ShaneSchommer Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 So my girlfriend recently broke up with me after the 2 most amazing years of my life. we loved eachother dearly but she broke my heart multiple times. I know it was stupid but i went on her facbook to see how she was doing and i found something she posted. Emancipation. What a fantastic word with an equally fantastic meaning: to free, liberate, release, set free from restrictions or restraint by others. As anyone that knows her, knows that she has an enviable way with words. She has worked her magic again. Emancipation is the title of a mixtape Kathryn Aquino sent me today. And trust me, this is not just any mixtape. I mean, the title alone connotes something amazing. As anyone that knows me, knows that she is my best friend. I cannot imagine where I would be today without her. Wait, yes I can. I would be lost without her. Completely and utterly lost in the world. So this is one of many thanks I give her for her eternal friendship and the mixtape that is so much more than just a playlist of songs. Thank you for the hope, understanding, wisdom and love found in this mixtape. Thank you for the laughs, occasional tears, and many “amen’s” I shouted in response to the songs. Thank you for my “Remedy.” Love you! This is after she gave me a 6 page note telling me how much she loved me and that she would love to be in a happy relationship at the moment but we just cant. That is exactly what she said and it disgusted me. Ive never been a jealous or abusive boyfriend and ive always loved her with everything ive had. now i just feel resentment and hate towards her. and now i think is that what she thought of our relationship? i guess you see a persons true colors in time. this has lead to me not believe in love anymore. sorry for rant had to get it off my chest.
Author ShaneSchommer Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 true but I just dont understand how she could think of our relationship like that when it was the furthest thing from it...
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 People do mean and hurtful things when they are hurting inside themselves. Having your heart broke multiple times sure doesn't sound like two amazing years to me. Those who do the dumping normally go through swings of emotions as they aren't always sure if they made the right decision... second guessing themselves so to speak. There is no nee to hold onto resentment or give up on love though. Just need to find someone who is a better match for you. I do feel though as I have been attacked by subliminal advertising.
Author ShaneSchommer Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Thanks for sharing the article with me. I understand it and what i need to do to be happy and create a better life for myself first and flourish. Although sometimes easier said than done. Its funny because at first she was the one totally dependant on me with a situation in her life that she lost her friends and i was there for her. i guess at the time when a similar situation came in my life she didnt do the same. I think thats why i feel some anger.
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I never claimed it to be right, just putting it in layman's terms. It improves nothing and it's something I've pitied instead of getting upset about. People act out because they lack the cognitive ability to truly analyze and understand themselves and what they are feeling. It's sad that it happens, but it happens. If those who are taking the actions can't understand it, at least those on the receiving end can understand that their motives may not be as sinister as they can seem. 1
madball2289 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 If I've learned anything it's this : if they walk away, let them walk. 1
NeverAgainDC Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 If I've learned anything it's this : if they walk away, let them walk. You ain't never lied. I agree wholeheartedly.
mike588 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I think we all at one time after the b/u feel hate and resentment towards our ex. It goes from hate one day to still feeling love the next then back to hate/resentment...back and forth. It's normal and ok to feel this way...just part of the healing process.
Ajax Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Lately I've noticed a lot of posts on LS of the nature of: Being resentful is pointless, you need to accept what's happened, move on, and do what's right for you, and not blame your ex." And they'd be right, but also wrong. It's true that in the long run resentment is self defeating. Eventually we should seek to forgive those who hurt us. We need to learn to be "Okay." But it's a process, and I think sometimes only suggesting that people let go of the anger and focusing on their own healing actually circumvents the healing process. After all, anger is one of the stages in the stages of grief. And while the ultimate goal is to let go and gain acceptance, it's not going to happen if you suppress your feelings, including the anger. I think this is one of those cases where we need to let the OP vent. And lets be honest, even though our exes may not be monsters, it's OK to vent about them once in a while. Eventually you'll be all vented out, and that can take some of the strength out of the bitterness. So OP, vent away, this is your thread! You may feel bitter now. You may have lost faith in love. It's OK to rant about that and we all feel that way at times in our life, especially when people hurt us. But even the pain is temporary. Someday you will get to a point of acceptance and no longer harbor that resentment. And that will be a good day.
sweetheart5381 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Lately I've noticed a lot of posts on LS of the nature of: Being resentful is pointless, you need to accept what's happened, move on, and do what's right for you, and not blame your ex." And they'd be right, but also wrong. It's true that in the long run resentment is self defeating. Eventually we should seek to forgive those who hurt us. We need to learn to be "Okay." But it's a process, and I think sometimes only suggesting that people let go of the anger and focusing on their own healing actually circumvents the healing process. After all, anger is one of the stages in the stages of grief. And while the ultimate goal is to let go and gain acceptance, it's not going to happen if you suppress your feelings, including the anger. I think this is one of those cases where we need to let the OP vent. And lets be honest, even though our exes may not be monsters, it's OK to vent about them once in a while. Eventually you'll be all vented out, and that can take some of the strength out of the bitterness. So OP, vent away, this is your thread! You may feel bitter now. You may have lost faith in love. It's OK to rant about that and we all feel that way at times in our life, especially when people hurt us. But even the pain is temporary. Someday you will get to a point of acceptance and no longer harbor that resentment. And that will be a good day. I agree, being resentful does not further your position and I think many, many people have unresolved anger that results in them feeling resentful. It is completely natural to be angry - it is a normal emotion that will run it's course when it is allowed to. We all make choices including how our emotions are dealt with, once "fight or flight" has run it's course so to speak. Feel angry then let it go... it will if you just feel your way through it.
Author ShaneSchommer Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks everyone for listening and responding. Im sure ill stop feeling resenment soon enough and I find it very true that it will ruin any future relationships holding onto that feeling. Hoping it will stop soon.
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