Soconfused32 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Not sure if I'm posting in the correct place but I am new here. I would really appreciate any feedback u can give me as I don't even trust my emotions anymore. I have been in a relationship for just over a year. Things moved serious quickly but we both felt the "soulmate" label described us. We live together and I have two children from previous relationship. Background on him.. He said he was getting a divorce and it should be a matter of months til completed. Thru many excuses it was finally filed Nine months into our relationship. (he was moved out of shared maritAl home and they were over. ) I have alwAys paid more than half of bills. I buy all food. Electric and my half of rent. He kicks in his half and one phone bill. (first two months he lived with me he paid nothing) Right after Christmas he was laid off. Unemployment came 6 7 weeks later and he gives me very little but something. I now pay for everything. Plus his speeding tickets. Plus he borrowed money before Christmas ( bc bank screwed up he says) and I sti have yet to see it. I hate to be petty but I am growing resentful. His friend is trying to get him a job but I don't think he's looking other than that. He never mentions how much money I have given him or acts like he feels bad. I'm a single mom and this is starting to hurt. And then I come back to the fact that he's still married . I feel I was tricked initially cuz I was against dating a separated man. I have no idea how long this will take to be over. He has even proposed to me but what value is engaged to a married man anyway? I apologize for the long post but I needed to ask. We love eachother and get along great otherwise. WhT should I do? I really am at a loss!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 He is indeed walking all over you. Even if you divide-up all of those drawbacks, and conquer one or two of them, there are STILL going to be issues. Yet you don't sound truly distressed enough to give up on the relationship. I will say that if all couples in which incomes vary a great deal from one another practiced resentment of one another, then far more relationships would fail. Eventually the two of you would likely have to know inequality one way or another in terms of bill-paying and income, AND you would have to accept that as 'ok' and 'normal' (or at least "normal-for-you"). Clearly his not having a job, and making no effort to find one, is another level entirely, but SOME of your resentment might not go away even if he found a job at an income level considerably below your own. At any rate, focus more on yourself and on what you really deserve, than on him, and what he isn't contributing, etc. You'll be a lot more fair to yourself that way, no matter what that means for the near future.
CC12 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I now pay for everything. Plus his speeding tickets. Plus he borrowed money before Christmas ( bc bank screwed up he says) and I sti have yet to see it. WhT should I do? Stop lending him money and paying his debts, first of all. His speeding tickets are not your responsibility and if he can't pay for things like Christmas presents then he'll have to figure out something else or do without, like every other adult. You're enabling him. Start by sitting down with him and discussing finances. Treat him like he's a baby (which he is) and show him how much money it takes to pay for housing, food, bills, children, etc. Then show him how much his contribution adds up. Make a pie chart or something so that he can understand how life works, if you have to. This would be a good time to tell him that you won't be covering his speeding tickets or holidays anymore.
Alexanda Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Wake up! He is using you and I doubt he loves you. You should be sick and tired of him mooching off of you. He needs to get off his lazy butt and go find a job. Thats digusting that he is living off of you and you are a single mother with two kids. You are his meal ticket. Dont ever marry that man. You need to leave him and let this experience be a lesson to you to date only men who are truly single.
FitChick Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 You're not married to him so you don't owe him anything. Tell him to get a divorce so he can at least get the proceeds from the sale of his house and then can pay you back. Give him a time limit on when to find a job. Then he will have to live with someone else. You're making life too easy for him, so why should he bother? It sounds like you don't feel you deserve a better man. Is he similar to other men in your life, including your dad?
stillafool Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Kick him out today! He is taking food right out of your kids mouths. He is useless and not even a man but just 'britches and breath'. You deserve much better for you and your kids.
InJest Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 You are gullible as all hell. Will you pay my insurance premiums, please? I love you.
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