leftfordead2 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I think the answer is a bad marriage. But then I wonder if a bad marriage is better than no marriage at all. I really like having someone to talk to in the mornings. I'm 67 and my wife is 62. She told me in 2008 when I told her I was getting a divorce that we're too old to start over, and I agree. She also said that we didn't want to spend the rest of our lives alone, and I agree. She thinks she looks 10 to 15 years younger than she actually is, and she's probably right. She said I look 5 to 10 years older than I actually am, and I don't know whether she's right on that or not. She could probably get another man quickly. I might have difficulty unless I want to settle for an old hag. This is possibly true, however without trust I'm not sure how effective confrontation is. Would she change, or would she go underground? My fear is that she would tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, then I would have lost the ability to spy on her, so I would always wonder what she was up to. Perhaps I am completely wrong on this. I think the options are to either find a way to live with things the way the are or get a divorce. Um wow. Might as well just stay together.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I think the answer is a bad marriage. But then I wonder if a bad marriage is better than no marriage at all. I really like having someone to talk to in the mornings. I'm 67 and my wife is 62. She told me in 2008 when I told her I was getting a divorce that we're too old to start over, and I agree. She also said that we didn't want to spend the rest of our lives alone, and I agree. Regardless of age I honestly don't think it's EVER a good idea to stay in a bad relationship/marriage for fear of not finding anyone else or just to have someone. I was in that situation with my ex boyfriend and it was because I had the guts to end it that I found my husband. So in short, there COULD be someone better for you out there who will make you happy. Doesn't matter if you are 27 or 67.
Bryanp Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Let me see if I have this correct: You would rather have a wife who is a serial cheater, who emotional abuses you, and lies to your face because you like to have someone to talk to in the mornings. What is wrong with this picture? If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Aargh. I read the old posts. I question why you even came here with this thread. Your marriage has always been defined by your wife's cheating, dishonesty and dissatisfaction. It seems that you went into it with your eyes open. Why? There has never been a time in this marriage where you trusted your wife, or when she was not involved in some kind of cheating behavior. It's the status quo. It seems that she is one of those people who is never satisfied with what she has, as well as one who gets a thrill out of having "naughty" secrets. She also might be a woman who is desperate to have her sexual desirability acknowledged by lots of different men, and it's getting worse as she ages. So, if you're serious that a terrible marriage is preferable to you to no marriage, and the benefits of the companionship outweigh the pains, then make peace with the reality of your marriage. You won't be the first couple who are mostly companions and room mates and who get their other needs met elsewhere. But you will have to achieve a level of acceptance of your reality that you don't seem close to in any of your posts.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 So, if you're serious that a terrible marriage is preferable to you to no marriage, and the benefits of the companionship outweigh the pains, then make peace with the reality of your marriage. That's what I decided to do in 2008. Then she wanted this threesome, and like an idiot I went along with it. I was stupid enough to think that it was something between us. It seemed to put a little spice in our life for a while, then I found out she was planning to meet him solo. Quite frankly, and Alice won't like this, it's not the fact that she wants to meet him alone that really bothers it. It's the fact that I think she thinks she's making a fool out of me.
xxoo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Quite frankly, and Alice won't like this, it's not the fact that she wants to meet him alone that really bothers it. It's the fact that I think she thinks she's making a fool out of me. If you are determined to stay with her, maybe consider a fraternal marriage. Have your coffee together in the morning, keep the house and finances together, travel together if you like, care for each other when you are sick--but have separate bedrooms, and stay out of each other's sex life. Let her go sleep around. You might find a nice woman to "moonlight" with, too, as long as you are honest about your situation.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 That's exactly what I plan doing at your age. Better than trolling bars looking for random sex partners. I completely understand. I know people like you, and I'm sure you are very happy with the way you are. I certainly don't intend to criticize the way you live your life. However, I can't be like you. It's just not me.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Let me see if I have this correct: You would rather have a wife who is a serial cheater, who emotional abuses you, and lies to your face because you like to have someone to talk to in the mornings. What is wrong with this picture? If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good point. I haven't respected myself for years. I know I need to change, but sometimes change is difficult.
The Blue Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You invited something into your marriage that was never supposed to be a part of it and now you're suffering the consequences of that lifestyle. I have no answers for you. I'd never even dream of sharing my wife with another man. We are promised to one another. It's called marriage. Gradually it's becoming an old fashioned concept.
Owl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 That's what I decided to do in 2008. Then she wanted this threesome, and like an idiot I went along with it. I was stupid enough to think that it was something between us. It seemed to put a little spice in our life for a while, then I found out she was planning to meet him solo. Quite frankly, and Alice won't like this, it's not the fact that she wants to meet him alone that really bothers it. It's the fact that I think she thinks she's making a fool out of me. If you had any idea of how many threads we've seen here over the years that started the same way that this one did... The problem is...you'd expect someone with your life experiences to recognize that PHYSICAL intimacy nearly always leads to EMOTIONAL intimacy...just as emotional can lead to physical as well. That's the inherent risks in doing what you've done. Here's another thought...you're not angry she's schtupping this guy...you're just angry because she thinks you don't know? Huh? Non sequiter. You seem more concerned with your "image" than you are with the likely repercussions to your marriage with that kind of mindset. At this point, I want to ask you one simple question. What advice/support are you hoping that we can provide you here on LS in your situation? What is it you want us to tell you, to help you with?
Author whattodo44 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 What advice/support are you hoping that we can provide you here on LS in your situation? What is it you want us to tell you, to help you with? I think I've received all the advice I need. Now I just need to digest it and decide what to do. I won't post any more and I would suggest that you other people move on to the next topic. There's no use in continuing to beat a dead cow.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I think I've received all the advice I need. Now I just need to digest it and decide what to do. I won't post any more and I would suggest that you other people move on to the next topic. There's no use in continuing to beat a dead cow. Good luck!!!!
HHC Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I think I've received all the advice I need. Now I just need to digest it and decide what to do. I won't post any more and I would suggest that you other people move on to the next topic. There's no use in continuing to beat a dead cow. I know you've said you've finished, but I still have things to say To confront her is for you, not her. For you to let her know that you know and that you're feeling betrayed. It's not to get answers out of her, you already have your answer. No one should stay in a bad relationship. Sure not all relationships are perfect, but when you have issues you can't agree on at least you have respect and love. When they're gone a relationship is toxic and eats away at who you are. You can love someone and you can want to make someone happy, but if you're not looking after your needs at the same time it just doesn't work.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 To confront her is for you, not her. For you to let her know that you know and that you're feeling betrayed. It's not to get answers out of her, you already have your answer. That's a very good point. Thank you.
The Blue Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I know. Old people should just sit on the front porch and rock. After all we don't have that much longer to live anyhow. Well that comment directed at you was uncalled for and no, old people shouldn't just sit on a front porch and rock, but my friend, what the %$& were you thinking? At your ages I'd think you'd be handing down the wisdom that comes with age, not suffering through something like this!
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