xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 but he's still willing to try. We had a long discussion (over the phone) about everything that has happened, and I'm trying to be lenient and understanding. He's working so hard right now, and has cancelled on me two times already. The most recent being for tonight when he told me it was his grandfather's birthday. He keeps telling me he wants to make things up for me and wanting to see but he's not TRYING. All we can do is text or talk at night, but when he's at work he can't use his phone and whenever he does CALL me, it's really late at night right when he's about to to go to bed. Am I wasting my time with him? I'm so distracted with (trying) to make plans with him, I don't really find the energy to meet and date other people. What am I doing?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Just forget it. I'm not being facetious. You've only been on 2 dates, right? You are way too invested in it all. If he is interested enough, he will call you and ask you on a date; if you are interested enough, you will go. Take it from there. All this complication, confusion and random stuff is really out of place for two people who are supposed to be getting to know one another. I would just tell him that it seems like he's too busy right now, but you like what you've gotten to know and he should give you a call when his schedule eases up. The ball is in his court. Then just leave it. 1
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 A long talk about it, where you are trying to be understanding and lenient? After two dates? You've only been on 2 dates, right? You are way too invested in it all. ... All this complication, confusion and random stuff is really out of place for two people who are supposed to be getting to know one another. Agreed. This is supposed to be the FUN time, the east breezy getting to know you time, and you're actually making it un-fun and difficult. Lighten up. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Didn't he already know it was his grandpa's birthday? Why did he even set a date for tonight? He might be a great guy, but the timing is wrong. It's just not working out right now. Who knows, maybe in the future it might work out, but it sounds like right now he has to get himself on track or figure a few things out, because obviously dating isn't a priority right now. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Just forget it. I'm not being facetious. You've only been on 2 dates, right? You are way too invested in it all. If he is interested enough, he will call you and ask you on a date; if you are interested enough, you will go. Take it from there. All this complication, confusion and random stuff is really out of place for two people who are supposed to be getting to know one another. I would just tell him that it seems like he's too busy right now, but you like what you've gotten to know and he should give you a call when his schedule eases up. The ball is in his court. Then just leave it. That's why we talked. I took your advice to start things over, and we're trying to be understanding about each other's work schedule so we can see each other when we have off. The thing is, he never has a day off. He does call and ask me out. But then he forgot it was his grandfather's birthday today so he's resecheduling . @ SG. I know it's suppose to be fun, but he's making it extremely difficult for me to see him. I'm going out of my way to plan things with him because his schedule isn't as flexible as mine. I'm the type who needs to see a guy at least once a week, I don't think that's demanding of me. But I need to see that they're making an effort rather than make plans and then canceling them.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Didn't he already know it was his grandpa's birthday? Why did he even set a date for tonight? He might be a great guy, but the timing is wrong. It's just not working out right now. Who knows, maybe in the future it might work out, but it sounds like right now he has to get himself on track or figure a few things out, because obviously dating isn't a priority right now. He forgot it was his grandfather's birthday. You are right the timing is wrong. I even confronted him on it. But he was so adamant about making things work that I'm giving him a chance. That is why I'm trying to be understanding even though this is causing alot of frustrations for me. And if it doesn't, I'm just going to go the friend route.
eleanorhurting Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I think I would just back off and leave it at that. Its so hard, I know. Its hard for me to do it too.
KathyM Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Sounds like he doesn't have time for a relationship, or is not interested in making it a priority in his life, or he's juggling others in his dating life and is not interested in spending a lot of time on one person right now. You obviously want more than he is able or willing to provide, so I suggest you not expect anything from him, and keep looking for others to date.
kaylan Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Why am I not surprised by this thread? Too busy to date = youre not worth me putting in effort to make time in my schedule. (Read: Hes just not that into you..yes...like the movie...sans the ending.) Keep it moving sister. EDIT: P.S. - Actions > Words And like the others said, why all this drama regarding a dude you went on two dates with? And werent even attracted to? Edited February 29, 2012 by kaylan
SciGuy Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I'm dealing with the same thing right now. Slowly back off. If you are worth anything to that person or if he wants to see you again, he will put in the effort.
veggirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I really doubt he forgot it was grandpa's bday. C'mon. I am also confused by all the drama, you were never attracted to this guy. Serious convos about the relationship, when it isn't even one yet, is so unnecessary and just such a huge sign that this is not right. It seems like you are doing all the work. Don't be that girl! If he wants to see you, he can make the plans and *follow through*. Cancelling 2x already, after 2 dates? That's beyond lame!
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 You probably didn't read our dear friend papercut's other thread. One of the "dates" involved her setting up dinner with papercut, her friend, and the dude. When the dude suggested sex afterward she harshly declined. Then he declined. It wasn't a date to begin with.
D-Lish Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I dunno, I am often doing 12 hour days when it comes to work, and on my days off, I am always on call and will often spend my Sunday afternoon writing reports for work. If I met someone I liked a lot, I'd make time. I have met some men that I think are okay, and I will see them once a week, once every two weeks. If I am a bit tired, I will cancel with no remorse. When I met my last ex, he really blew me away, and I saw him almost daily. I would go to work tired as hell, but I'd make time for him every night, and he did the same. When you like someone, you'll make time for them. If I were you I'd take a step back and let him schedule dates since he is saying he is so busy. If he falls short of what you need in terms of how often you want to see someone, then you can move on. Keep your options open in the meantime girl:cool:
Kamille Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I'm the type who needs to see a guy at least once a week, I don't think that's demanding of me. No, that is not demanding of you. I'm even surprised that you phrase this as something that could be perceived as demanding. paper, you have the right to have expectations. If they aren't met, step back and let him demonstrate that he can do better. Personally, after having been in a relationship with a work-a-holic, I would be weary of getting involved with a guy who cancels dates at the last minute. Like I said, the guy would really need to prove to me he can do better.
TuffCookieX Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I bought an e-book about dating and the one line that really stood out in my mind went something like this: "it doesn't matter if he slept with you, had breakfast with you, and named your kids on he car ride home... all that matters is how quickly he follows up to see you again." I was in the same dilemma. Guy I really wanted is a CPA and worked 12 hour days for about 2 months straight through. He kept saying he "couldn't wait to see me and spend time with me when busy season was over." So of course, I waited. Busy season ended February 20th and I've hardly heard from him. I fell for the lies. If he really likes you, he will make time.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Sounds like he doesn't have time for a relationship, or is not interested in making it a priority in his life, or he's juggling others in his dating life and is not interested in spending a lot of time on one person right now. You obviously want more than he is able or willing to provide, so I suggest you not expect anything from him, and keep looking for others to date. I don't expect anything from him except if he wants to date me, put in some effort. I confronted him that dating wasn't a priority and he told me he wanted to be with me but that that he has responsibilities that he needed to sort out, and he needed me to understand that and for us to work as a team. I just want face time, nothing more nothing less. I work 6 days a week but I can see someone when I want to, for him, he's either too busy to answer his texts or he's too tired at the end of the night to see me. And I realize it's not entirely his fault, he has to commute back and forth like crazy, and for us to see each other, he has to drive to see me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 No, that is not demanding of you. I'm even surprised that you phrase this as something that could be perceived as demanding. paper, you have the right to have expectations. If they aren't met, step back and let him demonstrate that he can do better. Personally, after having been in a relationship with a work-a-holic, I would be weary of getting involved with a guy who cancels dates at the last minute. Like I said, the guy would really need to prove to me he can do better. I've never dated a workaholic, although I, myself, am one. I just never thought I'd meet someone who would be busier than me. I'm going to wait this one out, and not get my hopes up just yet.
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