m3gkrb Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Hello eveyone! I met a girl online (both of us are 25) and we have been recently talking for about 3 -4 Hours daily. At first I just thought she was just a cool girl and nothing else, and she said that she found me funny and cool, nothing love related. but for the past two weeks, I have been falling for her. I think of her all day, everyday. Now she comments on every photo I post on facebook, she always comments on how I look, and recently she has been sending pictures of herself (she dosent post much on FB, and no the photos are not sexual, just funny goofy stuff that we find funny) So that is almost everyday, and recently I had sent her I song I recorded for only her and she of course loves it and says it's amazing. She also turned red twice when I told her she looks pretty. She once talked about going on vacation with me.When I first met her, she said she didn't want a relationship, but that was before we started to really hit it off. So I asked my women friends, and they said it is very possible, and probably yes. What do you think? and what should I do? Thank you for your time! take care!
IcomeInPeace Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 If in the beginning she said she doesn't want a relationship then most likely she still feels the same. In movies as they spend time together it becomes awkward moments then denial then a happy ending but in the real world it doesn't always happen that way. I think the best thing for you to do is just talk to her. Don't try to push anything but just say you really enjoy your time together and you want to know if she still feels that way or if she's interested in pursuing something more with you. Always best to be up front and keep the lines of communication open.
Author m3gkrb Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Thank you for the reply! I always thought once you are in the friend zone, you should pull away for a while, even several months, I can't just be "friends" with her because I would just be lying to myself and her. Plus it's painful having strong feelings around her, I don't see the point. I'm probably just going to stop talking to her, or stop for a while and see if she even sends messages, if she does, I will just tell her that I have feelings for her. What do you think is a good idea?
IcomeInPeace Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 She will respect you more if you're honest and up front rather than gradually putting distance between you and her. This is your opportunity to really step up. If you're going to stop talking to her anyway, why not take the chance and tell her what's going on with you. My personal opinion is if you can't be her friend it'll be tough to "continue falling" if you two wind up dating. Being good friends adds a few layers of depth that you don't get when that time and effort isn't there. Being a friend is about accepting a person while being with someone is about focusing on the things you like about them. Let her know you're interested and you want to build your friendship along with your relationship. Let me know how it goes.
Author m3gkrb Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Well I told her, and she said "I don't know what would happen if you didn't live so far away. If I was a Californian girl, who knows, But as there's such a great distance between us, let's be GREAT friends, ok? I really would miss chatting with you...I also have a msn account. Sometimes I'm online there during working days." She dosen't seem to believe that I will be moving to her State, which I will, because I prefer her State before I even met her. By the way, She is not the reason why I'm moving there. Anyway, Sounds like I'm stuck in the friend zone right? Thank you for your replies!
IcomeInPeace Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I'm not sure. I don't know exactly how the conversation went between the two of you. "I don't know what would happen if you were closer" is very different from "I don't want a relationship". Sounds like a good start to her being open to it but again I don't know the context of it all. It's possible she just doesn't want to lose her friend she's gotten comfortable with. Regardless, you told her how you feel so build your friendship. When are you moving there and why? What will you be doing while you're out there? Talk about that stuff so it doesn't seem like you're moving there for her. If you were moving to Venice, talk about how it's hard to imagine moving from a place filled with smog to a country where motor vehicles aren't even allowed. Converse about how long it will take to adjust to having to walk everywhere or catch a boat to get around. Did you notice how I talked about the place without mentioning her? I didn't talk about her showing me around or how it would be cool walking across the Rialto Bridge together. I didn't bring up romantic gondola rides. Talk about what you're interested in there and the things you're looking forward to experiencing once you move. Continue to build your friendship and after you move, give it a week or two and start asking about hanging out if she hasn't brought it up yet. Not dating. Hang out with other people. Hang out with other girls. Bring it up again and go from there. The main thing is don't just sit around waiting for her and not really doing anything else. Moving to a new place is pretty big and there are lots of things to get into. Enjoy it. Really enjoy it, otherwise you really did move there for her and she may find that creepy and/or too forward. Above all stay confident. Not in her but in you. If you're a great person to be around it and you know it (without being cocky) others will too.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Welcome to the new frontier of bonding with someone you can't touch. There isn't much in the way of history or science to look to to tell you what is good or bad or w/e about this kind of thing. I've been experiencing it myself and it feels like love--very compelling to both partners because you keep "wanting" all the time but don't really "have". Your relationship is unique to you two and it seems she's going against her own judgement to not have an LDR. It's hard to stick to that when it lights up your lives. Be aware that there will be a reckoning and the outcome may be either great or very painful. And if it's the painful one and you have to let go of each other you'll have to face whether the heartache is worth how much you got out of it. It's uncharted territory that a lot of folks are experiencing these days through technology. A couple on here got married who lived on opposite sides of the planet, so it seems any barrier can be overcome if the will is there on both sides. Best of luck in your experience. 1
