Was I dumped by a narcissist?

[miner315]

I am heartbroken and could really use some advice and support. I met this man online 6 months ago and we instantly connected. I don't get attached to people very easily, but he seemed to be everything I wanted in a person. We spent hours one night talking online and he asked right away for my cell phone number so we could text. Then he texted me the second I got offline to tell me he missed me already.

 

He was so sweet and full of compliments. We started talking on the phone the next day and by the third day he said he was falling in love with me. I knew it was much too fast, but I got caught up in it too and felt the same way. For weeks he texted me contantly through the day and night and we would have amazing 5 and 6 hour phone conversations a few times a week. He told me I was the most beautiful, sexy woman he had ever known, started calling me by pet names, and talking about wanting a family with me and how we were perfect together. He begged me to never leave him and said that he wanted me to be his forever.

 

I fell for all of it. I thought, why else would he spend all of his time talking or texting me? He said that all of his past girlfriends had cheated on him and he had really low self-esteem and hadn't been with anyone in 2 years and that he wished he'd met me years ago so that he wouldn't have been hurt so much.

 

After a few weeks, he started texting less but I figured it was just because we were getting comfortable. It also started to seem like he was only calling now when he was bored, which was still a couple of times a week and we would still talk for hours. But it was when he was bored at work or his friends were busy. But he was still all about how much he loved me. About a month went by before he suddenly started ignoring me sometimes when I would text him. He always texted back right away, so when hours would go by without hearing from him, I would get upset. He also started falling asleep a lot when we spent time together online.

 

He would say that he gets bored if he's sitting in one place too long and he can't help it. But then when I would get upset, I noticed he would ignore me, give me the silent treatment, for a day or two until I begged him to talk to me. Only once did I refuse to beg him to talk to me, and three days later he contacted me. But his behavior never stopped. And the silent treatments when I would do something "wrong" would happen once every month or two lasting for about a week. The first time, I freaked out and texted and called him like crazy begging him until he finally gave in a week later. The second time, I did the same thing but then got mad and broke up with him. But then missed him after a week, asked him to talk, and took him back.

 

I started to really notice strange behaviors from him. Even though we talked on the phone for hours at a time, it was always him talking and more like I was the audience. If I tried to tell a story, he would usually interrupt me with something about him. And the few times I was having a problem and would talk to him about it, he would just get really quiet and then change the subject to something about himself. I did go visit him for a week and after I got home and was telling him about a problem I was having, he acted really sympathetic though. So I thought maybe he just needed to feel closer to me. But that was the only time he was like that.

 

Also, whenever I would tell him things that he did that made me happy, I swear he would stop doing them! It was so strange. Once I even emailed him about all of the things that he did to make me happy and how I wished he did them even more and I got the silent treatment for a week because he doesn't want to be told what to do! I also found out that he had a number of personal ads up on the internet that he was still accessing. When I confronted him, he didn't understand why it bothered me. He said that he didn't talk to anyone, just liked to look. I asked him to take them down and he did, at least the ones I knew about. But he refused to change his status on Facebook to say he was in a relationship with me.

 

It still said he was single. And he looked for and added lots of attractive women from his area that he doesn't know on there. I let that go because I figured maybe he just doesn't want to change it until we're together for good. He would also get suddenly angry about the smallest things. It would only last for a second, but just seemed out of place. Like if we were on the phone and he put me on hold to answer the other line and would come back and say that it was a female friend. I would tease him and he would suddenly yell "I didn't want to talk to her!" But then would be fine a second later. And he would often say that women are evil and had no respect for his mother. He was often ranting about what an awful person she was.

 

Another thing that really bothered me is that I offered to come visit and he didn't want me to. He had excuses like being busy and not wanting me to spend the money. I let it go for awhile thinking that maybe he just wanted us to get to know each other better first. After about 4 months and after ending a week-long silent treatment, I brought it up again. He still seemed unsure but agreed, so I went there for a week. I met his parents, although none of his friends.

 

He was very sweet and we had a good time, but there were still strange things. He seemed very unemotional. He would tell me that I was everything to him and how happy I made him. But when he kissed me, there was no real emotion. And sex was just sex, with him jumping up to shower afterwards. And he was falling asleep a lot...once even while we were having sex! And when I left to go home, I was crying and sad to leave, and he was really great with comforting me and holding and kissing me. But he kept smiling and didn't seem sad about it at all.

