beefolive Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Hi Guys, Im hoping that someone can help me and let me know their thoughts on what is going on. Ive been with my gf for 7 years, im 29 now. We have been through our ups and our downs like all couples. A couple of weeks ago she told me she didnt want to be with me and moved her stuff from our house. She said she has always done things for me and she wanted to do some stuff fo herself. I asked if she wanted some space, which she did, i left her for two days and she rang beging to try again. Things were going great for the first week, we both agreed not to jump straight back into things and start off slow. Then after about a week i get a text saying she didnt want to try again. I spoke to her about it and she said when she is with me i manage to convince her we should be together but when she isnt with me she just gets on with things and thinks she is better off wthout me. Anyway after the text we spoke and she said she thought she had made the wrong desicion. I agreed that we could see how it went so we went out for some food yetsreday and it was really good. This morning she was talking about holidays in the summer etc etc and then this afternoon i got the dreaded text again. 'i just need my space.its not fair on you that you keep trying and i feel that i should say yes but i think my mind is made up' To be honest i want to spend the rest of my life with her, i havnt always put her first and occasionally ive lost sight of my prioritys but she never gave up on me and im not about to do the same. Where do i go, what do i do. Im totally lost guys
Philosoraptor Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 This cycle will repeat itself until she grows up and decides what she wants out of life. You cut the cord and give her what she asked for. She will try again when you are gone but you need to stay strong and keep away. She may grow up one day, but she needs to do that for herself. You will know when she has matured if she comes back later down the line. But odds are if you cut the cord she will not be back. She will jump into another relationship with the first warm body that wants her and likely do horrible immature actions to try and make you jealous. If you go the mature route you will stay away from her, heal yourself, and move on. If your paths cross again and you've both matured, a true second chance can come of it. But either she doesn't know what she wants or she doesn't want you and just doesn't want to be alone. 1
jus d'orange Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 This cycle will repeat itself until she grows up and decides what she wants out of life. You cut the cord and give her what she asked for. She will try again when you are gone but you need to stay strong and keep away. She may grow up one day, but she needs to do that for herself. You will know when she has matured if she comes back later down the line. But odds are if you cut the cord she will not be back. She will jump into another relationship with the first warm body that wants her and likely do horrible immature actions to try and make you jealous. If you go the mature route you will stay away from her, heal yourself, and move on. If your paths cross again and you've both matured, a true second chance can come of it. But either she doesn't know what she wants or she doesn't want you and just doesn't want to be alone. This is really concise, great advice. Take this time to mature yourself and become the person you want to be. That way, you'll feel better about going it alone as well as improving yourself for any future relationships. This'll be a really difficult time for you, but think about how you want to think back on this time; if you carry through it with maturity and dignity, you will forever be thankful to yourself.
EgoJoe Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 This cycle will repeat itself until she grows up and decides what she wants out of life. You cut the cord and give her what she asked for. She will try again when you are gone but you need to stay strong and keep away. She may grow up one day, but she needs to do that for herself. You will know when she has matured if she comes back later down the line. But odds are if you cut the cord she will not be back. She will jump into another relationship with the first warm body that wants her and likely do horrible immature actions to try and make you jealous. If you go the mature route you will stay away from her, heal yourself, and move on. If your paths cross again and you've both matured, a true second chance can come of it. But either she doesn't know what she wants or she doesn't want you and just doesn't want to be alone. This is really good and accurate advice. I have been where you are OP and it will get worse before it gets better. My advice is this, sit her down and tell her this, "I want to be with you but your inconsistency and actions have driven me to think that something is up. I don't think you're being completely honest with yourself or me about the nature of these feelings you're having and the possible catalysts involved. I am willing to keep trying if we go to couples counseling but if not. I want to be done and I'd like you to get all of your things out of my house and for the both of us to move on."
