Ok guys. Im going out with girlfriends tonight. I need tips on how to be approachable

[FrustratedStandards]

I've learnt that my "men are pussies" attitude is what made me unapproachable and this condescending attitude can be sniffed out easily.

 

I'm going out with 2 girlfriends tonight, and want to use this opportunity to change my behaviors and attitudes to see if men will be more open to approaching me.

 

So far i've learned that:

 

1. It's better that you stray from the group from time to time, men are more likely to approach when you are alone.

 

2. They can detect my "who has more balls" attitude, and this needs to change.

 

I'm going tonight keeping in mind that I shouldn't always stick to my friends, and I shouldn't put so much pressure on men to approach.

 

This is a very classy place in a very upscale part of town. So I always dress up (truthfully everyone does, men in suits, women look gorgeous). What I usually do at this place is I go sit in a corner at a table with a glass of white wine (my favorite!) and sip it while chatting to my friends. If I see a guy I like, sometimes I will walk up to him and say hi. Note that this hasn't worked in the past, so I need to take a different approach. The truth is, I don't know how else to approach a guy if it isn't to say hi.

 

Someone once mentioned to play "damsel in distress" and ask for help with something. I just don't know what I could need help with in a lounge?

 

I could use your advice guys Thanks!

[verhrzn]

Keep your arms uncrossed. The best posture would be shoulders back, chin tilted slightly down. Keep your arms controlled at your sides, and when using them to talk, expose your palms a lot.

 

When you see a man you think is cute, try to make eye contact. Hold the eye contact for 3 seconds, then look down and to the right. If needed, repeat this 2-3 times. (Beyond that, the guy is either not interested or insufferably thick.)

 

Try this neat trick: eyebrow flash guys you REALLY like. The "eyebrow flash" is when you meet someone's eye and raise your eyebrows (with a smile, obviously.) You know, that greeting you use for friendly acquaintances you see on the street. According to the body language book I got, humans do not eyebrow flash people they don't like. It can awkward doing it to a stranger, but the book claims it usually gets a positive response, since people assume they either know you, or you're extra friendly and sincere.

[FrustratedStandards]

Oh wow. This is great!

 

I never cross my arms, so that won't be a problem. Yes i've read that palms up signals openness and honesty. I also read about the eyebrow flash thing but I don't think I would be comfortable with that, and I think it would come off as too sexual an approach?

 

Or maybe I would just look goofy doing it

 

I didn't know about the "look down and to the right" stuff. Thanks!

[tman666]

Stay off of your cell phone, and make it a point to order drinks at the bar by yourself (as opposed to going up with 6 other girls). This might provide a better "approach window".

 

Don't be afraid to look around the room and make eye contact with guys you'd want to approach you. Smile a lot, and look like you're having a great time.

[zengirl]

Some tricks:

 

1. Try to go up to the bar when someone you're interested in is also up there or near there and go alone; make eyes at him; possibly bump into him. If you can walk up and stand next to him, smiling at him or even saying "hi" isn't going to feel aggressive (you're standing there for a drink, and it's just polite).

 

2. Make a point to maybe visit another area -- outside or something -- by yourself with your drink and just sit there (no phone, no armor) for a bit. Can give a guy an open.

 

3. Maybe integrate with a group of guys with your friends. Just take a few of them and go up to a group of guys and see if any connections or conversations happen.

[FrustratedStandards]

Stay off of your cell phone, and make it a point to order drinks at the bar by yourself (as opposed to going up with 6 other girls). This might provide a better "approach window".

 

Don't be afraid to look around the room and make eye contact with guys you'd want to approach you. Smile a lot, and look like you're having a great time.

 

I always go alone in hopes that someone might take the chance. Never happened.

 

Also another question. Do men judge a woman by what she drinks? I usually get a glass of white wine, but on occasion I like myself a nice martini.

 

Is it true men sometimes judge a woman by what she drinks?

 

Some tricks:

 

1. Try to go up to the bar when someone you're interested in is also up there or near there and go alone; make eyes at him; possibly bump into him. If you can walk up and stand next to him, smiling at him or even saying "hi" isn't going to feel aggressive (you're standing there for a drink, and it's just polite).

 

Been there, done that. Ugh. It sucks cuz all the advice is so good and i've followed up on it with no result.

 

I don't mean to brag or be a b*tch about this, but I am very well off. I mean, I don't sparkle in diamonds or carry around a prada purse (I actually don't carry a purse, they're annoying) but the dresses I wear are very expensive (and purdy ) and I always have top of the line clothing and accessories.

 

Like I said, I don't wear diamonds (just stud earrings maybe) or expensive jewellery. Just a great dress, great shoes and that's usually it.

