Am I meant to be alone

February 28, 2012

Every girl I date doesn't want me after a few dates. They act like they do the first day. The second day it's ehh and by the third they've had enough of me. (I don't overwhelm them with txt. In fact I just reply when they text me. But I do send a "hi" at least once a day)

I treat them great. I tell them they are beautiful. I buy their dinner. I hang out with them. I take them out.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel beat down and that it isn't even worth trying anymore. I don't want to be alone because I miss the companionship but no girl wants to have me in her life. I really am lost for words right now. I don't know what to do or even think. Is it best to just accept it and move on? They usually find someone else

February 28, 2012

Man, the next girl that I meet, I will tell her upfront- listen, we will/can go to the cafe, but everybody pays for themselves. Starting and keeping it 50/50.

I am on really tight budget. Of course you in general want to leave some impression that you are wealthy, that you care, that you are nice. But when they dig deeper, when the relationship evolves, they will see that I am not so wealthy. So why play the theatre of what I am not. At first they see the mask, which will fall off, and I will be vary and worried about the time it falls off, I will be worried if they will like the Real me. It brings unnecessary tension. So enough of that. 50/50 from the start.

I suggest you the same. Try that.

February 28, 2012

Doesn't sound like you've found the right person yet. How is your confidence? You sound rather beat down and it might make you come off as needy even if you don't bombard them with texts.

February 28, 2012

Maybe this will help;

One sure definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions over & over while expecting different results.

Your doing something wrong, ask one or all of them what it was. Make it clear your not stocking them or trying to necessarily get back with them but want to know why they lost interest. Really, what will it hurt?

February 28, 2012

BTW, I hate saying this but if your on your first or second date & your telling them they are beautiful you might want to tone it down a bit.

February 28, 2012

Every girl I date doesn't want me after a few dates. They act like they do the first day. The second day it's ehh and by the third they've had enough of me. (I don't overwhelm them with txt. In fact I just reply when they text me. But I do send a "hi" at least once a day)

I treat them great. I tell them they are beautiful. I buy their dinner. I hang out with them. I take them out.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel beat down and that it isn't even worth trying anymore. I don't want to be alone because I miss the companionship but no girl wants to have me in her life. I really am lost for words right now. I don't know what to do or even think. Is it best to just accept it and move on? They usually find someone else

How many is "every girl"? I think the reality is that it's generally a bit difficult to find a partner, so you'll probably have to meet a fair few before you find a match.

February 28, 2012

Every girl I date doesn't want me after a few dates. They act like they do the first day. The second day it's ehh and by the third they've had enough of me. (I don't overwhelm them with txt. In fact I just reply when they text me. But I do send a "hi" at least once a day)

I treat them great. I tell them they are beautiful. I buy their dinner. I hang out with them. I take them out. I don't know whats wrong with me.

There very well may be nothing wrong with you, but from your post, it sounds like you are caking it on a little thick? Should you be nice and outgoing? Of course. But there is such a thing as being too kind, and it is a fine way to get yourself 'friend-zoned'.

February 28, 2012

Every girl I date doesn't want me after a few dates. They act like they do the first day. The second day it's ehh and by the third they've had enough of me. (I don't overwhelm them with txt. In fact I just reply when they text me. But I do send a "hi" at least once a day)

I treat them great. I tell them they are beautiful. I buy their dinner. I hang out with them. I take them out.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel beat down and that it isn't even worth trying anymore. I don't want to be alone because I miss the companionship but no girl wants to have me in her life. I really am lost for words right now. I don't know what to do or even think. Is it best to just accept it and move on? They usually find someone else

How old are you Blindrage?

March 3, 2012

a lot of it has to do with confidence. besides not finding the correct girl, it all about your ego so to speak. ive seen soo many girls go after the jerks, myself included because they are confident. they know what to say to make the girl feel truly special

March 4, 2012

Man, the next girl that I meet, I will tell her upfront- listen, we will/can go to the cafe, but everybody pays for themselves. Starting and keeping it 50/50.

I am on really tight budget. Of course you in general want to leave some impression that you are wealthy, that you care, that you are nice. But when they dig deeper, when the relationship evolves, they will see that I am not so wealthy. So why play the theatre of what I am not. At first they see the mask, which will fall off, and I will be vary and worried about the time it falls off, I will be worried if they will like the Real me. It brings unnecessary tension. So enough of that. 50/50 from the start.

