TaintedHeart Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Ok so I'm one of those people that hates texting people, I feel like I'm being a pest ect. If a guy takes ages to text me back I feel stupid. I don't know why! If I were to say 'You seem busy, I'll let you get on ' would that come across as needy and clingy at all? I'm not needy or clingy by the way Edited February 29, 2012 by TaintedHeart
january2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 If he's not much of texter either, perhaps move to a different method of communication?
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 If he's not much of texter either, perhaps move to a different method of communication? I enjoy texting but I usually wait until people text me first. I hate the thought of anybody thinking that I'm a pain in the ass. He does text but when he takes longer than usual I cringe! So was wondering if I sent something like I suggested would it come across as clingy.
ditzchic Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I enjoy texting but I usually wait until people text me first. I hate the thought of anybody thinking that I'm a pain in the ass. He does text but when he takes longer than usual I cringe! So was wondering if I sent something like I suggested would it come across as clingy. I think that you are so afraid of coming across as a pain might mean you are more needy than you believe. If you want to text someone, text them. If you don't, don't. Wondering what someone thinks to the point of anxiety is definitely a problem. You NEED to look not needy. That's not how it should be.
january2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 These two seem to contradict each other: Ok so I'm one of those people that hates texting people I enjoy texting I think that if you really want to know the answer to your question, it's best to ask him directly, "are you busy?". After all, it's his opinion that really matters in this instance. Otherwise, I suggest leaving it. It's his decision to text you back or not, regardless of how busy he is. Once you send a text, you leave the response in the other person's hands. Rather than trying to control it, perhaps keep yourself busy with something else so that you're not sitting by the phone winding yourself up and waiting for him to respond to you. 1
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 These two seem to contradict each other: I think that if you really want to know the answer to your question, it's best to ask him directly, "are you busy?". After all, it's his opinion that really matters in this instance. Otherwise, I suggest leaving it. It's his decision to text you back or not, regardless of how busy he is. Once you send a text, you leave the response in the other person's hands. Rather than trying to control it, perhaps keep yourself busy with something else so that you're not sitting by the phone winding yourself up and waiting for him to respond to you. Sorry for the confusion. What I mean is, I don't dislike texting, I dislike being the first to make contact, with almost anyone. 1
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 I think that you are so afraid of coming across as a pain might mean you are more needy than you believe. If you want to text someone, text them. If you don't, don't. Wondering what someone thinks to the point of anxiety is definitely a problem. You NEED to look not needy. That's not how it should be. Hmm. Needy people don't really care how they're coming across so I don't agree
eleanorhurting Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Hmm. Needy people don't really care how they're coming across so I don't agree yes they do. I know I can come across as needy sometimes and i worry constantly about these kinds of things. But then again I worry about lots of things.
curlygirl40 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Not sure exactly what you're looking for here but I'm going to give it a go. When you text anyone, love interest, friend, etc. sometimes they will be right by their phone and can answer quickly and sometimes they can't. So if you don't hear back right away, assume they are busy and move on with your day and wait for them to respond. If they don't respond right away, it could be absolutely NO reflection on you. When they aren't busy, they should respond. You won't look needy, IMO, unless you don't get a response so you text again. And then again. If you text someone and don't get a response right away so you text again and say 'sorry, you must be busy, I'll let you get on with your day', YES to me that is unnecessary. My opinion anyway. It's like the rules of texting are that you text and you wait for a response and then you respond to them when you have time. Sometimes I could be in the middle of a great convo with a good friend and get an important work call, or hop in the car for an appointment and the convo will just end until I have time to pick up my phone again. NBD. It's like it's an unwritten thing and people just roll with it. Sometimes I will say 'starting to drive...chat later' or something like that. But sometimes not. People seem to understand. Don't sweat it. But don't text again until you hear back. Either there is a lack of interest on their part or they are busy.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 Not sure exactly what you're looking for here but I'm going to give it a go. When you text anyone, love interest, friend, etc. sometimes they will be right by their phone and can answer quickly and sometimes they can't. So if you don't hear back right away, assume they are busy and move on with your day and wait for them to respond. If they don't respond right away, it could be absolutely NO reflection on you. When they aren't busy, they should respond. You won't look needy, IMO, unless you don't get a response so you text again. And then again. If you text someone and don't get a response right away so you text again and say 'sorry, you must be busy, I'll let you get on with your day', YES to me that is unnecessary. My opinion anyway. It's like the rules of texting are that you text and you wait for a response and then you respond to them when you have time. Sometimes I could be in the middle of a great convo with a good friend and get an important work call, or hop in the car for an appointment and the convo will just end until I have time to pick up my phone again. NBD. It's like it's an unwritten thing and people just roll with it. Sometimes I will say 'starting to drive...chat later' or something like that. But sometimes not. People seem to understand. Don't sweat it. But don't text again until you hear back. Either there is a lack of interest on their part or they are busy. Oh god no I dont keep texting if I don't get a reply! If they're busy and they take a while to reply I feel bad, also if I know they're not busy and take a while to reply I feel cringy.
curlygirl40 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Oh god no I dont keep texting if I don't get a reply! If they're busy and they take a while to reply I feel bad, also if I know they're not busy and take a while to reply I feel cringy. Well stop feeling bad and cringy. LOL Sorry, not sure what else to say. You shouldn't take it personally. Texting is like that. I sometimes like to joke that text and e-mail is like annoying someone at my own convenience. Seriously. If you're calling someone and they are busy that's a little more intrusive than sending a text or e-mail that they can reply to when they aren't busy. Period.
