DonVee Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 So a friend of minds and I had a discussion about how she handled her breakup with a guy that she she was dating and I just want to get other peoples point of views on this. Her relationship was sexual but not serious however she did have feelings for him and he did not know the text went like this: I allowed myself to get to emotionally attached to you and now I can't allow myself to act accordingly to our situation. I'm starting to see myself reach out to you in a needy kind of way and that's not what our relationship is based on so I need to detach myself from these feelings that I have for you. I love you and I know that if I wasn't dealing which this rollercoaster of emotions right now I would be able to handle all that I can but right now I can't. I don't want to complicate your life nor mines because I can't contain my feelings for you. I do want you to know that I'm sincere and this is hard for me because I want so badly to have you in my life but I have to be realistic about this whole scenario and me hiding my true feelings for you get harder by the day, I'm sorry if I lead you on to believe that this was something that I could completely deal with, but I can't and you may never understand! So I told her that I thought she was chicken ****... "PERIOD" however she justified it by saying that this guy has her so into him that every time she tries to break it off with him in person or over the phone she can't ... She said she wanted out because she can't have him the way she want's and she felt that if she continued she would just get drawn in further and she could see that being a disaster and her part. What do you all think?
verhrzn Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 So a friend of minds and I had a discussion about how she handled her breakup with a guy that she she was dating and I just want to get other peoples point of views on this. Her relationship was sexual but not serious however she did have feelings for him and he did not know the text went like this: I allowed myself to get to emotionally attached to you and now I can't allow myself to act accordingly to our situation. I'm starting to see myself reach out to you in a needy kind of way and that's not what our relationship is based on so I need to detach myself from these feelings that I have for you. I love you and I know that if I wasn't dealing which this rollercoaster of emotions right now I would be able to handle all that I can but right now I can't. I don't want to complicate your life nor mines because I can't contain my feelings for you. I do want you to know that I'm sincere and this is hard for me because I want so badly to have you in my life but I have to be realistic about this whole scenario and me hiding my true feelings for you get harder by the day, I'm sorry if I lead you on to believe that this was something that I could completely deal with, but I can't and you may never understand! So I told her that I thought she was chicken ****... "PERIOD" however she justified it by saying that this guy has her so into him that every time she tries to break it off with him in person or over the phone she can't ... She said she wanted out because she can't have him the way she want's and she felt that if she continued she would just get drawn in further and she could see that being a disaster and her part. What do you all think? If they are casual FWB, why is a text message so bad? I mean, the guy doesn't have feelings for her (doesn't want to date her), so it's not as if she's hurting his feelings. I don't really see the big deal of her doing it over text... a casual break-off for a casual relationship.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 If they are casual FWB, why is a text message so bad? I mean, the guy doesn't have feelings for her (doesn't want to date her), so it's not as if she's hurting his feelings. I don't really see the big deal of her doing it over text... a casual break-off for a casual relationship. OP, don't listen to this chick. Her posts are extremely biased in favor of women/whiny against men. If it was a man who had broken things off then she'd be pms-ing about it. In any case, I agree with you that it was wimpy. But being passive-aggressive is the female way to deal with tough decisions. What can you do?
verhrzn Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 OP, don't listen to this chick. Her posts are extremely biased in favor of women/whiny against men. If it was a man who had broken things off then she'd be pms-ing about it. In any case, I agree with you that it was wimpy. But being passive-aggressive is the female way to deal with tough decisions. What can you do? How in the world is it passive-aggressive?? Even as a text message, it's very straight forward. It doesn't blame the guy at all. Passive-aggressive would be her suddenly falling off the face of the Earth, and when the guy contacts her acting annoyed or hurt. If a guy broke off an FWB with a text message, in which he wanted a relationship and the girl didn't, I wouldn't be upset. Genders have nothing to do with it. FWB = Casual. Text message = Casual.
ditzchic Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 OP, don't listen to this chick. Her posts are extremely biased in favor of women/whiny against men. If it was a man who had broken things off then she'd be pms-ing about it. In any case, I agree with you that it was wimpy. But being passive-aggressive is the female way to deal with tough decisions. What can you do? I agree with V on this one. This was a casual relationship. Nothing formal. She didn't owe him a formal talk. It might have been nice but it wasn't a requirement at that point. Personally, I think that if she made it a "We need to talk" sit down kind of formal thing, it would have been a little over dramatic. Especially because she had some emotional stuff she wanted to get off her chest. I can see the guy sitting there rolling his eyes saying "You came here for this? I just wanted some nani..."