 

Things were great after I got home and he was even texting and calling more. We even spent New Years Eve on the phone together. I mentioned visiting again soon and he would say that would be nice. But then soon the texts and calls started dropping off again and I was doing more than he was until soon I was doing almost all of the calling and texting. Then he started completely ignoring my texts. But he always answered when I called. It was strange. When I asked him about it, he would claim to just be really busy. My visit was in November and in the beginning of February I asked about coming to visit again at the end of the month.

 

He just joined the army and is starting boot camp in April, so I won't see him for quite awhile and wanted to see him before he left. He didn't want me to visit because he said he'd be too busy! I got really upset and he seemed to care and said that I could visit and he would make time for me. But after that he seemed to really start getting distant when I talked to him. And when I tried to make plans for a visit about a week later, he said to wait closer to the end of the month to see how busy he would be. So I told him I would check back with him about it in a week.

 

At this point, I decided to not call him for a bit and wait for him to call me because I had been doing all the calling for a couple of weeks and he kept saying how busy he was. And I know he was getting annoyed because I had quite a few recent emotional conversations with him about how he felt about me and our relationship after him not wanting me to visit. But he always assured me of his love for me. And he was still telling me how much he loved me the last time I called him.

 

About 5 days went by and I didn't hear from him. So I gave up and called him. He didn't answer, but then an hour later he got online. I tried texting him. No reply. I called again. He wouldn't answer. That was a month ago. I would try calling and texting, even sending him a Facebook message every few days only to be ignored. I figured I must be getting the silent treatment again for some reason and I was tired of begging him to talk to me like I have before. So I sent a few messages here and there apologizing if I did anything to upset him and telling him that I would wait until he was ready to talk, completely believing that he would come to me when he was ready.

 

At one point I even sent a text asking him to just tell me if he was done with the relationship and I would leave him alone. No reply. That was after 2 weeks. So I figured he just didn't want to talk yet. Well I got the shock of my life when 3 weeks went by and his Facebook status suddenly changed to show that he was in a relationship! The way he talked to me, I NEVER expected that! And to make it worse, he put on there that the date they started going out was the same day I had wanted to come visit! Of course I freaked out and texted and called him about how much I loved him, which I regret now.

 

But I really truly thought we were going to be together forever and he loved me more than anything. The next day I noticed that he put a personal ad back up online looking for a relationship. Weird. I had deleted him from Facebook. But after thinking about it for a day, I sent him one more message apologizing for how emotional I was the day before, but was obviously shocked at his new relationship, but that I accepted it if he didn't want to be with me and I would just move on and hopefully we could be friends. Then I sent him a new friend request to see what he would do. He accepted it. But I still haven't heard a thing from him. I then posted on Facebook that I had met a man and was going on a date over the weekend, so this guy doesn't think I'm just sitting at home waiting for him.

 

I know now that I'm lucky to have gotten away from him. But at the same time, I'm so heartbroken over how he could do this and why. I've never had this much trouble getting over a man. It really feels like an addiction. He's leaving in just a month for the army and it's likely that I'll never hear from him again which I know is a good thing.

 

It's just so hard to understand how someone can go from telling you that you mean everything to them and talking to you for hours a night to just discarding you like that. Is this how it is with a narcissist? Do you think I'm free of him or do I have to worry about him coming back? I'm even wondering if he's really in a relationship or just trying to hurt me for something he thinks I did.

Edited March 2, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[bikinibeach]

lol.

 

....pause..

 

lolololololol

 

read over what you wrote girlfriend.

 

this website can help: http://Http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

 

you are much better off. get some self respect and stop boosting this guys ego every second you get!

[sophiaT]

you are much better off. get some self respect and stop boosting this guys ego every second you get!

Agreed!

I've been into similar situation and I get over it. Time heals every wounded heart and most importantly never let that love be the reason for you to feel bad about yourself. I can say your a wonderful person and that man doesn't deserve you.

 

Anyway, social media this days is a very good way to meet new friends online but remember to know someone better before you give him your trust. Because if heartbreaks comes along the way, there goes the issue on facebook defriending. The social media is apparently becoming just a little less social. According to a brand new study, Facebook users are deleting posts, removing photo tags and "defriending" so-called friends at record rates. Article resource: Facebook "defriending" on the rise.

[2sunny]

And never - ever apologize for HIS bad behavior!

 

You dodged a bullet, be grateful!

[sweetheart5381]

lol.

 

....pause..

