NK88 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Hello all, I have decided to join this forum because I have been using it as a wonderful place to read other peoples stories about BU and healing, and second chances. I have been tremendously helped by things I've read and decided to have a go at sharing my story and one day maybe helping some others with the experience I have gone through. So before I begin with my story, i'd like to say hello to all, and hope I'll be here for quite some time well here goes.. So I am 24 and was in a relationship with a wonderful girl for just over two years. I was her first bf but she was not my first, and everything seemed to be going well and my parents loved her, same with her side as well. It was a great relationship, and we certainly had ups and downs like every couple would have and dealt with being apart for 4 months when she was over seas for a semester abroad and even though I didnt contact nearly as much as I should we somehow made it work. Within the relationship there were several arguments about how I didnt spend enough time with her and put my friends first ( which was true at first in a way ( 20/20 hind site I suppose)) and we "broke up" ( for the first time) in August of last year. That night I drank way too much at a club due to me being upset and ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. she showed up there when one of my friends called her and told her what had happened and spent the day with me and we seemed to say let us give it one more chance since she thought that it would be better. We were making it work, and I was spending time with her every single weekend since I am finishing up my double major and she had work, and really didnt see my friends at all. We had a lot of fun and were going great, and the week before the breakup she even texted me after a great day that she had so much fun and cant wait to do it again. So it seemed to be going good, and then the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I met with her and her co worker for dinner, and a buddy of mine came along too. we had a good dinner and she was tired so I decided I would let her go home and sleep since my folks had invited her over for thanksgiving which i was excited to have her over and was the first girlfriend that my parents had ever invited for thanksgiving dinner. So as I was leaving I decided to go hang with my friends and she just got so upset that i didnt go see her and was being selfish etc ( she had a stressful week at work and i didnt go and spend time with her which is what she wanted but didnt communicate properly ( im no mind reader)). so she was texting me saying she was not going to show up to thanksgiving dinner and it really upset me because its a big deal when my parents invite some one over for a holiday dinner. So I went to her house and sat with her for two hours to discuss the events of the past two days. she cried and cried and said I didnt love her, and all I cared about was my friends and she said she thought that I was not #1 in her life and I needed to "grow up". I was upset so i decided to say maybe we need a break for a bit and she asked me to come back as I was about to walk out the door and I did but saw nothing was going to get solved and decided to leave again. All if that are the worst moves i could have made and I totally see that now. But as the story goes, at first I thought I was very happy with being alone again and was for the best, but the next day i realized I had made a huge mistake. What followed was the worst weeks I've experienced so far in my life. I cried myself to sleep and almost cried in the train going to and from school. it was the first time I had cried in 4-5 years and suddenly realized that this girl was everything I had been looking for and really I messed up pretty bad. I texted her and bombarded her phone with messages of " I'm sorry I can change etc etc." and she didn't believe that anyone could change in 4 days and she just kept saying "I need time and space." I went over to her house at 10:30 at night on the night of a big exam and spent hours talking to her pleading and asking for a second chance and she said I'm not ready etc. she did get emotional when I spoke to her and just thought that I had not loved her for the whole two years we were together but I am not that type of person to mess with anyone for two years without loving them, I just didn't go about showing my love the right way ( which I have learned from this experience, among other things).I was not 100% open because of a previous relationship that I was in where AI gave my all to the girl and she ended up cheating on me with several guys and it destroyed my ability to be fully open with anyone for a long long time. I told her this and she kept saying " oh it is just an excuse'. I kept contacting her every couple of days asking how her day was and occasionally seeing if she wanted to see me ( which she kept saying, " I'm busy or I'm seeing friends etc." ( which obviously meant no). I was a complete wreck every single day and lost about 8-10 lbs that week as I ate nothing. I cried in the shower in the mornings and just never wanted to get out of bed. I even started writing in a journal things I wanted to tell her but didnt because I felt like she didnt want to hear from me at all. When she was sick, i made her a care package and delivered it to her door and left it there because she wasnt home at the time, and I sent her cards in the mail telling her how special she was to me and did the little things that she said I had never done and just showing that people can realize their mistakes. After 3 months of torturing my soul hoping and praying she will realize that I really do love her and care for her and just wishing she would give me another chance to prove to her that I wasnt the person she thought I was, I decided to go to her and tell her that I will leave her alone for quite some time ( i never said good bye, I just said that I will leave you alone because it is obvious anything I do or say does nothing). I left her that night saying " maybe in the future one day and kissed her on the cheek one last time" she was balling her eyes out at that point, which maybe shows she still cared, but she told me in the brief things she said that night that she thinks thee is no chemistry and she feels no connection to me. Since then I have been keeping NC and she texted me happy birthday on my birthday and I sent her a nice friendly valentines day card just to show her that I remembered things like that and she simply said 'thank you' and that was the last time I heard anything from her. Its been hard and everyday I think about her and want to text her saying "i miss you, and if we could meet up" but I force myself to not do it. I have been seeing my friends a lot more recently and started going to the gym, and trying to focus on finishing school on a high note. I have changed dramatically in these 4 months ( all my friends even notice it, but the one person who I want to show I cant seem to...). It has been hard and everything seems to remind me of her even 4 months later. I feel in my heart that she is the woman I want to end up with because everything about her is what I really can categorize in my mind as what I am looking for. I know that I will not contact her until the end of the school year. I am still thinking about whether or not to invite her to my graduation ( since I went to hers) and hope to maybe try to reconnect with her in the summer. I always wonder if shes thinking of me at all and if she misses me as much as I miss her. And its not that I miss the intimacy or physical aspects, but I miss the emotional connection we had. I hope that second chances can happen with her, but everyday has been a struggle to avoid breaking NC and I was wondering if any of you have advice on how maybe I could show her that I have changed and maybe she would be willing to meet up and see if a new relationship could start ( because the old can no longer be that way), if the signs are there that maybe she will want to meet again, or if a 3 months will erase her memory of me completely... I know it may not seem like its a huge problem , and 4 months have helped me learn more about myself than I ever had before and realize what I needed to improve and to change and to become a better person. but everyday is still a struggle and I have swings ( especially on the weekends) when i wish I was with her. any advice on the best way forward for me (because I know that this is the one for me, I really have a hard time seeing me with anyone else at all) would be greatly appreciated and thank you for helping me through the hardest of times with some of the threads I have read. I couldnt have made it without reading some of them before I slept, thats for sure. Thank you all
wilsonx Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 le sigh I love half stories, tell the nitty gritty parts you left out.
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 It's good that you've learned more about yourself in the past few months, but it doesn't seem like you have truly examined the past are are currently in a state of over romanticizing things. You also seem to be caught in the sway of blame. Right now you are pinning it on yourself. A relationship's failure is never just the fault of one, but a combination. What were the reasons for the relationship's failure? One issue is just the breaking point, she was unhappy and that's what ended the relationship. What was it that she was unhappy with? What were you unhappy with in the relationship? How can those issues be corrected by both parties responsible? I'll break your rose colored glasses for you so you can truly examine things.
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