CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 That title may seem vague, after a bunch of no contact days I sent her a note explaining the reasons why I had been distant and everything, not expecting a reply I wished her a bright future, happiness and said farewell. She replied an hour later, we chatted some more, then the next day got fighting again and I again wished her a bright future for her and her family and said good bye (right before I did this she said "dont text or call me ever again). Couple days later I check my phone in the morning and she had texted the night before. I answer her question, few text back and forth it ends fine. Next day fine then fighting, she says again "lets just never text each other" I AGAIN say a heartfelt goodbye and its been almost 20 days. I know its over, don't really want her back. My question is, how can someone end like that? Being mean? I can't and its why I always was nice and said bye, wished her a bright future with love and happiness. She's pretty immature for her age of 25 or she's just genuinely pissed at me still. Is that how it ends for her? LOL? We had a great run of a year and a half and the last thing she'll remember saying to me is "lets just never text each other?" I just find that a little bananas...
Philosoraptor Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 She is doing what is necessary to protect herself and her feelings. Her instincts tell her that continuing contact is not a great idea for her, and she is going with it. Seems like a pretty wise move to me. You don't need anything from her to find closure. When you're free of both anger and your rose colored view of things you will be able to look at things how they truly were. At that point you will find your ability to truly examine things and find your own closure. She didn't get any closure either, no matter what you said to her.
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 It's easier to walk away when your mad at someone. Makes it feel that the break up is justified. So, she wanted it to end on a fight. To put it at ease in her mind that the break up was meant to happen. If it were to end with a couple of tears, a goodbye and a last hug and kiss, that scene will always plague her mind and leave her wondering if she did the right thing. But, if she thinks you're a complete jerk, well that's easy to walk away from.
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 She is doing what is necessary to protect herself and her feelings. Her instincts tell her that continuing contact is not a great idea for her, and she is going with it. Seems like a pretty wise move to me. You don't need anything from her to find closure. When you're free of both anger and your rose colored view of things you will be able to look at things how they truly were. At that point you will find your ability to truly examine things and find your own closure. She didn't get any closure either, no matter what you said to her. I understand what you are saying but I mean I felt peace by saying bye and felt it was over on a "good note" if you can call it that. I don't want her to contact me, I am wondering why she didn't say bye in a nice manner. Thats all.. Sorry if my original post was confusuing
Philosoraptor Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I understand what you are saying but I mean I felt peace by saying bye and felt it was over on a "good note" if you can call it that. I don't want her to contact me, I am wondering why she didn't say bye in a nice manner. Thats all.. Sorry if my original post was confusuing It's good that you felt peaceful when doing so. But her meaning is none of your concern at this point. She is a different person going through a great many things at this point. Just worry about yourself and what you can control.
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 It's easier to walk away when your mad at someone. Makes it feel that the break up is justified. So, she wanted it to end on a fight. To put it at ease in her mind that the break up was meant to happen. If it were to end with a couple of tears, a goodbye and a last hug and kiss, that scene will always plague her mind and leave her wondering if she did the right thing. But, if she thinks you're a complete jerk, well that's easy to walk away from. Makes sense, thanks but whenever I've done that in the past it eats away at me and my instincts make me apologize because most of what I had said I didn't really mean. I know everyone is different, just wondering how others had dealt with it.
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 It's good that you felt peaceful when doing so. But her meaning is none of your concern at this point. She is a different person going through a great many things at this point. Just worry about yourself and what you can control. True enough, thanks for the insight
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) I am in the same boat. Had a bad fight with my ex where she lashed out. I am not angry though. I wasn't as good a boyfriend as I should have been so instead of being angry at her, I blame myself for getting her that angry. I have loads of unanwered questions but I realise that closure comes from within. Hopefully in my next relationship my girl will never get that angry, because hopefully I don't giver her reasons to get angry. My ex will move on and in time when her anger fades, I know she wishes me well in life as I do her. Its always tempting to ask her those questions but the anwers won't heal the pain. I also love and respect her to much to break NC and hurt her healing process. She told me never to contact her again so if you love them, respect their wishes. Don't remember the angry girl. Remember her for the person you know she is behind the anger. Wish her well in life (to yourself). No more focusing on the fight or her behaviour. Get your closure from within and make sure you never repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship.. Edited March 1, 2012 by Mack05
volkl1996 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Stop texting, stop communicating, she is hurt..let her heal and do not contact her.
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 I am in the same boat. Had a bad fight with my ex where she lashed out. I am not angry though. I wasn't as good a boyfriend as I should have been so instead of being angry at her, I blame myself for getting her that angry. I have loads of unanwered questions but I realise that closure comes from within. Hopefully in my next relationship my girl will never get that angry, because hopefully I don't giver her reasons to get angry. My ex will move on and in time when her anger fades, I know she wishes me well in life as I do her. Its always tempting to ask her those questions but the anwers won't heal the pain. I also love and respect her to much to break NC and hurt her healing process. She told me never to contact her again so if you love them, respect their wishes. Don't remember the angry girl. Remember her for the person you know she is behind the anger. Wish her well in life (to yourself). No more focusing on the fight or her behaviour. Get your closure from within and make sure you never repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship.. You pretty much nailed it there, even though communication on her part was terrible I did realize after a couple weeks that it was 80% my fault entirely. I was choosing to drink beer and do my own thing while in a mild depression from losing my job, she didn't really know this and even thought I was cheating on her. So after 2 weeks I told her the distance, the snears, low sex drive..everything was due to drinking. I have since quit that and am rebuilding my life but god did I ever feel terrible when the light came on. Bad all around....
