Bryanp Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Your wife is a real piece of work. It is fine for her to have sex with you and another man but she would not want you to participate if you brought in another woman which she would participate in only. What is wrong with this picture? If the OM tries to make contact again then I would immediately expose this to his wife and let her know what he has been up to. No consequences to his actions equals no motivation to change. Finally, maybe it is time for you to re-evaluate if you want to spend the rest of your life with your wife and her lack of feelings and attraction toward you. You deserve better.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I think you're right. At times I think she never loved me, she just married me for financial security. I fell out of love with her several years ago when she was secretly meeting another man that she claimed was just a "friend". She claimed she never had sex with him and I had no proof that she did. I thought this time would be different since i was involved in the threesome, but apparently I was deceiving myself. Isn't that reason enough to divorce her? Thanks for all the comments. I probably posted this prematurely. This week OM is on a cruise with his wife. Next week his wife is out of town. So it will be interesting to see whether there are any emails going back and forth next week. .... No this isn't premature. This is years too late. What keeps you from divorcing her? What are you afraid of?
HHC Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 So you accepted your wife getting pounded by another man and now you're surprised she's seeing the guy without you knowing? Both of you are the ones who wanted it to happen so don't be shocked because she decides to keep going with it. Of course he's surprised. Just because they agreed to a threesome doesn't mean he agreed to her having sex with him alone. She is behaving inappropriately and her actions are those of a cheater. Don't focus on the act they agreed on. The behaviour at hand is her lying and cheating on him. He's allowed to be shocked and hurt regardless of what lead it to that point
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 So how would I go about laying down the law? A divorce petition usually does the job nicely. Do you honestly think you can still save your marriage? Sorry buddy, it's over. 1
Author whattodo44 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 My dilema is that I don't think she will go through with her plans to F him without me present. However, I don't know any way of finding out without waiting until May. And then what? I just don't believe you can convict someone because they are making vague plans. If I said to someone "I'm going to rob a bank some time in May", could I be arrested? I don't think so.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 One more question. She stated in her email to him "Every day when I drive by <bar name omitted> I smile." She told me that he invited us to meet him at this bar for drinks and she declined. This is a bar on the way home from where she works. Should I read into her email that she really did meet him at the bar and just didn't include me, or is it possible that she just smiles when she drives by it because he invited us for drinks there.
leftfordead2 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My dilema is that I don't think she will go through with her plans to F him without me present. However, I don't know any way of finding out without waiting until May. And then what? I just don't believe you can convict someone because they are making vague plans. If I said to someone "I'm going to rob a bank some time in May", could I be arrested? I don't think so. Why do you say that you don't think she will go through with her plans to F him without you present?
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If I said to someone "I'm going to rob a bank some time in May", could I be arrested? I don't think so. Well, if you want an analogy... "Conspiracy to commit murder" is a criminal offence carrying a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. Your wife and this guy clearly conspired to commit adultery.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That night she told me that she didn't ever want to see him again, and that he was scum because he cheated on his wife. Boy if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. You are fooling yourself if you think she doesn't want to do this guy without you around. He is going to use your wife like a rag doll and she will like it and is looking forward to it. Do yourself a favor and divorce, then make sure you never do anything like this again with someone you love.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Because he's in denial. She may set up a few "decoy" 3-ways to throw him off, but her angle is to get this guy alone. And maybe this guy will bring a friend with him to replace OP. That would really turn his wife on. 2
Author whattodo44 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 She may set up a few "decoy" 3-ways to throw him off, but her angle is to get this guy alone. It may be true that I'm in denial. But why would she risk the chance of getting caught by seeing him alone? This guy lives 300 miles away, he's told her that he's not going to leave his wife. He's told her that he's had sex with over 100 women while he's been married. She knows she's just one of many. What's in it for her? Or is she lying to me about all of this. If I had the answer to the last question I posted I would be better able to make a decision. Did she meet him for drinks without me? If so she would probably f*** him alone. Or does she just smile when she goes by the bar because she knows that he was there having drinks by himself.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My dilema is that I don't think she will go through with her plans to F him without me present. However, I don't know any way of finding out without waiting until May. And then what? When you made the appointment for the second threesome, they were already in bed before you arrived. They clearly couldn't wait until you go there. Isn't that crossing the line to you? So TECHNICALLY she already jumped in bed with him without you present.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 One more question. She stated in her email to him "Every day when I drive by <bar name omitted> I smile." She told me that he invited us to meet him at this bar for drinks and she declined. This is a bar on the way home from where she works. Should I read into her email that she really did meet him at the bar and just didn't include me, or is it possible that she just smiles when she drives by it because he invited us for drinks there. She most certainly has met him there. She smiles because of the fond memories.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 My dilema is that I don't think she will go through with her plans to F him without me present. However, I don't know any way of finding out without waiting until May. And then what? I just don't believe you can convict someone because they are making vague plans. If I said to someone "I'm going to rob a bank some time in May", could I be arrested? I don't think so. Why don't you man up and tell her the truth about what you have found out? Then tell her that you are watching her because you don't trust her. Just tell the truth and address the situation. I hope you know she has and is probably having phone sex with him in the meantime.