hotloader Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 I met a girl online (both of us are 25) and we have been recently talking for about 3 -4 Hours daily. At first I just thought she was just a cool girl and nothing else, and she said that she found me funny and cool, nothing love related. but for the past two weeks, I have been falling for her. I think of her all day, everyday. Now she comments on every photo I post on facebook, she always comments on how I look, and recently she has been sending pictures of herself (she dosent post much on FB, and no the photos are not sexual, just funny goofy stuff that we find funny) So that is almost everyday, and recently I had sent her I song I recorded for only her and she of course loves it and says it's amazing. She also turned red twice when I told her she looks pretty. She once talked about going on vacation with me.When I first met her, she said she didn't want a relationship, but that was before we started to really hit it off. So I asked my women friends, and they said it is very possible, and probably yes. What do you think? and what should I do? Man I'm not trying to be a downer or anything, but if I were you I really wouldn't read into things too much. You met a 25 year old girl online. 25 year old girls love to flirt with anything that has male genitalia and a heartbeat, and I don't think it's too much of a stretch to assume that you're probably one guy on a list of several that she's currently flirting with. You've got to take a step back and look at the big picture: For one thing, it's the internet....You're talking to this chick on the freaking internet. Do you have any idea how easy it is for someone to misrepresent themselves online? Case in point, I did the match.com thing for about three hours after my divorce. Not a single woman who I met on that website represented themselves accurately. Their lives were all train wrecks, and the photos they posted of themselves were from five years ago when they were thirty to fifty pounds lighter. I never understood why so many of them chose to be so deceitful, since doing so would obviously ensure complete failure. It made no sense to me, but women make very little sense to me as a whole anyway. You're a young man. I've got ten years on you, a failed marriage, and a plethora of counterproductive relationships with lying, cheating, manipulative women under my belt, so please absorb what I'm about to say: You're a greenhorn when it comes to women. Your post reeks of it, and I'm not faulting you for it. We all were at one point. I was the quintessential "hopeless romantic" at one point in my life. Your skin will thicken slowly over time, and no "don't make the same mistakes I did" type of advice is gonna stop you from doing exactly that. You might get lucky and find a girl out there who's actually half decent, but you're not gonna be able to avoid a nice swim through the sty of pigs in your quest to find her. You'll put yourself through this, as we all have, because it's in your nature as a human being to wanna meet someone, procreate, and have a mate for life. I hope you have better luck than I have had, and better luck than just about everyone I know who's my age. Having said that, I do have something to say about this current idea you've got: Forget it. If you try to pursue a relationship with this woman, you'll be making a big mistake. Getting screwed over in the end is a lot cheaper if it's with a local girl. At least that way you won't be out thousands in airfare on top of everything else. I know I might be coming across as very negative, but you'll understand in about ten years. Maybe you won't, but the odds of that are really stacked against you. Nevertheless, good luck. I mean that.
Author m3gkrb Posted March 10, 2012 Author Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I made up mind today that I'm just going to stop talking to her, it's obvious she don't care how I truly feel and just brushes it off. I will get over her, I'm sure she is going to e-mail me wondering where I am (which I will be tempted to reply, Im sure you know it is a bad idea to reply) she already tried that when I did not speak to her for two days, and then on the 3rd day is when I told her how I felt. She "seems" to really like talking to me, but it's painful for me to just be friends and bury how I feel when talking to her. I think even if I lived not far she still would not want a relationship with me. My question is, should I just without warning stop talking to her, or send an E-Mail explaining why we can't just be friends? I have a feeling she will just hate me after reading the e-mail or something. About not representing photos accurately, with her I think she was honest, she would not even hide her acne on her face, one of the reasons why I liked her was she was completely average but in a way I found that attractive, anyway I'm getting off topic. I'm still moving but that's another story, it's not because of her. The search continues, sometimes I wonder if I should even try anymore. Thanks everyone who replied and helped me out, thank you.
hotloader Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I made up mind today that I'm just going to stop talking to her, it's obvious she don't care how I truly feel and just brushes it off. Good call man. In the future, try not to get as emotionally invested into the women that you meet. There are several billion of them walking this planet, so it's not like they're in short supply or anything....Your "dream girl" is definitely out there, and guess what? She's probably out there about five hundred times over. The numbers are in your favor. As for the internet thing, I'd probably avoid it in the future if I were you. In fact, I'd give that same bit of advice to every guy. Everyone loves ego boosts, including men. Hell, just a couple of days ago some hot 20-something chick was giving me mad eyes in the line at my bank, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I had the biggest $hit eating grin in the world on my face as I walked out the door. It felt good. The difference between men and women however (women your age especially), is that women actively seek ego boosts as a stand-alone activity, whereas men usually just accept them as they come and savor them for what they're worth. Would you setup a match or POF account with the sole intention of just doing some e-flirting with women you've never met? No! Because it would be a colossal waste of time, right? Well......Women are different. Most of them have a constant need to validate their level of attraction. Guys make the mistake of thinking that these women are really into them, when the fact of the matter is.....they're into the attention and nothing more. It's got nothing to do with the guy. That's what being "strung along" is all about.
DonBeso12 Posted March 10, 2012 Posted March 10, 2012 Dear god you guys make this whole thing look so bleak... hotloader: Loved a lot of the things you had to say! there are 500 girls that could be "the one" for each of us! You are 25, live the dream kid! I do also agree that the level of emotional involvement we've all acquired through the internet with these cyber-relationships, is absolutely out of control. There is nothing in the world that is more natural than face of face contact. The body language is there, the tone of voice, the physical presence of another being is at hand. But it seems as though the world had progressed rapidly into a place where one is more involved with his or her computer than they are with other people. STOP THE MADNESS I like to withhold an optimistic approach: not all women have to be soul-sucking monsters! you simply must look for a constant level of emotional maturity, and security. No one wants to play nurse/nanny for their significant other! if a girl expects you to "take care" of her or her to "take care" of you, there is some awkward push and pull at the mere onset of the relationship. Be clear from the beginning what each potential match is really looking for. Be upfront, personable, and respectful. you will find your way
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