Whisky1981 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Today I really feel sad and desperate. Let me explain. I had a long term relationship (9 years) that ended in december. My ex left me for antoher guy and previously cheated on me for 6 months. I felt destroyed for a month and then I got myself together and start working on myself. I went to dance classes and met a beautiful girl which I became very fond of. In the last few days I sensed something from her side and I really got my hopes up that something can come out of it. Yesterday when we had dance classes I prepared myself to ask her out to the cinema or something similar. Then we began to talk and in the conversation she kind of mentioned something like her and her ex got back together. Not literaly but I understood it in that way. It really brought me down and I didnt ask her out afterwards. I really didnt know that I had such a crush on her. It really destroyed me and I really feel down today. I am still going to dance with her once a week but I kind of lost all my hopes that something more can come out of it. I just want to shut off my feelings because it hurt so much. I still think I am over my long term relationship but it seems that I put too much hopes in that girl that I met at dance classes and now I really feel depressed. Some words of confort would really be appriciated. Thank you.
EgoJoe Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 You were trying to transfer your feelings to a new Imago match and are now feeling the pangs of the rejection of your previous relationship and the one you hoped to build. You're a man. Talk yourself out of this. Grab your nuts and rack your brain. What are you going to do about your life, today? (I am saying this to myself too)
darkmoon Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 stop going to this dance class for a start too many bad memories there but other dance classes with other girls might be an option
Author Whisky1981 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 You were trying to transfer your feelings to a new Imago match and are now feeling the pangs of the rejection of your previous relationship and the one you hoped to build. You're a man. Talk yourself out of this. Grab your nuts and rack your brain. What are you going to do about your life, today? (I am saying this to myself too) What I am going to do about my life today? I just dont know. I feel down and depressed. I tought I got mysef together but today it seems like the whole world fell on me again. I dont feel like doing anything that is the real problem. I keep watching at pictures from the last trip we had with the dance class...I really feel like a wuss and I am ashamed of it.
Author Whisky1981 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 stop going to this dance class for a start too many bad memories there but other dance classes with other girls might be an option Not really an option because I paied for 12 dance classes of which I had 6. So 6 more to go. She seemed to be detrmined to go to the next 6 classes with me and I cant just cut her off like that...
The_Good_Me Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Imagine for a second that you went to dance class with the intention of asking her out but lets pretend she didn't mention getting back with an ex and instead she agreed to go out with you. Put yourself in those shoes and ask yourself honestly... is this girl a rebound from your LTR? I think when you search deep enough you will realise that she is a potential rebound. I'm in a sort of similar situation. My relationship lasted only a year longer than yours and it ended almost 11 months ago. I have a girl mate who picked up the pieces and I started to get confused feelings about her. I realise now that they were just my emotions latching onto the next girl that showed me any sort of care. She is now who I consider to be my best friend! I am no longer confused and realise I don't actually have romantic feelings for her, I do love her bits but it's more like love to a sister. Whenever someone says to me that I'll be ok when I find a new girl, the thought of a new girl still makes me sick even after all this time. I really am still madly in love with my ex and she is the only girl for me, not that we could be together again after what's happened. Now I'm not saying that you and I are identical and of course it is possible that you are over your LTR but what I am trying to say is that you have to be absolutely sure that you're ready to move on with someone else!! It still hasn't been very long since your break up even though I know these 2-3 months probably feel like a full year has gone by. I did a lot of digging around on the internet and it seems that most people (not all) need at least a year to properly get over an LTR and although that isn't a strict guideline, it's something to bare in mind. I may be rambling a bit now but what I am trying to say is I would like you to be cautious. I will of course give you the benefit of the doubt and offer advice in the event that you are over your ex so for this next part I am going to imagine that you are. All is not lost if she goes back to her ex as 2nd chances rarely work out. Sometimes they do but I think most of the time, they go through the honeymoon period again, then the excitement wears off, then the old problems come back and it reminds them why they split up in the first place which leads to another break up. You obviously care about this girl so I wouldn't give up on seeing her, you can always be her friend and see how everything develops. Alternatively if they are not officially back together yet then you have a window to act now and tell her how you feel. Lay your cards on the table and see if she picks you. If she doesn't then wish her luck with her ex. If it were me in your situation (basing this on only having been broke up for 2-3 months), personally I would sit back and allow her to get with her ex. It gives you time to get your head straight and focus on finding out what you really want and at the same time you won't lose her as a friend. By the time their honeymoon period is over, you will hopefully be in a better place and if they do split up again then you'll more than likely be a potential future partner. You may find that you just want to be friends with her, you may find someone else by then. Do not give up hope if this is what you really want. I do still worry that you haven't healed properly yet but I can only base that on myself and I think it is fair to say that it takes most LTR dumpee's a good amount of time before they're ready. Whatever you decide to do, be careful and good luck my friend.
