I posted here 5 and a half months ago, here is an update

[StormChazer]

Hello, like me I'm sure many of you have gone here onto the forums looking for inspiration and hope towards your crummy situation. You hear people ask for advice and then always wonder, Hmm I wonder how things worked out for them. Well I thought I would provide a little update.

 

5 and a half months ago the love of my life broke up with me. We dated for almost 2 years but then once it was time for college and we had to move away, we just didn't have what it took for a long distance relationship. She broke up with me and completely crushed my heart. Began dating a guy 2 weeks after we split and then slept with him as well(particularly painful since we were waiting until marriage to do that). I handled it as best I could though. I didn't text her, didn't call, anything. The only times I did text her was when I found out about her grandpa passing away and then Christmas, both of which I received no reply to. I lived my life and tried to always appear to have my game face on, even if deep down inside I was depressed. Well the guy she dated 2 weeks after me dumped her just about a month ago(late January), and about 2 weeks afterwards I texted her simply saying that I knew she was going through a rough time, and that I hoped things would turn around for her soon, and you know what? I received a text back, it was a simple "Thank you" but it was a start. I left it at that, I figured no need to text her back, so fast forward 4 weeks, and her and I are both in town from college for our spring breaks(early for Spring break I know). With her being in town all of us friends got together so this was really the first time in 5 months we were going to see each other. It went great. We all hung out, her and I talked back and forth a bit, smiled, laughed, even cracked a joke or two about a couple things that had happened in our relationship. It was natural. After we all hung out, her, I, and two other friends went back to her house briefly, where she and I just talked and I messed around with her pet cat and dog. My friend insists while I was fooling around with her cat(AKA pissing it off) she just stood there looking at me smiling. Whether that means anything I'm not sure, but he seems to think part of her was missing me and my personality. So we left, I gave her a hug and told her to have a good night, to which she said for me to do the same. So I then texted her and we talked back and forth about surface level stuff for a little bit until I said goodnight. Waited a couple days and then texted her again(she had to get wisdom teeth removed) to see how she was holding up. I figure I'll wait a couple more days before I text her again.

 

That's where I am right now with my ex. it's a long road folks, make no mistake. Almost 6 months ago the girl I planned on marrying told me she didn't love me anymore and that I needed to move on, and after not talking at all for that time, we are now exchanging friendly texts. It's not HUGE, but it is a step in the right direction. She will leave to go back to college in a few days, and it will be two and a half months until we are both back for the summer. I plan to send her occasional texts while she is there to tests the waters and see if she continues to reply until the summer gets here. Once summer is here my plan is to eventually see if she would like to grab some lunch and catch up, and then if that goes well progress to see if an actual date is within question.

 

My point to all of this is if your suffering from losing a loved one, and you had a true love and are willing to try to get them back, it's not an easy task, it's doable but hard. the first 3 months of being separated I was depressed, had no appetite, and finding enjoyment in the little things was almost impossible. I've come a long way, there's still not a day that goes by that I don't think of her but I don't sit around and sob all day either. I know this is a 50 50 shot, summer might get here and her and I just might not progress at all, and if that's the case then I'm going to have to really consider giving it up altogether and rely on divine intervention if there is ever a hope for us to be together. But know this, bombarding your ex with texts and phonecalls right away is going to kill your chances. I've handled this in probably the best way I can to give me the best possible shot at getting her back, because I still want her back so bad, I just don't let it consume my thoughts. I'll update this forum again once more happens, but I thought a semi encouraging story might help alot of you out there hurting. I still have a long way to go, and honestly me and my ex might be done for good, but we just as likely may get together again, if that happens I swear to God I will become a counselor. I know the heartbreak your feeling, it feels insurmountable, but I assure you, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just going to require a lot of patience on your part.

 

Keep fighting the good fight!

[Mack05]

Ah mate this has got heartbreak written all over it. Can't you see that you were second choice? If this guy hadn't dumped her, she would never have texted you back or hung out with you that night. She didn't even respond when her grandpa died!

 

I hate to be harsh but you have 'doormat' written on your forhead. She knows now she can treat you like crap and you will always be her lapdog, waiting in the background like an obedient servant. Do you know what will probably happen IF (there is no guarentee she wants to get back together) you get back together again? You will have an awesome honeymoon period. Then at some stage, could be a few months, a few years she will leave you again, under VERY similar circumstances. You simply can't trust her. Relationships without trust are like car's without engines. They simply don't work.

 

I hope I am wrong, I really do but I have seen so many similar stories to yours. If you want my advice, do not text her in a few days. If she really wants you, let her work for it. Work HARD for it. She will respect you alot more. You doing the chasing after the way she treated you, screams of desperation. You need to hold yourself with higher esteem. If she wants you back let her move heaven and earth to get you back. If she doesn't, she's not worth it..Trust me on that..

