proteinshake25 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 My ex. Threw alota insults post breakup. Which did'nt phase me. She made a sexual related comment about 2 months post. B/u reffering to how she enjoys sex more with him, which still irks me. The one disrespectful thing that I told her and myself that I forgive her for is a few days before that last comment is that she said she could have her brother "go back to prison for her" (attack me)when she's ready. At the time I figured she was angry and didnt say anything about it. However a few days later I realized how disrespsctfull and disgusting it is. It's been a year now since she's said theese things and I try to tell myself I forgive ber but Im not sure I do. I sometimes am dying to break nc and yell at her for saying theese things. What is the appropriate action and mentality to take?
mike588 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 My ex. Threw alota insults post breakup. Which did'nt phase me. She made a sexual related comment about 2 months post. B/u reffering to how she enjoys sex more with him, which still irks me. The one disrespectful thing that I told her and myself that I forgive her for is a few days before that last comment is that she said she could have her brother "go back to prison for her" (attack me)when she's ready. At the time I figured she was angry and didnt say anything about it. However a few days later I realized how disrespsctfull and disgusting it is. It's been a year now since she's said theese things and I try to tell myself I forgive ber but Im not sure I do. I sometimes am dying to break nc and yell at her for saying theese things. What is the appropriate action and mentality to take? It's been a year since she said those things and now you want to break N.C. ..Drop it...it's only going to show her that your still affected from the b/u...it doesn't matter anymore....move on and let go. What good would come out of it??...........Nothing!
smudge21 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Wow, seriously, this girl treated you like dirt and didn't show you any respect during the break up or after it. Now she doesn't care one bit about you, so why on earth would you even want to make contact with her. Come on, if this was a friend, another guy, and he'd done some of this to you, would you really be that bothered to contact him. Nothing good will come of it other than more hurt for you. If that's what you want, then go ahead. You want to feel better? You want to get back at her? Then the only way to do both is to move on, heal and forget all about her. She deserves nothing from you whereas you deserve better than her!
M2155 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Don't forgive her then. Just know in your heart she is angry and cowardly and you don't have room in in your life for someone like that. You're wasting mental energy.
Author proteinshake25 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 It's my belief and mg religion as well to forgive. I was really wanting to just email her and tell her I forgive her but will never forget the day of when she told me about her little death threat. Something along thoose lines. In a way I would be upset that she sees im still struggling over the breakup, but it bothers me so much I guess I want her to feel guilty od what she's done.
Chi townD Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Don't pay any attention to it. When a girl wants to be mean, they hit below the belt. I mean, LITERALLY hit below the belt. Because they know how fragile the male ego is when it comes to sex. "he so much better than you are" "he does things to me that you could never do." But, the thing is, they were sleeping with you when you were together and they never complained before. So, she must have enjoyed it if she kept coming back! Plus, guys are too shocked at the moment to dish it back to them. If you would have said," Sorry sex with me was so bad, but the problem was every time I saw the dipples of cellulitis on your ass, it kept on reminding me of cottage cheese and to be frank, it was kinda a turn off and I couldn't get real excited." Guarantee you she would have shut up and walked away.
mike588 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Don't pay any attention to it. When a girl wants to be mean, they hit below the belt. I mean, LITERALLY hit below the belt. Because they know how fragile the male ego is when it comes to sex. "he so much better than you are" "he does things to me that you could never do." But, the thing is, they were sleeping with you when you were together and they never complained before. So, she must have enjoyed it if she kept coming back! Plus, guys are too shocked at the moment to dish it back to them. If you would have said," Sorry sex with me was so bad, but the problem was every time I saw the dipples of cellulitis on your ass, it kept on reminding me of cottage cheese and to be frank, it was kinda a turn off and I couldn't get real excited." Guarantee you she would have shut up and walked away. Thats funny...I'll have to remember that if I'm ever told that.