 

Could it be that men are less likely to approach if a woman seems like she is more wealthy than he is?

 

Just asking.

[maybealone]

I haven't dated in a while, but one thing I was always told that I has always worked for me is to look like you are having fun. Even if you are in the most boring conversation with your friends, find reasons to smile and laugh.

 

Walking by a guy, catching his eye, smiling a sexy little smile, and then moving on or looking away generally worked better for me than saying hi.

 

And maybe try a little pep talk to yourself before you go out about the wonderful aspects of men. There are so, so many!

[FrustratedStandards]

Walking by a guy, catching his eye, smiling a sexy little smile, and then moving on or looking away generally worked better for me than saying hi.

 

Really? Hmm...

 

I always thought that an approach like this was too sexual and aggressive, and I would think that it would give the guy the wrong idea...

[zengirl]

I don't mean to brag or be a b*tch about this, but I am very well off. I mean, I don't sparkle in diamonds or carry around a prada purse (I actually don't carry a purse, they're annoying) but the dresses I wear are very expensive (and purdy ) and I always have top of the line clothing and accessories.

 

Like I said, I don't wear diamonds (just stud earrings maybe) or expensive jewellery. Just a great dress, great shoes and that's usually it.

 

Could it be that men are less likely to approach if a woman seems like she is more wealthy than he is?

 

Just asking.

 

*shrug* Maybe at a lounge.

 

I don't know, my scene is more hipster bars, so perhaps some lounge folks have to come give their tips.

[verhrzn]

Really? Hmm...

 

I always thought that an approach like this was too sexual and aggressive, and I would think that it would give the guy the wrong idea...

 

Is being sexual kind of the right idea? I mean, don't you WANT him to think you're sexy and all physically hot? You don't really think an eyebrow flash and a coy smile make you a slut do you?

[FrustratedStandards]

Is being sexual kind of the right idea? I mean, don't you WANT him to think you're sexy and all physically hot? You don't really think an eyebrow flash and a coy smile make you a slut do you?

 

An eyebrow flash reminds me of Mr. Bean trying to make a move on a lady out of his league LOL

 

And I always disagreed with putting your sexuality on display just to be sexy. You don't have to be sexual to be sexy.

[zengirl]

An eyebrow flash reminds me of Mr. Bean trying to make a move on a lady out of his league LOL

 

And I always disagreed with putting your sexuality on display just to be sexy. You don't have to be sexual to be sexy.

 

Nobody is suggesting you flash a boob. No ideas in here are all that sexual OR sexy IMO.

[tman666]

I always go alone in hopes that someone might take the chance. Never happened.

 

Dannng really? To me at least, that seems like a WIDE OPEN door! Then again, it seems that the amount of testosterone in the world is decreasing as time goes on, soooo...

 

Also another question. Do men judge a woman by what she drinks? I usually get a glass of white wine, but on occasion I like myself a nice martini.

 

Is it true men sometimes judge a woman by what she drinks?

 

I can't speak for the entire male species, but I personally don't really give a rats ass what a girl is drinking if she looks like someone I'd like to talk to. Other criteria (how she looks, how she carries herself, what she's doing, how available she appears, her voice/laugh, etc.) would be priorities waayyyyy before I'd presume anything about a girl based on what she's drinking.

[Titania22]

This is a great thread, full of lots of great tips.

 

 

The thing that concerns me about this is, won't the men that approach be only interested in casual sex? Is it possible to be just sexy/attractive enough to get approached, without being disqualified in the relationship category?

[tman666]

This is a great thread, full of lots of great tips.

 

 

The thing that concerns me about this is, won't the men that approach be only interested in casual sex? Is it possible to be just sexy/attractive enough to get approached, without being disqualified in the relationship category?

 

Not necessarily. I met my girlfriend of 4 years in a bar. Neither of us was trolling for a hookup (not our style). It was more of the type of thing that when she walked in the front door, I somehow knew that if I didn't talk to her, I'd regret it. Hence, I sacked up and approached her, even though she was with a girlfriend. We talked for hours, exchanged numbers, and parted ways until the next weekend. No immediate hook up/make out/etc. whatsoever.

[Titania22]

Not necessarily. I met my girlfriend of 4 years in a bar. Neither of us was trolling for a hookup (not our style). It was more of the type of thing that when she walked in the front door, I somehow knew that if I didn't talk to her, I'd regret it. Hence, I sacked up and approached her, even though she was with a girlfriend. We talked for hours, exchanged numbers, and parted ways until the next weekend. No immediate hook up/make out/etc. whatsoever.

