youngconfusedlady Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I am almost 20 and got married 4 days after my 18th birthday. My mom didn't want me to get married and threaten to call the police on my husband a week before we got married because she had a feeling we were having sex and he is 2 and a half years older then me. I believed i married him because i loved him at the time but now im wondering if it was just to slap my mom in the face. No one knew we were married until May of 2011 when we had a big wedding for everyone to come to. Since around April of 11 we have been fighting just about non stop. Since then he has completely changed. Its like he did a 180. Before he liked to have fun with me and laugh with me and he was so sweet and was my rock. But after we started fighting he began to start acting like a 5 year old throwing hissy fits, doesn't want to pay bills, doesn't stop complaining about anything, says I'm not funny, that I'm fat, if i make a joke about anything he gets offended, its getting to where i cry almost every single night. I moved out and started living with my parents and i'm still taking care of him even tho he's 12 hours away. And he hates that I'm going to college because I'm not going to college there. His job makes it where at any given time we could have to move so i have no stability there with school and i couldn't study from the arguing. If i don't text him back immediately he gets mad and throws a fit. He's accused me of cheating when he's the one driving random women (without telling me i just happened to see it) around town and going to guys night out to th movies for 6-12 hours.i don't even leave my parents house unless im with one of them (my mom and i have the same classes) she said she went threw all of this when she was married to her first husband and after a while he started hitting her and telling her he had the right because he's special. Truth to be told i could see it happening in my future with him.he has told me before tho that if he loses me he'd kill himself and that I'm the only reason why he hasn't yet. Im scared to file for divorce because i don't want a death on my hands and i worry i will regret it later. I'm not happy anymore i have changed from this fun loving person to a depressed never leaving the house person. I don't know what to do. I have tried talking it out with him and it goes in one ear and out the other. Also he doesn't take my side on anything, his aunt was telling me i'm going to hell because im not a good wife and i tried to protect myself from her and he threw a fit about that too. Here recently i have started thinking about my ex and wondered if i made a mistake choosing my husband over him. Can anyone give me some kind of advice that isn't rude please?
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Well you were probably too young to make any sort of commitment like this as you both still had much growing to do. His accusations and actions show that he is likely cheating as many cheaters will pin the blame on you to absolve their own guilt. Try marriage counselling. If that doesn't work, get a divorce. You're still young and have plenty of time to find the right person.
Tiberius Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If there are no children involved, get a divorce nao. I hope your mom is wise enough to not go all "i told you so" on you.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 You are married to an abuser. You are very young still and the world is full of better possibilities than this. I don't advise people to stay or leave their spouses because that is a very personal decision: however, you can take communication courses of courses dealing with abuse usually through a local shelter or women's group. In Calgary, there is a group called "pathways to change." at Sheriff King. If you call them, they may be able to refer you to someone in your area that can help. A group like that would help you respond to issues like these and provide the support you seek. They aren't going to pressure you to end your marriage either.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Divorce him. he will never kill himself, he is just saying that because he knows you will fall for it.
pteromom Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Well - you never know if someone is serious or not when they say something like that. But if he really WOULD kill himself, that's not a ringing endorsement to stay with him, but rather another reason to get away from someone who is obviously mentally unstable. What you do is this - if he says he is going to kill himself, call the police. Treat it as if he is serious. Do it once, and he won't use that threat as manipulation again.
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