ScienceGal Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My ex. Threw alota insults post breakup. Which did'nt phase me. She made a sexual related comment about 2 months post. B/u reffering to how she enjoys sex more with him, which still irks me. The one disrespectful thing that I told her and myself that I forgive her for is a few days before that last comment is that she said she could have her brother "go back to prison for her" (attack me)when she's ready. At the time I figured she was angry and didnt say anything about it. However a few days later I realized how disrespsctfull and disgusting it is. It's been a year now since she's said theese things and I try to tell myself I forgive ber but Im not sure I do. I sometimes am dying to break nc and yell at her for saying theese things. What is the appropriate action and mentality to take? These insults mean that she was hurt (even if just her ego) and lashing out was her way of dealing with it, or she is just hateful. No decent person reduces the connection and intimacy of a sexual relationship by speaking poorly of their partner or former partner. It's shallow and immature, not to mention usually lies. Her true reasons don't matter, be happy that you are no longer involved with someone like that. I definitely understand your frustration and inability to forgive. I am 8 months post break up and I am not ok with how my ex treated me or the things he said. I will never be ok with it, but I will move on and try to avoid men like him. It's heartbreaking to care for someone that can stoop that low. What you have to do is accept that those behaviors are her choice. You cannot control her or make her see things your way. You can't for her or for anyone else. All you can do is make your own choices. You have to let go. If you yell at her now, that is just your ego speaking. What have you lost by her silly words? Nothing... they have no bearing on who you are or on your life. They don't control you unless you let them. It sounds to me like you are still processing the end of the relatiosnhip because you still care and have emotions tied up in her and what she said. The goal is to feel indifferent about her all together though, and you need to maintain no contact to get there. Good luck.
wilsonx Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My ex. Threw alota insults post breakup. Which did'nt phase me. She made a sexual related comment about 2 months post. B/u reffering to how she enjoys sex more with him, which still irks me. The one disrespectful thing that I told her and myself that I forgive her for is a few days before that last comment is that she said she could have her brother "go back to prison for her" (attack me)when she's ready. At the time I figured she was angry and didnt say anything about it. However a few days later I realized how disrespsctfull and disgusting it is. It's been a year now since she's said theese things and I try to tell myself I forgive ber but Im not sure I do. I sometimes am dying to break nc and yell at her for saying theese things. What is the appropriate action and mentality to take? Im getting these types of communications right now from my ex. I know exactly what this is. I have said in many threads, "Actions speak louder then words" The words mean nothing. If you have watched his past 2 threads he's looking for a reason to reach out and communicate with her while painting her black. Its going to click for him really soon and nothing is going to stop him from reaching out to his ex. Just roll with it is my advice
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My ex. Threw alota insults post breakup. Which did'nt phase me. She made a sexual related comment about 2 months post. B/u reffering to how she enjoys sex more with him, which still irks me. The one disrespectful thing that I told her and myself that I forgive her for is a few days before that last comment is that she said she could have her brother "go back to prison for her" (attack me)when she's ready. At the time I figured she was angry and didnt say anything about it. However a few days later I realized how disrespsctfull and disgusting it is. It's been a year now since she's said theese things and I try to tell myself I forgive ber but Im not sure I do. I sometimes am dying to break nc and yell at her for saying theese things. What is the appropriate action and mentality to take? If you want to forgive then you can forgive. You are holding on as you don't seem to want to let go. Understand that these were words said by her while in a bad place. It doesn't mean they are excusable, but understand that nothing will benefit you by holding onto them. I understand a week, a month maybe... but a year.. really? My ex threatened to cut my fence down and she took my cat to a rescue. I forgave her right away as I understood she was going through much pain when she said and did these things. We have the power to forgive when we take the time to understand, and want to forgive.
radiodarcy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 my ex sent me an incredibly nasty email when he dumped me. but instead of wanting to lash out at him and break NC. i used those words as an incentive to stick to NC. so anytime i wanted to reach out to him, i reminded myself of all the ugly things he said - - and i would ask myself "do i really want to waste "x" number of days/ weeks/months of hard-earned NC on someone who would treat me that way?" of course not! i would strongly suggest you try conditioning yourself to do that instead. you don't have to forgive her if you're not ready. just concentrate on not letting the past drag you down. you've gotta get yourself out of this year long rut...
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 She's just trying to get a rise out of you, so she can feel better that she got a rise out of you. She's pathetic, thats how you take it. Dont bother sending her anything, it doesnt matter when she doesnt followyour religion to forgive. You cant turn her around, if you respond to her, she will feed off that and try to get you to lash out to her.
CLS63AMG Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Water under the bridge dude, its been a year. Let go, she said mean things because she was pissed at the time. Realize that and forget about it.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Hi there; my ex was extremely verbally abusive and he would take things I confided in him and use them to hurt me. I am estranged from my sister, and he used that to hurt me saying "even your sister doesn't want you around". He then had a lot of terrible names he would call me. He would say no man would ever want me or put up with my ****, etc. Months after our breakup, he texted me asking me how I was. I did not respond. I still have every email and inbox we shared from the beginning and I can relive the downward spiral and that is reason enough to not respond to him. Words do hurt and it takes awhile to heal. I am uber sensitive, and I hold grudges, so for me, it takes a lot of time. It depends on you. You will get through this.
Recommended Posts