Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Jane2011 - people who don't like Cats, but Dogs, love to be in control. Since they can't control a Cat like they can a Dog. You would make a bad wife, always nagging and trying to change Man, controlling and all. You can't control everything, lighten up, and maybe one day you will find a guy like me...if you lucky... I totally agree. That makes a lot of sense.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I totally agree. That makes a lot of sense. Jane2011 wins the award for "Best Handling of a Troll."
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I totally agree. That makes a lot of sense. Stop... this person is just trying to give you grief. If you ignore him/her then it goes away.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Stop... this person is just trying to give you grief. If you ignore him/her then it goes away. I don't have any problem not responding, but if I write things in various threads just trying to converse with other people and the person follows me around, I'll have a problem. Might have to change my screen name?
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I don't have any problem not responding, but if I write things in various threads just trying to converse with other people and the person follows me around, I'll have a problem. Might have to change my screen name? Use the ignore function. Changing your ID is a pain, and it prevents the other people here from really connecting with you. Not so much in the dating forum... but in other sections people make really meaningful friendships.
Author kaylan Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 If all of your relationships keep turning out that way (with the drama), then you need to ask yourself why you keep CHOOSING those particular women. It's like my friend who complains that he keeps attracting needy, broken girls.... except he's a White Knight whose type is totally the hot, drama-tstic Little Girl. There is only one consistency in all of your relationships and experiences, and it's you. While this might be true, it does not invalidate my point of view. Dating takes work and can be quite the handful. If you follow my posts or threads you will see that Im not one of those bitter, blame the world, type of posters. Im not super frustrated and praying for my dream girl. My post is just 'matter of factly' stating that Im not putting much effort into dating at the moment. Its a "I can take it or leave it" mentality. I dont have the patience at the moment to work at something that I feel shouldnt take much work...especially when I have more important things to take care of in my life right now.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Use the ignore function. Changing your ID is a pain, and it prevents the other people here from really connecting with you. Not so much in the dating forum... but in other sections people make really meaningful friendships. Well, looks like I'll have to change my screen name... Connecting with others would be nice, but I'd rather have some peace.
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I personally can't relate to most of these threads. Kids stuff! Yet I recognize myself decades ago so I try to help people avoid some of the pitfalls. I think a lot of these problems clear up when people gain maturity and experience, which give you a different perspective. Sadly, most people have to learn from their own mistakes.
verhrzn Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 While this might be true, it does not invalidate my point of view. Dating takes work and can be quite the handful. If you follow my posts or threads you will see that Im not one of those bitter, blame the world, type of posters. Im not super frustrated and praying for my dream girl. My post is just 'matter of factly' stating that Im not putting much effort into dating at the moment. Its a "I can take it or leave it" mentality. I dont have the patience at the moment to work at something that I feel shouldnt take much work...especially when I have more important things to take care of in my life right now. Outta curiosity, why do you think dating shouldn't take work?? Even in couples that are highly compatible, I know the relationship/marriage requires a lot of maintenance and care. And fine, you don't want to deal with it, that's fine, but blaming an entire gender and putting up bitchy threads ("Can you blame us?") doesn't really give off that impression.
Author kaylan Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 What age range are we talking about here? Because as much as I hate to generalize, many people in their 20s are all about drama. To the point that if there isn't any real drama going on, they'll find some in a mountain/molehill way. I was guilty of it when I was a single, 20-something woman, but I have lived a nice, drama-free life for the most part since then. This just needed to be quoted, mainly as a reason of why I like reading your posts so much. P.S. Porn is awesome! Lol yeah Im 25. Im basically reflecting on everything Ive seen in dating since I started at 16. Teens and 20-somethings will have more drama than others when dating. Its just so draining though =p
Author kaylan Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Outta curiosity, why do you think dating shouldn't take work?? Even in couples that are highly compatible, I know the relationship/marriage requires a lot of maintenance and care. And fine, you don't want to deal with it, that's fine, but blaming an entire gender and putting up bitchy threads ("Can you blame us?") doesn't really give off that impression. I dont think dating should take AS much work as people make it need to. Its really beyond me some of the issues that get created when dating. A bunch of unnecessary drama. Of course I know a relationship takes maintenance and care...but it shouldnt constantly be in the shop getting body work done...feel me? Im just very blunt, and easy going...so Id prefer to be open about most things when dating...and then not taking it all so seriously. I find people have a hard time doing this. But you obviously did not read my preface to my OP. I said men do all the things I mentioned in my OP. But because I date women, I was making it a letter asking women if theyd give the suspicious wide eye to a guy whos decidedly single for a bit. Ive noticed some chicks will be suspicious of dudes who arent open to dating at a given time. Either way, its no biggie. Once I get back on the saddle Ill find a few nice gals. Till then...Im enjoying down time with my friends. Gonna do a lot of dancing this weekend. PS - You are really one to talk about bitchy threads and gender bashing. You railroad men yourself and have this sad sac, bitchy attitude a majority of the time in threads you create. So please dont try and stick that label on me. Like I said before...I explicitly stated that the things I pointed out in my OP are not unique to women. Of course men do them to. Also, nothing I said was an attempt to absolve myself of responsibility over my dating life. And I was not bitching about anything...I was raising a valid questions to folks here: Given how the dating world is at times, can you understand someone wanting to enjoy being single.
