Numb79 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Letting go takes a daily and conscious effort..... I never thought of that before. It makes sense but I think applying it will be a whole different story. To be honest with everyone, I really don't know what type of emotion I am feeling at this moment. Its as if I have gone numb. I remember feeling the same way when it all first happened. I sure hope that I am not regressing in my healing process. I don't know..... maybe the broken foot has made the situation even worse. Being stuck at home without the means of going anywhere could be adding to my emotions. I don't know what is wrong with me. I know in the back of my mind that this relationship will not work because of the distance but yet there are times where I still long for it. I know that even if we were to try it again..... the relationship has already been tainted and will never be what it once was. So why do I still long for it? Is that just a natural human reaction to go back to a time of when I was comfortable? I know I need to move on, I know that this feeling won't last forever..... I know that I will learn from this and become a stronger and better person. But as for now, I seem to be stuck in the moment..... Perhaps it is all hitting me right now? When it first occured, I did everything in my power to not think about it, kepy myself busy, avoided being at home..... but now that I have broken my foot it seems to be all just sinking in. I find myself wondering how can people do this? I mean.... we have known each other for so long and had such a big impact on one another's lives..... how do you just get up and walk away and pretend like none of it ever happened? But then I think to myself, that stuff like that happens all the time. I think the reality of life is somewhat depressing for me at the moment. Realistically, thats life! People come and go in each other's lives all the time.... it has probably been like that forever!! OMG! I sure hope this experience does not turn me into a bitter and depressed person. I need to learn to let go of all these negative emotions. I feel like I am just going through the motions on a daily basis and I am sure that everyone has been there. Everything just feels really empty right now..... I need to find a purpose! Unfortunately, I don't know it is at this time. I just feel so lost!! Its as if I have two different personalities right now. The logical side is telling me all the things that I need to hear.... while the emotional side of me just puts up this huge fight! This constant inner struggle is just so draining on me! I really do appreciate everyone's insight and their words of advice. I come to this board daily to read some of the inspirational things that are on here and it helps a little. The morning are the worst for me..... which is odd because most people feel the effects at night. Perhaps by the time night time comes.... I am just too mentally exhausted to think anymore. Every morning when I wake up, its as if the thought process starts all over again! Boy does that suck!! I wish my foot wasn't broken so I was at least able to go to work and focus on work. Breaking my foot could be a blessing in disguise though. Perhaps, now I am able to absorb everything and actually deal with my emotions in a more healthy way rather than hiding them and pushing them to the back burner. I feel every statement that I make is contradicting. Like is said earlier.... I don't even know what I feel. I would rather feel something rather than nothing. I do know one thing though..... this discussion board has been very helpful to me. Just being able to type it all out gives me some type of relief for the time being. I will continue to use this as a means to vent or just express what I am feeling. It also appears that alot of people are reading this thread as well. For those of you who are just reading.... don't be afraid to jump in..... it will give you a brief moment of relief when you do so.
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