DontWorryBHappy Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I broke up with my now ex boyfriend tonight. We had only been together for a month and a half. It moved faster than I had wanted and he seemed to get very attached to me quickly, but we started having all kinds of different problems, mostly just stuff having to do with us being "out of sync" in the way we interacted. He told me he loved me after about 2 weeks, and I followed suit maybe a week later, but quickly realized I had jumped the gun on that. Then one night he asked if I "still loved him"... and when I said I was unsure, he snapped in two and got very, very upset.... Very angry, in fact, and basically lashed out at me. After that things were obviously even more out of sync, and quite frankly, it seemed that it just could never take flight again after that... and I couldn't stop myself from acting weird around him and kept having the urge to avoid him.... So finally I talked with my family about all of it and they both felt we should break up... especially after seeing the anger he showed me in those messages. But it wasn't just for that reason... Something was just off. I had kept feeling like there was someone better out there for me, and I never typically feel that way when I'm in a relationship. Usually I'm very invested and confident in my relationships... but not so in this case. I told him I thought we should go our separate ways today, and he was surprisingly calm. Just today he had sent me a picture via text message of us together with a little heart symbol and commented over the phone that he would be getting a new car soon so he'd be able to see me more. But when I said I thought we should break up, he was very calm and said he really saw it coming and was not surprised. We arranged for me to mail him something and simply said "take care" and hung up. I'm surprised by the calmness.. because he was so affected by me telling him that I was unsure about loving him, but seemingly so calm about breaking up. Maybe telling him about my uncertain feelings felt like the real break up or something, and he already let it sink in.... I'm not sure. Even though I did the breaking up, I'm still sad. I will miss some things about him for sure, and I did talk to him every single day, and I don't really have other friends around here... so I will probably feel a bit of a void. But I can't lie and say that the relationship felt right, because it didn't... but yeah, I am definitely sad, because it wasn't all bad.. we had some fun moments, some good conversations, etc, and break ups have a funny way of making all that go *poof* so suddenly. I do understand why some dumpers ask to be friends. It isn't always to soften the blow. Sometimes you do realize that you'll miss that person, even though it wasn't working in so many ways. It does still hurt if you have any kind of emotions at all. Hopefully I'll bounce back ok!
LSgirl Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I like hearing the dumper's side of the stories. I know that even though my bf said he did not love me or have strong feelings as I did, I know of being together for over a year and talking to them everyday, he will miss me and that feels nice. I'm glad you ended your relationship sooner than later, I wish mine had done the same if he didn't feel strongly about me, but I wouldn't take back the experiences and still think of him as a good person but a broken man. Thanks for sharing your story!
chelsea2011 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 You will be fine and you definitely did the right thing. It's hard to be open and feel comfortable in a relationship when you feel something is off. I felt the same way too and decided it was time to walk. Allow yourself some time to heal and you will be back to your old self before you know it.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 I sure hope so. After writing this post I broke down a bit. And I decided to text him. I guess I couldn't stand the clean break and silence... Even though I did the breaking up, it isn't an easy thing for me either. He told me that after the text message blow up (when he found out I wasn't in love with him) he figured I was planning to end things, and said he felt kind of depressed all week. He was hoping we could make it work anyway, but had a feeling I was thinking strongly of breaking up based on how I was acting. He went back and forth between saying he wasn't that broken up about it to saying he is hurt and is masking his emotions. He's probably confused - I kind of am too. In truth, I didn't WANT this relationship to end... I just thought it had reached the end and there wasn't a way to fix it without pulling teeth and maybe not getting very far. I didn't want to drag anything out and risk making things worse, mostly because my feelings about the situation just weren't getting better. But in the aftermath I am sad. Before he went to sleep he told me that he's around if I ever want to talk... and I pulled the dreaded "offer of friendship" card and said that if he's interested in being friends in the future, to contact me. He said no rush, he needs to get himself together (I think we both do). But he did say "talk to you some other time." I honestly still dont know why things felt off. Some of this is a mystery even to me. Actually my own experience is teaching me a lesson here. Because in the past when I was the dumpee (which I usually am, lol) I was always so lost and confused. But as it turns out, sometimes the dumper is too. I think I'm in for some sad times ahead. This relationship, although troubled, offered me a sense of companionship and someone being there for me. I'm not doing much right now... not employed, not in school, no friends around here... I basically just lost the one person I could talk to aside from my family. But I'm smart enough to know that's no reason to have a relationship... to fill some kind of void... It has to be RIGHT. I don't know what will happen in the future. I hope I really did make the right choice.
NoneoftheAbove Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 The more you think about this, the more you ll drag yourself. Just go with the decision you made. Dont think about it. Just go with the flow, keep your thoughts busy. But not thinking about this situation.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) Feeling sad today. I don't want him out of my life.. I never really did. The relationship just was too damaged for me to try to fix it at the time. When we were together and were having issues, I remember telling him that I wish we had started out as friends. He wanted to start over but still be in the relationship.. But something about our dynamic had changed too much... Edited March 1, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
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