pevergreen Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Backstory: I've worked at this place now for just over a year, I'm one of the 'senior' staff, even though I'm nearly the youngest there (21, youngest is 20). This girl has come across from another team, been here a month, if that. I asked her out 2 weeks ago. She agreed. We set it for the sunday, time pending when she was free. Saturday evening i ask what the time will be, response is that she forgot about a family event that was already planned, she can't make it. Last week, we end up going out on friday night with some other people from work. We both leave the club a bit after midnight to head back to the office to pick up our stuff, me to go home (train to catch) and her so she can go directly home from the club. As we're on our way out of the office, she asks if we can sit for a bit to rest. I agree, since I've got the time and its pouring rain outside. We talk a bit and end up kissing, then getting a little more heated. Nothing more than that happens and she ends up asleep on my shoulder. She gets picked up by her grandma a while later and I take a cab home. She texts me asking me to let her know when I got home safe, and apologising for making me take a cab. We talk about it sunday night, she basically says there is nothing to talk about. I fold and agree. Come monday and seeing her at work, I disagree and we make plans to talk after work the next day. We do so and I get some more info about her position. She doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want to be involved with anyone from work, seeing as her last relationship (ended 6 months ago) was with a guy from work that lasted 2 and a half years, and it just made it ****. After talking for an hour or so, we agree to keep things as they are (hanging out), not mention anything to anyone at work (which is hard, seeing as my two closest friends are workmates and I've had to lie to them about it now) and if something happens again, it happens. My question, or what I'm looking for opinions on is this: Am I doing the smart thing by basically stringing myself along hoping that she might change her mind in the future, and possibly making out with her every few weeks, or should I attempt to go NC as much as possible (complete is not an option, I have to provide her with support as part of my job). A third possibility is attempt to be friends, but I'm fairly sure I wouldn't be able to handle that, it was an immediate attraction, and it is both ways. Currently I'm doing a mix of stringing myself along and No Contact. Opinions?
sigurpol Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Sounds like you've really achieved a good title at your job at a young age. So that's awesome. With that in mind, don't shoot yourself in the foot. That is, if your relationship with her could jeopardize your job? If so.. it's not a smart thing to do. I've worked at jobs where other guys/girls who had good titles, worked a long time with the company in good standings, only to leave the job because they got involved with someone else. People talk. So, don't get stringed along. And you seem to already know that the friendship thing won't work. She even said she wants nothing. Make a conscious effort. I suppose do NC, but like.. you can still be polite and say hi if you see her in passing. She isn't your enemy or anything. 200th post! B-)
veggirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 NEVER date someone you work with, esp if you work closely with them which it sounds like you do? The girl is right, it's a bad idea--generally you only have to do it once to know not to again, she's a smart girl. And she told you she doesn't want anything, respect that! if you aren't able to be friends, that is definitely fine and understandable--go NC in that case.
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