I suggest you the same. Try that.

You are correct on that. I am a very giving person and I always suggest restaurants to go eat at. Because I suggest it I always pay but if I'm with a girl whatever she wants or whatever we do I pay for it. Usually leaving me broke.

I always feel broke and used once they leave me.

March 4, 2012

Doesn't sound like you've found the right person yet. How is your confidence? You sound rather beat down and it might make you come off as needy even if you don't bombard them with texts.

I try to be confident but I think she saw through me. She made it official today that she no longer wants to hear from me or liked me anymore. I called her asking her if she was sure and if she thought about it, she said "yea I am sure, sorry." it hurt more that she said "sorry" to me, it made me feel desperate. I'm sure she saw it that way too. I'm feeling sad about the situation right now

March 4, 2012

Maybe this will help;
One sure definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions over & over while expecting different results.
Your doing something wrong, ask one or all of them what it was. Make it clear your not stocking them or trying to necessarily get back with them but want to know why they lost interest. Really, what will it hurt?

I took your advise and called her. I asked her what was it about me that put her off and she said nothing that she just doesn't like me that way.

I think you are right about not telling a girl she's beautiful. I thought they wanted to feel beautiful and wanted but It has become obvious thats not how it works. I'm left in the dark with what to do now.

March 4, 2012

How many is "every girl"? I think the reality is that it's generally a bit difficult to find a partner, so you'll probably have to meet a fair few before you find a match.

So far it has been three girls. You're right that its hard I just don't understand why they like me at first but quickly want me to stop talking to do and tell me they don't want me.

March 4, 2012

There very well may be nothing wrong with you, but from your post, it sounds like you are caking it on a little thick? Should you be nice and outgoing? Of course. But there is such a thing as being too kind, and it is a fine way to get yourself 'friend-zoned'.

How can I not get "friend-zoned"? what is too much?? I think this is where I keep going wrong.

They always want to stay "friends" with me but I tell them I don't see them that way and wish them the best, then just as easily they say "okay bye" thats usually the last I hear of them.

March 4, 2012

I'd say telling them they are beautiful within 1-2 dates is being way to strong, so I'd assume overall you come on too strong. And the other thing, hell I go on a 100 different dates before I meet a woman I feel any kind of spark with. Are you feeling a spark with ALL of these girls? Then I'd have to guess it is coming down to you then, and maybe a feeling of being needed that you have. That is the only possible way you could feel strongly about all these girls.

March 4, 2012

I'd say telling them they are beautiful within 1-2 dates is being way to strong, so I'd assume overall you come on too strong. And the other thing, hell I go on a 100 different dates before I meet a woman I feel any kind of spark with. Are you feeling a spark with ALL of these girls? Then I'd have to guess it is coming down to you then, and maybe a feeling of being needed that you have. That is the only possible way you could feel strongly about all these girls.

What happens is I only go out with girls I feel strongly attracted to and that seem "nice". so I feel that it is worth giving a shot at a relationship. Then I only focus on whichever girl I'm dating. What do you think? Am I needy and how to change it if I am needy?

I am having a really sad and stressful day. I invest myself emotionally and the girl doesn't.

I feel like it is too much right now

March 5, 2012

What happens is I only go out with girls I feel strongly attracted to and that seem "nice". so I feel that it is worth giving a shot at a relationship. Then I only focus on whichever girl I'm dating. What do you think? Am I needy and how to change it if I am needy?

I am having a really sad and stressful day. I invest myself emotionally and the girl doesn't.

I feel like it is too much right now

Maybe your just not ready, your looking to find it and it comes across as needing them rather then just wanting to be around them, hell it's been a year 1/5 on my own and i still can't really date maybe you should just see your dating as more casual and not relationship status take heart in the fact you are pulling these girls rather then not

March 5, 2012

UPDATE:

I texted the girl that I would like for us to be friends since I did enjoy talking to her.

She told me she doesn't want to lead me on and that she needs space to get me out of her mind. (this is after she had offered her friendship but I acted in the moment without thought and refused it)

Dumbly I texted and called her this morning. Her response was she asked for space and please stop texting her. It's waking her up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I just dig myself in a deeper hole every time.