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I agree with V on this one. This was a casual relationship. Nothing formal. She didn't owe him a formal talk. It might have been nice but it wasn't a requirement at that point. Personally, I think that if she made it a "We need to talk" sit down kind of formal thing, it would have been a little over dramatic. Especially because she had some emotional stuff she wanted to get off her chest. I can see the guy sitting there rolling his eyes saying "You came here for this? I just wanted some nani..." Yup, totally agree, especially with the second paragraph.
Author DonVee Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Oh-kay... I get what V is saying too I didn't look at it like that!
chelsea2011 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I don't think it's wimpy. It was a casual relationship in his eyes, so why the need for formality. Besides, they probably communicated mostly through text due to the fact that it was a casual relationship. It was probably set up that way by the guy, so he could keep the "emotions" to a minimum. Don't make judgements about her being wimpy unless you have BOTH sides of the story.
chelsea2011 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I don't think it's wimpy. It was a casual relationship in his eyes, so why the need for formality. Besides, they probably communicated mostly through text due to the fact that it was a casual relationship. It was probably set up that way by the guy, so he could keep the "emotions" to a minimum. Don't make judgements about her being wimpy unless you have BOTH sides of the story. One more thing. You should tell your friend to respect her wishes and to not contact her in ANY WAY shape or form so she can move on. She did the right thing by being totally honest and he should just let her go to live her life.
Author DonVee Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 She's smiling as I read her the replies... I agree now with what she did I just didn't agree at first because I was looking at this from my point of view and my life and hers are totally different. She said he can't contact her she blocked him from all communication (Facebook, SMS, MMS and calls) so I guess this is forced and he can't even reply... I guess she had to do what she had to do!
chelsea2011 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Good for her. I ended a fwb relationship like that too, but it wasn't because he had me so into him though. I was guilty of wanting to get to know him better as a person and that was it. I was not wrapped around his finger. I ended it by text because that was all that was required actually. You get back the energy you give out and in my case, a text was all that was needed.
veggirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Hot damn that is one wordy text for a FWB situation. I'd be embarrassed to send that tbh. I would've said "I don't want to continue the casual sex with you. Sorry, but I've developed deeper feelings and it just isn't a good situation for me."
zengirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I agree with V on this one. This was a casual relationship. Nothing formal. She didn't owe him a formal talk. It might have been nice but it wasn't a requirement at that point. Personally, I think that if she made it a "We need to talk" sit down kind of formal thing, it would have been a little over dramatic. Especially because she had some emotional stuff she wanted to get off her chest. I can see the guy sitting there rolling his eyes saying "You came here for this? I just wanted some nani..." Right. This makes sense to me --- a real breakup should not be with a text message, but in a FWB situation . . . eh, what's the point of meeting. Maybe a phone call is best?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I have done all my break ups over the phone even though I would want to have it in person if someone was breaking up with me. I would want to give that person one last kiss and hug good bye. I know it's too hard to do in person if you the one breaking up with the person, so phone call is best IMO. Obviousely the person your breaking up with is going to become emotional and more than likely start crying, so phone call is the way to go. Text message is the easy way out because your not going to verbally hear the persons emotions when they respond.
