malibustacydoll Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 There have been quite a few threads lately about online dating and pictures that are misleading or what "weight" someone should select online. I have only recently started to look at a few online dating sites but haven't fully completed any sort of profile or responded to anyone yet. What I am curious though is most sites seem to list a variety of weight categories like thin average athletic "a few extra lbs" bbw etc... How do you determine which one you fit in? What criteria should one go by? For example, what if you think you're average based on who you hang around or your own views but you know others view you as thin. Or what if you're overweight-- does that put you in the "few extra lbs"-- do you have to be obese to be "bbw" ? What are the cut off points? Also, for those of you who use OLD (there seem to be many of you)-- how much does it matter what someone checks for this-- is your primary concern that it matches their picture? I am curious because the few profiles I browsed I did see a few guys who are clearly "obese" and they checked "a few extra lbs". Or, I'd see guys whom I thought were very skinny checking "average". As much as women on here are berated for lying about being overweight-- I think a lot of men who are thin are afraid to admit that and may say "average" instead. Thoughts?
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 "A picture is worth a thousand words." The photos are more important and must be current with you closeup and long shot wearing form-fitting clothing. Men are visual creatures and want to see your body shape.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I never know what the best descriptor is for me because I think all three of these... thin average athletic ...apply. I think I'm in good shape, so I put "thin" on my profile. I make that decision based on "you're thin" / "you're in good shape" feedback from others (female friends and men I've dated who have seen me naked.) I'm talking to this guy right now whose pictures look pretty thin and his profile says "average." But on the phone, he said he's 240 lbs. (6'2"). Maybe I don't have a good idea of weight / height proportions for men, but that seems heavy to me, even for 6'2". I'm going by the fact that my ex-boyfriend was 5'11" and weighed 165. This guy I'm talking to is almost 80 lbs. heavier and just three inches taller? At any rate, I've yet to meet a guy who looked different from his pictures. Maybe that will happen with this new guy. I don't worry about it, really. It's no skin off my back if they end up being a lot heavier than they presented themselves. I simply wouldn't date them.
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Because I've read a number of times that men think a woman who describes herself as "athletic" is flat chested or built like a boy, I always put slim or slender or thin. The photos tell the true story so they can judge for themselves.
juliebijoux Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I'm talking to this guy right now whose pictures look pretty thin and his profile says "average." But on the phone, he said he's 240 lbs. (6'2"). Maybe I don't have a good idea of weight / height proportions for men, but that seems heavy to me, even for 6'2". I'm going by the fact that my ex-boyfriend was 5'11" and weighed 165. This guy I'm talking to is almost 80 lbs. heavier and just three inches taller? . Jane, guys who do a lot of weights can actually have a the same bmi as someone who is obese. At 240 that would put him at obese according to bmi calcuations. So maybe ask if he works out a lot? For me I'm in the "overweight" category of bmi, but I decided to stick with curvy because it has a better connotation. Plus I really do have an hourglass shape. I've asked the guys who have seen me naked if they think that curvy was the right term and they agreed with it. So that is what I picked. I also put full body shots on my profile.
Star Gazer Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 When I was doing OLD, I wished there was some sort of combo for me. I always wound up choosing "Average," but "Athletic" and "Curvy" also fit. I figured, I'm average clothing-sized and athletically curvy.
mesmerized Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I'm average or a little above average in weight and that's what I put up. Men think average means fat I think...I had men messaging me saying you're not average, you're hot! but then again, I'm certainly not athletic or slim in body type and "curvy" wasn't an option which is exactly how men describe my body type in real life.
Andy_K Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I always pick athletic, because that's how I look. For girls, I kind of see it like this: BBW = obese A few extra pounds = noticeably chubby Average = not fat but not thin Slim/Thin = slim enough that no guy would realistically think of as fat Athletic = same as slim or average in terms of weight, but with good muscle tone & low body fat that I don't associate with those two.
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Online dating is all about making a sale... And I feel that those who may not have the best of it when it comes to physical looks think that once they break into a conversation with someone, they can shine through their personality and hope that he or she would overlook their physical "flaws"...at least that's the logic I would go through if I were to stretch the truth when it comes to body type, picture selection, salary, height, etc...that is, stretch the truth to fall into the "acceptable" range of some characteristic to increase the chances of a response...from there, they might be able to talk and charm their way into a date...
Titania22 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I once picked curvy, and when I went on a date, the guy said I shouldn't have put curvy because it implies fat, and although I wasn't fat, I didn't fit into the other categories, because i wasn't thin or athletic, I was curvy.
verhrzn Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I always bump it up to "curvy" or "a few extra pounds" just to be safe. We all know guys hate the fatties, so better to lower their expectations about my weight than be accused of being a liar later.
