Phanpooh Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Me: Did you hurt? San: What's up? i don't get it... Me: Did you hurt when you fell from heaven? San: Oh, you idiot <3 Then i just laughed but in my eyes, there was sadness... when an angle fell in my arm, it's truly hurt XD my arm may be too small, but they r long enough to hugging you Oh crap, that angle still has her wings... and Someday she will fly again... my friends told me that, the hardest thing will put me down to the road when she leaves. But for me, i'm Pooh, i'm wonder "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." I was going around and looking for love, Then i realized that i can't see it, cause people don't spell it, we just feel it. Sometime, i just thought the love i lost, maybe the love i may have forever But "If it's not here, it only means one thing... its somewhere else!" Me: San! San: Yes? Me: Nothing, i just wanted to be sure of you. Damn, i forget to tell you that, when you leave, you couldn't forget me, cause if you thought you would, i'd never let you go... sometime, a smallest memory of us, will take up the most room in your heart. You know why? Because there is a time, when you can't think probably, and i will blow into your head. People yells at pain, their hearts are broken, but they forget that, they still beat. i used to say "forever" but it's too good to be true. When my mind was at the worst place, my heart asked "did you ever stop to think?... and forget to start again?". You asked me try to live and be healthy for you, but then you leave me for a little fun with him, that suck you know? When i'm happy, who could i share with? When i'm sad, who could be with me? And i know i must be stronger. "Nothing is impossible",but everyday i do nothing for you. Maybe there is thing called love,there is thing i care too much. Did You know? "I wouldn't care if you were out there pole-dancing all night, as long as you did it with a little integrity." Today, i watched your new pics, what you try to hide from me... You are the same San, someone i used to know, but there is news "clothes". i still like your old clothes. Someday when you wake up, my pain in 3 months will hit you in once time and at that day, you can't hide your true love for me anymore, or you just know that, it wasn't there at first day you say to me" i love you" and there wasn't 3min held on your breath. Future is mystery, and i don't what will happen. Today i just want to tell you that: when we're not together, there's something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you. He can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile He can't see the way your tears fall down when you lie and you can't see me being happy when you are with him But i see the pride you paid are too much for him, wasn't it? I just want to show you, he's never going to love you like I used to And if we could still be together, you shall not see a beautiful Miracle Unbelievable Instead of just invisible. Wish you the best with your new <3 PS: i love you <3 San
Author Phanpooh Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 Today, The first day of March, I dreamed that i contacted you, and before you pick up that phone, i woke up at 3AM... Today, the first day out of blue, i went to work at 5AM, and after 12 hours working, i'm driving to home... Today, another day is mixed with Sad and Happy, I ended my day with an espresso affogato... And this song will make my March being a myth... Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die Told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends But I'll admit that I was glad it was over But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough No you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over But had me believing it was always something that I'd done But I don't wanna live that way Reading into every word you say You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough And you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Somebody (I used to know) Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know) (I used to know) (That I used to know) (I used to know) Somebody In love, i don't afraid of taking risk, and I'm also a gambler, but i won't sold my soul, i knows when to walk away, i learn when to run, i learn when to keep something for myself then i wouldn't ended up living in the street... How about you? This March will be hard for both of us, Dumper or Dumpee? who is getting more hurt? Let's me see what you have... People that don't know you think you are a heartbreaker People that do know me wish I weren't. so "Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it." Therapist is so different than Bartender cause Therapist will help you learn your problem But Bartender make you drunk and teach you how to pay Let's me see how you survival with your drunken guilty Let's me see how you put a good shine on your boots Let's me see how an angle being tired of flying and i will show you "Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over." At first 2 weeks, you were not coming to grief At first 2 months, You weren't tired of drama At time to bid a farewell, Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. You took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to talk for directions with me again, but i want you know,always here is a shoulder to cry, when you done, you could be in return for someone else.... for my <3[/url]"Stupid Girl" Once I met this boy he seemed to have it all but I must have scared his sweet heart away cause he was gone the next day. And deep down I know I'm not a stupid girl but still I make all those mistakes, yeay I know there's a lot of stupid girls in this world but I don't want to be like them. Yes I drink a lot, I don't know how to stop and I don't know what it is that I say but something scares them all away. Deep down I know I'm not a stupid girl but still I make all those mistakes, yeay I know there's a lot of stupid girls in this world but I don't want to be like them. Yes I will learn but as a lonely ugly drunk on a bend la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, right! And deep down I know I'm not a stupid girl but still I make all those mistakes, yeay I know there's a lot of stupid girls in this world but I don't want to be like them. And deep down I know I'm not a stupid girl but still I make all those mistakes, yeay I know there's a lot of stupid girls in this world but I don't want to be like them, no. Stupid girl. Stupid girl. Come on everybody!