Author whattodo44 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 When you made the appointment for the second threesome, they were already in bed before you arrived. They clearly couldn't wait until you go there. Isn't that crossing the line to you? So TECHNICALLY she already jumped in bed with him without you present. No, because my wife knew I was coming. He had only been there a few minutes. She said he was 5 minutes early. They were in the foreplay stage when I arrived. I wouldn't expect them to wait on me, so that part doesn't bother me at all. One thing I do wonder about is if he even knew I was coming. She sent him an email telling him that I would be there, but I have no way of knowing what she said to him on the phone.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 One more question. She stated in her email to him "Every day when I drive by <bar name omitted> I smile." She told me that he invited us to meet him at this bar for drinks and she declined. This is a bar on the way home from where she works. Should I read into her email that she really did meet him at the bar and just didn't include me, or is it possible that she just smiles when she drives by it because he invited us for drinks there. I think she is just flirting with him with that statement, but she is planning to do something. You need to follow her for proof.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It may be true that I'm in denial. But why would she risk the chance of getting caught by seeing him alone? Because of the sex with him is good and she likes the excitement of doing someone new. This guy lives 300 miles away, he's told her that he's not going to leave his wife. Why would he have to tell your wife that he isn't going to leave his wife? He's told her that he's had sex with over 100 women while he's been married. And still you would let him have sex with your wife? Have you two been tested for STD's? She knows she's just one of many. What's in it for her? Or is she lying to me about all of this. She obviously thinks this guy is great in the sack. That's what's in it for her. Yes she is lying to you and I think she has developed emotional feeling for this guy. They shouldn't even talk about his personal life. If I had the answer to the last question I posted I would be better able to make a decision. Did she meet him for drinks without me? If so she would probably f*** him alone. Or does she just smile when she goes by the bar because she knows that he was there having drinks by himself. She met him at that bar.
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 He had only been there a few minutes. She said he was 5 minutes early. Har har. And you believe this? They were in the foreplay stage when I arrived. I wouldn't expect them to wait on me, so that part doesn't bother me at all. Dude WTF? What do you mean by foreplay? Oral, fingering, nipple sucking? Some dude was doing this to your wife in your absence and you are perfectly OK with that? WTF DUDE??? Listen to yourself man! Unbelievable! 1
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 One thing I do wonder about is if he even knew I was coming. She sent him an email telling him that I would be there, but I have no way of knowing what she said to him on the phone. What difference would it make to him if you were coming or not? He knew he was still going to have sex with her.
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 They were in the foreplay stage when I arrived. I wouldn't expect them to wait on me, so that part doesn't bother me at all. And what do you think would have happened if you had been stuck in traffic, delayed or had to cancel? She was involved in foreplay with a guy she has previously f**ked and obviously wants to f*** some more. Do you really think in the throes of passion she would have said "oh hang on stop, my husband is going to be half an hour late, we have to wait for him to get here"? Or do you think she would have shrugged and got on with the task at hand? Your wife has no respect for you or your relationship. If you don't divorce her now then you will regret it big time. You are in denial and seeing things as you want to see them. You need to open your eyes to the truth dude, and that truth is that your wife is a lying cheat who does not respect you or your marriage. 1
Author whattodo44 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Why don't you man up and tell her the truth about what you have found out? Then tell her that you are watching her because you don't trust her. Just tell the truth and address the situation. And then what? I tried that in 2007 when she was secretly (or so she thought) meeting an ex-lover. She said I was being unfair, and that he was just a "friend". She promised that if I wouldn't divorce her that she'd cut off all contact with him. It's been over years, and every day I think about it and wonder if she kept that promise. If I confronted her I'd never know what was happening. At least this way I am able to spy on her email. I hope you know she has and is probably having phone sex with him in the meantime. No, I look at the call logs for her cell phone. She hasn't talked to him since we got together last time.
PegNosePete Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 No, I look at the call logs for her cell phone. She hasn't talked to him since we got together last time. Unless she has a pre-pay phone because she knows you're spying on her? Cheaters are quite sneaky you know. It's part of the job description. If you're so determined to do the spying thing rather than do the sensible thing which is just to divorce her, then I would suggest a voice-activated recorder in her car.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I'm starting to think the OP is actually Nickster.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 No, because my wife knew I was coming. He had only been there a few minutes. She said he was 5 minutes early. They were in the foreplay stage when I arrived. I wouldn't expect them to wait on me, so that part doesn't bother me at all. One thing I do wonder about is if he even knew I was coming. She sent him an email telling him that I would be there, but I have no way of knowing what she said to him on the phone. Sorry to say, but that sounds like a total cop out to me. They couldn't wait 5 minutes for you? That's totally rediculous. You say you don't care, but unfortunately your wife is using this threesome agreement as a way to "get around" the actuality of an affair (or she is making you THINK that, and you are falling for it). Sorry to be so blunt, but it really sounds like you are trying to justify her actions here, which she does NOT deserve.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If I confronted her I'd never know what was happening. At least this way I am able to spy on her email. You already KNOW what's happening, you are just in denial and can't admit it.
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