Necris Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I have been feeling super lonely lately, I try to tell myself I don't need a girlfriend or really even friends but it doesn't seem to be working and I still feel lonely sometimes I wish I could change myself so these things no longer concern me but I wouldn't know how to do that and that might be a little crazy. I just wish I could get friends or even better actually have a relationship with a girl, sometimes I wish I even had a stalker you might think that sounds crazy but for some reason I keep thinking about it. I'm a 20 year old college dude, I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, or any close friendships with any woman (well except for the girl I had for a friend when I was an elementary school kid), hell just touching a girl's hand is somewhat special for me. Also I'm pretty shy and for the most part a loner currently right now I have no real friends besides my little bro though he's a few hundred miles away and I only see him a few times every year and I had friends a year ago but they are more than a thousand miles away and I will probably never see them ever again. I am a nice guy since helping people or just treating them well just comes naturally to me, I am probably moderately attractive and I'm typically taller than most people around me and a bit stronger than your average guy but I'm no athlete. I'm a pretty nerdy guy with hobbies like watching anime and playing video games, and I'm trying to get into software development and I have been told I'm pretty intelligent. I am however typically pretty shy and likely to avoid social situations especially things like college parties and find it difficult to talk to women. I do however actually try to talk to girls but I'm terrible at it and things like flirting just seem alien, and I've tried the forget about it and not try approach but I'm not super attractive so its not like I can expect any girls to talk to me or anything though it does help me feel better if I just forget about girls and have fun by myself like playing videogames or something but the loneliness always comes back for some reason. So any hints or tips you can give me? Anything would be appreciated.
Philosoraptor Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 So you have the ability to break through your shyness enough to attempt to talk to women? That's a good first step and a lot further than most shy people go. It seems like you're pressing too hard right now. The college party scene wasn't interesting to me either. Try the meetup.com website and look for some groups that interest you. You at least know going into it that you have something in common with these people. Go there to make friends, not dates. If you meet a girl then great, if not then at least you will come out with some friends. Don't press yourself and take it one day at a time. Also, don't worry about women too much right now. Just meet people and live your life the way you want to. When someone you match up with comes along you will know. 1
darkmoon Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 you might need a male counsellor/mentor to help you round love-city, maybe your dad found tutoring in matters female a bit embarrassing but anyway in a nutshell - most ppl have a few chat-up lines decided on by trial and error that suit them and then go on to hope for the best when on a date which is about time together to see whether you have things in common - a process that is quite nerve-wracking for all - all - but the supremely confident
baguette Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 If you're in college, pick up some hobbies or join a club. Work on your self and your social skills and people will fall into your life naturally. It will take a lot of work but there's nothing to lose an all to gain. Talk to people in your classes even. You never know where you'll make lifelong friends.
Author Necris Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 So you have the ability to break through your shyness enough to attempt to talk to women? That's a good first step and a lot further than most shy people go. It seems like you're pressing too hard right now. The college party scene wasn't interesting to me either. Try the meetup.com website and look for some groups that interest you. You at least know going into it that you have something in common with these people. Go there to make friends, not dates. If you meet a girl then great, if not then at least you will come out with some friends. Don't press yourself and take it one day at a time. Also, don't worry about women too much right now. Just meet people and live your life the way you want to. When someone you match up with comes along you will know. Yeah I do try to break through my shyness to actually try to talk to women since its not like they are going to suddenly start coming to me. I have tried the "be cool and not talk to girls" approach but that doesn't seem to be working. I have been trying to surpress my urges for companionship but for some reason the feeling of loneliness keeps coming back. Before I wrote this thread on LoveShack I was watching a movie alone and laughing my ass off but then something in the movie reminded me of just how lonely I am and now I'm here.
Philosoraptor Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Yeah I do try to break through my shyness to actually try to talk to women since its not like they are going to suddenly start coming to me. I have tried the "be cool and not talk to girls" approach but that doesn't seem to be working. There is only one approach that will help you find the right person and that is to just be yourself. If you go into something being false to who you are then you setup an expectation that will be more effort than it is worth to keep up with. Just be you and when things happen it will be easy. I have been trying to surpress my urges for companionship but for some reason the feeling of loneliness keeps coming back. Before I wrote this thread on LoveShack I was watching a movie alone and laughing my ass off but then something in the movie reminded me of just how lonely I am and now I'm here. You are again fighting who you are. Don't try to supress your urges, but instead learn to find solace in yourself. When you've found the ability to take care of your own emotions being alone will not be a bother, but just another chapter in life.
nowwhatnow Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 hey necris, honestly you seem like a great guy and i know if you just put yourself out there - started talking to people in class and joining clubs your interested in you would meet a lot of great people. it is nice to be alone sometimes, but i do not think you could live your life like that. i know that if a guy just comes and talks to me it shows a lot. just try talking to girls and going from there. you'll be fine good luck!!
