Lolita_Sky Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Can someone please explain to me what's going on with my ex? He says he doesn't want us to be friends right now but yet tells me its okay to stay in contact with him through email? Here are the interactions between us this morning. Please let me know what you think: Me: Hey (his name), How's it goin? I found a couple things that belong to you in my room while preparing for the move this morning. I wanted to know if you would like them back? I didn't want to do anything with them until I was sure whether or not you wanted them back. Its a set of fabric markers to touch up marks and scratches of furniture and shoes and a new pack of lip balm. I think you got the fabric markers for your furniture or shoes am not sure. Anyway if you want these things back let me know. If you would like I can drop them off to your sisters or whatever you prefer. Later! I am on facebook and see him online now I know he's gotten my email because he often checks his facebook and email whenever he is getting ready for work. Well I attempt to IM him regarding his things and it shows that I am no longer his friend. So after seeing that I email him this: I am asking you to please read my message and at least give me answer or something to go off of here. I think I deserve that much. I am not trying to play games with you or try to hurt you or anything like that, Henry. I feel you are a very important person to me. I understand things did not end on good terms with us. But I am willing to come to a middle ground between us if you are. I really do not want to throw our friendship in the garbage. Is there ANYTHING I have done or said to make you angry or make you not want to talk with me any longer? Have I said anything disrespectful to you? If so please do let me know so that I can make amends. I really don't want things to end like this. Thanks. His reply to my email regarding me returning his things: Hey (my name), Everything is well, how are you? Sure, you can just drop off those items at my sister's house... Just leave it in front of her door and I'll let her know. Thank you! Me: I'm doing good I'll be getting a car really soon possibly this weekend and will start working next week. Things are finally starting to turn around, thank God. I will drop them off tomorrow afternoon while everyone is at work so I don't look all weird just coming by there. lol His reply to my other email regarding him defriending on facebook me: I wasn't ignoring you, I was just getting ready for work, geez! Just calm down (my name), ur getting intense. I'm really upset about things that you did recently. Maybe we can be friends later on, but not now. You can email me if you ever want to... Take care. My reply to his email regarding him defriending me on facebook: Actually the reason I asked is because I attempted to IM you on facebook regarding your things and it says you are no longer my friend. So I was like OKAY, WTF?? It's cool though. If unfriending me is your way of dealing with everything going on between us right now I respect that. I honestly doubt I'll be able to maintain a friendship over email...not my thing. But if ever you want to get back into contact with me you know where to find me. I've come to terms with how things ended between us and that this happened for the better. Some things just aren't meant to be. I am more than willing to be friends though. So like I said before the door to re-establishing contact with me is always open. I'm more than happy to be your friend...again. I'll see you around. His response to my email regarding returning his things: Congrats! Where will you be working? And how are you gonna get the car? I haven't replied back because I am confused now. I thought he wanted to cut contact for a while but he is inquiring further about my job and the car I'll be getting soon. He broke up with me during a really tough time in my life. I have no car (for now) and I was fired from my job because of a woman who lied about me and it just went down hill from there and then a series of other things going wrong in my life. Why is he trying to hold a conversation with me if he doesn't want to be friends right now? Is he just being nice because he knows he's really hurt me? Or is he just trying to string me along?
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 Can some one please respond to my post. I always have to come back and repost to keep my thread from going down. I just would like some advice on what to do and how to deal with.
2sunny Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Stop any interaction with him. Drop his stuff off and don't attempt any contact. He's not interested right now.
2sunny Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Evidently YOU hurt him - and now you want to act like its all ok? It's not ok- he's mad. Allow him that space to be angry.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 Actually, 2sunny he was avoiding me all of last week. I tried to get into contact with him regarding my things. I called him twice within that week and he did not return my calls. So I had my sister whom he never met call him and pose as some girl that he had gave his number to. Well long story short I caught him and he finally gave me my things. It wasn't as terrible as he's making out to be. He was avoiding me and I was not going to put up with that kind of treatment.
