emlollie Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I have been best friends with A since high school, we are now both in our late 20s. I HATE herboyfriend. He is mean to her. He calls her all kinds of B's and Hoes when he gets mad. Her mom does not like him, nor does her 5 yr old daughter. He is 32, sells drugs for a living, and is an all around ahole and to top it off he is EXTREMELY overweight and unattractive. My friend could do SO much better. We have had several arguments about this guy. Me telling her that she deserves better and her basically saying she knows he's bad but she would rather be with him than alone. Our disagreements usually result in us not speaking for a week or 2 but this last argument is making me reconsider our friendship. He has left her several times but right before the last time he made some comments towards me to the effect of "you are very pretty, if I wasn't with your friend, then I would definately want to gave sex with you" I was very offended b ut I didn't tell her about it at the time because I didn't want him to try and twist it around. After they broke up I did day something but she didn't seem affected by it. Now they are back together and of course he denies that anything happened and he tells her he doesn't like me and doesn't want her to talk to me on the phone when he is around. We live ib different states so this is not usually a big deal but I plan to visit soon and while we were talking about thw visit my friend says "I don't know why you guys don't like eachother but its not my problem" I took issue with that statement because her bf is the one who has the problem. He did something wrong and do the guilt and or shame he does not want to be around me and bad mouths me to her. Her position is that she heard both sides but she is not taking anyone's side because she wants her relationship with both of us to stay the same. I love my friend but I want to 'break up' with her because her continuous involvement with this guy makes her seem really stupid and desperate and because I don't see how she can not take a side when clearly her bf us wrong. Should I hang in there and still be her friend? How should I handle my feelings about her bad choices or should I just ignore it. Would you remain friends with this person?
TeeZee Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Well you know you can't control who your friend dates. He sounds pretty bad, so not sure why you'd want to visit her if he is going to be around. If you've already told her that you are concerned for her well being with this guy, then there is not much else you can do. Staying friends with her and hating her bf is not sustainable. If you want to stay friends, then suck it up. If not, tell her why you are breaking contact.
The Outlaw Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Stick with her. He obviously sees you as a threat, that's why he's trying to badmouth you to her to get you out of the picture. He knows that you can be the voice of reason, that's why he does what he does. She just may have to see things on her own terms and realize that there are better people out there or that being alone in this said case is better than being in an unhealthy relationship.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 You're upset that your friend isn't taking your side in this, but you don't have a "side" in her relationship and it's kind of ridiculous to want to break up your friendship because she won't leave him like you want her to. She can make her own decisions and you're not being a very good friend to her when you don't respect that. Your job, as her friend, is to be supportive and if she asks your opinion, then give it to her. If you're tired of her complaining about him to you, then respectfully tell her, "Sorry, I can't be your sounding board when you have problems with him. I want to be there for you, but I can't be supportive when I see you make bad decisions and I'm tired of telling you that you can do better. I've said all I can about it." If you don't want to be her friend anymore because she's stupid and desperate, that's your right. But it sounds more like you're upset that she's not doing what you think is best for her. You can't control what your friends do, even when they make monumentally bad choices.
Author emlollie Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 It really sucks when you see someone you care about doing something that is going to turn out badly. I am a little upset that i cant make her see that this guy is horrible and the fact that i am frustrated about her not listening to what im saying is part of the reason im considering no longer being friends. Im going to call her tomorrow and basically tell her that while she is in this relationship i cant be her friend. If she was smoking crack or heroin i would take her to rehab, try to convince her that drugs are bad and try to show her that she is too good of a person to be strung out on drugs. But if she kept smoking crack eventually i would have to seperate myself from her. Bad relationships are just as strong of an addiction for her. This is far from the first bad bf she has had. It is a constant thing with her, its not really about the guys, its about her lack of self esteem and self love. Loving yourself is a really personal journey and i cant keep getting stressed out trying to help her find that path. I still care about her and will always consider her my friend but i think i have outgrown her for now. I hope she finds herself and we can find our way back to eachother...eventually
rickys Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 It may be possible that he is not a good man but your friend loves him and you can't control your friend. If you would be on her place, you would do the same. So, it's better for you to stay with your friend without involving in their matter...
Recommended Posts