sammyman Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Here is my story that I would appreciate some third part opinion please: 4 incredible years together. She is the most beautiful, kind and fun women I have ever met, and I have looked at this from a completely subjective point of view. My family and friends are amazed at how I managed to bag such a beauty and sometimes, so am I. 4 years of an incredibly, intimate, loving relationship. No fights, Just love. I am her first and only man. However, same old story, out of the blue she needs to break up. She kissed her 40 year old boss, a director of some prime time television programmes on Channel 4, ‘it seemed like the happy thing to do,’ and she is not 100% certain that I am the one anymore. She is confused and needs some time apart to work things out. She loves me deeply, can see us happy spending the rest of our lives together, wants to bear my children, but in the same breath says that if we stay together now, we will end up hating each other and she will cheat on me. She has never lain with another man, and she is curious. She feels she needs some time to work out what she really wants in life and needs some space. But hopes with all her heart that we can reconcile in the future and be stronger than ever before. So I reluctantly let her go, with the view to meet again in 3 months time to reconcile. As soon as I let her go, she sparks up a relationship with her 40 year old boss, she’s 23. Her friends and family are dismayed and so am I. Her words upon speaking to her very briefly were, ‘He is here and you aren’t’. She is working and living in Brighton while I’m running my two companies out of my Birmingham offices due to government funding, but my family live close to Brighton. She tells her friends that it’s a mess, she tells her friends that it is not a long term relationship with her boss, she tells her friends and me she loves me and is hurt to hear that I have been on dates with others already. She tells her parents that she loves me, that she will probably never meet anyone nicer, but needs time to get this out of her system and ‘sow her wild oats’. I am in disarray and unable to function effectively. This episode has lost me many a contract as well as a place on a business programme on sky 1 as I just never turned up to the necessary meetings due to me lying horizontal on the floor of the office unable to function. I respect her determination and courage to break off something that was so good just to ‘experience’ life. But on the other had I am utterly broken and am unable to comprehend what is going on in her mind. I meeting her in London in May and have booked a travel trip to Cuba in July, but I don’t know what will happen. I can’t move on with no closure. I can’t give up on her. I can’t function without resolution. I just can’t work right now and I am a prisoner to my thoughts that are ever circularting and driving me crazy. What do I do? Help!
darkmoon Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) kisses her boss because it's "happy" then starts a relationship with him? wait for her plan to go wrong imho but you must get out and meet others, keeping yourself on hold seems a waste of time when you need fun not a headful of these memories to make you need to write to LS here Edited February 28, 2012 by darkmoon
Frank13 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I am her first and only man. However, same old story, out of the blue she needs to break up. She kissed her 40 year old boss, a director of some prime time television programmes on Channel 4, ‘it seemed like the happy thing to do,’ and she is not 100% certain that I am the one anymore. She is confused and needs some time apart to work things out. She loves me deeply, can see us happy spending the rest of our lives together, wants to bear my children, but in the same breath says that if we stay together now, we will end up hating each other and she will cheat on me. When someone says they are confused it pretty much always means I no longer have feelings for you and no longer want to be with you. They say they are "confused" to soften the blow and give themselves a way out. Notice how she had no problem kissing her boss and immediately starting a relationship once you two broke up. She doesn't love you. Not anymore.
Mack05 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) When someone says they are confused it pretty much always means I no longer have feelings for you and/or no longer want to be with you. They say they are "confused" to soften the blow and give themselves a way out. Notice how she had no problem kissing her boss and immediately starting a relationship once you two broke up. She doesn't love you. Not anymore. 100% agree Frank and probably deserves a thread of its own (how many posters post that their ex is confused? Got to be 80%). If I ever hear the words 'confused' or 'I'm not sure what I want anymore'. I will mentally start to prepare for the worst. Edited February 28, 2012 by Mack05
a_bit_lost Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 ah another UK member, hi there. If you think you're at the lowest of the lows you should read my thread mate - sure that'll make you feel better http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/310393-she-did-again-here-we-go-again-merry-go-round-see-text-1.html this thread backdates to around last november.
sweetheart5381 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 When someone says they are confused it pretty much always means I no longer have feelings for you and no longer want to be with you. They say they are "confused" to soften the blow and give themselves a way out. Notice how she had no problem kissing her boss and immediately starting a relationship once you two broke up. She doesn't love you. Not anymore. Ya, that's the harsh truth Frank. I heard the "I want to break up...then I'm confused...I want space, I want time to think, I want to be sure .... the big one for me was the "I dont want to hurt you"... repeatedly. I pushed for an end to it, would not accept the "space" crap. I will not be second best to anyone... he blamed me for "making him" b/u because I would not be second best and ended it with me ultimately because I pushed. Bottom line is to just let them go on their merry way and enjoy the freedom that they offered you. They are letting you explore the possibilities too - if they are not afraid to lose you, then just get lost. They will be back... when they come back you will have a clearer head 1
PegNosePete Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 She is confused and needs some time apart to work things out. Translation: she wants to be with this guy and see if he is better than you. But she wants you to hang around just in case it doesn't work out with the new guy. Do you really want to be her back-up plan? Her number 2 choice? Even if she does come back to you, don't you think this situation will simply repeat itself when the next good-looking, smooth-talking guy comes along? She loves me deeply, can see us happy spending the rest of our lives together, wants to bear my children, but in the same breath says that if we stay together now, we will end up hating each other and she will cheat on me. Dude, she already cheated on you. I would bet you a hundred quid they have done a lot more than kiss. I can’t move on with no closure. I can’t give up on her. I can’t function without resolution. There is only one resolution. Tell her that it's over, and then never speak to her again. She has dumped you and gone off with some other guy. Do you really need this to be spelled out to you what this means? It's over buddy. You need to move on.
wilsonx Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Everything she said in the post is true, let her go. She knows the deal, smart girl you were dating there. Focus on you and your life. Detach from her and go NC. You need to start being honest with yourself on an emotional level. You can't have and maintain an honest relationship with anyone if you aren't honest with yourself. I understand you are hurt and lost but you need to look deep down inside and figure out where you went wrong and correct those problems.
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 (edited) This girl is selfish and immature. And don't kid yourself, taking a break = breaking up. She made a choice to to leave a loving and committed relationship to persue selfish desires. I mean, MY GOD, she basically told you that she wants to be away from you to screw this other guy? Didn't she think that, that is going to crush you? Didn't she think that providing you that information was going to cause you some deep soul ripping pain? Nope! Because she's selfish. And she expects you to wait for her at the side of the bed until she's done, THEN, once she's gotten her rocks off, THEN (she believes) things will go back to normal and you can live happily ever after? SHE decided to break it off with you. SHE decided that being with this OM was more important than you. SHE made the decision to have you out of her life so that's EXACTLY what you should give her! Go complete NC on her. No phonecalls, no texts and no e-mails. DO NOT (as much as I know you'll really want to) DO NOT answer any of her e-mails, texts or phonecalls. Delete and block her from your Facebook. Cancel the meet up in London, and take a friend with you to Cuba. She doesn't deserve an all expense paid trip to the Carribean Islands. It's like you're rewarding her for screwing you over! Post here instead, people will walk you through this mess. People will be here for you. She wanted to go, let her go. There are plenty of women in this world that won't play these games on you. Time to heal and move on. Edited March 1, 2012 by Chi townD 1
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