 

That's lovely. And makes me wonder what is takes to be that girl.

 

Because essentially that's what the thread is about. How does a girl have to behave/appear to make a guy behave/think in the way you did when you met your girlfriend, whether it's a bar/the street/anywhere?

[tman666]

That's lovely. And makes me wonder what is takes to be that girl.

 

Because essentially that's what the thread is about. How does a girl have to behave/appear to make a guy behave/think in the way you did when you met your girlfriend, whether it's a bar/the street/anywhere?

 

Unfortunately, I don't think that there can be any one answer to this. The things that turn one guy on to a girl could be things that turn other guys off to her.

 

My personal feeling is that at the end of the day, you just have to be yourself with this stuff. I see people getting into "paralysis by analysis" mode and spinning their wheels by overthinking the ins and outs.

 

I say this as someone who admittedly has not a single hint of "game". My style of preferring natural conversation works for me, but it might not work for everyone.

[Titania22]

Unfortunately, I don't think that there can be any one answer to this. The things that turn one guy on to a girl could be things that turn other guys off to her.

 

My personal feeling is that at the end of the day, you just have to be yourself with this stuff.

 

It's very true, which is why I agree that there doesn't seem to be a specific answer (as to how to be).

 

And I do just be myself now, completely uncensored or disguised.

 

And I am still working on fixing those last few loose wires in my head (that hold me back from all of life). (That's the over arching mission of this year for me.) So that whether I am forever single or actually find someone one day, I will have a great life either way.

 

Still it would be nice if there was some key.

[tman666]

So that whether I am forever single or actually find someone one day, I will have a great life either way.

 

This is a great attitude!

[FrustratedStandards]

This is a great thread, full of lots of great tips.

 

 

The thing that concerns me about this is, won't the men that approach be only interested in casual sex? Is it possible to be just sexy/attractive enough to get approached, without being disqualified in the relationship category?

 

That's my fear with the whole "eyebrow smile" thing. I guess there are ways to do it without being overtly sexual, but I feel that if I were to do it, it would be way too sexual than I intend it to be.

 

And I agree, a woman's laugh, smile and way of carrying herself should be enough sexiness to attract a man. She shouldn't have to go smiling and winking all around for guys to like her.

 

That reminds me. Once, a guy smiled at me as I was taking a sip of my wine, and I wanted to smile back before he turned away, so with a mouthful of wine I smiled with closed lips as some managed to leak out the corner of my mouth LOL

 

Sexy.

[eleanorhurting]

ooops i am sorry i postd int he wrong place.

 

I think the best thing you can do is smile and the whole walking off by yourself thing works too. I do it accidently mostly and it works like a charm! My friends always wonder how i always end up meeting someone every time we go out and its mostly because I always end up getting lost and wandering around by myself lol.

Edited February 29, 2012 by eleanorhurting
wrong place!

[maybealone]

My personal feeling is that at the end of the day, you just have to be yourself with this stuff.

 

Absolutely. The "coy smile" thing is me. That's just something I do. If it wasn't natural for me and I did it anyway, it might look forced or just plain weird.

 

That reminds me. Once, a guy smiled at me as I was taking a sip of my wine, and I wanted to smile back before he turned away, so with a mouthful of wine I smiled with closed lips as some managed to leak out the corner of my mouth LOL

 

Sexy.

 

Well, it might have got him thinking about... oh, never mind.

[mtber75]

1. DO NOT go out with more than one girlfriend. I repeat: DO NOT go out with more than one girlfriend. One is enough.

 

2. Read a book on body language. There are many ways of being flirtatious with eye contact and body language. Practice in front of a mirror.

 

Very true, its pretty annoying when I have to talk to a group of girls and it suggest that your not there to meet guys if your with a group!

 

If your sitting at the bar, look around as if your lost or bored? Also if your not talking to someone, tilt your body outward that will make a guy approach you. Yeah I like the suggestion of looking seductive while walking past the guy:)

[FrustratedStandards]

If your sitting at the bar, look around as if your lost or bored? Also if your not talking to someone, tilt your body outward that will make a guy approach you. Yeah I like the suggestion of looking seductive while walking past the guy:)

 

Oh that makes sense! Cuz usually when I wanna get outta somewhere, or when my girlfriends are bored, men approach! Gosh I'm so silly this is so obvious and I never noticed!

 

And the tilt your body outward? Really? Ill give it a try.

[curlygirl40]

I love this thread thanks!!

 

I feel so unapproachable when I'm out like this. I had a girlfriend watch my body language and she told me I look really nervous and she thought it would be offputting. I guess I need to study more about body language.

 

Thank you all for the tips.