starla33 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Went on a quick coffee date with a guy that after the coffee date said he would like to see me again, but for an evening date. I said sure. He had some work thing he was nervous about after the date so said he was not really himself. Anyway a few days after the date I texted him and asked him how that went. He said it went great and asked how my weekend was. I responded an asked about his and he ignored me after this text. I don't get it. I don't lead people on there was no need to say you want to see me again or to act interested and ask about my weekend if you don't want to talk to me. I don't know what it is with guys from dating sites.
ditzchic Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I wouldn't take it personally. It seems like he was interested but then just kind of lost it. It happens. On both sides. I'm sure you've been there before too. Or he could have just gotten busy and forgot to respond to your text. That also happens.
Author starla33 Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 No actually if I say I want to go out with someone again I do it. Also don't text me ask me a question and then ignore me. Obviously not that busy since hes been on the dating site on the chat. I give up! What is up with these people?
NoMagicBullet Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I'd bet he's found another date, maybe more than one, so he's putting his effort into the new prospects and not bothering with you. Maybe he'll come back around again later, maybe not. That's the thing I learned with online dating: everyone is catalog shopping. One person looks good, but then there are others who look better. People get into the mode of trying to maximize their options instead of getting to know people. Instead of thinking, "Hey, I've met a pretty cool person. I'd like to get to know them better," they get caught up in thinking "Hey, I've met a pretty cool person. I wonder if I can meet someone even better?" Oh,and this isn't gender specific -- both men and women do this while online dating.
carhill Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 OP, I read the thread and then when back to the OP and found this to stand out: "<he>said he would like to see me again, but for an evening date. I said sure." "a few days after the date I texted him and asked him how that went. He said it went great and asked how my weekend was." The 'out of order' part was that he said he would like to see you again, you agreed and he never proactively followed up. After that point, your proactive contact was a 'chase'. If he had been truly interested in a dinner date, he would have set it up right there, in person, or shortly thereafter, proactively. From the tone of your OP you like a man who is proactive and decisive. Accept that some of us aren't. No harm, no foul, next.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Call him instead of texting. My cell makes one tiny vibration noise when I get a text. The vibration is so insignificant that many times I don't even feel it. As a result, I've had women get huffy: "You didn't answer my text!" I didn't answer yer text because the vibration is weak. So I didn't know you even sent me one. I keep telling women to call instead of texting, yet they insist of texting. Women need to understand that many, many guys don't care for texting for a variety of reasons. Do the old-fashioned method and call the guy.
ffw Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Are you serious oxy? Its not about her; its about him. He never made a move simply because he's not interested.
Author starla33 Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 I'd bet he's found another date, maybe more than one, so he's putting his effort into the new prospects and not bothering with you. Maybe he'll come back around again later, maybe not. That's the thing I learned with online dating: everyone is catalog shopping. One person looks good, but then there are others who look better. People get into the mode of trying to maximize their options instead of getting to know people. Instead of thinking, "Hey, I've met a pretty cool person. I'd like to get to know them better," they get caught up in thinking "Hey, I've met a pretty cool person. I wonder if I can meet someone even better?" Oh,and this isn't gender specific -- both men and women do this while online dating. I agree with you 100% I definitely find that after a few years on dating sites I think about some of the guys I didn't go out with again and wonder why I didn't? As they seemed like great guys, but there was something better always around the corner. I've learned obviously not to do this anymore and give people a chance if the first date is not bad, but others obviously are not like this. This guy WAS interested at one point or another. I'm not one to make excuses, he could have fogot to read the text etc etc, welp if he did then he is not the guy for me!
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Are you serious oxy? Its not about her; its about him. He never made a move simply because he's not interested. On second thought, I didn't read into the post enough. I don't care for the grammar. But after reading, you're right. He's not interested. Guys don't 'forget' and are never 'too busy' when they are interested in a woman. The gal would be on his mind all his waking hours. What era do you live in, Victorian England? This is the era of multi-dating. When I'm looking for a new relationship, I don't just approach one chick. I approach many. I approach women through school, church, shopping stores, bars, clubs, through friends and acquaintances, at events, social activities, etc. Through such a wide variety of places, I've interacted with many women I find attractive. As a result, no one woman occupies. Besides, I have a job, hobbies, and other social activities. If I'm not in love with her and/or in a LTR, why should some chick occupy my mind "in all my waking hours"? Especially a chick I don't even know. Folks need to get rid of this idiotic notion that a man is "never too busy that he forgets to contact a chick." What, do guys not have work, school, and other **** that takes priority? My first job outta high school I worked 70-80 hrs a week. So yes, I didn't always remember or have time to talk to a chick. So get the crap outta here with yer stupid comments.