wilsonx Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 This cycle will repeat itself until she grows up and decides what she wants out of life. You cut the cord and give her what she asked for. She will try again when you are gone but you need to stay strong and keep away. She may grow up one day, but she needs to do that for herself. You will know when she has matured if she comes back later down the line. But odds are if you cut the cord she will not be back. She will jump into another relationship with the first warm body that wants her and likely do horrible immature actions to try and make you jealous. If you go the mature route you will stay away from her, heal yourself, and move on. If your paths cross again and you've both matured, a true second chance can come of it. But either she doesn't know what she wants or she doesn't want you and just doesn't want to be alone. I agree with this advice up to the bold and underlined part. This is bitterness talking on philo's part. Most ex's spare our feelings and would never tell us these things unless we asked or snooped in their lives
Author beefolive Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Thanks for the advice guys, I asked her round last night so we could sort things out either way. We sat and chatted for a long time. There were a large amount of tears involved from both of us also. She asked if i would be happy giving up things to spend more time with her, basically putting her first. I told her the honest truth, that there is nothing that i would want more. She asked why has it taken this for me to do that. Thats a tough one but i guess the reason is that ive never had to fight for her before. I guess we were both complacent and we were both always there for each other. Thing is that i hate myself for letting it get to this. I agreed to give her some time away to really think about her feelings. She said when she is with me she wants nothing more but when she isnt she thiks she is better off. So i sent her a text when she left saying this...giving up is the easiest thing to do. You never gave up on me and im not going to give up on you. I will fight and keep on fighting for you because your worth everything to me and i know we can make things work out. Text me or call me when you are ready. Hopefully not too much
CC12 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I agreed to give her some time away to really think about her feelings. So i sent her a text when she left saying this...giving up is the easiest thing to do. You never gave up on me and im not going to give up on you. I will fight and keep on fighting for you because your worth everything to me and i know we can make things work out. Text me or call me when you are ready. Hopefully not too much You agreed to give her some time away, and the first thing you did when she left was to text her this emotional, needy, "giving up is the easiest thing to do...I will keep on fighting for you" guilt trip. That is not giving her time away like you said you would, that is practically begging her to not leave you. How many times has she tried to break up with you now?
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I agree with this advice up to the bold and underlined part. This is bitterness talking on philo's part. Most ex's spare our feelings and would never tell us these things unless we asked or snooped in their lives No bitterness, just what usually goes along with jumping into a new relationship. The emotionally mature take time to heal while most of the jumpers seem to have the need to one up their past partner. If you take the mature route and pay them no mind, the attacks intensify. I can only speak of what I've seen from other's though so "likely" is the only bias I add. "May" seems like it would have been a better word, but there is no bitterness on this end. Just observation.
Philosoraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Lies only serve the liar. Was this comment made in my direction? If so could you explain why this comment was made? I am very curious. If it wasn't made towards myself, I apoligize for assuming so but it came after my post and neither quoted or referenced anything particular.
EgoJoe Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 In general but at both you(Philo) and Wilson.
leoc1973 Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Ugh I hate to say this but I think she already has a warm body. Sounds like she is being pulled in one direction by a guy while the thought of losing you is pulling her the other way. NO CONTACT if you want a chance of saving your relationship. She has some guy feeding her the if I was your boyfriend I would put you first crap. From your story I am pretty sure of it. Cut her off before she starts to develope feelings for some other guy and she will come running back but make her work a little for it or she will do this to you for a long time till she just finally pulls away because she knows you will always be there. Read a million stories on here and the mistakes guys make. I made them too. My ex swore on a stack of bibles that there was no one else and she swore she just needed some time and she had the same I don't put her first stuff. Don't make my mistakes or the mistakes of a thousand other guys. Dump her ass and make her come back begging or you WILL lose her forever
Author beefolive Posted February 29, 2012 Author Posted February 29, 2012 Thank you for that, I know one of her best friends told her that he wanted to be more than friends. If she didnt want that then he couldnt be in her life....Emotional blackmail at its best!. She said that she didnt want to have to choose between us. My thinking with this is that if he is trully a best friend then he would understand whatever happened. I explained to her that we both needed some time apart not speaking so we could work out what we felt away from each other. Anyway less than a day after we were having time, she text me a couple of times. Once to say thanks and she would text me later in the week. and once with a picture of where we used to live. The beach where we used to walk he dogs to be more specific. Im just a bit confused, everything in my body says i should be trying to speak to her and fight for her but then you guys say to leave her alone?. I realise that we are having time apart and im not going to get in her space during that. It just feels un natural and i feel totally lost and confused by the whole thing.
EgoJoe Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Pull away and don't talk to her later in the week. Space means just that.
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