I feel like just not even going to work this morning and just calling in but its a new job so I'm contemplating it.

March 6, 2012

My NC started at 8:20 a.m this morning. And it is 10:11 p.m now. I miss texting her hi. We didn't date a long time AT ALL so I know she doesn't think of me. I, on the other hand, miss her.

March 16, 2012

Her: "just leave me alone."

Yea, looks like my dating life is in the ****ter.

Nice, yea?

March 16, 2012

Oh, man-- we've all been there, at one time or another.

I've definitely had similar bouts of bad luck.

As an outside observer, it sounds like it might be a good idea to lay off on trying to date for a little while.

There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you as a person, it just sounds like your approach is a little out of whack, which is totally normal and it happens to all of us.

Right now, you're frustrated. Understandably.

You've been rejected a couple times, you're hurt, and you deeply, genuinely want it to work.

Those feelings are normal, but they're *intense*.

And they project themselves... strongly.

When you're a passionate guy, and you want something that badly, it puts out a lot of energy in that direction, whether you mean to, or not.

That kind of thing just can't be concealed.

Women are *very* receptive and intuitive and they pick up on stuff like that incredibly easily.

And right now, that passion is probably coming off as need.

I'm hesitant to use the word "desperation", because it carries so many negative connotations, but even as another guy reading your posts, it's transparent to me that your coming at this with a lot of force.

It's clear that this means a lot to you...frankly, a little too much.

I don't say that to be mean.

I just think you're sending out the wrong signals.

Your attitude says "I don't want to be alone", instead of "I have a lot to offer a relationship".

You want it too much.

And sadly, most women will interpret that as you lacking something.

Like you're looking to fill a void, rather than sharing yourself, or contributing as an equal.

When you're that eager and available right off the bat, it gives the impression that you yourself don't value what you're offering.

And women will ask themselves, "If this guy is in such a hurry to praise me, and give me his affection, with nothing in return, what does that say about him?"

They'll either think they don't matter as an individual-- that you're just looking for ANY woman.

Or, unfortunately, they'll think, this guy is making his sales pitch WAY too strongly-- there must be something fishy.

People want to be understood, and appreciated, not idealized. Men and women.

People like to be won-over and seduced, and seduce you in return. They want to flirt, and play, and work for it a little. It's fun. But when they know they're going to be surrendered to immediately, it's not nearly as fun.

It's inevitable. And that's not really exciting.

Things that are too easily had are far too easy to take for granted.

You don't have to play games, or act like a jerk.

But you DO need to value yourself enough to expect a woman to *reciprocate* your affection, not just accept it as a forgone conclusion.

If you already know how the movie ends, why watch it?

You're a great guy.

Your time and your love are incredibly valuable.

But your behavior says they're not.

Maybe stop concentrating on women for a short while, and see what you can do to bolster you confidence from WITHIN.

You're not going to get the external validation you're looking for until you can give it to yourself.

The cruelest joke biology and psychology plays on us, is that it's easiest to find love when we don't really need it.

Right now, it sounds like you need it a little too much.

When you get to a place when you're confident and fulfilled on your own, *that's* when the opposite sex will go bonkers for you.

Edited March 16, 2012 by rootless

April 9, 2012

I'd say telling them they are beautiful within 1-2 dates is being way to strong, so I'd assume overall you come on too strong. And the other thing, hell I go on a 100 different dates before I meet a woman I feel any kind of spark with. Are you feeling a spark with ALL of these girls? Then I'd have to guess it is coming down to you then, and maybe a feeling of being needed that you have. That is the only possible way you could feel strongly about all these girls.

I do come off as strong. I do make myself too available because I seek approval from girls. I know that I have a low self-esteem now, a very low one. Rejection is the worst feeling for me and when a girl does it without any thought I just feel completely worthless. I don't know how to stop being this way. Though, I have noticed that lately if I do get any sort of sign that a girl is disinterested in me I just... I completely shut down to them and, move on? for lack of better explanation. I just give-up on said girl even if I feel the rejection monster creeping in and stop seeing past texting buddies.

What does this mean? I am also not actively seeking anyone at this point. I am focusing on work and school.

Edited April 9, 2012 by BlindRage

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