Gaby7162 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 It's a long story, but here we go. It all started two years ago ... when i first met my bf we just automatically hit it off!! Even though we only had one date in the beginning, it was alright with me since i thaught things would eventually get better for both of us. Fast forward to a couple of months later in the relationship, we started having issues his true colors started to show. He was constantly hurting me, being mad at me all the time. Stopping me from hanging out with my friends, telling me who i can be friends with and can't be friends with. I, myself, at first i ignored the fact that he did all that because of how much i loved him. Then, he started accusing me for stuff that i have not done. He started accusing me of lying a lot, when i never lied. Our communication level was horrible. It wa sso horrible that i felt as if i couldn't talk to him without being mad. I started feeling scared to open up to him about stuff that i've done or so on and so forth. He once embarrassed me in front of my classmates and so on. I couldn never speak to another guy even his friends because he always thaught that they liked me and were trying to get with me. I felt as if I could never be myself around him, because of the way he acted and treated me. Whenever he says something to me, he then switch his answer a couple of minutes after that. Like, if i ask him "baby, are we still going to the movies later?" he might say yes now ... and i ask him again later on tht afternoon to reassure myself, he says "I don't know yet" He then broke up with me, and told me that he was not going to come back to me ever again, so then i started to move on ... then all of a sudden, he reappeared and asked me back out. I hesistated because of all the hurt that he has caused me in the past, but i eventually did. I gave him so many chances, but he has not changed to my liking. I feel as if he's not the man that I fell in love with in the beginning. I don't know wht to do anymore, im not saying tht he has not changed at all, because he has but .... there are some things tht are still not working. and i feel that whatever i try to do to better ourselves and the relationship, it will never happen. I broke up with him so many times because of ridiculous stuff that he does that i don't like. but then, whenever i try to speak to him about it, we can NEVER understand each other or reach to a solution. There was a time when i didn't know how i felt for him. Just like right now, I don't know if i love him or just care for him deeply as a friend. This relationship needs a lot of help, and im scared. Everytime i brreak up with him and try to move on, we always end up getting back together. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 It's not going to get better. It's been going on this way the whole time - this is the relationship. If you don't like it the way it is (and I sincerely hope you don't), then woman up and break up. For good.
Author Gaby7162 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Thnk you for that, but like ... the reason why i keep going back to him is because i start thinking about the stuff that he has done for me. which is buy me a new laptop, clothes for my graduation and helped me get a new job. so ... i don't know what to do anymore. i need someone to tell me what i need to do. even our sex life is not the same anymore. i feel no emotion when i have sex with him. i speak for myself when i say this ... i just have sex with him, and not make love to him. it's just getting worse, i don't even know if i love him or not.
chelsea2011 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Take some tme off and work on you instead of worrying about him and the relationship. It sounds like, no matter what you do, he will always have an issue with you. Work on you for now and don't even consider anything with him unless he shows, over time, that he can be trusted. Take you own personal power back...you don't have to settle for that kind of treatment.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 well, there is not much to say. If putting up with all this crap is a worthwhile trade-off for new clothes and a laptop for you, then I guess that's what you are going to do. There is not any point in sharing about how horrible he is to you (except for buying you new clothes and a laptop) and how you don't feel love for him anymore, but refusing to break up. Breaking up is not easy, even if the relationship is bad, but many times it's the only way to start getting ones life in order. When you've had enough, you'll be ready to do it. But keep aware that your relationship is not going to magically change into a different, better one.
Author Gaby7162 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Take some tme off and work on you instead of worrying about him and the relationship. It sounds like, no matter what you do, he will always have an issue with you. Work on you for now and don't even consider anything with him unless he shows, over time, that he can be trusted. Take you own personal power back...you don't have to settle for that kind of treatment. I tried that recently to be honest with you, but he always brings up the conversation about us moving on. Like when i did it yesterday, he was like "are we really moving on right now?" and my reply was based on the fact that i thaught about an advantage that i'd lose if i let him go. so that's why i took him back hours later.
Author Gaby7162 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Take some tme off and work on you instead of worrying about him and the relationship. It sounds like, no matter what you do, he will always have an issue with you. Work on you for now and don't even consider anything with him unless he shows, over time, that he can be trusted. Take you own personal power back...you don't have to settle for that kind of treatment. I tried that yesterday and it did not work. He eventually came back to me hours later trying to figure out if we were really moving on. Then my reply to him was based on the fact that i thaught about what i would be losing if i left him for good. That made me take him back again. And it's funny because whenever i try to thouroughly talk to him about everything, i have to bring up the stuff that he has done to me in the past, and when i bring it up he always tells me "why are you bringing up the past?" i do that, cause they hurt me. and i believe thats what brung our relationship to where it is now.
fallenenvy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 This makes me really sad for several reasons... Firstly i could swear i wrote your initial post myself....that is EXACTLY how i guy i once dated was towards me... until it escalated to him hitting me. He may not be hitting you but he is certainly abusing you. Isolating you from your friends..acussing you of lying all the time... basically finding reasons to fight with you.. wanting you to be something you are not.. making you feel horrible all the time... embarrassing you in front of ppl.. making you feel afraid to even talk openly with him... breaking up with you only to drag you back after you were feeling better... Isn't any of this a huge red flag? I know you arn't going to listen to me or anyone else here but you need to get out FOR GOOD. No more of this break up and get back together. I know it is hard.. i also know that you can only come to this decision when you are fully ready and realize just how toxic this is... relationships arn't supposed to be like this.. you arn't supposed to be torn up all the time because of your SO. I've been here and done this. We broke up several times.. him leaving me only to come back when i was starting to accept it.. me telling him off then taking him back.... until the day i snapped. He'd hit me for the last time.. demeaned me for the last time.. i was finished. It was hard as hell.... but once i was free i looked back and realized just how messed up the whole situation was. I started breathing easier now that he wasn't around to control me. I got my friends and my life back and it felt so good... You need to realize THIS CAN'T BE FIXED.. nor should it be... good luck to you
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