 

lolololololol

 

read over what you wrote girlfriend.

 

this website can help: http://Http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

 

you are much better off. get some self respect and stop boosting this guys ego every second you get!

 

I have heard enough of your posts 2sunny to tell you are a bitter person. Get over it and have at least some amount of respect for the OP's feelings. You may think you are helping, but really, if you want to help, put yourself in their shoes and forget your obviously sore shoes.

 

Sheesh, we all feel upset and contempt at times, but you seem to make it a full-time job.

 

Bitter tastes bad... to everyone.

[2sunny]

I have heard enough of your posts 2sunny to tell you are a bitter person. Get over it and have at least some amount of respect for the OP's feelings. You may think you are helping, but really, if you want to help, put yourself in their shoes and forget your obviously sore shoes.

 

Sheesh, we all feel upset and contempt at times, but you seem to make it a full-time job.

 

Bitter tastes bad... to everyone.

 

Why would it be appropriate to apologize for him?

 

Stick to helping the OP instead of criticizing me.

 

And for the record... I'm not upset - at anything... So you don't know as much as you think you do. I see you're new...

[whichwayisup]

You fell for him and created a fantasy and got caught up in how he made you feel, he led you to believe he was something special - When infact, he is just a plain person and from what you've said and described, IS a narcissist.

 

you did dodge a bullet BIG TIME!

 

I know it hurts and you're feeling awful, but this guy isn't worthy of one of your tears.

 

Don't justify his behaviour or try to figure out why he's doing this.. In his own way (silent treatment and being a total dickwad to you) he's showing who he truly is. Yuck!

 

You never really knew him since it was online and phone calls.. Face to face it was forced and felt weird, right? The dynamic there wasn't the same, for so many reasons..

 

Please don't contact him ever again, delete and block him from your facebook, change your cell number and create a new email address. You don't want to allow him any access to you, this guy is a master of manipulation, so it's best to protect yourself in every way possible so he can't contact you.

[whichwayisup]

I have heard enough of your posts 2sunny to tell you are a bitter person. Get over it and have at least some amount of respect for the OP's feelings. You may think you are helping, but really, if you want to help, put yourself in their shoes and forget your obviously sore shoes.

 

Sheesh, we all feel upset and contempt at times, but you seem to make it a full-time job.

 

Bitter tastes bad... to everyone.

 

bikinibeach is the poster you quoted but then called her sunny2, you got people mixed up. Sunny2 isn't what you described at all, she's been on LS for a long time and very helpful and thoughtful.

[2sunny]

bikinibeach is the poster you quoted but then called her sunny2, you got people mixed up. Sunny2 isn't what you described at all, she's been on LS for a long time and very helpful and thoughtful.

 

Thank you WWIU - I was wondering what I could have said that was taken as bitter... But knowing its not in my core - I couldn't figure out how she determined that from my post. I didn't see she quoted bikini...

 

Xo

[miner315]

Thank you so much for reading all of that and for your advice and support! I am definitely not letting this guy back into my life. I completely agree that I really dodged a bullet. But even knowing that, it still doesn't make it any easier to get over how someone can act so in love with you once second and then just stop talking to you the next. And I still find myself thinking ridiculous things, like what if I'm wrong about him and he's not really that bad and it's just because of how I acted that made him act the way he did or pushed him away. I need to get that out of my head and reading what you guys think helps a lot

[2sunny]

Don't second guess it.

 

When men want to see you - THEY make the effort. Just you offering to see him - and him finding ways to roadblock it is enough to understand he wasn't intending for this to be real.

 

If he intended it to be real - HE would have been finding ways to come see you! But he didn't and he wasn't.

 

Next time - pay attention... Pay attention to how much he's willing to SEE you. Chatting isn't a relationship. Neither is texting or Skype.

[SongOfAWoman]

It is almost the same as describing an emotionally abusive personality.It is like your eyes were opened the same day mine were, or this is my ex. I looked and it appears I am not allowed to link to the site, but I found an article that made the lightbulb, heck the searchlight, come on in me. Part of me KNEW he was emotionally abusing me, but it was such a bombardment it was almost like being brainwashed.

 

The article was everything he had done the last six months, in list form. Things I never thought of as abusive. I now saw the whole picture. Funny, once you see it it is so obvious. The belittling, the insults, making fun of how I spoke. The longer this happened the more I started questioning everything about myself. We logically know better than this, and I don't know how I let it happen. He made me feel that everything wrong required action by me. Everything was my fault. I got a good, healthy dose of that in the breakup speech. I thought I had seen everything, but this was new.