blotter Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 He broke up with you, you should be in NC. By emailing him and stalking his facebook it is making you look desperate and pathetic. Yes, even if it is about his chapstick at your house. You pretty much said goodbye to your friendship with him when you decided to make this a romantic relationship. Furthermore, a friendship is not possible when feelings are still involved. You can't really be friends until you don't care that he is banging other women.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) I wasn't stalking his facebook. I would never do something like that. I was trying to contact him about his things. I was on facebook and he just so happened to sign in. It shows you who all is online in the chat bar on facebook. All I am trying to do here is be civil and give him his things back. Yes its lip balm and furniture markers but those are his things that he bought with his money. I have no right to throw them out. I figured I can just be civil and do that much for him. I feel like I am being attacked now. I just needed advice not to feel even worse then I already do about the situation. I feel like I shouldn't have even emailed him now. I didn't want to contact him but I had his stuff and I don't like throwing out something that isn't mine. I'm going to return his things and just let things go. I just don't understand why he would inquire about my new job and the car I will be getting soon if he doesn't want to talk right now. Also at this point I don't really care. What I care is that he is treating me like crap when I did nothing to him. I know he is already seeing another woman. He showed signs of cheating when we were together. So its something I have come to terms with and don't see myself ever going back to him. I just would like for us to end things civily. My last two breakups were a mess and I just didn't want to go through that again. Edited March 1, 2012 by Lolita_Sky
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Actually, even I felt uncomfortable reading the interaction between the two of you. Apparently, he's upset with something that you've done recently and prefers not to be in contact. Look, I know that you want to be friends; however, he feels awkward about it. So, I would just drop his stuff off at his sisters and YOU do a hard NC on him. I think it might be time to just heal from the relationship and start working on yourself. Hell, even you said things are starting to look up. New job you seem excited about and a new car! Those are some of the things you should be focusing on. There's a new direction in your life and you're staring at the path that leads to better things. All you have to do is take the first step. And yes, this is a step that you have to take on your own. Who knows what the future will bring...perphaps maybe one day you two can reconnect and be friends, but the time isn't right. SO!! What you need to do is work on you! Go out and get a new hairstyle. Get a new wardrobe! Everything new! Get a membership to a gym, they're relatively cheap. The hard part is making yourself go to make it worth your while so you're not wasting your money. However, running on a treadmill, pushing weight, taking Yoga classes, Zumba classes are REALLY good ways to work out your frustrations and relieve stress. PLUS!!! It helps you get an awesome bod!! Can't go wrong there! Another thing you can do is talk to a girlfriend and come up with a plan to travel somewhere that you've always wanted to visit and the two of you go. Save up your money (even if it takes you months to do so) and just go! See the world!!! Have adventures!!! Get motivated and start moving forward! 1
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Thanks Chi Town. I will try to do those things once I can afford it financially. lol Right now all I have is my own company and am left to myself everyday where I have to reflect on these things. It hurts really bad and want so badly to be back with him but I know that he is sticking to his guns and feels that he made the right decision. So the only thing that I still do have intact is my dignity. That's something to be proud of, right?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Yikes, Lolita:( Your whole interaction was so awkward:( leave the guy alone. markers and lip balm? That's an excuse to email him; just toss it; if he wanted it, he would have contacted you. Sounds like you are chasing him. Why do you need to be friends with him? He sounds so disinterested. He made it clear he doesn't want to be bothered. It hurt me to read that. So very awkward and uncomfortable for you. He is suddenly interested in having a convo now because you got new wheels? What's he driving? Please, no more contact. Drop his worthless junk off and move on. You don't need that.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Thanks Chi Town. I will try to do those things once I can afford it financially. lol Right now all I have is my own company and am left to myself everyday where I have to reflect on these things. It hurts really bad and want so badly to be back with him but I know that he is sticking to his guns and feels that he made the right decision. So the only thing that I still do have intact is my dignity. That's something to be proud of, right? Don't lose your dignity by contacting this fool. He knows you care, you are feeding into his ego. what's he doing for you? swatting you away like an annoying fly and he is loving it. You can bet on it. Let him check his email and find you haven't sent him anything. block him from fb. that speaks louder than anything. My Dad used to say "if someone doesn't want me, I don't like them anymore". Very, very true. You have to work this chump out of your system.