I think my lack of sex life is ruining my relationship.

[Say]

I need some advice, guys. I have a heart condition, and I've been taking medication for it that stops me from getting an erection. So, its pretty much killed my sex life with my girlfriend. We would have sex pretty often, and now no matter how badly I want to I can't, and I feel like I am letting her down. I keep stalling and stalling, going down on her and such until I can get my hands on some viagra or something.

 

So, I stalled until today. She kept strongly hinting at us having sex, and I couldn't do it. I got really upset and frustrated, and she was worried and tried to cheer me up. On the ride home, she told me she understood and was patient. I asked her if it affected anything. She was hesitant at first, but she told me lately she doesn't feel horny around me.

 

"Well, are you attracted to me?"

"well yeah I don't think that had to do with it."

"Maybe we should break up?"

"Absolutely not. I love you and that's a stupid reason to break up."

"Being attracted to someone is an important reason."

"I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU. I guess I just know since we aren't going to do anything I don't really get horny."

 

Well, that was a stab to the chest. I feel like a failure...

[baguette]

I'm sorry to hear that man. Can you talk to your doctor again to maybe find an alternate solution? Maybe he can prescribe you viagra?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well this really isn't your fault if you have a heart condition, that's the medication and If there isn't anything else you can take then you'll have to do research and find out If there is anything alternatively you can do.

 

Have you tried talking to your doctor about this?

 

Are you able to "practice" by yourself and achieve an erection during your medication?

 

Would exercise make it better or worse?

 

I could imagine how frustrating this is for you and difficult for her, but you can't take it personal or expect her to be excited over sex or feel horny when she knows there isn't going to be any sex out of it...that's her just trying to cope with the situation and is normal of her to feel that way, there's nothing odd or personal you should be taking from it. It has nothing to do with your attraction or who you are...wouldn't you feel the same way If you couldn't have sex with your gf sometimes?

 

What you need to do alternatively Is break out the sex toys....take her to a local or popular sex shop, buy her some toys and things that you can use to spice up your sex life and you use these toys and things with/on her. Then you'll get satisfaction out of pleasing her and she'll be able to cope with it better, you can still be together and share intimacy, you just have to use the options that you instead of give up altogether. And use this time to become better at oral sex and other ways of turning her on....trust me there is a lot you can do to get a woman off and hot and bothered where even If you could have sex they wouldn't last long before they had an orgasm.

 

Kiss her, be sensual with her, keep the affection and intimacy alive...don't just avoid it and let it be neglected because you feel insecure about it...that's the worst thing you can do and then you just put all the focus on the fact that you aren't sexual is because you can't and are avoiding it.

 

Take pleasure in pleasing her, become a pleaser and giver and trust me If you get good at it she'll be pretty damn close to completely satisfied If you get creative.

[Say]

Thanks baguette and ninja for your replies. Well, i am quite sure my doctor will prescribe me some viagra next time i see him. My appointment isn't until April, unfortunately. I'm just worried that our lack of intimacy is going to hurt our relationship. No matter how much she cares about me or understands whats going on, she can't help it if her attraction towards me starts to dwindle. I don't want that to happen. Hearing her say she doesn't get horny around me just shocked me.

 

I've tried foreplay, oral, and whatnot. It gets the job done, but its not nearly as personal and she always tells me she would just rather have sex with me than anything else... And i wish i could.

 

I just don't want this to start pushing her away.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You are not a failure!

 

Say, have you ever told her that the medicine is affecting your body and that it's not her? It would probably do her a lot of good to know that and would give her a new perspective where she sees it isn't about her. The thing is, women are told how much men need/want/always have to have sex since the age we hit puberty (Usually this is all from men themselves.) So when a man doesn't seem that motivated by sex, we automatically think it's us.

 

Dude, just be hoenst about it! This does not make you less of a man or a failure.

 

Also, I agree with Ninja about kissing her and just being sensual with her. Even if you aren't getting hard over it. You have to redefine what sex is for you. And yes, also, talk to your doctor and see if there isn't anything that can't be done about this issue.

 

You just need to communicate!

[Emilia]

Why don't you give her oral sex, use your fingers, etc until you get Viagra?

[Emilia]

 

I've tried foreplay, oral, and whatnot. It gets the job done, but its not nearly as personal and she always tells me she would just rather have sex with me than anything else... And i wish i could.

 

I just don't want this to start pushing her away.

 

Ah sorry, missed that part.

 

Maybe for a couple of months it would suffice though? Especially oral

[Say]

You know, you guys are right. I have been trying to be sensual, but i think i have just been so worried i completely lost all the confidence that i had. I feel like i am always going to fail and its going to push her away and I'll lose my relationship i'm so happy in.

 

So today, maybe i'll try to do something different. I'll try and do as much foreplay as i possibly can and just finish with my fingers or oral.

 

I'm just worried, because that has been what i've been doing in the past. I've gone down on her, i've used my fingers, but she still told me what she did last night. Maybe it just hasn't been good enough?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Say, you are in a relationship. You should be able to share with what is going on with you. TELL HER how your medicine is affecting you and what you are going through. I bet she will be really really supportive and understand more then she does right now.

[pteromom]

I think it is important to talk to her. Even though logically there is a reason for your issue (your medicine), it is normal for a woman to think it is her. To think that if she was attractive enough or you were horny enough for her, you would get an erection.

 

So kiss her. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her how hot she is. Tell her you love her. Tell her she tastes good. Tell her you love her hair, her breasts, her waist, her legs, her smile... make her feel attractive.

 

Tell her how much you wished your body would cooperate with what you are feeling! Let her know that the issue is NOT your feelings toward her.

 

Lastly, until you get the viagra, go buy a strap-on or something. Yeh, yeh, I get that it isn't optimal. But it will let you get into missionary position and kiss her and hold her and let her experience actual intercourse. You gotta put your ego away and work with what you've got.

[Imageiko]

I'm not a doctor but I'd be very careful mixing viagra with any heart medication you might have. Definitely talk to your doctor before you take any viagra.