luna999 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Hi All, I posted this over on the Dating site but thought it might be more appropriate to post over here. To start, I am 29 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been dating for 2 years. Recently, we talked about moving in together and agreed that it was time and we were both very excited about it. We decided to move in together in July - so still a few months away. Over the past few weeks, I started feeling very nervous about moving in together. I decided to talk to him about what he saw for us - and whether or not he could see marriage in our future. The overall gist of the conversation is that he really is not sure. He could not tell me anything firm one way or the other. He did say is that the general process and the ideal situation is that if after we move in together, if all goes well, then the proposal comes. I was just looking for a little reassurance that were heading in the same direction. I know that I love him and I want to marry him but he just won't say anything one way or the other. Everything is so vague. He says things like, "Right now, when I envision getting married and having a family it's with you." We talked about it again the other night, and he brought up the fact that he feels like something things are so amazing with us and that sometimes they are just "status quo" and at times they feel like we are in a rut. He said he doesn't want a "status quo" relationship forever. He mentioned that he feels like in order for us to get out of this rut I need to be more cleanly (which is true) and for us to have more adventurous sex. I told him that I felt similarly and suggested that we watch less TV and spend more time together. He said that once the rut is addressed, he will feel more sure about whether or not marriage is in our future. Right now, I just feel kind of confused.. and I don't really see how being more cleanly and having more adventurous sex (both of which I am more than willing to do) will make him suddenly know whether or not he wants to marry me. Because he won't give me reassurance or tell me that he does see a future with me, I don't feel like I want to move in with him.. and I definitely feel unsure about the relationship. I don't want to be in a stalled relationship.. especially at this time in my life where I feel like I am so excited about my career and my personal life.. I am excited for the next phase and I'm ready for a family. I also don't want to regret giving up on someone who I absolutely love, adore and respect. I am not sure how much time I can give him, though, as I'm sure there are other men out there who are ready and who I would love, as well. In addition, having this argument has made me really analyze everything and made me wonder if I really do want to marry him.. or if I'm just ready to be married and he is who I happen to be with right now. This could also just be my defenses swinging into action because of all this business. He has told me absolutely 100% that he wants to be married and have a family someday.. so now it just makes me feel like I am not the one he wants to be married to and start a family with because he simply can't give me the reassurance that I need. Am I just being insecure? Is expecting this kind of reassurance ridiculous? Is he just not ready for a commitment or just not ready to make a commitment to me? Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I understand your worry. I couldn't see tying up my finances with someone unless we both had a belief that this relationship had a permanent future. Personally I wouldn't drop the relationship, but hold back moving in together until we were both on the same page.
Sophie99 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Wrong place again!! Sorry, I'm trying to get used to this forum! Thanks
Eddie Edirol Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 What does more cleanly mean exactly? How do you need to be more cleanly?
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