xxoo Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Lol yeah Im 25. Im basically reflecting on everything Ive seen in dating since I started at 16. Teens and 20-somethings will have more drama than others when dating. Its just so draining though =p I've read a quote here, something like "When you meet the right person, you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else." Yes, unsuccessful dating is draining. And drama-filled relationships are draining. But a good relationship is not draining. It takes effort, yes. It takes more effort if one or both people are still developing good relationship and communication skills (as H and I were when we first got together!). But the overall relationship should be a significant surplus of joy and positive energy. NOT a drain.
veggirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I've read a quote here, something like "When you meet the right person, you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else." Yes, unsuccessful dating is draining. And drama-filled relationships are draining. But a good relationship is not draining. It takes effort, yes. It takes more effort if one or both people are still developing good relationship and communication skills (as H and I were when we first got together!). But the overall relationship should be a significant surplus of joy and positive energy. NOT a drain. I agree with this completely. I've had plenty of "draining" relationships -- they were with incompatible guys and they were situations I shouldn't have stayed in. With current BF, everything is just SO EASY. It's such a contrast. I'm so happy with it. If things don't work out with him for some reason, I at least will take away knowing what a GOOD relationship is supposed to be, and it's not loads of work, it's not drama. I don't care if people don't want to date. To each their own! I think lots of girls (in OPs dating range) are dramatic and immature, and I think lots of guys (in OPs dating range) are jerks and players. I can see not wanting to date any of that.
soulm8 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 You are either on hiatus or not. what you just described is picky. Hiatus means it doesn't matter who comes your way, you aren't interested in dating. When i hit that point where I want to be single, jessica alba couldn't lock me down. I'd chill with her & try to slip it in, but I wouldn't date her if I was in "didn't want to date." mode. I'm on hiatus from actively dating. To me, that means not accepting dates or engaging anyone who does nothing less than float my boat. I've typically given men a chance if there's potential... but I'm taking a break from that and being MORE selective in who I get to know. And for the record, looks have never been at the top of my list. I've never been all that picky. I go with the flow and avoid drama. I'm content being single... for now. Actually, the most content I've ever been. It definitely helps that I haven't met anyone who intrigues me. The fact is, I simply identified with kaylan's post. It's NOT just women who are drama-ridden and insecure. I'm tired of men second guessing me, accusing me of playing them, hiding behind their insecurities, and trying to mark their territory with me. When a good man comes along, treats me with respect and genuinely wants to know me... I'll mirror him, no problem. Until then, my children and my career have my undivided attention.