 

He would tell me things, little unimportant things. Later when I mentioned them he told me there was something wrong with me, he never said that, never would have said that. An article I read said the woman became so tired of it she carried around a notebook. I had thought of that very thing! He wanted me to think I was crazy, so h e would have justification I guess when he dumped me.

 

And boy I better not cry while he was saying cruel, horrible things to me. Then I was the one that needed help, or he was sooo disgusted he had to leave. He wanted to make ME lose control. The thing is, I was always a voice of reason, the unflappable one in a crisis, the calm in the storm. Within a month he had figured out the very worst things he could do to make me angry, and kept upping it to make me look, you guessed it, crazy.

 

If I spoke up and told him to cut it out, he would withdraw all affection. I finally balked at finalizing my divorce because it "bothered him". I had just been diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer, and finalizing the papers meant I would have no health insurance. My almost-ex and I agreed we could wait until we knew I was okay. THIS guy, during his lovely breakup speech, told me to "get divorced, move out of this house, get a job". He never once said that would fix things. As a matter of fact, later he told me he was done.

 

 

And it even touched on something I hadn't thought of or noticed enough before. While I was doing everything to look for a job and a new place, he would out of the blue talk about getting a job in another state. He would never mention me coming unless I asked, then he said "of course, why do you constantly ask that". Well, I helped him apply for a job in another town, he got the interview and I was supposed to go with him. You guessed it, he decided he didn't want to live with me. That I had to get an apartment and prove something first.

 

 

 

During this never-ending breakup speech he also told me I was losing it and I was spinning down the drain, complete with special effects. That, later, was the single most insulting thing I focused on, and what compelled me to say the heck with it and write a rebuttal to every single accusation. He was just not getting by with that one. I am doing quite fine, or was before him, and not swirling down ANY drain. one last dig I guess.

 

 

Now, how do we rebuild from scratch?? I'm just past denial, whooshed through anger, and am firmly locked in grief. I don't how to move forward.

[miner315]

Wow SongOfAWoman! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that! Much, much worse than what I'm going through and I know how hard it is for me and how awful I feel But I also know that I have to just feel bad and get over it because he is no good for me or anyone and I knew that I would need some extra support to do that, which is why I posted. I just don't understand why this is so much harder to get over than other relationships I've had.

 

I definitely should have paid more attention to the signs from the beginning because I noticed them, but just didn't want to see them I guess because he made me feel so amazing. And it was so easy to believe his excuses for things. For instance, he couldn't visit me because he was in the process of joining the army and was often called to the recruiting office to take care of things. Also, he was working on-call at his job until he went to boot camp which meant he had no time off and very little money. And when he finally did let me come visit, even though I was surprised by how emotionally unavailable he seemed, everything seemed on the up-and-up : I met his parents (although he lives at home so I guess I sort of had to), we went to places around town, and he did pay for meals and everything while I was there until he ran out of money. He even said that he really wanted kids and wanted us to try for a baby! Thank goodness I refused! But still, I thought, how can he not be serious about me?

 

I noticed today that his "relationship" (whether it was real or not) that he supposedly just began 5 days ago, has already ended. His Facebook status went back to single and the girl is with another guy, a guy I thought she was with all along. So I have no idea if he was faking it to try to punish me or hurt me or if he really was in a relationship with her, which freaks me out a little because I don't know if he's going to try to contact me or not. I don't think he will because he's really stubborn and has this thing about not crawling back to people. So I doubt I'll have to worry about it. It's so hard, but I don't want to play any more games.

[SongOfAWoman]

It is always tough. I had been with one man for 15 years, and another for 7 years before that. I thought (yes its corny and stupid) we were meant to be. We locked eyes and that was it for me. And he was amazing, perfect in every way. I kept telling me over and over again he was known for how trustworthy he was. He promised I would never go without a roof over my head (then threw me out), and he would always be there for me. Then...well you know. Tonight I was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. I was missing him so bad, and finally got a reply to set up an major job interview, the first in months. I had nobody to tell, nobody to share it with, so I texted him. His reply was "That is fantastic. You will do better and go further without me. This is proof."It hit me like a sucker punch in the gut (although I should have known better). I had not left the house in a week, haven't eaten in four days, and can't stop crying, and this is lighthearted to him?