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 Stop texting, stop communicating, she is hurt..let her heal and do not contact her. I haven't since the last one over 20 days ago and never will again.
proteinshake25 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Woah.... very similar to my story. She did the same thing and I'd reply with how much I cared and gave a heartfelt reply, a few days later she'd say some closure type thing. "You never were 100% committed because of this,etc. Goodbye. Lets never talk again" I continued to reply with compassion. Eventually she stopped. Then I realized I needed my closure. She was the exact opposite. Would ignore me, told me I was harrassing her and threatened me legally. Just a heads up, bexause she will want to break that heartfelt sincere reply and get you pissed off.
olivec Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 That title may seem vague, after a bunch of no contact days I sent her a note explaining the reasons why I had been distant and everything, not expecting a reply I wished her a bright future, happiness and said farewell. She replied an hour later, we chatted some more, then the next day got fighting again and I again wished her a bright future for her and her family and said good bye (right before I did this she said "dont text or call me ever again). Couple days later I check my phone in the morning and she had texted the night before. I answer her question, few text back and forth it ends fine. Next day fine then fighting, she says again "lets just never text each other" I AGAIN say a heartfelt goodbye and its been almost 20 days. I know its over, don't really want her back. My question is, how can someone end like that? Being mean? I can't and its why I always was nice and said bye, wished her a bright future with love and happiness. She's pretty immature for her age of 25 or she's just genuinely pissed at me still. Is that how it ends for her? LOL? We had a great run of a year and a half and the last thing she'll remember saying to me is "lets just never text each other?" I just find that a little bananas... Your experience is no different than anybody else who continues to contact his or her ex. This is why no contact is the only way to go because somebody always gets hurt or in your case even more hurt. My ex did the samething to me still texting me wanting to be still friends or what ever but it never works unless you both have totally let go of the past and or lingering feelings. This is why you should of stayed no contact from the beginning and just let her go man. Do you really want to be friends with your ex? The answer is no and you want her back. Unfortunately its not gunna happen and if you continue to be nice and still talk to her your gunna never get over her and go into a depression if your not careful. Just start hanging out with friends, get in the gym, play sports and focus on yourself.
proteinshake25 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Your experience is no different than anybody else who continues to contact his or her ex. This is why no contact is the only way to go because somebody always gets hurt or in your case even more hurt. My ex did the samething to me still texting me wanting to be still friends or what ever but it never works unless you both have totally let go of the past and or lingering feelings. This is why you should of stayed no contact from the beginning and just let her go man. Do you really want to be friends with your ex? The answer is no and you want her back. Unfortunately its not gunna happen and if you continue to be nice and still talk to her your gunna never get over her and go into a depression if your not careful. Just start hanging out with friends, get in the gym, play sports and focus on yourself. Absolutely correct. Wish I knew this before. Breakups are definitely a case where nice guys finish last. I fell into a slight depression and still fight it everyday.
Author CLS63AMG Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 You last guys to comment are missing the point, she had contacted me even after telling me not to contact her, so I didn't. She did. Thats beside the point anyway, my post was about you leaving the relationship with a peaceful goodbye and them leaving it (forever) in a fight. Thats all I was asking lol. I don't want the girl back, I am already past the rose colored glasses stage and know it didn't work and never would for a magnitude of reasons; that don't need to be layed out here something like 40 days after we broke up. As for contacting her 10 days after NC I did it so tell her the truth on what was happening and what I did wrong, I did this more to clear my conscience then for her benefit but she did deserve to know.
TaintedHeart Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Stop texting her. Period. Part of letting go is learning to live with the misunderstanding, the incompleteness and the messiness of it all
olivec Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 You last guys to comment are missing the point, she had contacted me even after telling me not to contact her, so I didn't. She did. Thats beside the point anyway, my post was about you leaving the relationship with a peaceful goodbye and them leaving it (forever) in a fight. Thats all I was asking lol. I don't want the girl back, I am already past the rose colored glasses stage and know it didn't work and never would for a magnitude of reasons; that don't need to be layed out here something like 40 days after we broke up. As for contacting her 10 days after NC I did it so tell her the truth on what was happening and what I did wrong, I did this more to clear my conscience then for her benefit but she did deserve to know. Whats the point of contacting her if you don't want her back. Bro stop contacting her period your only making yourself look like a idiot by doing that. If the relationship is over then contact should be severed period. Obviously its still bothering you or you wouldn"t be on here going over your problems which is the direct result of still talking to your ex. just elminate the contact and your problems will be over.
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