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I slept with my boss and now everything's a mess!

amy321

By amy321
in Business and Professional Relationships

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amy321 New Member

amy321

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Hmm I will try to summarise as much as possible but this is a bit complicated! So over a year ago I moved to a different country with my boyfriend. We've been together for over 6 years and are very happy and talk about getting married and having children. I got an interview for a job and straight away thought 'oh no, if this guy's my boss I bet I'll have a crush on him'. Sure enough I got the job and a teenage-esque crush began. Physically the guy was very attractive and even though he was completely unlike my usual 'type' we got on really well. It then turned into more of an obsession, I was desperate to spend time with him and get his attention, even though I was at the same time still in love with my boyfriend. Move on a couple of months and I felt it was right to leave my job. Unfortunately I was still working in the same office block so bumped into him most days. We eventually met up for a drink (his idea) to talk about the situtation and we agreed that nothing could happen. He wasn't looking for a relationship and I didn't want to leave my boyfriend. Skip another month or so and things hadn't changed, I was still shamelessly throwing myself at him and then we ended up sleeping together, we weren't drunk and knew that we probably would regret it afterwards but we just couldn't resist eachother. At the time it was amazing, the best sex I've ever had and we both really enjoyed ourselves. However naturally the guilt soon set in. Skip another month and I'm now unemployed and depressed. I haven't told my boyfriend and he thinks my depression is to do with losing my job and is being very supportive and patient. I'm still talking to the ex-boss and he's put up with a lot of emotional hassle from me - I've accused him of everything and I suppose I can't really complain about his conduct but it's clear that he thinks I'm too much of a drama queen for a relationship (which I don't want to think is true). If I break up with my boyfriend I know I'll live to regret it and will also be alone in a different country without a job, house or many friends. I've already off-loaded too much onto the old boss and whilst he's mainly been polite I don't think it's fair to keep trying to "talk" about it with him. Any advice would be really appreciated.

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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forget the boss you have no choice, seek medical help if you don't feel better soon

oldguy Established Member

oldguy

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Yes, you do need help not just for your current condition but what brought you here. This is not often the typical behavior of an emotionally stable person. That doesn't mean your a bad person what it means is you need to come to grips with not only your state of mind & the choices you made but probably the motivators that brought you here. Of coarse in my personal opinion that is not as important at the moment as your current state & the more recent choices you made.

 

Understand, if you didn't do something fully believing it was wrong & then hadn't turned into a bit of a stalker I would have just thought you had an exciting, albeit irrational fling.

 

Why did you loose your job btw?

Edited by oldguy
rickys Member

rickys

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IF you think that it was just your mistake then forget about this and look for your future and don't repeat it again.....

oldguy Established Member

oldguy

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IF you think that it was just your mistake then forget about this and look for your future and don't repeat it again.....

That would be alright but it sounds like she's kind of stalking him, a mild form of "fatal attraction" sort of deal.

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amy321 New Member

amy321

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thanks for the replies guys. Yeh I can see how it comes across as stalking. I don't think that's the case though, whilst I'm definitely bad at 'playing hard to get' and can be emotional I've always managed to be very profesional in front of other people and have just reacted badly to all the stress associated with the situation because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it so have taken it out on the guy a lot. Our old coworkers don't suspect anything. I lost my job because the company ran out of money, when it comes to work I'm actually a very hard-working and ambitious person!

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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IF you think that it was just your mistake then forget about this and look for your future and don't repeat it again.....

 

I agree. Never speak of it to anyone. Would your boss give you a good reference to get another job?

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

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Did you quit or did your boss fire you?

 

Regardless, I feel you should tell your boyfriend what you did and seek some individual counseling for yourself. You appear to have a lot of emotional issues that revolve around men that could be worked out in counseling.

volkl1996 Established Member

volkl1996

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There seems to be a lot missing to your story. Skip a month, skip a month, you keep bumping into this guy....

 

For one, why was it the best sex ever? Is something missing in your 6+ year relationship?

 

I had mini attractions while married, though I saw them for what they were and did not let them progress. I think you need to ask yourself why you let this progress as far as you did. Being attracted to someone is normal, doing what you did is not.

 

What do you do now? Share this with your boyfriend. Get it off your chest. Prior to sharing I would do some self evaluation.

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2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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You couldn't possibly be happy and in live with your BF since you are obsessing and spending time and energy on the boss guy.