Emilia Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I always pick athletic, because that's how I look. For girls, I kind of see it like this: BBW = obese A few extra pounds = noticeably chubby Average = not fat but not thin Slim/Thin = slim enough that no guy would realistically think of as fat Athletic = same as slim or average in terms of weight, but with good muscle tone & low body fat that I don't associate with those two. I pick 'slender' or 'thin' if 'fit' isn't available, I hesitate over 'athletic' because I don't want men to think I'm butch or muscular when I'm just toned I look at photos and try to gauge someone's shape that way. I'm only interested in men who are athletic/fit. If a guy puts 'average' I might consider him because some might just have small lovehandles but not skinny/thin/extra pounds, etc.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I'm only interested in men who are athletic/fit. If a guy puts 'average' I might consider him because some might just have small lovehandles but not skinny/thin/extra pounds, etc. Same here. I react more positively to "fit" and "athletic." When a guy puts "average," I think he's probably not fat but probably fleshy with not necessarily much muscle tone. I'm talking to a guy now who put "average" on his profile, and I suspect that of him. Maybe I'm wrong, though.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I bet Jane2011, you look very average. At least this guy is modest about it and honest to him self. I do think I'm sort of borderline 'average'/'thin'. I'm certainly not super-skinny. But I know my weight and height is what most people would put in 'thin' category, whereas his is questionable. (I also know his weight and height.) But anyway, it's okay if you think I look average. You can think what you want. As for him, maybe I'll meet him on Friday and let you know what the verdict is.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) I bet Jane2011, you look very average. At least this guy is modest about it and honest to him self. Also, you're assuming that if anybody puts "thin" or "fit," that they're somehow lying and being immodest. That's not necessarily true. A lot of people put those things and are just that. The last few guys I've met from OLD sites had put "fit" and "athletic" and were just that in person. I think the guy I'm talking about might be kind of heavy because he told me he's 240 lbs and 6'2". That height and weight strikes me as heavy, but I'm not sure. Oh yeah, the other reason why I think he might be kind of heavy is that his profile itself goes on and on about how he loves to eat. He says he tries new restaurants all the time, and under his: "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section...he wrote "what food I'm going to eat and at what new restaurant." This doesn't mean he can't still be thin or athletic, but it suggests that he's into eating a lot. I have more information than you do. I've talked to the guy on the phone, I've read his profile, I have the inside track. Edited February 29, 2012 by Jane2011
azsinglegal Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I always pick athletic, because that's how I look. For girls, I kind of see it like this: BBW = obese A few extra pounds = noticeably chubby Average = not fat but not thin Slim/Thin = slim enough that no guy would realistically think of as fat Athletic = same as slim or average in terms of weight, but with good muscle tone & low body fat that I don't associate with those two. ^ Agree with this I used to pick "curvy" because I was...but not overweight at all. Then I changed it to 'average' because I think of "slender" as really thin and I wasn't athletic at the time. Now, I would pick "athletic" but I'm muscular - although I'm being told too muscular and I lost most of my boobs but oh well.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I am 6'0" and 175lbs. i would say I am average, since that is what BMI says and I don't do sports regularly, so even though I look good I am softer than I should be for Athletic. 240 for 6'2" is pretty heavy, unless he is a body builder.... Just because I think and you know that you are average, don't mean you are not sexy or attractive. I am a pretty good looking guy, but I still think I am average compared to the super hot models and what not.... Actually, since this came up, I just now looked up a height/weight chart for men, and it does show that he's particularly heavy. The highest weight that was given for 6'2" was something like 172-197. So that settles it, the guy must be pretty heavy. I'm really short, myself. I'm only 5' tall, and last time I weighed myself (one week ago), I was 104 lbs. I consider myself thin. I don't have the body of a model, but I'm thin. And yes, I agree with you that people don't have to be "perfect" to be sexy or attractive. There was a time when I was like 95 to 100 lbs and was much more "svelte," but I like the extra meat on my bones, too. Also, I've liked many a guy who had meat on his bones. They just weren't fat.
Jane2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I am 6'0" and 175lbs. i would say I am average, since that is what BMI says and I don't do sports regularly, so even though I look good I am softer than I should be for Athletic. I think you are right to put "average" if you think you are softer than you should be. I feel comfortable (and honest) putting "thin" because I do sports very regularly. I run and do strength training. I'm toned. I've been weight-conscious since I was 16. Like I said in my first post in this thread, I'm a combination of thin/average/athletic. I choose "thin" as my body-size designation because I think it has the best connotations for women (and it's also not a lie for me).
