veggirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If he enjoys or prefers texting (I'd take pause with "prefers"), then you aren't bugging him. Saying "you seem busy" is silly...he will respond when he can, just let him! Relax a little
sigurpol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Normally when it gets to that point, when someone says "You seem busy, I'll let you go", I'm at a point where I'm keeping my distance
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I think that's what is so frustrating about texting...is that is really ONLY takes a second and we all know it. I just think it's rude to keep someone waiting. I mean if you are busy...say i'm going to be busy or hey....I'M NOT INTERESTED. Still don't get why it's so hard for some people to just say it, but instead they let us fume a bit. Ohhhh texting. I always try and let the guy text me first for a few days, then I'll trade off and take a little initiative. But then again here I am waiting for his response to my last text from TUESDAY and I've been seeing this guy for a month. WTH do I really know.
Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I just use common sense. No game playing. With my boyfriend, at first.. If he texted, i replied. If I texted, I made sure he replied. If he stopped texting me, and it was only me initiating contact - he would not have been into me. And vise versa. It is important to show you are inerested, by initiating the first text, if THEY do so. If they initiated texts, and u only ever reply, and NEVEr initiate any texts, it can appear rude. if your interested, let them know. Try to be equal in your approach, is all I can say. I did not write to texts in one go...etc.
Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I would say, if the guy has his after work time off, and is not totally flat out busy, and is into you and is socially fairly normal and direct/ none game playing, he would message u most days, just to say " hey how was your day" My boyfriend would at least text me most day, just to say hello.. maybe every 2nd day occasionally. Any more than that, they have dissapeard into their own lives, and your not important enough to them or they are nto sure if they want you. UNLESS they are super busy.
lospantalonsfancie Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) If he's taking a long time to text you back, one of three things is true: 1- He is not that into you. This is the most likely possibility. He might be into you enough to date you casually, but not to be in a committed long-term relationship with you. At least, this is his current feeling on the matter. 2- He is strategically shaping your interest level, which can be classified as playing games. This is the second most likely possibility. He is very much into you, but he has been burned in the past by being too "available" to women he likes. He discovered the unfortunate fact that attractive women often lose interest in men who are too "available", and increase interest in men who are "busy" or "distant" and try to win these men over. He is therefore purposely delaying his responses in order to push your emotional buttons in such a way that you like him back, or not lose interest in him. 3- He is legitimately extremely busy, and thus takes a long time to reply to people. This is unlikely, as the level of busy you need to be to not reply to someone you like quickly is very, very, very high. Edited March 2, 2012 by lospantalonsfancie
volkl1996 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 #2 is what I was trying to say earlier. I hate games as much as the next person. However, sometimes I think it's ok to wait, to pause, to think through something and to approach the "next" relationship a little differently, call it learning from the past if you will and thinking about how you want to come across to the person.
blueskyday Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Yes, be busy. Text: "Sorry, I'm cliff diving right now. Later." Even if you are sitting on couch watching TV in your old tee shirt and sweats. But, seriously, I know what you mean. Just text once and if you don't get a response, don't sweat it. Move on with your day. Never text more than twice without getting a response back. Sometimes I will simply text someone who hasn't responded, "Gotta run. Catch you later." But that's only if we have been having a text conversation. I agree texting has ruined dating. My last boyfriend would text whole long conversations. I realized he did better with the written word, but I speak much better in the moment. Writing frustrates me because my mind moves faster than I can type. Also, you don't get the nonverbal communication clues like you do in person, or with a voice on the phone. I think texting is like spice, or punctuation. It's not the whole deal, just a little extra icing on the communication cake. That said, if someone took a whole day to answer my texts on a regular basis, I would simply move to face time or phone communication.