 

You need to face what's broken inside of you - the part that would lead you to lie - even to yourself. Thinking you are happy and in love while comp,etely betraying the be you say you love - that's not love - and it's not loving behavior.

 

You cheated. You lied. And you need to work on yourself without having ANY man around while you focus on you... And getting healthy.

 

Tell your BF that you cheated. He deserves to know exactly the lack of character you hold. You need to let go of both men and stand on your own two feet - and get honest with yourself and others.

 

You cheated for a reason - find out why you have a need to draw THAT much attention to yourself.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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thanks for the replies guys. Yeh I can see how it comes across as stalking. I don't think that's the case though, whilst I'm definitely bad at 'playing hard to get' and can be emotional I've always managed to be very profesional in front of other people and have just reacted badly to all the stress associated with the situation because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it so have taken it out on the guy a lot. Our old coworkers don't suspect anything. I lost my job because the company ran out of money, when it comes to work I'm actually a very hard-working and ambitious person!

 

Who cares? No ones gonna believe you when your main goal is to sleep around.

 

It doesn't matter how you feel - when you focus so much on how you feel - YOU cheat!

 

Get tested for std's!!!

oldguy Established Member

oldguy

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There seems to be a lot missing to your story. Skip a month, skip a month, you keep bumping into this guy....

 

For one, why was it the best sex ever? Is something missing in your 6+ year relationship?

 

I had mini attractions while married, though I saw them for what they were and did not let them progress. I think you need to ask yourself why you let this progress as far as you did. Being attracted to someone is normal, doing what you did is not.

 

What do you do now? Share this with your boyfriend. Get it off your chest. Prior to sharing I would do some self evaluation.

She stated the company "ran out of money".

I can understand the sex being good because she was so attracted to the guy & some get off more on the thrill of the danger of getting caught, that whole thing.

The problem is, as you mentioned, the average person resists acting on these impulses & that disregard is what is most concerning.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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We've been together for over 6 years and are very happy and talk about getting married and having children.

 

No, oh NO. Please don't do that to him.

marianne78 New Member

marianne78

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It wouldn't be fair for you to stay in the relationship you have without telling your boyfriend what happened between you and your boss. If you can't be honest about it, your relationship is doomed. If your boyfriend decides to forgive you for the cheating, then good. If not, then you'll just have to live with the consequences of your actions. In any case, you need to work on yourself so you won't be compelled to cheat again.

ThatDudeXO Established Member

ThatDudeXO

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If you were in love with your boyfriend you would've never been thinking twice of sleeping your boss.

 

 

 

And it would also be right to tell your boyfriend what you have done. He deserves to make an informed decision about whether he wants to stay with someone who cheated on him, or find someone who really loves him.

 

 

 

This whole paragraph is all about your feelings and the unethical, unprofessional sex you had with your employer. Tell your boyfriend what you have done or break up with him. It's not right for you to keep him in a false relationship to feed your own ego.

 

No matter what you choose to do, THIS has to be done.

ThatDudeXO Established Member

ThatDudeXO

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You're relationship isn't working so I really do suggest informing your BF and then maybe find someone who truly satisfies you.

Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

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Help me out if I'm wrong here, but I can't marry up the I love my boyfriend with after months and months of throwing myself on the man I have a crush on, going to have drinks then going back somewhere to have the best sex I ever had and we really enjoyed ourselves. Now you love your boyfriend again.

6+ years of a relationship, you lied to your boyfriend during the time of the flirting and during sex and now.

 

This is not love, so please don't use that word, it's an affront. the sad thing is what ever was so unfilled in the relationship to make you do this will only crop up again later. Sucks to be you. Sorry.

sid3 Established Member

sid3

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You have a better chance of being forgiven by being honest rather than getting caught. Who knows, maybe he will. You don't sound very remorseful. Sex is never that amazing to be worth spending your life miserable afterwards. It's likely your BF will be crushed, regardless of how many orgasms your boss gave you. Sounds a bit like a porno to be honest. I can't imagine how you could expect any other outcome other than the title of this thread.

Afishwithabike Established Member

Afishwithabike

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Now you tell him that you felt pressured to sleep with him because of his position of authority and then blackmail him for a raise and extended vacation.

 

Any boss who would bone his underlings deserves nothing less :)

 

It's too late for that though. She lost her job because the company doesn't have money.

 

The old boss is lucky this didn't happen in the USA. It would be good fodder for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

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