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I only online dated very briefly several years ago, and I selected "thin" as I was the same height/weight I am now...5'9" and 110lbs. I was actually grateful that it asked for body type instead of exact weight, as most people hear my height/weight and assume I must look anorexic, which simply isn't the case. I'm just very small-framed and light boned. My experience was that "athletic" is the "curvy" of men. I saw SO many men who marked the "athletic" body type option but who appeared quite flabby in their photos, with no noticeable muscle tone.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 The reason people lie is because those categories are filters, and people put down what they know other people are looking for. They know that if they put BBW, they will get filtered out of most of the searches, so they put in "curvy", put older pics, and hope people look. Theres an easy way to tell, If your stomach is generally flat, you can put fit. if you have a bit of a belly bump, then you put "Average". Anything more than that is BBW. It doesnt matter below "Fit", because people generally look for Average, Fit, Athletic and Slim in their search anyway. I used to put Curvy, but the results were disastrous.
azsinglegal Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I only online dated very briefly several years ago, and I selected "thin" as I was the same height/weight I am now...5'9" and 110lbs. I was actually grateful that it asked for body type instead of exact weight, as most people hear my height/weight and assume I must look anorexic, which simply isn't the case. I'm just very small-framed and light boned. My experience was that "athletic" is the "curvy" of men. I saw SO many men who marked the "athletic" body type option but who appeared quite flabby in their photos, with no noticeable muscle tone. Yes, I found that too. Or marked "average" and were obviously overweight. But the issue is, overweight is now considered average. The "average" size women in the US is now an astounding size 14. To me, that's OBESE but to our nations statistics, it's average. Therefore, if you are a size 14-16 you can mark "average" instead of "a few extra lbs"
Andy_K Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Are pudgy guys really all that common? Half the girls profiles I read they're complaining about guys with shirtless pics showing off their abs/pecs/guns. It's like the fat guys are the anomaly.
Imajerk17 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Once I am looking at a woman's profile, it is how she looks in her pictures and her text--how she describes herself, NOT what she lists for body type, that makes me interested or not. However, what you list for your body type might determine whether you even come up in a guy's search and whether the guy even *gets to look at* your profile. If a guy puts down "athletic and toned" in his search criteria and you list yourself as "about average" your profile won't come up and so he won't get to see your profile. In fact, I used to have "athletic and toned" as my search criteria but I gave it up. So many terrific profiles came up where the woman put down "average", "curvy", "I'll tell you later", even "a few extra pounds"(!). Different guys like different things. Not all guys like "slender". But "slender" and "athletic" I think are what most guys are looking for. If you are good in sports and keep in reasonably good shape, you can put "athletic". If you are a male sumo wrestler you can put "athletic"--hey you carry a lot of mass but as you kick azz you you are athletic! If you are thin you can put "slender". If you are thin and work out a lot you can put "athletic" or "slender" your pick.
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 The highest weight that was given for 6'2" was something like 172-197. So that settles it, the guy must be pretty heavy. Before you meet him you could ask him to take a picture of himself and send it to you. Maybe say "What will you be wearing? Can you send me a photo ahead of time so I can recognize you? I am terrible at recognizing faces."
Feelin Frisky Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I never know what the best descriptor is for me because I think all three of these... thin average athletic ...apply. I think I'm in good shape, so I put "thin" on my profile. I make that decision based on "you're thin" / "you're in good shape" feedback from others (female friends and men I've dated who have seen me naked.) I'm talking to this guy right now whose pictures look pretty thin and his profile says "average." But on the phone, he said he's 240 lbs. (6'2"). Maybe I don't have a good idea of weight / height proportions for men, but that seems heavy to me, even for 6'2". I'm going by the fact that my ex-boyfriend was 5'11" and weighed 165. This guy I'm talking to is almost 80 lbs. heavier and just three inches taller? At any rate, I've yet to meet a guy who looked different from his pictures. Maybe that will happen with this new guy. I don't worry about it, really. It's no skin off my back if they end up being a lot heavier than they presented themselves. I simply wouldn't date them. 240 for 6'2 can work depending on the guy's frame. Some of those "ideal" weight to height guidelines are just not so. I' a little over 6'2 and I'm supposed to weigh like 187. I weighed that in high school. My friends thought I was wasting away at 215 and looked unhealthy. 225-230 is excellent for me but I weight more than that now. As far as looks goes, proportions matter most. If you're 6'-2 and 240 but you have a narrow frame and a distended stomach, it's gonna look bad. But if you're broad shouldered and strong, the 240 disappears into the balanced picture of a big fella.
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