Jane2011 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm on hiatus from actively dating. To me, that means not accepting dates or engaging anyone who does nothing less than float my boat. I've typically given men a chance if there's potential... but I'm taking a break from that and being MORE selective in who I get to know. And for the record, looks have never been at the top of my list. I've never been all that picky. I go with the flow and avoid drama. I'm content being single... for now. Actually, the most content I've ever been. It definitely helps that I haven't met anyone who intrigues me. The fact is, I simply identified with kaylan's post. It's NOT just women who are drama-ridden and insecure. I'm tired of men second guessing me, accusing me of playing them, hiding behind their insecurities, and trying to mark their territory with me. When a good man comes along, treats me with respect and genuinely wants to know me... I'll mirror him, no problem. Until then, my children and my career have my undivided attention. I put myself on a hiatus as of today. Like you, I will react if something great comes along (some guy really floats my boat and is cute), but I'm sort of done being "on the look out" for the time being. I deleted my OkCupid profile about two hours ago. This developed in me even before today, though. In the evenings, I typically go to a coffee shop where I write (I'm delving into creative writing more and more in the past two months). Often, when I'm at said coffee shop, I sort of peer around occasionally to see if there are any men I'd want to date. The last two times I went, though, I was just all engrossed in writing and didn't even care to see who was there. Truly tired of it all... 1
missyme04 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 If you're not ready to date women or men then don't. that's just simple Enjoy life being single. when the time comes you want to be in a relationship then accept the consequence of life full of dramas. There's no perfect relationship and arguments will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be there Hope that helps
Thieves Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I've read a quote here, something like "When you meet the right person, you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else." Yes, unsuccessful dating is draining. And drama-filled relationships are draining. But a good relationship is not draining. It takes effort, yes. It takes more effort if one or both people are still developing good relationship and communication skills (as H and I were when we first got together!). But the overall relationship should be a significant surplus of joy and positive energy. NOT a drain. I agree with this as well! 1) All relationships take some sort of mutual effort on both ends, and it's never always going to be 'roses and dandelions' whenever one runs into certain issues along the road. The goal of dating is to find someone whom you don't mind going through those trials and tribulations with, as well as being with a person who is genuinely compatible with you. The result of not having either of those is a combination of what is listed in the OP: drama, draining relationships, clashing of personalities, etc. 2) As far as the point of drama... I can't personally relate all that much to it, because I don't put up with it nor see the fascination some people have with creating it. Even now in my early twenties, I can clearly remember being a very anti-drama type of person when I was younger, almost to where it was sort of entertaining to sit back and see the ridiculous mess some of my friends created for themselves. And believe me, I've seen my share of men create their half of drama as much as the women... Really, sometimes it seems like actually being happy and content in a relationship is scary for certain people out there! The point is, if you don't participate in drama yourself, people will tend to catch onto that 'vibe' and will sense that you take no interest. And as follows, they'll be less likely to try and drag you into it.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 This true but people have to decide if the pain and sacrifice are worth it and in many cases they are not. Our planet has too many people anyway and just because don't really commit to each other anymore doesn't mean they stopped having kids. I agree with you for the most part but this is the world we live in and I don't see it changing anytime soon. It is changing. Even among my friends, I'm seeing dramatic changes in all of our lives, changes that are happening because we made a commitment to live better and treat people with more compassion. The pain and sacrifice required in love, progress, and all that good stuff are always worth it, if you appreciate the good parts and make the most of them. In spite of all our flaws, I love humanity and want to see us doing well.
Woggle Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 It is changing. Even among my friends, I'm seeing dramatic changes in all of our lives, changes that are happening because we made a commitment to live better and treat people with more compassion. The pain and sacrifice required in love, progress, and all that good stuff are always worth it, if you appreciate the good parts and make the most of them. In spite of all our flaws, I love humanity and want to see us doing well. It's changing for the worse. Couples who actually stick together and actually care about each other are an endangered species.
Dusk1983 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) It's changing for the worse. Couples who actually stick together and actually care about each other are an endangered species. Such a definitive statement must, as usual, be drawing upon that famously comprehensive & rigorous global research of yours. I appreciate that a report of such massive scope must be prohibitively large in size, and indeed likely undergoing extensive peer review as we speak, but perhaps you could furnish us with a link to the abstract? Edited March 1, 2012 by Dusk1983 1
Negative Nancy Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 There's a 50% divorce rate. Dysfunctional families create dysfunctional people. You need a girl from a stable, loving background, preferably with two parents. I'm lucky enough to have one, but there aren't many. Yeah, whose fault is it that kids don't grow up with two parents anymore? Out of all the people I know, I can only think of 3 people whose parents are still together. Everybody else's parents are divorced, including my own. And most of the time it was the father who either left the family or caused the divorce by cheating. So a man requiring a woman "from a stable background" comes off as really ironic when it's mostly men that are the cause for the "unstable" background of most people.
ptp Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Yeah, whose fault is it that kids don't grow up with two parents anymore? Out of all the people I know, I can only think of 3 people whose parents are still together. Everybody else's parents are divorced, including my own. And most of the time it was the father who either left the family or caused the divorce by cheating. So a man requiring a woman "from a stable background" comes off as really ironic when it's mostly men that are the cause for the "unstable" background of most people. That sounds very scientific and objective, I now see why your posts are so impartial and unbiased. 1
Recommended Posts