Author Necris Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) There is only one approach that will help you find the right person and that is to just be yourself. If you go into something being false to who you are then you setup an expectation that will be more effort than it is worth to keep up with. Just be you and when things happen it will be easy. You are again fighting who you are. Don't try to supress your urges, but instead learn to find solace in yourself. When you've found the ability to take care of your own emotions being alone will not be a bother, but just another chapter in life. What should I do if being myself isn't helping and women don't find me particularly interesting? What if being myself means being a shy loner? Its not like women are going to approach me. Sometimes I do wish I could stop feeling so lonely and stop caring about having friends or relationships. Any tips on how to stop worrying about these things? I do have hobbies that I enjoy like reading, watching anime, playing videogames, creating mods, and stuff like that but they are sort of loner hobbies and at times I can start feeling loneliness and at the same time I'm usually too shy to go to social events to meet women outside the classroom, and when I do go it is never successful. Is it wierd that I sometimes wish I had a stalker? Edited March 1, 2012 by Necris
Author Necris Posted March 1, 2012 Author Posted March 1, 2012 I guess the best I can do is keep living my life and hopefully one day I'll get a girlfriend or hopefully something more. I still don't understand this statement though, it is to my understanding that women and friends don't just show up in your life. How do you guys do it?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm going to eventually or soon write up a post about a few tips for guys in your position having a hard time getting out of your shell and engaging with women. A lot of the stuff I hear on here isn't really well thought out or broken down and I'll tell you what you need to work on and how to eventually break out of it. It's not that you're doing anything wrong now, everyone has hobbies, hell a lot of women have nerdy hobbies that are normal, attractive women...they just don't get called nerds like guys do for it. Everything you feel is normal and every guy can relate to it to some degree, so don't beat yourself up over it...plus at your age you feel pressure to get out there and score with the ladies which i can assure you is for the most part exaggerated by most guys, even good looking guys are not as successful as you think they are hooking up with any woman they want, most of them have to develop skills beyond that...of course it's easier for them because women are more interested even though they are no different than a lot of the normal guys out there.
Titania22 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I have been feeling super lonely lately, I try to tell myself I don't need a girlfriend but it doesn't seem to be working and I still feel lonely I just wanted to say I feel you. I have been feeling the same way. Goodluck!
Philosoraptor Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 What should I do if being myself isn't helping and women don't find me particularly interesting? What if being myself means being a shy loner? Its not like women are going to approach me. Sometimes I do wish I could stop feeling so lonely and stop caring about having friends or relationships. Any tips on how to stop worrying about these things? I do have hobbies that I enjoy like reading, watching anime, playing videogames, creating mods, and stuff like that but they are sort of loner hobbies and at times I can start feeling loneliness and at the same time I'm usually too shy to go to social events to meet women outside the classroom, and when I do go it is never successful. Then you aren't finding the right women. You need to push yourself just a bit into these social situations. Put a toe in first before you go any deeper. This is why I'd suggest clubs or groups around things you already enjoy. Go there to make friends who have the same hobbies. Worry about the girls later. Is it wierd that I sometimes wish I had a stalker? There can be some hot stalker fantasies
Author Necris Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Then you aren't finding the right women. You need to push yourself just a bit into these social situations. Put a toe in first before you go any deeper. This is why I'd suggest clubs or groups around things you already enjoy. Go there to make friends who have the same hobbies. Worry about the girls later. There can be some hot stalker fantasies I guess I need to become more socially active and somehow get rid of my shyness and join clubs or something and hopefully one day I will meet someone who is attracted to me. Though one day could actually mean never or a ton of years down the road so I need to get used to loneliness. I have trouble picturing myself ever getting a girlfriend right now though its not like women are going to suddenly start jumping out at me. As for the stalker thing. Alas my stalker fantasy is just that a fantasy, and a real stalker probably wouldn't be as fun as the fantasy but sometimes I wonder its not like I have ever had one.
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I guess I need to become more socially active and somehow get rid of my shyness and join clubs or something and hopefully one day I will meet someone who is attracted to me. Though one day could actually mean never or a ton of years down the road so I need to get used to loneliness. I have trouble picturing myself ever getting a girlfriend right now though its not like women are going to suddenly start jumping out at me. Well this is why I suggested a club that has something that you enjoy. There are tons of anime clubs, gaming clubs, even clubs where you can learn more about software development. The good thing about these is you have a subject to talk about at first, which means no need to force small talk. You notice someone is playing xyz game, and you ask a question. Perfect ice breaker. Before you know it you're exchanging contact info and hanging out places. Just put yourself out there. Don't get used to lonliness, become happy with you and the freedom you have. As you get confidence just talking to people you will find it easier to speak to women as well, you might even learn some tips from your new friends.
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