was where some of you are now.

 

Good luck to all.

Edited March 2, 2012 by mike588

[stimson554]

do NOT remain in contact with this girl all it is is going to cause you uneeded pain and frustration, do not even try to be her friend and refuse if she wants to remain friends with you, its all just a way of her trying to compensate for her guilt of breaking it off with you. she aint worth the trouble ive been in the same situation, best thing to do is stay single, get to really know who you are and be secure in your self that you dont need to rely on anyone else to be happy, and once you have that independance you will heal much quicker if a relationship ever goes bad again.

[mike588]

do NOT remain in contact with this girl all it is is going to cause you uneeded pain and frustration, do not even try to be her friend and refuse if she wants to remain friends with you, its all just a way of her trying to compensate for her guilt of breaking it off with you. she aint worth the trouble ive been in the same situation, best thing to do is stay single, get to really know who you are and be secure in your self that you dont need to rely on anyone else to be happy, and once you have that independance you will heal much quicker if a relationship ever goes bad again.

 

Thanks for your comments but again I'm ok now...I was ratteled for a few days but am back to where I was before I read the note.

 

Actually I'm kinda glad she left it...that I read it....it brought real..final closure.

 

Thanks again.

[HollyBolly]

Some of you know my story some don't. My ex. g/f of one year dumped me for her ex. There was no cheating/beating on my part and I treated her very well..and she knew/knows it.

 

Like most of us here we so desperately want to hear from our ex. either for them to apoligize or hoping they may want to try it again..they're sorry..they made a mistake ect.

 

I too so wanted that...I hoped and prayed then hoped...wished and prayed some more that she would contact me. I went strict contact somewhat hoping it would make her miss me but mostly just to heal and try to move on.

 

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months I slowly started to heal....put it behind me and started to move on believing I'd never hear from her again.

 

The worst was finally over...no more tears...no more analyzing the b/u...no more pain and I was starting to enjoy my life and being single.

 

Then out of the blue she emails me...I ignore them not wanting to open that awful wound again....days....a week later I find a note taped to my front door.....I couldn't resist so I read it.

 

The note was filled with ...I'm sorrys....regrets...mistakes she made ect. but nothing about wanting to get back together.

 

Now I wish I wouldn't of read it....it ratteled me..it set me back and it opened that wound and stirred up all those emotions again...It didn't shatter me like the b/u happened yesterday but it brought back some of the pain that I had worked so hard to put behind me.

 

What I'm getting at is....be careful what you wish for..you may just get it.

 

It's best that your ex. doesn't contact you as your so desperately trying to move on and rebuild your life...it will most likely set you back too....maybe for just a moment or two all that previous hope of wanting to get back together (if they don't) are dashed and your disappointed/hurt all over again.

 

I'd read other threads/posts about that(ex.contacting you) and I thought...Ahhh not me..it won't hurt me....well...wrong.I was grateful for the/her words and got a short lived "ego boost" from it but reliving the hurt...the b/u again wasn't worth it.

 

To the dumper this may not seem like a big deal...they just want to rid themselves of the guilt...but to us dumpees it can bring back some if not all the hurt.

 

I'm not seeking advise on this thread...just wanted to share my experience about this.....I once was where some of you are now.

 

Good luck to all.

 

Thank you for sharing. I, for one, will keep that in mind.

[CLS63AMG]

I think a sticky should be placed at the top of this thread. About all this no contact stuff. I mean, if you dated for over a year, chances are there is going to be contact made, it may not be when you want it, and in your case more likely when you don't...but its going to happen and in most cases it will when you have finally accepted, gotten your inner peace back and moved on.

 

I think females get pretty rattled when it sets in that the ex BF doesn't love them anymore and its just this that gets blasted to them at the time of BU; it gives them a bit of a false ego to wait longer until realization. Meanwhile, the guy may go through the motions of getting through the BU in the first 2-3 months and she won't even start going through it until then because we told them we love them, want them back, will change...blah blah blah all BS that you only regret after time passes.

 

So addendum: Dumpee gets heart broken and begins getting over BU right away, Dumper with their false bloated ego that dumpee still loves them, wants them back etc, doesn't truly start this until they realize dumpee doesn't love them, has moved on and simply doesn't care anymore.

 

Hope that makes sense, or helps someone.

[foolishlover]

totally get where you are coming from.

 

My one didnt talk to me for a month after I found out he was lying and messaging other people he met at a club (which he lied about going to) behind my back.

 

After I found out, we had a massive argument and we didnt talk. I reached out twice just so we can talk about the issue like civil adults but he said he was 'too busy,' 'didnt want to talk about it so soon,' 'need the emotion and anger to subside before discussing the issue' and that he would contact me in a few days. He didnt contact me for over a month. And after making my many attempts to reach out in the first week and a half and being shut down by him, i gave up trying.

 

As im trying to move on, he messages me over a month later saying 'sorry. you did nothing wrong. I just needed you to know that.'

 

 

I mean, what the hell was the purpose of that? No reconciliation attempt, no explanation on why you did those things to hurt me?

 

I think doing it by text was weak and that he didnt even have the guts to end something in person. I tried all i can, but he just didnt reciprocate.

 

How do i feel? I dont see him in the same way anymore and think less of him as a person. I feel its the past now and im moving forward and if I ever get back with him, it would be a step backwards...something i refuse to do.