 

So then I let out a barrage of texts. What is WRONG WITH ME? I'm a grown woman, who usually is totally unemotional. Why am I doing this?????

[miner315]

What an absolute JERK! I KNOW how hard it is, but this just proves how much better you are without a jerk like that in your life! Whenever I'm feeling like that and really want to contact my ex, I just keep reminding myself of the times when he's been a jerk and hasn't been there for me and treated me badly. It's too easy to just think of the things that you like about him and push the bad things aside.

 

It's amazing how much you sound just like me! I'm usually pretty stubborn and unemotional when it comes to relationships. I'm very, very picky about who I get in relationships with too. When I was with my ex, my friends even made comments that they couldn't believe that I was letting a guy treat me this way when I never put up with ANYTHING from guys in the past. But I found myself doing the exact same thing as you. I was sending tons of emotional texts, crying voicemails, and begging emails. It was the complete opposite of how I normally am! And I just try to keep reminding myself that that's the whole point! That's what he wants!

 

That's why my last message to him was that I accepted our breakup and was moving on and let him believe I had met someone else. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do because he truly was my best friend and the only person I had to talk to and share things with (which is kind of funny that I feel that way since our talks were always about him).

 

I had the same sort of situation last night where someone really upset me and normally I would call him and just talking to him would make me feel tons better. But for the first time, I couldn't do that. And I was SO tempted to. I felt so alone and miserable. But I know that he's no good for me and I didn't contact him. I just reminded myself of the kind of person he is and that I will get over it and eventually meet someone who actually cares.

 

It's a bit harder now that I know he's not in a relationship anymore, and I feel like he's just waiting for me to contact him and beg him back. But for all I know, he's happy to be rid of me. And I'm definitely lucky to be rid of him no matter how hard it is. Nothing could make me give in and contact him again no matter how much I might feel like I want to. It would just be the same thing, only worse next time. People who love you don't act like that. And it's not us, it's them. It's so hard, but we can do it!

[petal28]

I am heartbroken and could really use some advice and support. I met this man online 6 months ago and we instantly connected. I don't get attached to people very easily, but he seemed to be everything I wanted in a person. We spent hours one night talking online and he asked right away for my cell phone number so we could text. Then he texted me the second I got offline to tell me he missed me already.

 

He was so sweet and full of compliments. We started talking on the phone the next day and by the third day he said he was falling in love with me. I knew it was much too fast, but I got caught up in it too and felt the same way. For weeks he texted me contantly through the day and night and we would have amazing 5 and 6 hour phone conversations a few times a week. He told me I was the most beautiful, sexy woman he had ever known, started calling me by pet names, and talking about wanting a family with me and how we were perfect together. He begged me to never leave him and said that he wanted me to be his forever.

 

I fell for all of it. I thought, why else would he spend all of his time talking or texting me? He said that all of his past girlfriends had cheated on him and he had really low self-esteem and hadn't been with anyone in 2 years and that he wished he'd met me years ago so that he wouldn't have been hurt so much.

 

After a few weeks, he started texting less but I figured it was just because we were getting comfortable. It also started to seem like he was only calling now when he was bored, which was still a couple of times a week and we would still talk for hours. But it was when he was bored at work or his friends were busy. But he was still all about how much he loved me. About a month went by before he suddenly started ignoring me sometimes when I would text him. He always texted back right away, so when hours would go by without hearing from him, I would get upset. He also started falling asleep a lot when we spent time together online.

 

He would say that he gets bored if he's sitting in one place too long and he can't help it. But then when I would get upset, I noticed he would ignore me, give me the silent treatment, for a day or two until I begged him to talk to me. Only once did I refuse to beg him to talk to me, and three days later he contacted me. But his behavior never stopped. And the silent treatments when I would do something "wrong" would happen once every month or two lasting for about a week. The first time, I freaked out and texted and called him like crazy begging him until he finally gave in a week later. The second time, I did the same thing but then got mad and broke up with him. But then missed him after a week, asked him to talk, and took him back.

 

I started to really notice strange behaviors from him. Even though we talked on the phone for hours at a time, it was always him talking and more like I was the audience. If I tried to tell a story, he would usually interrupt me with something about him. And the few times I was having a problem and would talk to him about it, he would just get really quiet and then change the subject to something about himself. I did go visit him for a week and after I got home and was telling him about a problem I was having, he acted really sympathetic though. So I thought maybe he just needed to feel closer to me. But that was the only time he was like that.