blueskyday Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Oh, and monkey see, monkey do. If a new guy texts me constantly about how "busy" he is, blah blah...or seems to be taking forever to respond to texts, and I think he is playing games, I just text, "Yeah, so busy here, too. Sorry."...or I don't text him back right away if he texts me a whole day later on a regular basis. Or maybe not at all. If it's early in the game,and I don't know him well, I might text him back quickly a few times, to let him know that I like that spontaneity, but I don't keep doing that if he keeps me waiting on texts. Some people aren't big texters, so spend more time on the phone. But, some guys do play the texting game. I simply don't respond in the way that they want me to. Yawn.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I think that's what is so frustrating about texting...is that is really ONLY takes a second and we all know it. I just think it's rude to keep someone waiting. I mean if you are busy...say i'm going to be busy or hey....I'M NOT INTERESTED. Still don't get why it's so hard for some people to just say it, but instead they let us fume a bit. Ohhhh texting. I always try and let the guy text me first for a few days, then I'll trade off and take a little initiative. But then again here I am waiting for his response to my last text from TUESDAY and I've been seeing this guy for a month. WTH do I really know. Tuesday! Wow that does take the piss lol. What are your thoughts about it? It's good that you've controlled yourself from texting him again though
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Oh, and monkey see, monkey do. If a new guy texts me constantly about how "busy" he is, blah blah...or seems to be taking forever to respond to texts, and I think he is playing games, I just text, "Yeah, so busy here, too. Sorry."...or I don't text him back right away if he texts me a whole day later on a regular basis. Or maybe not at all. If it's early in the game,and I don't know him well, I might text him back quickly a few times, to let him know that I like that spontaneity, but I don't keep doing that if he keeps me waiting on texts. Some people aren't big texters, so spend more time on the phone. But, some guys do play the texting game. I simply don't respond in the way that they want me to. Yawn. I think it's pretty childish to play games! All it will do is cause drama and 'The upper hand game' will start. The thing is, one day he will be texting loads, then the next I won't hear from him until late evening, and I know he isn't busy so it pisses me off I could be reading too much into it.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Oh, and monkey see, monkey do. If a new guy texts me constantly about how "busy" he is, blah blah...or seems to be taking forever to respond to texts, and I think he is playing games, I just text, "Yeah, so busy here, too. Sorry."...or I don't text him back right away if he texts me a whole day later on a regular basis. Or maybe not at all. If it's early in the game,and I don't know him well, I might text him back quickly a few times, to let him know that I like that spontaneity, but I don't keep doing that if he keeps me waiting on texts. Some people aren't big texters, so spend more time on the phone. But, some guys do play the texting game. I simply don't respond in the way that they want me to. Yawn. Also, when he texts you a whole day later do your ask him why or do you act nonchalant?
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Ha...well he came around at 9:45pm last night and I replied short and sweet. I could play games back and just not contact him until today but I hate games and don't see the point really. I'm thinking his interest level is just not there and I don't have time for it. I'm actually surprised he even still contacts me at all. He did say he has had a pretty crazy week and it doesn't surprise me with his job. But AGAIN, a text takes 5 seconds...literally! One thing I have learned....is self control in dating. I have friends that call or text 24/7 even with no response and it makes me cringe. If they can hold out from texting me, so can I (ok that sounds game-y) but it's true. If I texted them last the balls in their court. I have a life, a busy one.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Ha...well he came around at 9:45pm last night and I replied short and sweet. I could play games back and just not contact him until today but I hate games and don't see the point really. I'm thinking his interest level is just not there and I don't have time for it. I'm actually surprised he even still contacts me at all. He did say he has had a pretty crazy week and it doesn't surprise me with his job. But AGAIN, a text takes 5 seconds...literally! One thing I have learned....is self control in dating. I have friends that call or text 24/7 even with no response and it makes me cringe. If they can hold out from texting me, so can I (ok that sounds game-y) but it's true. If I texted them last the balls in their court. I have a life, a busy one. I never text again if they haven't text back! Eeeek! But if they take a silly amount of time to text back I will be tempted to say something like 'I'll let you go ' I'll ask you too Did you act nonchalant?
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Yeah I was pretty tempted to say something like "oh hey stranger", but via text that could come off like I was waiting around. He asked how my day was and I just said "good...how was yours?", my responses are getting shorter and shorter with him...haha. My interest is decreasing more and more but I am still intrigued by him and he is a nice guy. I don't really have much to lose at this point. IF I see him again I'll probably joke around and say "wow I almost forgot what you looked like". Something silly like that.
mixwell Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Ok so I'm one of those people that hates texting people, I feel like I'm being a pest ect. If a guy takes ages to text me back I feel stupid. I don't know why! If I were to say 'You seem busy, I'll let you get on ' would that come across as needy and clingy at all? I'm not needy or clingy by the way As a guy I am a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. If you texted him and he has yet to reply I wouldn't txt again. As a guy, if I were even somewhat interested in a female I would make sure to contact her back. You can maybe send like one more in a casual way like"hey whats up what are you doing" but if he doesn't reply then you need to cut your losses, stop txting and move on. Hell I think us guys are pretty straight forward to read (unless he's trying to be hard to get) but for the most part I would assume he'd have contacted you back if interested. Hope this makes a little sense coming from a guy's perspective.
Oplimme Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 How do you guys feel about waiting to text in order to increase interest, when it seems that the other party has basically been floundering around? Like this guy I'm currently unsure of. He seems to want to have conversations when it's convenient for him, because I seem to always be available for him. I think now he's gotten used to my availability to the point where he initiates always, knowing he'll get a response. Should I, in this case, "play games"? I don't want to/like to, but I don't want to be a pest either. Nor do I want to be taken advantage of.
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