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) Don't lose your dignity by contacting this fool. He knows you care, you are feeding into his ego. what's he doing for you? swatting you away like an annoying fly and he is loving it. You can bet on it. Let him check his email and find you haven't sent him anything. block him from fb. that speaks louder than anything. My Dad used to say "if someone doesn't want me, I don't like them anymore". Very, very true. You have to work this chump out of your system. Yeah I realized that, he was just trying to feed his ego. I did not reply to his email either because I feel like him suddenly showing interest in me now that my life has turned a 180 just shows how much of a jerk he is being. I haven't replied to his email. And so a few days ago he unfollowed my art page. He probably already tried looking my facebook profile up (but couldn't find it since I blocked him) because I haven't updated my art page in over a week so I know he hasn't been seeing my art page in his news feed. I know now his intentions he only unfollowed me in hopes of getting a reaction out of me and its not working. I know better than that. I won't be anybody's fool. It's now been over a week since I last contacted him and I feel really happy that I made it this far. If I can go a week without talking to him I can go another week and another and so on. Its hard but these things happen in our lives for the better. I have a lot more time on my hands now and so I can do all the things I use to enjoy doing before I started dating my ex. Spend my time doing those things whenever I am not working and it really is therapy for me. I really felt like I learned something from this whole experience. My eyes have been opened a bit more wider and I can analyze guys a lot more. I can actually see myself dating someone in the future, not now of course but once I have spent my time healing from this I know I will find a really great guy. A much better guy than the last. I realized that my ex had really bad qualities and the sentimental things that he did could easily be replaced by someone else. I always leave out of a relationship realizing that I will find someone better and I can always hold pride in knowing that every new boyfriend that I had has always been better than the last. Edited March 9, 2012 by Lolita_Sky
M2155 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Sorry I agree that was awkward. You were really the one pushing conversation. He probably asked just to be nice so you don't continue to pressure him. You look needy, please stop initiating contact. Saying you can email him is meaningless. It says "Please contact me in a manner I can ignore or engage you with the least involvement possible, but it still makes you think we are friends in case I change my mind or you just go away, whichever comes first." Please focus on getting your stuff together...go do something else to occupy your free time like volunteer or read. You really need to let him be.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Sorry I agree that was awkward. You were really the one pushing conversation. He probably asked just to be nice so you don't continue to pressure him. You look needy, please stop initiating contact. Saying you can email him is meaningless. It says "Please contact me in a manner I can ignore or engage you with the least involvement possible, but it still makes you think we are friends in case I change my mind or you just go away, whichever comes first." Please focus on getting your stuff together...go do something else to occupy your free time like volunteer or read. You really need to let him be. No you've got it all wrong. HE said that I could contact him through email if I wanted to. I told him that I was not going to do something like that as its not something that I do. Which I truly do not. That's why I did respond to the last email he sent me. I am not the needy one here. I just simply asked if he wanted his things back. I saw that he unfriended me on facebook and I asked regarding it. It was really weird how he just unfriended me just not even two minutes after I sent him that email asking if he wanted his things back. I was just trying to do the right thing. I use to have this "sticky fingers" issue back when I was a kid. Well I learned from that and have always held high importance to anyone's belongings no matter how small they may be. I just initially asked him if he wanted his things back. Anyway. He said that I could email him if I wanted to. I said that its not my thing which it is not. So I never replied to the last email he sent me that following Friday I blocked him on facebook. Because I don't want him checking up on me and I don't want to see his facebook page. He unfollowed my art page this past Tuesday as well. When I saw that I immediately felt he just did that to get a reaction out of me. I did nothing and intend to do nothing. I think like everyone says he is trying to get an ego boost from me. But I'm not going to let it happen. People always take my kindness as some form of "neediness" or "clingyness" in a breakup I simply do what I feel is the RIGHT thing to do. Not because I want that person back. I never not once called him begging for him back. And I never will, my pride wont let me. The only calling I did to him was to get my things back which he kept ignoring me causing me to chase after him because of that. I finally got my things back though. Anyway there is more to it than I had room to add. Yes I still care about him and hoped that we could have been friends despite how things ended between us. But I am now seeing that it is not possible. I am fine with that now.
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