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Hot damn that is one wordy text for a FWB situation. I'd be embarrassed to send that tbh. I would've said "I don't want to continue the casual sex with you. Sorry, but I've developed deeper feelings and it just isn't a good situation for me." LMBO... I said the same thing when she finally read it to me "DAMNNN you wrote him all of that"? I would have loved to have read his response... I'm so nosey lol Edited February 29, 2012 by DonVee
veggirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 LMBO... I said the same thing when she finally read it to me "DAMNNN you wrote him all of that"? I would have loved to have read his response... I'm so nosey lol Did she even get one? It probably said "All right I understand" OR "k" OR nothing at all.
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Did she even get one? It probably said "All right I understand" OR "k" OR nothing at all. No... She blocked him from text and talk so that she could go NC but I would have love to have heard or read his response cause I'm sure he was flabbergasted
Imajerk17 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Gawd what an emo chick, she actually sounds bat shyte crazy. I agree with veggirl. I also feel that the guy was due to get in his response too. Edited February 29, 2012 by Imajerk17
Imajerk17 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 There's also quite the possibility that the guy is showing the text to his friends and they're getting a good laugh about it too.
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Gawd what an emo chick, she actually sounds bat shyte crazy. I agree with veggirl. I also feel that the guy was due to get in his response too. I didn't know expressing your feelings to someone was CRAZY but okay!!! I think she's over dramatic but crazy... NO There's also quite the possibility that the guy is showing the text to his friends and they're getting a good laugh about it too. Possible... Hope he's not that immature!!! I would be, she just told him she is in so much love with him, she can't take it, literally. He knows he has ALL the power....nice to be him. I guess! You guys are really cruel
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) I don't think it's wimpy. It was a casual relationship in his eyes, so why the need for formality. Besides, they probably communicated mostly through text due to the fact that it was a casual relationship. It was probably set up that way by the guy, so he could keep the "emotions" to a minimum. Don't make judgements about her being wimpy unless you have BOTH sides of the story. Thank you... Some people are so rude! Edited February 29, 2012 by DonVee
Imajerk17 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) Expressing your feelings--done properly--is fine. I mean, you can't go through life expressing your feelings by throwing temper tantrums. Anyway, dumping your feelings out and then running away like a little girl, which is what your friend did, is extremely immature. You'd better believe that this guy is likely to show his friends her crazy text. You don't think girls don't do likewise with their friends when they get messages like that? Edited February 29, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
make me believe Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Expressing your feelings--done properly--is fine. I mean, you can't go through life expressing your feelings by throwing temper tantrums. Anyway, dumping your feelings out and then running away like a little girl, which is what your friend did, is extremely immature. You'd better believe that this guy is likely to show his friends her crazy text. You don't think girls don't do likewise with their friends when they get messages like that? lol yeah, I agree. There is a huge difference between expressing your feelings and doing what this girl did. Her text was totally crazy for a FWB situation. And then blocking his # and not even giving him a chance to reply is really immature. I don't think it was wrong of her to break it off over text since they weren't serious. It's just the overly dramatic way she chose to do it is really cringe-worthy. 1
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Expressing your feelings--done properly--is fine. I mean, you can't go through life expressing your feelings by throwing temper tantrums. Anyway, dumping your feelings out and then running away like a little girl, which is what your friend did, is extremely immature. You'd better believe that this guy is likely to show his friends her crazy text. You don't think girls don't do likewise with their friends when they get messages like that? I never played that game but if he dares he better beware cause I will not allow him to hurt my friend like that... As for her actions she could have done it differently I agree but it's done now and as I stated in the post every attempt she made to cut him off was unsuccessful so she did what she had to to protect her heart. He knew she loved him and he knew how she felt because she told him before this has been an issue that they have been dealing with for while I'm just glad it's over so she can move the hell on.
Author DonVee Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 lol yeah, I agree. There is a huge difference between expressing your feelings and doing what this girl did. Her text was totally crazy for a FWB situation. And then blocking his # and not even giving him a chance to reply is really immature. I don't think it was wrong of her to break it off over text since they weren't serious. It's just the overly dramatic way she chose to do it is really cringe-worthy. Agreed... She was being very dramatic!
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