lovesyoungnightmare Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Hello new to the forums. Here's my story.. I've been with my wife for 6 years, we just married a year and half ago. We have a son together and it has been us three (the holy trinity)through good and bad. We have an age difference but it's never stood in our way, she's 26 and i'm 41. We were also best friends. Just 1 year ago she decided to join the military, i supported her decision and we prepared for it. When she went to basic training I wrote her everyday and supported her and went to her graduation. She had met some new friends, there was a guy there that gave her encouragement. She left basic and went to across the US for training and our son and I made the 24 hr drive across the country to be with her for the 3 months of her training, everything was great. Occasionally the "guy" from basic training would text something innocent and I didn't let it bother me. Fast forward to September 2011 we are back home, every thing is great, then Christmas and the guy sends a text THEN calls her. Once again I say nothing of it. January comes and her phone seems to get more texts than usual, one day i pick it up and he sent her a picture. Now I am concerned and I question her she said its nothing " he's just a friend " and " am I not allowed to have guy friends? ". I let this go but one day I got curious and picked up her phone and noticed the texts didn't follow logically, there seemed to be gaps in the dialogue suggesting texts were deleted. I got curious and checked the phone records and discovered there were WAY more texts and a lot of phone calls. I decided to find the deleted texts using some tech skills and uncovered a long distance affair in the making. I questioned her motives but did not divulge that I had recovered the deleted texts. We had an argument and she agreed to end communication with him. 2 or 3 weeks later the day before my birthday she removed me from her FB page and added "guy" as a friend. The next day on my birthday of all days we had an argument about it and she leaves. The thing is this guy leaves on the other side of the US! So I have to wonder how that will work. My son lives with me as he always does and she moved in with her sister. I was devastated and missed 4 days of work not eating and barely sleeping. My world shattered and I tried to reason with her, and I broke a lot of rules: On sunday I drove to where she's staying and begged her to come home, to see a marriage counselor with me, and to not divorce me (i know, pathetic) needless to say it didn't work. I sent texts, i looked for reasons to call I tried to remain passive but couldn't resist pleading for her to come home. Today was a bad day I did it again and she was stone cold. I sobbed while getting some of her things together and gave up. I feel like it's officially over but I want to save my marriage so badly and have her back in my arms. I try to be strong but its hard, oh so hard. I've been given a lot of advice but I can't get her out of my head. I've concluded the best method is to find someone else as quickly as possible. So now I'm in that awkward scene of looking for someone to date but because of what happened I have VERY low esteem and I feel like at this point I will die alone. Tomorrow I return to work and take on another day of misery as I try to not think about her. I need HELP!
Bradly Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Im no expert, but i had to respond. So sorry for what you are going through. Trust me I KNOW how you feel. Stay strong for you boy! Don't look for anyone else yet, pull yourself together. You are not alone, Read about other people going through the same thing as us. Learn about the 180 and NC (no contact) good luck!
SBC Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Forget her, If she can abandon her son, you don't have a prayer. I am sorry, it really sucks. The good news? You have your son, and he is going to give you lots of wonderful things to focus on besides her. Take care of yourself and him.
rickys Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Sorry to her that.No one can understand this situation better than you. So, try to fix it in your own way. One thing that i will suggest you that talk to her and ask her that what she really wants?
2.50 a gallon Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 The military takes a very dim view of adultery. Which puts you in a position of great strength. It could mean brig time, and their careers would be over. Get your proof, then contact their CO's with request for a no contact order. 1
standtall Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 LYN, dude the sniveling is really bad. You cannot do this in front of her. She is with young bucks in basic that are taking charge and showing dominance, while your crying. Women do not love men they do not respect, and no amount of pleading and begging will get them to stay in the long run.
plowguy1 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) ^^^^ This 1000x! Dude, I did all the wrong things. you already know this does not work at all. by being strong, and doing the 180, she will probably at some point lose interest in this guy. Problem is by then, hell by now, too much damage has been done. I feel for ya buddy I know your pain, lean on friends and family if you can, get counseling, and try to get used to the fact that shes not worth it, because she isn't. let's say she wakes up and wants to try again, do you know how hard that is? I know people do it, but it's EXTREMELY tare and takes unselfish people to do it. does she have what it takes? I didn't think so. don't waste a couple more years of your life "trying", save your dignity, you'll need it. I'm sure you won't listen to this ( I didn't), but the someone else thing? not gonna work, for a long time. You have a long road to go down, I'm still on it after 2.5 yrs. you're in shock, just like if you've just been in a massive car wreck. you gotta heal, all you can do is learn from this, and of course love your son. look around, it's an epidemic, don't do anything stupid. she wants to trade up, its called hypergamy and its as old as time. in the past, society kept it in check, just like it kept men in line (mostly). with "everybody" doing it, it gives it legitimacy. an average stable man doesn't have a chance. It's not about you, you can't change who you are. she wants those dominant young bucks and she doesn't even know why. just remember you have A LOT of company, and we'll get through this post here a lot if you have no one to talk to, but nothing beats a real person, it's gonna be ok I promise, but it's gonna take a while. Edited March 4, 2012 by plowguy1 addition
TheBadOne Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I highly recommend you get an attorney pronto! Make sure you document everything especially her abandoning you and the child. Trust me once the freshness of the affair is gone she will come back looking to get back with you. If you don't (which you shouldn't) she will want the child back. If you don't have a strategy in place the mother usually wins custody. You have not felt hurt until you lose that child. Stay strong and good luck.
Steadfast Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hindsight is 20-20. Those in the know would tell you when she joined the military, the chances of your marriage surviving it dropped considerably. While you're sorting through what you could have and should have done, protect yourself by taking the above advice and hire an attorney. You'll feel conflicted, but remember to judge only her actions now. Words are empty. You are still a young man with lots of life to live. Understand that what you feel is normal, but strive towards getting to a place where your head is clear enough to make good decisions. Remember that her actions caused her to be where you are. Work towards acceptance, then hope. Eat, sleep, exercise. Keep posting. It helps-
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