 

Also, whenever I would tell him things that he did that made me happy, I swear he would stop doing them! It was so strange. Once I even emailed him about all of the things that he did to make me happy and how I wished he did them even more and I got the silent treatment for a week because he doesn't want to be told what to do! I also found out that he had a number of personal ads up on the internet that he was still accessing. When I confronted him, he didn't understand why it bothered me. He said that he didn't talk to anyone, just liked to look. I asked him to take them down and he did, at least the ones I knew about. But he refused to change his status on Facebook to say he was in a relationship with me.

 

It still said he was single. And he looked for and added lots of attractive women from his area that he doesn't know on there. I let that go because I figured maybe he just doesn't want to change it until we're together for good. He would also get suddenly angry about the smallest things. It would only last for a second, but just seemed out of place. Like if we were on the phone and he put me on hold to answer the other line and would come back and say that it was a female friend. I would tease him and he would suddenly yell "I didn't want to talk to her!" But then would be fine a second later. And he would often say that women are evil and had no respect for his mother. He was often ranting about what an awful person she was.

 

Another thing that really bothered me is that I offered to come visit and he didn't want me to. He had excuses like being busy and not wanting me to spend the money. I let it go for awhile thinking that maybe he just wanted us to get to know each other better first. After about 4 months and after ending a week-long silent treatment, I brought it up again. He still seemed unsure but agreed, so I went there for a week. I met his parents, although none of his friends.

 

He was very sweet and we had a good time, but there were still strange things. He seemed very unemotional. He would tell me that I was everything to him and how happy I made him. But when he kissed me, there was no real emotion. And sex was just sex, with him jumping up to shower afterwards. And he was falling asleep a lot...once even while we were having sex! And when I left to go home, I was crying and sad to leave, and he was really great with comforting me and holding and kissing me. But he kept smiling and didn't seem sad about it at all.

 

Things were great after I got home and he was even texting and calling more. We even spent New Years Eve on the phone together. I mentioned visiting again soon and he would say that would be nice. But then soon the texts and calls started dropping off again and I was doing more than he was until soon I was doing almost all of the calling and texting. Then he started completely ignoring my texts. But he always answered when I called. It was strange. When I asked him about it, he would claim to just be really busy. My visit was in November and in the beginning of February I asked about coming to visit again at the end of the month.

 

He just joined the army and is starting boot camp in April, so I won't see him for quite awhile and wanted to see him before he left. He didn't want me to visit because he said he'd be too busy! I got really upset and he seemed to care and said that I could visit and he would make time for me. But after that he seemed to really start getting distant when I talked to him. And when I tried to make plans for a visit about a week later, he said to wait closer to the end of the month to see how busy he would be. So I told him I would check back with him about it in a week.

 

At this point, I decided to not call him for a bit and wait for him to call me because I had been doing all the calling for a couple of weeks and he kept saying how busy he was. And I know he was getting annoyed because I had quite a few recent emotional conversations with him about how he felt about me and our relationship after him not wanting me to visit. But he always assured me of his love for me. And he was still telling me how much he loved me the last time I called him.

 

About 5 days went by and I didn't hear from him. So I gave up and called him. He didn't answer, but then an hour later he got online. I tried texting him. No reply. I called again. He wouldn't answer. That was a month ago. I would try calling and texting, even sending him a Facebook message every few days only to be ignored. I figured I must be getting the silent treatment again for some reason and I was tired of begging him to talk to me like I have before. So I sent a few messages here and there apologizing if I did anything to upset him and telling him that I would wait until he was ready to talk, completely believing that he would come to me when he was ready.

 

At one point I even sent a text asking him to just tell me if he was done with the relationship and I would leave him alone. No reply. That was after 2 weeks. So I figured he just didn't want to talk yet. Well I got the shock of my life when 3 weeks went by and his Facebook status suddenly changed to show that he was in a relationship! The way he talked to me, I NEVER expected that! And to make it worse, he put on there that the date they started going out was the same day I had wanted to come visit! Of course I freaked out and texted and called him about how much I loved him, which I regret now.

 

But I really truly thought we were going to be together forever and he loved me more than anything. The next day I noticed that he put a personal ad back up online looking for a relationship. Weird. I had deleted him from Facebook. But after thinking about it for a day, I sent him one more message apologizing for how emotional I was the day before, but was obviously shocked at his new relationship, but that I accepted it if he didn't want to be with me and I would just move on and hopefully we could be friends. Then I sent him a new friend request to see what he would do. He accepted it. But I still haven't heard a thing from him. I then posted on Facebook that I had met a man and was going on a date over the weekend, so this guy doesn't think I'm just sitting at home waiting for him.

