CrazyCard Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 The last time I posted in here was about four months ago, just before the last time I'd gone to see my ex (and finally meet his mom) and we have since broken up. We broke up mid-November after spending the week and a half following our visit fighting 50% of the time. Most of the fights we generated because he wasn't reliable--ever. He'd say he'd call me at a certain time, he'd be online at a certain time and wouldn't be (this wasn't new, but it'd been a problem for a couple years and was finally getting to me), so I'd be waiting around for an hour or more and receive no apologies for the wasted time, nor did he call/text/whatever to let me know he'd be late. We had a huge blowout because his mom scheduled a trip over when he was planning to come see me (and planning to propose) and he didn't bother to stand up to her, nor did he bother to compromise. I spent two days stressed as hell while he took his sweet time getting back to me about what was going on. I snapped after a two day long fight and said something along the lines of,"Come talk to me when you grow up, but I'm not going to hold my breath that you will.", signed off, thought,"...Oh.. I'm a dumbass." came back after 30 minutes and apologized, said I would help him, got ignored. Got ignored for a week (texts, voicemails, IMs totally ignored), found out he had been logging onto my skype account and using it for personal purposes over the time he had been ignoring me. He called me at the end of that week to tell me that he wasn't sure what he wanted, he was tired of hurting me and letting me down, I tried to tell him that it wasn't fair that he decide what's right for me, but I agreed to give him space. After a few days I left a voicemail saying this was garbage, in a long-term you should be able to make a mistake and be comfortable in the fact that your partner can forgive you, he ignored it, ignored me for another week and then called, opening with,"You understand why I was ignoring you, right?" we didn't speak all the way until he got back from his trip, two months post breakup. During that conversation he told me he still loved me, but he felt that he could have a relationship with no fighting, then claimed it had been too long and there was "nothing left". He blamed me for waiting too long (which, as seen earlier, wasn't true, I'd been trying to talk to him as of 30 minutes of it happening), he said he'd wished he'd known that I knew what I'd done wrong sooner (I'd told him the first time we'd talked, I mentioned that, he said I couldn't blame him for not wanting to believe me), screamed "it's done" at me and said that he was a lot less angry without me around. He said he may come to regret it someday but didn't want to do this right now, said he'd probably be trying to do the same thing if he were in my position--and he was, he stupided out, left me in April, screamed at me, ignored me for three days, called me crying and all I told him was that it was okay, but not to do it again. Sorry for the wall of text, I'm not an angel, I'd get ragefully angry at him, but objectively but that was due to a year of letdowns, broken promises and lies (I.E. my only brother was getting married in January, he'd promised he'd come, I RVSPed in July, he said he'd book time off of work, kept forgetting, finally a month before he was supposed to come he tried to book it off, someone else had done it before him, he couldn't come. Similar situations happened 10 more times after this). I can't comprehend getting over someone THAT quickly after three years, after two months the gap was just too unbelievably large? That's enough time to walk away from three years with someone you'd claimed to want to marry? He hasn't once tried to contact me of his own accord since. Was this all just pretend? Was he just using me? I have friends/family asking me why I'd bothered staying that long and why I still care; because it sucks loving someone to the extent that you've done everything in your power to help them through things, to have someone claim you're their soulmate and then be dropped for such a pitiful reason as a desire for a relationship with NO fights (one you're not willing to work towards). Especially when the fights were largely induced by their own personal issues. On a side note, how do you move on from that? The convenient thing about these long distance breakups is that he doesn't need to face me, he can just casually pretend that I don't exist and I can't exactly walk over and try to confront him. I don't feel like I got any good, honest answers and I know I probably never will, how do I get closure from this..?
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Start dating again. Don't wait so long before moving to be with someone.
threebyfate Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Sounds like the two of you weren't compatible in your expectations and priorities within your relation. For him, time appeared meaningless. For you, you expected timeliness. He's slow to anger but when finally angry, he means it and shuts down. You're quick to anger but just as quick to reverse course. Three years is enough time spent. It's time to move onto someone who has the same expectations and priorities as you. Someone who speaks your language of love. As far as closure, you're the only person who can give closure to yourself. This will happen when you've accepted that it's over and let him go.
Lostinlife4now Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 you sound like a heavy set gal.....try filling your vagina with sweets....its worked for me in the past... Huh????????????????????????????
Author CrazyCard Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Maybe it's my fault that I didn't word things properly, but I'm not quick to anger, and I don't have anger problems. The 'ragefully' comment was because I feel guilty not calling myself out on SOMETHING because then it seems like anything I explain is one-sided and it never is just one person's fault. I use to be an extremely patient person with him and then couldn't take the duplicity any more. My mom would comment on the phone conversations she was in the room for where he'd be screaming at me on the phone when I wasn't saying anything malicious at all. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was slamming my ex, I wasn't trying to. I do have more respect for him still than that. Anyways, thanks threebyfate. You're probably right in that we weren't very compatible in the necessary ways, I guess I just need to move on. Edited February 29, 2012 by CrazyCard typo ):
IcomeInPeace Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Sometimes you just need to sit down and make a list of what you loved about them and what they appreciated about you. Jot down what was important to you and how they responded to that knowledge. I think a lot of times the fear of failure makes us hold on to things that deep down we know we shouldn't. An investment was made and there is a great need to justify it because we make sound decisions. Most lists will show that we have manipulated ourselves into making something out to be more than it was. It won't fix everything or immediately change how you feel but it's a stepping stone to the next chapter in your life where you are wiser from the things you overcame previously.
jennyjoseph713 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 As you learn new concepts, don’t hoard them. Cultivate and the content. Make it easy to understand. And then share.This is why people will follow you. Because you share every secret you’ve spent time learning. You give away your best stuff for At times, this will be difficult. Because you’ve worked so hard. You’ve poured your blood and sweat into finding these answers and now… you’re just supposed to give it away?
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