zengirl Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I don't know. If we're going to use that few datapoints though, I could easily point to LS and say, "Why are all men defeatist and pathetic and whining that their gender is their biggest problem?" But I wouldn't do that because it'd be idiotic. Generally, the person who does the breaking up -- whoever that is -- gets over it the fastest, IMO.
ascendotum Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Anyone can be cold and emotionless. Women appear to get over relationships easier, because they can find someone to bang them easier. While imo, I think women have more emotional baggage over their relationships than men, they have an easier time finding another bf to fill the vacancy. This is part of the story, but I'd say also that because its more (I thought it was around 70%) women that end marriages, I would assume its probably not a lot different when it comes to LTR in general. The person who wants out of a relationship the most will naturally be happier for it. I've also seen studies done on happiness in relation to a person's relationship status, and men are happier in a relationship than women are, and women are happier being single than men are. It certainly not B&W when it comes to this. Ive know a few women who build up emotional walls after a failed relationship that can takes years to get over. (Ruby said it took 3 yrs for 1 relationship + I think DLish on LS said it took her I thought 6 yrs to get over one). At the same time I know plenty of women that only spent 1 weekend single before they were in a new relationship.
EasyHeart Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 It's because we're all soulless she-devils.Finally, the truth comes out!!!
EasyHeart Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Generally, the person who does the breaking up -- whoever that is -- gets over it the fastest, IMO.This is certainly true. Among my peer group, divorce seems almost epidemic once couples hit their 40s. It's pretty sad. Commonalities I've noticed are (1) divorces are pretty much always initiated by the wife and (2) the men never see it coming. So in that context it makes sense that women "seem" to get over the divorce much faster because they've been emotionally detached and preparing to leave for quite some time, while the men are sitting there looking stupefied and saying, "WTF just happened????"
azsinglegal Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I don't think it's a gender thing at all. I have a hard time getting over relationships and don't ever have someone lined up next when one ends. How long it takes to get over a relationship is how much you had invested. Although, I do admit that it seems the men I've dated seem to get over me much faster then I get over them. I think I've mentioned before that my last 6 ex-boyfriends married the very next girl they dated after me...and I still remain single. I read somewhere that it takes half the time of the length of the relationship to get over it, but I don't think that's true. I've been out of one in particular for over 2 years and I'm still not over it - it lasted 2 years. Fact is, doesn't matter if it's a man or woman...everyone moves on from past hurt and pain at different levels. To say women move on faster isn't true. From someone who's spent a lot of time single and has a hard time dating, I can say this isn't a fact.
plowguy1 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 This is certainly true. Among my peer group, divorce seems almost epidemic once couples hit their 40s. It's pretty sad. Commonalities I've noticed are (1) divorces are pretty much always initiated by the wife and (2) the men never see it coming. So in that context it makes sense that women "seem" to get over the divorce much faster because they've been emotionally detached and preparing to leave for quite some time, while the men are sitting there looking stupefied and saying, "WTF just happened????" This is exactly what happened to me, I was told it takes 1 year for every 4 you were married to get over it. I didnt believe it, I do now. for me thats 4yrs, only 1.5 to, go I hope it's not more
somedude81 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Women appear to get over relationships easier, because they can find someone to bang them easier. Ha, second post in the thread and it wasn't me who said it. But if the generalization is true, I would guess it's because in the mating game, it's essentially the woman's job to screen the applicants, and the man's job to apply. So if it doesn't work out, the woman generally feels let down, and the man feels that he didn't measure up. The woman then finds some new applicants, and the man suits up for more interviews. It's easier to open the door to new applicants than to get out there and interview. Choosing the right man for the job is tough, though. Great post. I think its probably because women can get dates much easier than us. My ex wife had a rebound very quick after we separated. Women just have more options than us so it makes their dating lives easier. Thus making heartbreak easier so they can move on to the next guy even if deluding themselves. I do hope I am a woman in my next life. And another person who recognizes women have it easier.
ffw Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 It seems women seem to get over long relationships/marriage much easier then Men a lot of times, i know its happened in my relationships and now with a few of my friends It doesn't depend upon the gender but rather intimacy, depth of love, etc... in a relationship.
Alexanda Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I thought it was men who got over relationships a lot easier than women.
Woggle Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Because relationships and the men in their life mean very little to them in many cases.
Star Gazer Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 If the woman is the one ending the relationship, she's usually ending it after much thought and deliberation. She probably emotionally checked out and actually grieved the loss of the relationship and what could have been long before she actually communicates to the man that the relationship is now over. Men, on the other hand, tend to end relationships much more abruptly and rashly. 3
coffee.girl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) If the woman is the one ending the relationship, she's usually ending it after much thought and deliberation. She probably emotionally checked out and actually grieved the loss of the relationship and what could have been long before she actually communicates to the man that the relationship is now over. Men, on the other hand, tend to end relationships much more abruptly and rashly. This. It's not that it's easier, it's that the person initiating the break up has just had a different time scale to process the hurt. Though I would tend to disagree about the last paragraph, I'm sure many men put as much thought into ending relationships as women. Conversely, some women end relationships rashly. It's more dependant on personality than gender IMO. I'm not singling out the OP here but I think that these threads, and their ilk (Why are women colder? Why do women have it easier? Why is rejection harder for men than women? etc etc.) indicate a lack of empathy for the opposite sex, and the inability to model anothers world view. Edited February 29, 2012 by coffee.girl
Woggle Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 This. Though I would tend to disagree about the last paragraph, I'm sure many men put as much thought into ending relationships as women. Conversely, some women end relationships rashly. It's more dependant on personality than gender IMO. I'm not singling out the OP here but I think that these threads, and their ilk (Why are women colder? Why do women have it easier? Why is rejection harder for men than women? etc etc.) indicate a lack of empathy for the opposite sex, and the inability to model anothers world view. This might be but the way I see many women act towards their men does show them to be cold and emotionless creatures. It's not as if some are not proving the stereotype right.