 

I know now that I'm lucky to have gotten away from him. But at the same time, I'm so heartbroken over how he could do this and why. I've never had this much trouble getting over a man. It really feels like an addiction. He's leaving in just a month for the army and it's likely that I'll never hear from him again which I know is a good thing.

 

It's just so hard to understand how someone can go from telling you that you mean everything to them and talking to you for hours a night to just discarding you like that. Is this how it is with a narcissist? Do you think I'm free of him or do I have to worry about him coming back? I'm even wondering if he's really in a relationship or just trying to hurt me for something he thinks I did.

 

Miner your story sounds similar to mine (ive posted a few times on LS about this). All the points i have bolded in your above post are the sentiments i have felt or the things that this guy did to me. I'm still struggling to get over him several months on. Even though my friends and the people on this forum have tried to convince me that he is the one with the problem, I still question whether it was me that caused his mean behaviour and it tears me up. It's hard for me to believe that the fault was on him as he was in a four year r'ship with a girl who was ready to marry him but he broke it off with her. I wonder whether he treated her differently to me or was it me that brought out the worst in him. Anyway i just wanted to share my story and let you know that you're not alone. As the previous poster has said, it is emotional abuse. It's good that you were able to get away from him.

[miner315]

Petal, I'm sorry that you've had something so similar happen to you I'm trying so hard to just keep repeating that he's obviously not worth it and the one with the problem and that I'm lucky to have gotten rid of him. But I'm mostly just trying to make myself believe it more. My ex told me about two of his past relationships, both ended when he said the girls cheated on him. One of the relationships lasted 2 years and he was engaged to the girl before finding out that she was cheating on him. It really makes me wonder what on earth is so wrong with me that he actually ended up leaving and maybe cheating on me?

 

I know that I had been over emotional lately and bothering him with relationship talks where I would get upset and cry and then texting and calling way too much. So I sort of blame myself for pushing him away no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

 

I try to tell myself that if someone really loved me the way he said he did, he would have actually talked to me if there was a problem. But most of me thinks that it was my fault and he just gave up. Of course, I have no way of knowing if his stories about his exes are even true in the first place. He really seemed believable though. His stories were always the same no matter how many times he told them. And I'm so tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just under a lot of stress because he's starting boot camp soon and that's such a huge change.

 

On the personal ad he just put up on the internet this past week he says that he's looking for someone to date who won't let him lose interest. So maybe he does just get bored and walk away without looking back. It's still so hard to accept and deal with though.

[SongOfAWoman]

Finding this site gave me the answers I needed. I knew something was off. But I had never run into, or heard of, this particular mental problem. It didn't all come together (coupled with the stomping down of my self-confidence and ability to put thoughts together) until I read an article on here. And there it was. Every single thing he had done. Everything right down the line. And I realized how thoroughly I had been conned, and how much he had changed my personlity.

 

I truly do not believe this man will contact me again. I think he has moved on to the next interest. Tbey are users, and when you are used up they find the next one, mostly before you even know you are done.

[SongOfAWoman]

But you are right. This is the worst breakup I have ever had. I think its because you become so brainwashed it shocks and hurts you worse when it abruptly ends.

[sweetheart5381]

bikinibeach is the poster you quoted but then called her sunny2, you got people mixed up. Sunny2 isn't what you described at all, she's been on LS for a long time and very helpful and thoughtful.

 

My deepest apologies 2sunny, when I was posting my comment about bikinibeach's cold and nasty post I saw your name right above and copied it (was distracted mid-post). It was not intended for you, it was intended for that poster's obvious lack of empathy for the OP.

[Kamila]

So sorry you had to go through that. You're starting to realise you were dating a narcissist, good for you, this is the first step to recover from this horrible experience.

 

Don't contact him ever, he's not worthy of you. None of those abusive so called boyfriends are.

[bikinibeach]

Some people need a wake up call. This is just plain ridiculousness. It took a longtime member actually cussing and refusing to give further advice for me to realize how ridiculous I was being way back in the day.

 

Whoa.. I thought you were ragging on 2Sunny...she gives good advice. So do I, but my style is different and I wouldn't have it any other way

 

Also I don't care what you think

 

lol