Author Phanpooh Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Adam Lambert - Better Than I Know Myself Cold as ice And more bitter than a December Winter night That's how I treated you And I know that I I sometimes tend to lose my temper And I cross the line Yeah that's the truth I know it gets hard sometimes But I could never Leave your side No matter what I say Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now, But I really need you near me to Keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now, But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself All along I tried to pretend it didn't matter If I was alone But deep down I know If you were gone For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn Cause I'm lost without you. I know it gets hard sometimes But I could never Leave your side No matter what I say Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now, But I really need you near me to Keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now, But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself I get kind of dark Let it go too far I can be obnoxious at times But try and see my heart Cause I need you need now So don't let me down You're the only thing in this world I would die without Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now, But I really need you near me to Keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myself Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now, But I really need you near me to Keep my mind off the edge If I wanted to leave I would have left by now, But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know myselfPS: Life is just simple "LIE" with an "F" in middle...... Edited March 2, 2012 by Phanpooh
Author Phanpooh Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks LS, thanks everyone here you guys helped a little boy keep living and believing in love Today is my big day, a day i shouldn't remember, i'm now passing a acceptation phase, really dealt with a BU due with GIGS, and i'm ready to move on... Someday, when everything is in the end, i will share a part of my story here ^^ and again, thanks a lot
Author Phanpooh Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 (edited) it's suck up and down (_ _") i tried to RIP everything i tried to think about future without her i forced myself to work i forced myself to go out to take "everything" back and after a day i was walking in "acceptation - zone" i'm confused again... i know i did a right thing, i let her go for her happiness but a thought someday she will come back, that make me feeling sick of myself when i let her go, i hide myself behind an emotional-mask, to push her far from me, to clear her guilty, to make her move on quickly and HATE me. in this time, i proud of myself, i was in my depression time, lost allthings but still care about her, and i did everything excellently... and then, i put a cold NC with her, and i don't know why, i've healed so fast, if i didn't love her, i won't let her go. I'm still missing her but i could see my life without her or anyone else, just like i'm gonna die alone in someday... maybe this is a best way to cope, R.I.P and feel like she just somebody i used to know.... and this way make me sick, WHO AM I ? i have already known that someday in future she will come back, for apologies or something more... i also know i get over her in someday, i will move on... while she'll think of me... sometime i just wonder , there is white or black? good or bad? or something? mixed by Psychology, emotional, and thinking of? You'll think of me I woke up this morning around 4am With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms I've been trying my best to get along but that's okay there's nothing left to say but Take your records, take you freedom Take your memories, I don't need 'em Take your space and take your reasons But you'll think of me And take your cat and leave my sweater 'Cause we have nothing left to weather In fact I'll feel a whole lot better But you'll think of me, you'll think of me I went out driving trying to clear my head I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this And all the baggage that seems to still exist It seems the only blessing I have left to my name Is not knowing what we could have been What we should have been So Someday I'm gonna run across your mind Don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life And you're gonna think of me Oh someday baby, someday Everyday, a thinking of " she isn't here, it's okay" make me feel.... Everytime, when somebody told me she is happy, i'm happy for her too but indeed, i can see that there is a lie.... cause i know someday, she will cry, he will cry and i gonna hurting 2 peoples (_ _") what is wrong with me? Worry about my ex, and her bf ? i afraid of a thinking that " i could get over her", " i could RIP my love for her"..... Can someone here help me? Edited March 5, 2012 by Phanpooh
Author Phanpooh Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 My feeling is back in line A little update of my life ^^ it's about 5m after BigBang night and i'm in better place after she left, i forced myself to be work-a-holic and i tried to fix everything wrong with my personal, try to be better person. i learned some new skills ( cards tricking, lucid dreaming, talking, making-up story, faking-emotional, cooking, driving,....) some useless, some useful... i just wanted to be a place i was, who i am, just like me before i met her but someday ago, i realize that, that isn't me... she gave me a biggest present for my birthday and i have to enjoy it, which is " a chance to live my own life by myself"... and a little boy i was, is killed by time... everything is changed, and now i'm not that person anymore, i did a big thing and keep building my dream, enjoying my life, even there is "her" or not... pain? depression? failure? successful? what is important? when i smile, my eyes still r sad.... i didn't regret what did i do in rela, after rela because i know i was truely ME and she is an one who hided her emotional for everything, she was right, she can't trust herself and she was wrong, im neither... that why i didn't share my all soul for her. i laid my heart, my life, my soul in her hand 1 time and she just let it go, so..... someday in future, if she come back, i will smile and say "thank you" with all my respect for her ^^ someday in future, there is a girl will thank for her decision,.. PS: in fact, i keep dreaming about her, and about my first ex XD something is wrong in my head? how could i love 2 persons or i just thought i loved them sometime in my life?
Recommended Posts