Thieves Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 This is the era of multi-dating. When I'm looking for a new relationship, I don't just approach one chick. I approach many. I approach women through school, church, shopping stores, bars, clubs, through friends and acquaintances, at events, social activities, etc. Through such a wide variety of places, I've interacted with many women I find attractive. As a result, no one woman occupies. Besides, I have a job, hobbies, and other social activities. If I'm not in love with her and/or in a LTR, why should some chick occupy my mind "in all my waking hours"? Especially a chick I don't even know. Hm... I think it'd be interesting to hear what these other women you've interacted with would think if you revealed that when searching for a new relationship, "no one woman occupies." The whole point of dating is to find one who does. And if they don't, interest is generally low. Which is probably the answer to the OP's sitch. Not that he's "too busy". Folks need to get rid of this idiotic notion that a man is "never too busy that he forgets to contact a chick." What, do guys not have work, school, and other **** that takes priority? My first job outta high school I worked 70-80 hrs a week. So yes, I didn't always remember or have time to talk to a chick. So get the crap outta here with yer stupid comments. The notion isn't entirely idiotic. Yukon is very right when they say that if a guy is truly very interested in a girl, he will do his best to convey that to her -- and that's not by forgetting to text, call, or set up more dates when first getting to know each other. It doesn't matter if he feels he doesn't have the time; he will make it if he really wants it. That goes for me as a woman, too. He doesn't have to be in love or already in a long term relationship to do this, because showing interest back is his way of getting into both of those things. Despite what you've said in your post, something tells me that the moment when you first meet that "one chick" amongst all the others who really sticks out to you, who really interests you... that many of the points in your post will go on the backburner. Yes, you most definitely could still be busy and have many other things to do. But I also bet you still wouldn't forget to do little things such as call a woman back who's really stand-out girlfriend material, even if it's just a five minute call in the evening to see how she is. I bet you'd be setting up another date as soon as you could. I bet you'd be hard pressed not to think of her a lot throughout the day, no matter how many other people you meet. And I also bet you'd make her one of your priorities, despite other ones you may have...
Motor35 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Men are buyers. We are free to shop around. yes! this. those dating sites are much like applying for a new job. you might submit a dozen apps and resumes and take the first job offer you get. you get settled with your new job, then you get a better offer, and take that work. i don't mean to be brutal, but that is how i see dating sites.... good luck....you will find your man
xpaperxcutx Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 OLD is just another acronym for multidating. You need to view every guy as an option until they actually want to pursue something further.
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I agree with you 100% I definitely find that after a few years on dating sites I think about some of the guys I didn't go out with again and wonder why I didn't? As they seemed like great guys, but there was something better always around the corner. I've learned obviously not to do this anymore and give people a chance if the first date is not bad, but others obviously are not like this. This guy WAS interested at one point or another. I'm not one to make excuses, he could have fogot to read the text etc etc, welp if he did then he is not the guy for me! Did you let these guys know that you were not interested in a 2nd date? Or did you simply not contact them? In case you didn't, this could actually be a case of karma biting you... I am never in contact with a lot of men at the same time, it's too confusing. I prefer to see where one particular contact can go to. After a first date I always follow it up with a mail saying that I want to see the guy again, or that I don't want to see him again. I like to create transparency, no games, no guessing. I do not communicate by text, unless it is to say that I'll be 5 minutes late for a meeting. For me texting is a supportive communication to the principal ways of communicate: either by phone or a live contact. I find that texting depersonalises one.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm in the "If he's interested, he'll contact" boat. Speaking purely from personal experience, I've never NOT had a guy contact me via phone or text consistently after the first date...even the guys that I wasn't interested in seeing again. I've never gone a day without hearing from my current boyfriend in some capacity since our first date. He was busy, has a very demanding job, and certainly had options. But sending a text or making a phone call really doesn't take long, and if a guy is interested, he'll make time. And he definitely won't "forget." I'm not saying there isn't truth to what posters like Oxy are saing about OLD/multidating, but I've done online dating, and I've never experienced a guy just "forgetting" to get in touch with me after a date. I think if you're talking to that many women and truly, honestly forgetting about some from teme to time, it's pretty obvious that none of them are anything special to you. Which is fine if that's what you prefer.
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