[Falcon25]

Let me get this straight. She banged some guy 2 weeks after you, never contacted you, and now you think by her saying thank you or whatever that this is a positive? This is the most depressing thing I have ever read. You are a second choice. Always will be. You haven't found another since her? Jesus christ.

[StormChazer]

Ok first thing. You make it sound like I sit around my house staring at old pictures and moping all day haha. I've come extremely far, bettered my health, strengthened myself mentality and just all around have gotten to a place in life I really enjoy As for contact, it was kind of both of our decisions not to talk to each other. I knew it was important for me to try and get her out of my life in order for me to move on, which I'd say I did fairly successfully during those 6 months. Next, the times we do talk are extremely surface level, it's not like I'm at her every whim waiting to fulfill her needs(please, she screwed me over HARD, that's not something I'm going to just easily forget), so you kind of make it sound like I'm a desperate pushover, which I would say is a tad off. As for other women, I've talked to a couple since then but just haven't really connected with them, I'm most certainly not going to let someone pass me by in life to wait for someone who I hope gets their life together, that's just unfair to myself. But I see no reason as to why until I find someone new I can't entertain the idea of reconciling with my ex. yes, she stabbed me in the back hard, I understand that and honestly there will come a time that if we ever try to work things out I'm going to basically let her know how ****ty it was of her and based on the vibe I receive from her, I will decided whether or not I want to get back together with her. Also understand that people are human, and make incredibly stupid mistakes, I'm not going to condemn someone because they were a dumb@ss, but I won't just welcome them back with arms wide open either.

 

Anyways, I know the type of person your trying to group me in with, because I would say the same thing as you, and I know your trying to save me from unnecessary pain, but life is about risks, it doesn't always pay off for you, and I know my limits to not put myself in that same dark place I was when we first split, that heartache was so intense that I refuse to get to a point where I'm in danger of feeling that again.

[Bito]

Everyone always thinks that their situation is different and they are the exception to the rule etc.

 

We are not trying to badger you or put you down. We are only here to offer our perspective on the situation. That said why in the world to you want to get back with this girl? She has no idea what she wants. She will break your heart again if you pursue another relationship with her. You must get out of the mindset that she is the one. The one would not have done what she did to you. She thought only of herself and in the end that is what she will always do.

 

Honestly man, with how polite you have been with her since the break up she thinks your a door mat and that you will always be there for her. I can almost guarantee you she slept with him before you broke up. That is what emotionally immature people do. They secure another branch before leaveing the one they are on. Do not let her back on yours.

 

Please tell me if I am wrong but this was your first serious long term relationship right? You only want her back because she is familiar to you. Falcon said it harshly and there is no shame in being single but he has somewhat of a point. Just because you did not connect with a couple girls does not mean your ex is the only girl your ment to be with. Be happy with who you are and another will come.

 

I am happy you found a good mindset but don't mislead yourself that you are invulnerable to the pain you once felt.

 

Please think on what I have said.

[smokey bear]

Storm chaser, i think what your doing is great and dont let these people get you down.

 

Thy say to recon you have to start new, a new relationship and your doing just that so keep going

 

If it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out, you tried and you can move on knowing you done everything you possibly could for the girl you were going to marry.

 

I wish you all the best and if it doesnt work it will only make you stronger

[BewitchedandBothered]

you've texted too much already; let her text you next.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Let me get this straight. She banged some guy 2 weeks after you, never contacted you, and now you think by her saying thank you or whatever that this is a positive? This is the most depressing thing I have ever read. You are a second choice. Always will be. You haven't found another since her? Jesus christ.

Agreed. Plus, seeing as she was dumped by the other dude, it would stand to reason that this girl will use the OP as a rebound or ego stroker. must be nice on her end to be getting all these texts from you. She is an ex for a reason. She left. Let her keep walking. Much as my experience has hurt me, I was dumped; I stayed dumped. The guy texted me a few times, I did not reply. that was that.

 

Stop texting her or turn in your man card.

[Chi townD]

Dude, re-read your post. All over it, all I'm reading is how I texted her. How I wished her a Merry X-mas, on how I texted her telling her that I know it's rough (also letting her know you've been keeping tabs on her from a distance and maybe making her feel that, that's a bit creepy), on how we got together an then how I texted her on her dental appointment...

 

How about this. Why do you wait for HER to text you?

[BewitchedandBothered]

Dude, re-read your post. All over it, all I'm reading is how I texted her. How I wished her a Merry X-mas, on how I texted her telling her that I know it's rough (also letting her know you've been keeping tabs on her from a distance and maybe making her feel that, that's a bit creepy), on how we got together an then how I texted her on her dental appointment...

 

How about this. Why do you wait for HER to text you?

 

You make a pest of yourself by doing that and not getting a reply or getting replies like 'thanks' and 'k', LOL. Put down the phone; let her fawn all over you for once.