FitChick Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I always assume a man is dating other women until he tells me he isn't or doesn't want to any more. Just tell him that while you really like him you don't sleep with anyone unless it's on an exclusive basis. You understand if he isn't ready for that and you can still spend time with him as a friend. If he really wants you he won't want to be friendzoned.
Author bolase Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks for all of your advice in this thread, I'm really glad I posted. Just a little update; I went to his house to hang out last night and was prepared to tell him that I saw potential, and to ask him to be honest with me about what he was looking for. It didn't QUITE happen.. we went from hanging with his housemates to making out outside, but I will bring that up next time we see each other which won't be briefly, at night.. and I feel like I know exactly what to say thanks to the hard word you guys put on me. Instead, last night as we made out I told him straight up that I wouldn't be comfortable going down that road (intimacy) with him right now, and he told me he's in no rush, is loving getting to know me, in a genuine way I now feel better placed to ask him outright what he is looking for at this point, and will do so! 1
FrustratedStandards Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 You don't. Women don't compete for men. Men compete for women. Just be happy being single while still dating a guy. If he wants exclusivity, then you'll decide. Until then, enjoy the freedom.
Author bolase Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 But why should I hang out for him to bring it up, when I could save us time I guess? with a slightly clearer mind I actually think he maybe is just in this for a good time and will never suggest we are exclusive. Is there any way to do this via text to get it done? Oh I am so impatient. Something like "hey x, I was just reflecting on the last few days. what are you looking for when you say 'playing'? I'm enjoying everything, I need to clarify that though."
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Hmm... well, you aren't necessarily trying to nail him to the wall... he made that statement, yes. And that definately put your feelers up about his intentions. But, it is perfectly reasonable that he was gaging your reaction too. Maybe he thinks YOU are just playing too. I'd continue with not putting yourself in situations where you'd compromise on things before getting the information you need. Continue to do fun activities that don't involve getting naked... He says he's willing to wait... alot of guys SAY that.. as they keep pushing hoping to break you down. That's just another way to put all of the responsibility on YOU to set the pace of the relationship and NONE on him for being a boyfriend. You might need to get some clarity yourself on what it looks like for him to prove he is your boyfriend alone. Words won't do it. You could turn the tables. Pretend that you are the guy for a moment. Ask him what it would take for you to prove to him that you are exclusive with him, and see what his reaction is. If it is just sex, then you have one answer. Guys who actually give a damn about commitment and have something to lose themselves know that it is more than sex. It might be a convenient intro to talk about your view of relationships too... without putting him on the spot. See, you are showing you are trying to meet his needs, but also trying to get info on his view of things. If he gets squeemish about the exclusive word, then you have another piece of useful info. Just a thought...
veggirl Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Just ask! ASAP! Do it via text if you want, it doesn't matter. I'm afraid you'll chicken out in person if things are going well on the date or he is being sweet or kissy etc. So just text him and ask. Although I don't like your text idea, it is too vague. Be direct!
Recommended Posts