coffee.girl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 This might be but the way I see many women act towards their men does show them to be cold and emotionless creatures. It's not as if some are not proving the stereotype right. I do not mean to invalidate your experiences Woggle, there may very well have been women in your life that have done you wrong (just as I have had women and men in my life who have done me wrong) BUT IMO it is in our nature to seek out evidence that justifies our own prejudices, to the extent where we become blind to any evidence to the contrary. If you look hard enough you can find 'evidence' for anything, but it doesn't show the whole picture. I get a lot more out of life when I try to focus on the good things, the good and loving qualities in my friends and family, and what I have to be thankful for. Also, you can almost never know the full story of another person's behaviour, no matter how it seems from the outside. I'll use my last break up as an example. After a four year relationship, I ended it with my partner (who was shocked and distraught) and went no contact, and did not respond to his messages and calls, and got on with my life. So yeah, this would definitely have seemed cold and emotionless to someone on the outside, or to my ex-partners friends and family. BUT, from my perspective, the break up had been coming for at least a year. I had been trying to encourage him to work on the relationship, and for us to work on ourselves. I had communicated to the best of my ability my needs, and I tried to meet his, but after a lot of empty promises and frustration I felt we just had different life goals and expectations and I had to end it. This was after a year of feeling very hurt, lonely and confused in my relationship. When we broke up I tried my best to work through the reasons for the breakup with him, but after a while contact with him got exhausting and it was clear he was just contacting me to try and hold on to what we had. I still cared about him a lot so I went a clean no contact to make it easier for both of us to let go. I still think about him from time to time but I stay no contact so as not to reopen any old wounds.
Thieves Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) It doesn't have much to do with who gets dates more easily because if you aren't ready to date it doesn't matter. I tried to go on dates after a breakup I couldn't get over and would end up in tears after the dates. Attention from men was not an ego boost. It made everything worse because I only wanted my ex. I had to stop dating until I recovered. Exactly. While it is partially true that women are more likely to get approached more by the opposite sex after an ended relationship, this doesn't necessarily make the situation much better for the women in question. Honestly? This point would work great if women actually wanted to pay attention to other men, or wanted other men to pay attention to them. But the truth is that 9 times out of 10, we don't want anyone other than our ex after a break-up. Anyone else pales in comparison. The balding man who just hit on us yesterday is kind of nice in the moment and is attention, but it barely registers as an ego boost. Nor does the very handsome-looking man who hit on us last week, or the perfectly nice and average-looking man. Because we feel that these men cannot measure up to the person we just lost. It's heartbreaking, and often keeps us from healing as quickly as we can. Women also "seem" to get over relationships easier because we confront the feelings head on. It can get unhealthy, but we usually sit and marinate a long time in the emotions after a break-up. We know that just trying to cover them up, like many men do, is not the best way to deal with it. Edited February 29, 2012 by Thieves
Buttercup84 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Some of the comments are pathetic . It's been almost a year and I'm just getting better , with therapy . Some of you have a ****ed up idea about women .
jobaba Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 It seems women seem to get over long relationships/marriage much easier then Men a lot of times, i know its happened in my relationships and now with a few of my friends One of my friends ex wives before the ink was dry found another guy had kid with him while a year later hes still distraught Another found out his wifes been cheating for the past year not even two years into their marriage even after all that he tried to get back with her and she kept blaming him for her CHEATING Case by case basis. I knew a co-worker who when getting split from her husband was so f@cked up by it, she couldn't work for like a month.
zengirl Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I think women also potentially have stronger social systems built-in to deal with a breakup. I think this is changing---I know many men in my generation who DO show emotion or even cry in front of each other on occasion. I remember my ex last year talking about how he and his other roommate had to take care of his drunk and crying roommate after their major breakup (ironically, he initiated it). But not all men have that kind of social system where they can feel emotionally free to cry/yell/obsess/whatever, whereas I think most women do. And women are free to do it to a much longer/more intense degree. We are socialized to be allowed to be more emotional than men. I will say the one place I do think men get a raw deal in socialization (and women get an equally raw deal on something else -- assertiveness training) is emotional training. In Education, I try to do my own little part to change that and show boys that emotion is not scary or girly and that they can express their emotions, though I can't change the world or total reactions so it will be smaller changes that will hopefully happen over time and generations. Someone on LS once said in a thread about gender --- I can't remember who, sorry --- that both boys and girls are told it's okay to cry when young, but only one retains that right as they grow older, and that's not entirely wrong. (Obviously, men have the RIGHT to cry and women have been made fun of for crying, but women have it easier in terms of being allowed to freely express their emotions----that is, unless they're trying to do something like "run for President" that is still seen as 'manly' for sexist reasons.) If the woman is the one ending the relationship, she's usually ending it after much thought and deliberation. She probably emotionally checked out and actually grieved the loss of the relationship and what could have been long before she actually communicates to the man that the relationship is now over. Men, on the other hand, tend to end relationships much more abruptly and rashly. This is also a factor. Men are much more likely to end it in a moment of confusion and pain than women are; women want to make sure a relationship is really, truly dead, and beaten to the ground first, sadly. Neither are great strategies, and certainly women have ended things rashly and men have stayed too long, but on average, I agree with this analysis.
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