lilyblue Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Ok so I'm one of those people that hates texting people, I feel like I'm being a pest ect. If a guy takes ages to text me back I feel stupid. I don't know why! If I were to say 'You seem busy, I'll let you get on ' would that come across as needy and clingy at all? I'm not needy or clingy by the way I don't have much advice, but I feel the exact same way! I know it's insecurity, but I'm not sure how to break out of it. I'm in that cringy state often. But no, I wouldn't send that second text.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 I don't have much advice, but I feel the exact same way! I know it's insecurity, but I'm not sure how to break out of it. I'm in that cringy state often. But no, I wouldn't send that second text. Good to know that I'm not the only
volkl1996 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I am 45 and recently single. Texting in my opinion has really screwed up dating. I think it's fun to send quick little flirty texts, but wow, the world has changed and dating has changed with texting. It's all about texting now and no real communication. And there is no time to miss the person if they are texting you all day. To answer your question, if he is into you he is into you....no games, no questions. If I like a girl I will give it a day or two to see if my feelings are the same in 1-2 days, then I will text her something like "I had a great time....". If she replies positiviely I will take it from there.
volkl1996 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Oh, and do not say "you seem busy" or anything like that. Again, if he is into you you will know it. And if he does reply, don't reply immediately. Wait a few hours. An immediate reply to me sometimes does come across as needy and clingy. You do not eant to come across as not having a life...a woman who has a life and is busy is VERY attractive to me. Even if you are not busy...make it appear that way..at least in the beginning.
FitChick Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 It's because of threads like this that I never text. Call me or email me.
WhiteChocolate Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Oh, and do not say "you seem busy" or anything like that. Again, if he is into you you will know it. And if he does reply, don't reply immediately. Wait a few hours. An immediate reply to me sometimes does come across as needy and clingy. You do not eant to come across as not having a life...a woman who has a life and is busy is VERY attractive to me. Even if you are not busy...make it appear that way..at least in the beginning. That just sounds like playing games, IMO. When I text someone I don't wait around for a reply. The whole point of texting is being able to reach someone when they are busy, so they can respond at their convenience. Also when someone texts back, I try to respond ASAP. Who cares if they think I'm being needy, whatever. I'm busy enough to not care about these things and when I have time to respond, I do it immediately. Who has time to calculate how long to wait before seeming "busy?" That's just lame.
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 That just sounds like playing games, IMO. When I text someone I don't wait around for a reply. The whole point of texting is being able to reach someone when they are busy, so they can respond at their convenience. Also when someone texts back, I try to respond ASAP. Who cares if they think I'm being needy, whatever. I'm busy enough to not care about these things and when I have time to respond, I do it immediately. Who has time to calculate how long to wait before seeming "busy?" That's just lame. I agree, it is a form of game playing. And just for the record I don't sit around waiting
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm in the same boat....just don't get the rules of texting and dating...haha. It makes it like a roller coaster...one minute you are up and thinking they are interested and then all the sudden they stop texting as much or at all for all for a day or so and you are downfall. I miss the days of pre-text dating. (but secretly I love texting...hehe) FRUST....ER...ATING!
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 I'm in the same boat....just don't get the rules of texting and dating...haha. It makes it like a roller coaster...one minute you are up and thinking they are interested and then all the sudden they stop texting as much or at all for all for a day or so and you are downfall. I miss the days of pre-text dating. (but secretly I love texting...hehe) FRUST....ER...ATING! Yes it is very annoying. But of course we can't really raise the matter can we?! So we just wind ourselves up and over think it seems.
Like Monster Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I leave texting to cute little notes. Basically, anything that can be completely ignored without affecting me whatsoever, I'll put in a text, or an email. That includes telling my girlfriend that I Like her. It's nice to get an I Like you text back in return! Mmmm, such a yummy surprise Likes I LOVE LIKES Hold on, I got carried away there. If it requires a response, make it a phone call, otherwise I treat texts with the same urgency and expectancy as sending messages in bottles over the seaLIKE THIS POST
mtber75 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 IMHO you text BECAUSE you don't want to be a pain. With texting, he/she can see it whenever he/she is free. I prefer texting. I want to ask if I texted a girl and no answer. How long should wait until I text or call her? Should I just move on because she's not interested?
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 IMHO you text BECAUSE you don't want to be a pain. With texting, he/she can see it whenever he/she is free. I prefer texting. I want to ask if I texted a girl and no answer. How long should wait until I text or call her? Should I just move on because she's not interested? I'd give it a couple of days. Nobody is that busy. Texting takes seconds after all.
ScienceGal Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I used to get all nerved up when waiting for a guy to message me back. But, I don't anymore. I just say what I need/want to say and leave it. If he doesn't reply, it's not the end of the world. In time, you should get a feel for him and how the relationship is going, and that should be based on more than texting. Try not to place too much importance on overanalyzing texting. Just be confident and believe that any man would be lucky to have you in their life. Don't stress!
Author TaintedHeart Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I used to get all nerved up when waiting for a guy to message me back. But, I don't anymore. I just say what I need/want to say and leave it. If he doesn't reply, it's not the end of the world. In time, you should get a feel for him and how the relationship is going, and that should be based on more than texting. Try not to place too much importance on overanalyzing texting. Just be confident and believe that any man would be lucky to have you in their life. Don't stress! Thanks ScienceGal
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