Author Whisky1981 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Imagine for a second that you went to dance class with the intention of asking her out but lets pretend she didn't mention getting back with an ex and instead she agreed to go out with you. Put yourself in those shoes and ask yourself honestly... is this girl a rebound from your LTR? I think when you search deep enough you will realise that she is a potential rebound. I'm in a sort of similar situation. My relationship lasted only a year longer than yours and it ended almost 11 months ago. I have a girl mate who picked up the pieces and I started to get confused feelings about her. I realise now that they were just my emotions latching onto the next girl that showed me any sort of care. She is now who I consider to be my best friend! I am no longer confused and realise I don't actually have romantic feelings for her, I do love her bits but it's more like love to a sister. Whenever someone says to me that I'll be ok when I find a new girl, the thought of a new girl still makes me sick even after all this time. I really am still madly in love with my ex and she is the only girl for me, not that we could be together again after what's happened. Now I'm not saying that you and I are identical and of course it is possible that you are over your LTR but what I am trying to say is that you have to be absolutely sure that you're ready to move on with someone else!! It still hasn't been very long since your break up even though I know these 2-3 months probably feel like a full year has gone by. I did a lot of digging around on the internet and it seems that most people (not all) need at least a year to properly get over an LTR and although that isn't a strict guideline, it's something to bare in mind. I may be rambling a bit now but what I am trying to say is I would like you to be cautious. I will of course give you the benefit of the doubt and offer advice in the event that you are over your ex so for this next part I am going to imagine that you are. All is not lost if she goes back to her ex as 2nd chances rarely work out. Sometimes they do but I think most of the time, they go through the honeymoon period again, then the excitement wears off, then the old problems come back and it reminds them why they split up in the first place which leads to another break up. You obviously care about this girl so I wouldn't give up on seeing her, you can always be her friend and see how everything develops. Alternatively if they are not officially back together yet then you have a window to act now and tell her how you feel. Lay your cards on the table and see if she picks you. If she doesn't then wish her luck with her ex. If it were me in your situation (basing this on only having been broke up for 2-3 months), personally I would sit back and allow her to get with her ex. It gives you time to get your head straight and focus on finding out what you really want and at the same time you won't lose her as a friend. By the time their honeymoon period is over, you will hopefully be in a better place and if they do split up again then you'll more than likely be a potential future partner. You may find that you just want to be friends with her, you may find someone else by then. Do not give up hope if this is what you really want. I do still worry that you haven't healed properly yet but I can only base that on myself and I think it is fair to say that it takes most LTR dumpee's a good amount of time before they're ready. Whatever you decide to do, be careful and good luck my friend. First of all I have to say thank you. Your words really put my mind a little bit at ease. Yes I know that I need time to get over my LTR but I just feel that when I met this girl the old girlfriend just vanished from my mind. I really feel indiferent about my ex because what she did to me and I would never be with such a person again. So I kind of decided that I am over her although we spet 9 years together. Previous to my LTR I had a girlfriend with which I got back together. It lasted 2 months and then the same problems came back so I know that second chances rarely work out. So I am trying to confort myself with the same words that you wrote. Probably I just needed to hear them from someone else. So not all is lost. I have another month and a half of dance classes with her if she wont quit. Maybe by then we will become close friends and something can come out of it. I really hope so. Again thank you for your kind and conforting words.
g450 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 TGM has the best advice you could get. I kind of went through the same thing with a female friend who utterly rejected me. Only in my case she used our rather lopsided friendship to her advantage and kept me around until I realized I was being used. Trust me when I say this. Love will find you when you least expect it. Let it come to you. Just work on yourself and be comfortable being alone with yourself first. Women can sense when your on the rebound. Some will stay away with good intentions and others will take advantage of you. There are a lot of crazies out there trust me. Your dance partner probably did you a favor. Finish your classes. Dancing is a good skill to have when you are single, trust me on this. Here is what is going to happen. You will start dancing and some fine looking woman with a good heart and good intentions will be pulled to you like a magnet. Come back here in about six months to a year and thank me for being 100% right.
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