clr0891 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Hi Everyone, I just thought it would be nice to get some input from others about where I am right now. I have dated the same guy since junior high. We have always had a great relationship, we have grown together, supported each other and loved each other. It is now our senior year of college and we have decided to break up. I have always been attracted to him and have never felt held back by us being together so long. I guess issues started when my sister started having issues in her marriage. She and her husband (I'm very close to both of them) have really been my relationship mentors for a long time. When they started having serious issues, it just shook me, leading to me and my bf to discuss and question our relationship. We went back and forth somewhat but finally decided it would be good for us to break up and focus on graduation and thinking about what we want for our own lives. I get confused because my feelings are in a constant state of change. Of course I have had really terrible days but for the most part I have been trying to take this time to improve who I am and enjoy just worrying about myself. I have thought about going out on a date with someone just to see what it is like, like I mentioned I havent dated anyone else. I am in no way looking for a relationship or to get intimate with anyone. Just curious I guess. Also I wanted to mention my ex and I are on very good terms. Part of me thinks we will end up together again, but not out of comfort because we have also discussed that. I guess I don't know what I am asking. Has anyone else been here? Or have any thoughts?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I think that what you're supposed to hear at this point is that, generally, those relationships begun in Middle School or High School really aren't supposed to last. People are at that point still needing to learn so much more about themselves that they just don't have the best understanding by which to select an ideal mate for themselves. Indeed you know yourself better than anyone else, but there is still so much more evolution to go through in life, and you will in the future be much, much better at selecting a lucky guy who will seem earmarked just for you.
Falcon25 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Way to give other men that you will meet in your life a chance. "I think me and my ex will end up together". You have pretty much ruined any good man's chance for some guy that is "your ex". He is not your ex. Stop kidding yourself.
Author clr0891 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Thanks for the input. Falcon25, I did want to say that, as I said in my post I am not ready for another "good man". I'm still coping and confused. If I was ready to move on from a relationship that was that length, what would that say about the relationship?
jus d'orange Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Thanks for the input. Falcon25, I did want to say that, as I said in my post I am not ready for another "good man". I'm still coping and confused. If I was ready to move on from a relationship that was that length, what would that say about the relationship? This is a great answer. The ending to my relationship of this type was not mutual. I did not want it to end because I still felt sure about her (came to realize you can't be sure about someone who isn't sure about you...). She told me most of the reasons in the book (I need time apart to be sure, I love you but I'm not in love, we might be too different, etc.). However, you seem to have arrived to this conclusion together, and there doesn't seem to be some external factor other than a desire for both of you to find out, by yourselves, if what you had was right, and if it would be right for you again someday. That alone is a sign of great maturity for you both. I wish I had been like that from the get-go! My heart has risen and fallen on this board every time I read some blanket statement about whether people end up back together or whether these early relationships are "supposed" to last or not. I've learned to let go of this need to have some general rule apply to my very specific life. Nothing can tell you what the future holds. I think for us both, we need to embrace the fact that our relationships are now in the past. Through your healing process, you will gain objectivity about the relationship, and eventually come to understand yourself and it more clearly. Do not concern yourself with finding somebody new, because you will only know that you're ready when you notice that you are. You can't think you're ready, if you know what I mean. Rather, try to see this as an opportunity to be single. The relationship has taught you a lot that you can now apply to a single, independent version of yourself. You may want to consider taking a time of no contact, just to really establish the independence, lest your relationship end up in limbo. Finally, recognize that if, through this period of independence, you and your ex discover yourselves again to be good together, you could rekindle the relationship with renewed certainty. However, it is more important, I think, to recognize that your ex is just like anybody else out there right now. If the two of you came together again, it would be a NEW relationship (except, you'd know this person very well already). I don't really have any experience; I don't even know if my situation is all that similar to yours, because my ex told me that she didn't feel the same about me anymore... perhaps she had someone else in mind? But I wanted to share my thoughts. Seems like you've already got a very mature mindset. I wish you the best of luck with your healing process... It's a tough road, but we've all got to walk it in our own way.
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