 

He treated me so poorly before the break up and ignoring and leaving me in the dark for over a month is the straw that broke the camels back.

[mike588]

I think a sticky should be placed at the top of this thread. About all this no contact stuff. I mean, if you dated for over a year, chances are there is going to be contact made, it may not be when you want it, and in your case more likely when you don't...but its going to happen and in most cases it will when you have finally accepted, gotten your inner peace back and moved on.

 

I think females get pretty rattled when it sets in that the ex BF doesn't love them anymore and its just this that gets blasted to them at the time of BU; it gives them a bit of a false ego to wait longer until realization. Meanwhile, the guy may go through the motions of getting through the BU in the first 2-3 months and she won't even start going through it until then because we told them we love them, want them back, will change...blah blah blah all BS that you only regret after time passes.

 

So addendum: Dumpee gets heart broken and begins getting over BU right away, Dumper with their false bloated ego that dumpee still loves them, wants them back etc, doesn't truly start this until they realize dumpee doesn't love them, has moved on and simply doesn't care anymore.

 

Hope that makes sense, or helps someone.

 

I didn't expect to ever hear from her again because I was her rebound guy..she may have loved me but was never "in love' with me and I was used as an emotional bandaid after their initial breakup.

 

Alot of you told me otherwise but I didn't really believe it and was floored when she contacted me.

[fetish1980]

I think its more about relieving their guilt and seeing if they can still have you again. It helps boost their ego to know they will always have that backup/safety net if they need it. So its more about being their safe zone.

 

My ex has tried several times within the last year to try to get back with me after we broke up just a little over a year ago. Each time, i've kindly rejected. Felt guilty, but i realize that i'm fooling myself. I think what makes me feel better is knowing that I loved her more than she loved me, and if i ever did give in, she'd just lose interest and respect for me again.

 

The best thing is to remember is to focus on where you're going, not where you've been. Keep pushing forward. If they really loved you (or loved you enough to where it counts), they wouldn't have left in the first place.

 

fetish

[mike588]

I think its more about relieving their guilt and seeing if they can still have you again. It helps boost their ego to know they will always have that backup/safety net if they need it. So its more about being their safe zone.

 

My ex has tried several times within the last year to try to get back with me after we broke up just a little over a year ago. Each time, i've kindly rejected. Felt guilty, but i realize that i'm fooling myself. I think what makes me feel better is knowing that I loved her more than she loved me, and if i ever did give in, she'd just lose interest and respect for me again.

 

The best thing is to remember is to focus on where you're going, not where you've been. Keep pushing forward. If they really loved you (or loved you enough to where it counts), they wouldn't have left in the first place.

 

fetish

 

Very good point/s. If they really loved you they wouldn't have left in the 1st place.

 

That was/is my fear if we were to ever try it again....things would be great for awhile then....Oh I'm sorry..it's just not going to work...I thought it would but..........See ya!

[CaliBabe]

I am exactly here. I wished and wished and wished for contact from my ex and when it happened, TOTALLY messed me up! Wish they never contacted to begin with. If they do, ignore!

[Surfer Girl]

Hey Mike

 

I think sometimes when things are not so good with the ex they went back to they tend to reminisce what they had before....it could also be a fleeting moment....It happened to me....I did not pursue it with ex ex because I realized we could never get back together...but I did think of him when my current ex and I broke up....I still see my ex on the road from time to time...and like you it does set me back a few days....I am thankful as you should be...it does not take as much time as it used to let it go....

[EspressoTorte]

Must be something in the air. The guy I was involved with contacted me 2 weeks ago. I'm handling it pretty well overall, despite a couple of bad days and friends telling me to run the other way.

 

This is the third time he's contacted me in 2 and a half years; he still sees us ending up together even with profuse apologies from his end. My goal is to just stay friends, as his life is too complicated for me to fit into.

[CLS63AMG]

I didn't expect to ever hear from her again because I was her rebound guy..she may have loved me but was never "in love' with me and I was used as an emotional bandaid after their initial breakup.

 

Alot of you told me otherwise but I didn't really believe it and was floored when she contacted me.

 

1 year is pretty long to even consider yourself "rebound guy". I wouldn't go down that road, or even who loved each other more. You either do or you don't. One day you may realize that it wasn't mutual love at all between you two. I mean, did you live together? Did you hang out more than once or twice a week?

 

Lots of young gals go through finding themselves stages and its usually called dating. Don't beat yourself up over it, get yourself better, focus on you right now and when you are ready you WILL meet a better partner. Trust me on this.

 

Change your number if you have to, leave that one in the past and move forward with your new experience and life.

[mike588]

1 year is pretty long to even consider yourself "rebound guy". I wouldn't go down that road, or even who loved each other more. You either do or you don't. One day you may realize that it wasn't mutual love at all between you two. I mean, did you live together? Did you hang out more than once or twice a week?

 

Lots of young gals go through finding themselves stages and its usually called dating. Don't beat yourself up over it, get yourself better, focus on you right now and when you are ready you WILL meet a better partner. Trust me on this.

 

Change your number if you have to, leave that one in the past and move forward with your new experience and life.

 

This wasn't the 1st love of my life..hers either...were both 42 yrs.old. No we didn't live together but spent pretty much every Thursday thru Sunday....day and night together.

 

I'm done with the "beating myself up" over it...actually I didn't do anything wrong to beat myself up over.

 

Yeah I know someone better is out there.

 

Thanks though for your comments.