litelangel Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Ok so I'm not really sure why I am posting this, but I would love feedback. I am a 21 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend, only kissed one boy (6 years ago), is afraid to talk to any guy that I find attractive, do not know how to flirt, and have social anxiety in general. It has come to a point where I am wondering if I will be alone the rest of my life. I would like to find someone and have kids. Honestly, I wouldn't mind just having kids, though it would be hard to raise them alone. As for having social anxiety, it has prohibited me from talking to men and flirting. I would like to find a way to talk to them. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading/replying!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I have a friend who seems quite like what you describe, and she compounds that by not putting herself in the paths of lots of people her own age (complete with possibilities and prospects among them). No matter all of the tangent frustrations you read about here at LoveShack, dating is more than anything a numbers game. So in order to compensate for your own unwillingness to merely assert yourself socially, it would help a good deal if you strategically placed yourself in the paths of lots of people your age. Back in school that would entail joining clubs and activities about which you have at least some authentic interest. At 21, lots of new doors have just opened to you... and while I don't exactly endorse throwing yourself into the bar/club scene, there surely must be places to which you can suddenly go, which weren't options for you last year. Maybe even a part-time job at a book store or even some volunteer work somewhere. Take a wider view of the community around you and see what strategies could be available to you. Perhaps even a night class at a local junior college or something. Even if the subject you choose isn't teeming with male prospects, they will be there on campus at the same time. Perhaps it will be the new tradition of having dinner at the cafeteria there beFORE your night class each week, that causes you to meet more people... Also, admit to yourself that a mate may not happen overnight... AND that you will still be just fine if one doesn't happen quickly. Get yourself more used to meeting many more people at the very least, because they all have brothers and brothers-in-law and uncles, and nephews... etc.
Nightsky Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 What do you think you should do? If it were me I'd write down in a book what I wanted to try and break it up into small steps and try to do a little each day. Like a step could be just going out to a place where men you find attractive are. Maybe that would mean something as simple as walking around a college campus or going to a college library.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 You happen to live in a wonderful time where there are answers for social anxiety. I was very mush a blusher at your age decades ago and didn't take a lot of risks because of that plus my self esteem issues having grown up a teased obese child. I came to be very good looking on the outside--grew to 6'-3, blue eyes and was not overweight at that age but I still felt like the fat kid and just didn't assert myself. I was "shy" and didn't know how to act how I looked. Years later after a couple of relationships and one that I thought would lead to marriage went terribly bad, I sought help for depression. I was prescribed Prozac and amazingly, I lost all social anxiety. No butterflies after that. Ever. There have been a lot of advances in medicine since then. Please don't think I'm advising a crutch to medicate your feelings away with. Some people just have an unfair chemistry which floods their gut with "fight or flight" adrenline when they are exposed socially. With the help of a psychiatrist I was able to understand myself and decide how to feel rather than just be bowled over by my feelings --having to deal with the discomfort after the fact. Many people still try to medicate their unease with alcohol--that's not a good choice. It can't hurt to see a doctor and keep it private and talk about how you feel. He or she may prescribe an SSRI medication for a while and you will be the judge if you feel the fear subsiding where you won't feel so intense asserting your personality with strangers. There's no shame in taking control of your life. Good luck.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 What it all comes down to is practice. You wont even get over your anxiety until you just walk up to people and start talking, numerous times. Once you do it, you wont be afraid of it anymore. If youre afraid of rejection, then you dont talk to guys with the agenda of dating them. You talk to them just to see if they are interesting characters. That way, if they do reject you, you didnt count on them liking you. Thats all there is to it.
Andy_K Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Have you considered online dating? Even if you don't actually meet anyone, it will give you practice at talking to guys and learning how to flirt without the pressure of having to think up your response on the spot. When you've got the hang of that, start talking to guys for real.
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